reenka

You knew this had to happen... -I- knew this had to happen-- and finally, it's happened: My Thoughts On Yaoi :D :D :D

Uh. Well, I was reading this post about power dynamics & sex in slash, and how unrealistic/masturbatory on the part of the author it generally is to make the characters uber-bottoms or uber-tops (in the sense that one means getting it and the other means giving it), and the usual tie to how strong women still get penetrated, etc. Well, we've heard it all before... but then it's tied to the op's Issue With Yaoi & the seme/uke thing, and okay.... Okay, there's a big difference between Character X in fanfic who would never be super!uke, or who would never really get off on a particular situation 'cause it just doesn't make sense... and an original character in an original yaoi manga.

I'm so totally on board with being squicked by fics where it's obvious the sexual roles & behaviors are purely masturbatory either for the author's sake or as performance for the fangirl audience. I was talking about this earlier in response to Sister M's post on interpretation issues in fanon & somewhat the role of fantasy in making some things plausible or not. I definitely have issues with writing where characters aren't paid attention to, and I think that's why I'm so militant about ICness insofar as what -I- mean when I say that. To me, it means 'in character' rather than 'in author'. If the characters are doing what the characters would do in your head, fine-- but sometimes it's just waaaaaay too obvious that the characters are doing what they are because they 'should' to fit the plot. And that? That is by default, not something I could ever find 'in character', even if at the surface their behavior seems to fit (until you think about their motivations).

The interaction between 'in characterness' and sexual roles and kinks is obviously tricky, though, 'cause it's not like we generally know what the characters' kinks are in canon, and besides, with slash, we're already consciously twisting canon sexuality to some degree. So pretty much you can definitely write pure top/bottom if you can sell it & don't write just for the kink-- the same as with any other questionable characterization. Defaulting to it isn't kosher because defaulting to -any- characterization cliche isn't good writing. If you're writing your character as 'the top', you might as well be writing him as 'the jock' or 'the slut' or 'the repressed bookworm'-- and on that level, saying 'real gay men' aren't like that seems entirely beside the point, no? The issue isn't with the characterization -or- the kink, but always with sloppy writing. Always.

    Anyway... right. Yaoi. I feel a bit guilty 'cause obviously I'm addicted to yaoi and it's not like I believe in rigid sexual roles or 'ukes = must be penetrated = must be submissive = must cry'.
    ( riiiight... )

So I've been having more of the writing meets with my friend, though this time by coincidence, we were joined by a DC comicsverse writer friend and I was also writing my H/D novella instead of original fic. Hehe, it's cute 'cause my friend was totally way more excited than I was when she said she heard book 7 will be released this summer & I said it was actually July 21st :D And I showed her Aja's post with the Borders stickers, and she squealed! Even though she thought the Half-blood Prince was Voldemort (ahahah) and so totally didn't get it when I said Harry had a crush on him :>

Anyway, non-fandom people's pure HP love is so cute. ♥. If totally misinformed :)) She was like, 'it's so great to read such a well-written book. LIKE MARGARET ATWOOD' :)) AHAHA I LOVE MY DOPEY RL FRIENDS ♥. (...yeah, she's the one who wants to write like Mercedes Lackey, hehe.)

Man. I'm sorta... ready, I guess. In a really calm, damn-I-have-a-headache-and-can't-get-too-excited-about-anything ('cause I'm so out of it) sort of way. It sort of feels like... it really is true that book 6 & book 7 are going to be two parts of the same book, and I'm ready to finish the bloody book & also to stop seeing fics about horcrux hunting :> I'm a bit mean that way. ^^; Even though the canon's likely to make H/D 'more difficult', well, welcome to my world, where H/D has been pretty damn difficult post-HBP :> It can't get worse, it can only get more settled, which would be a relief. I've really been both excited and messed up by the developments in HBP-- many mixed feelings, especially as to my own personal flaming writer's ennui the last 2 years.

...And it would rock if I did get my shit together enough to be in England for the con when the book came out :D Oh man. I wanna read at least the first chapter in Trafalgar Square as the sun sets... *daydreams*

Speaking of things I almost never think about... the logistics of writing sex-scenes, specifically in 'mainstream' genre fic (ie, where the point is the plot) so as not to um, scare off or offend those people who get... bothered by such things o_0 I mean, I know that some people skim or are bored with explicit sex-scenes, fine, but I didn't quite realize you can apparently lose readers if you pitch your smut too harsh or make it too disconnected with prior characterization (like in shusu's post). I mean, I don't want to lose readers, though on the other hand, I kind of feel like 'if you don't like my writing, then it's not -for- you'; still, that's probably naive if you're wanting an audience large enough to 'break through'.

The thing is, I'm thinking about Lois McMaster Bujold's guest post on commodorified's lj from a month back about the smut in her recent book, 'The Sharing Knife'. And actually, the bits of sexual content were really well-handled in that book and in all her writing-- it's just a pleasure to read because of what I feel to be an open, accepting atmosphere for sexuality (and even 'sexualities') rather than the 'pretending it's not there' thing that goes on in most published genre stuff, even by authors I enjoy (George RR Martin being one of the other awesome exceptions). But though I say that about 'acceptance', I never really thought of the stuff in any of Bujold's books as... a sex scene. I mean, there was well-handled sexual content, but that... that does not a sex scene make.

To quote:
    I posit that in order for a sex scene to “read” level with the surrounding text (in material not intended to be erotic), to a large audience that may contain a lot of non-desensitized readers, content may have to actually be stopped down, muted, or even fade to black.
    See, okay-- if a sex-scene is 'muted', it's probably not about to fulfill its major function of... being erotic. And while you may not be intending to write an erotic scene that may very well (*gasp!*) turn a reader on, that's fine-- you can't really have your cake and eat it too. The scene with the sexy (and therefore the offensive) taken out of it is no longer a sex-scene. It's a scene with sex it it for some non-erotic reason, and that's... that's really something qualitatively different than what a writer who uses erotica for characterization or plot purposes (within the framework of a plot or character-driven story) would do. I think.

In other words, I think Bujold is totally right that what throws some readers out is the fact that "certain subjects -- sex for many readers, violence for a few, other elements for others -- are received more acutely by the psyche." Yes. You can definitely see how that creates a danger for over-emphasis and a possible turn-off for a reader who finds they don't share a given kink with the characters, say. Why not take the easy way out and just write it 'muted', make it a more scholarly, theoretical sort of situation where the reader's not invited into that erotic space themselves. A proper distance is kept, decorum is maintained, some sensitive readers aren't jarred out of the story-- all good, right? Except.
    ( further ramblerambleramble... -.- )

It just occurred to me that it's not that I don't like enthusiastic recs, obviously-- 'cause I do that all the time-- and it's not that I'm not 'naturally fannish' in the omg-squee sense, because I totally get obsessive and excitable about things I read or watch-- but what really turns me off is when something's recced or pimped by just saying 'I like it, SO YOU SHOULD TOO!' ^^;;; I mean, I'm okay with the reccing-'cause-liking part, but that's just not a good reason to peer pressure anyone. And yes, it always feels like peer pressure to me. >.>;;;

It's like... the difference between sharing hobbies and 'creating a phenomenon' or marketing a story or a fandom or whatever.
    There are a lot of books (and movies & comics, etc) that mean a lot to me, that are personal to me. But they are personal to me, and therefore it would be disingenuous to defend them or 'sell' them, so when I want people to get into them too (and I do! I tell all my friends to read 'Sandman'), I'm constantly walking the line between assuring them they'll like it and why it's actually awesome and just describing what -I- like about it and such. Some things really are very well-done and worth reading/seeing... but to a person like me, if you over-stress how 'need to see' or 'have to read' something is, it makes me feel like a sucker. :/
    I hate the popularity game-- I mean, I really feel like the more popular or famous something gets, the more its own fans will ignore its real merits (and flaws) and just coast along on the 'obvious' awesomeness of it all and how clearly omg-genius & hot it is.

I guess what I mean is, I hate it when something I initially cared about for partly quirky subjective reasons becomes 'cool' and 'the thing to like'. :/ At a certain point of popularity, it's not okay to critique something as much, to geek out and just talk about all the little things that appeal to you, because rabid fans get uber-defensive, y'know? Of course once it's popular, it's FLAWLESS & GODLIKE. -.-; Like, if someone tells you they don't like something about Tolstoy's work, people would assume that person is an idiot, right? Either that or they'd get pissy you're harshing their buzz. Somehow the story/show/etc becomes an identity or status symbol for people once it reaches a certain level of popularity.
    Of course all larger communities have their good & bad side; on the one hand, you lose the intimate feeling & greater understanding between those first few fans, but on the other hand, more people are being exposed to the material (if you care about that sort of thing) and you get vindicated about how awesome it is. Mer.
~~

Btw, I really liked this post on purposeful misidentification in stories by fictualities, 'cause that's pretty much what makes me feel most uncomfortable while reading (and alienates me in some more critical meta fandom circles). Fighting the narrative is hard work with little reward, and ohhh, I like my rewards, precious. :> Though I'd never feel I'd 'have' to fight the narrative just to identify with the 'missing' main girl-- I mean, um, having that degree of an agenda is hard work too :>
    However, I can like 'bad' characters naturally merely based on the ambiguously-positive cues in the text, while still liking the good characters, simply 'cause I generally don't care who's good & who's bad :D Unless they annoy me & seem stupid. Then it's really on :/ But I totally never felt I was 'supposed' to dislike Draco, not the way I was 'supposed' to dislike the Dursleys, so yeah, it's obvious he's not entirely unsympathetic (so who cares). Seriously. He's always been just so cute!! *___* Man, who wants to be an intellectual -.-

EDIT - I just found fairestcat's year-old post explaining Watsonian vs. Doylist approaches to a given canon (one justifying various events from the author-pov so they'd make sense & one from a character's), and maaaan, that explains a LOT about fandom conflicts :D Needless to say, I'm definitely a faithful Watsonian :> I tend to consider Doylist-style explanations cute and enlightening (ie, author intent & attendant issues are interesting), but ultimately it pulls me out of the flow of a show/story so I tend to compartmentalize it, I guess. Like, if the only way to explain something is to point to the writers' "smoking crack" or having whatever agenda, then I'm just plain disappointed in the show & don't bother with further analysis voluntarily. I guess I'd say it's useful to add some Doylist flavor but not satisfying emotionally to me as a fan ^^;;;; And in some ways, I do think there might be a rational vs. intuitive/emotional-style analysis divide between the two approaches....

Apparently there's a misogyny/we-need-more-strong-females debate in fandom -again-, and an offshoot about identification specifically & who we've found ourselves identifying with in stories, growing up & such. Um. Some say men, some say women... I say... uh... the pov character :)) Haha, seriously, I mean, yeah-- I particularly enjoyed & bonded with a girl I particularly liked or identified with the attitudes & emotions of, and maybe I'd be a little more attracted rather than just identifying with a boy I liked & identified with the attitudes of-- but I can still guarantee you I'll care and fixate more on the pov character, even if the other (female or male) one is more on my wavelength. I particularly do enjoy when a main/pov character is heavily on my wavelength (like Bastian in 'The Neverending Story', for instance, if we're going for gratuitous over-similarity), but maaaan, wouldn't it get old to always be stuck with the same preferred fictional self/personality/body? So it was long ago that I learned to umm, 'play pretend', and try on other characteristics/beliefs for the duration of my reading.

This whole idea of keeping yourself and your day-to-day identity fully intact while reading is a bit alien to me, actually, as a fantasy/romance reader. It's like... I wouldn't necessarily say I read for escape, but I do read for exploration and wonder and experiences I wouldn't otherwise have; I love to be grounded and connected emotionally within the story, to -care-, but there are lots of different bodies and mindsets a good writer can connect you to as the reader. It's like, whether you 'naturally' gravitate towards male characters or female characters, you're still a basically different type of reader, I guess; or maybe it's just that I think everyone may look for someone that's their 'reflection' in a story (color, gender, personality), but to me that 'reflection' is more to do with what I think of as my 'self'-- not my gender or color or even the beliefs I have but my deepest emotional resonances. Hmm. I guess I can't imagine reading about a boy having fun adventures and thinking, 'but I can't, because I'm a girl' o_0 That would... never have occurred to me as a child. Of course I could do anything I wanted (...um, maybe you could say I was a spoiled only child) :D

So like, yeah, a lot of people say they gravitated to boys in stories 'cause it's boys that did the fun things & had the adventures (implying girls didn't), while I suppose those that gravitated to girls accepted their roles in society & wanted them validated(?) Or conversely didn't accept their roles & wanted to read stuff that supported their choice to be badass and independent. Or something.

( mer. confused. :-? )

It's odd... and I wonder if other people who've written slash for awhile feel like this: reading this op-ed piece on Johnny Weir (the figure skater) in Washington Post, it just struck me that I'd really like to explore this whole... what it really means to be 'queer in the real world' thing. In my writing, I mean. I dunno. It's like... there should be more space between all-out 'queer lit' (not interested) and something beyond romance-fantasy (getting tired). I don't want to write some cliche coming out story or write about 'typical' gay men (or any typical anyone), but. Especially this quote struck me in particular:
    One of the privileges of modern celebrityhood is a comfort zone between fabulousness and outness, and it is here that athletes, pop stars and actors who seem as if they might be the slightest bit gay go to live.
    The safest refuge is to equate being gay with a set of sex acts only and not address it as part of an identity.

( ...hmm-hmm, etc. )
~~

Man. Sometimes I'm just. I mean, I don't think I'm a productive member of fandom (...though what is that? eh) but wandering out a little even onto the general interwebs just makes me want to huddle back to lj, having seen the error of my ways. -.- Maybe it's just that I'll always be a fangirl even when I'm not in a fandom or communing with the hive fangirl mind... but the point is, I feel so much more kinship so much more often just in terms of how we talk and view the world & what we think is important (ie, boyz, books, & of course Teh Buttsex... oh wait. well, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN). It's cold & alien out there, man. Cold. And. ALIEN :(

In retrospect, those guys on the craigslist 'platonic' section are kinda hilarious, in a sad, sad, pathetic loser sort of way. If I wasn't in fandom, though, I wouldn't know just how pathetic the average 'intelligent' guy's ideas of women really are, y'know? Like, uh, the truth is that most girls aren't... uh, all that geeky or if they are, not all that free with their sexuality, yes, but to go from that to 'omg, all you womens are so unintelligent and frigid, I may as well just be friends!!1' is just. Haha, yeah. -.- It's sort of funny to think that I spend a lot of time reading/writing about men and really, most of the time I'm glad there are so few in fandom ^^;; Mostly because explaining things I consider obvious to anyone with a minimum of emotional intelligence just feels pointless and draining? I dunno. It feels like babysitting. :/ Though obviously there are emotionally intelligent men... somewhere that isn't on the internet, usually :>
    I know, I know. -.-;; I say that, but what is (the near constant) wank if not an expression of utter lack of emotional intelligence? Blech.

...I just feel weirdly nostalgic and maudlin again, don't mind me. Reading thechiapet's old post on her H/D fic characterization pet-peeves and the fic kinks one reminded me of my '02 self and I was like 'awww'. I'm still like that at heart... which is probably why sane people avoid me, I guess, but anyway.... :>

HOOOLY CRAAACK, Happy New Year's to meeeeee!! *_____* and you too, har har Waaah *___*

I... it's... the Harry pic by shley77 on DeviantArt is like... the Harry of my dreeeeeaaammmmz!!1 *staaare* Srsly! WOW! ...and yeah, okay, it's a little less impressive knowing it's from a stock photo of some guy, BUT STILL, ahahahaskljfa;kj;aslka Damn. Talk about things one wanted for Christmas..... He's a LOT like the Harry in my head. A lot. WHEEEEE~!

...And yeah, her Draco is also very awesome & the expression is just a nice mix of old-school!sneery!Malfoy and HBP!vulnerable!Draco. Aww. And no Draco is compleat without puckered pink lips. Do I even need to say it?? Yes. Draco Malfoy has a blowjob mouth :D :D :D OR IS THAT JUST ME?? Hmf. :P
    But my fave Ron in awhile is this one by rethe.

I was gonna do something for the holidays-- finish my Draco soundtrack?-- but alas I am lazy, so... um, yeah. There's pretty boys instead :D (Like this one & that one and yet another & mmm, blood-licking.......*distracted*)

Earlier today, I was suddenly hit with the urge to recite the only poem I remember by heart (by Robert Frost) out loud-- just like that guy in 'The Outsiders', who's actually the reason I remember it, 'cause I thought it was so cool when he recited it. Anyway, here's the wav of 'Nature's First Green is Gold' if you're curious :>

You know, I realize I ought to take more care about what I say-- like, having it make sense, proofing it against obvious logic holes & inconsistencies... BUT I CAN'T BE BOTHERED :(( Woe. I'm like '....okay, yes it annoys me when I'm like 'damn, this isn't where I wanted this to go', but ahhhh it's even more bothersome to constantly think of what the reader response would be to any given idea/phrasing'. You may wonder why I bother with -livejournal- if this is just pointless blather, but... well, there's always the off chance someone will know exactly what I mean without me having to actually... explain it -.-;;; SOMETIMES THIS HAPPENS, okay :> Probably too often, or I would've learned more discipline by now -.- ...Yes, I just got in trouble over my casual inaccurate-seeming Sentinel fandom reference... heh Funny 'cause I wasn't really inaccurate [the way I meant what I said], it's just that I didn't bother specifying exactly how I meant what I said, which did sound wrong, but yeah.....
    I can only imagine the people who naturally envision readers' responses to anything they write o_0 Ahhhh, godlike powers I shall never [care enough to] possess.... -.-;;;; Ah, it's not that I don't care about accuracy in theory; it's the explaining stuff that's the problem. (...And the other thing is that I -know- being like this makes me seem stupider than [I think] I really am, but even so...... heh I really should learn to communicate more clearly if I wanna get anywhere in life or as a writer, though, I knooooow. Or maybe I should feel special 'cause I've never met anyone consciously lazy about this in this manner; I mean, people either do meta or make some effort to make sense/make a real argument-- at least I feel pretty unique in being unable to either stop thinking Deep Thoughts™ or like... um, be serious/thorough about it.)

ANYWAY, I saw Eragon!! Woo-hoo! :D :D :D And btw, no, I didn't read it. I, uh, don't tend to like most creature features, like dragon!fantasy, specifically. Or vampire!fantasy, werewolf!fantasy, and most people's ideas of unicorns are lame too. Yeah, I know that... uh, doesn't leave a lot of fantasy to go around, and now you know why I was bitter early on in my life as much as now. Anyway, the reason I don't like these is just that everyone else does and therefore they get fucked with the most. Fantasy publishers should really be thankful I like mythic plots, princesses/princes, magicians of all shapes & colors, assassins, gods & priests, warrior mages & supernatural!cops, archetypal arcs & characterizations and of course-- of course!!-- ELVES, ELVES BABY!!1

One thing this movie proved (as I kept writing mini!fanfics for it in my head AS I WATCHED) is that the reason I don't write beyond HP much is that there are simply no other big high fantasy fandoms on lj :)) AHAHAH. *facepalm* Everything is so simple :D

...Of course I liked it. I am easy, actually. Very very easy. (...Though if the dragon hadn't been cute at first, I would also have been a bit disgruntled.) Come on, that movie was pretty much marketed to me, me, me. Or like, a boy version of me... but a boy version of me wouldn't have enjoyed the slashy bits (...unless he was bi... OMG I JUST THOUGHT OF MYSELF AS HOT AHAHAHAHAHLFakdjflkadjfdl;akj I WOULD SO DO IT WITH THE BI!BOY ME, GOD HELP ME... but then most of us would... probably... maybe...). Anyway, that got a little off track. But just so you don't take me too seriously or anything (...that wasn't a danger to those of you who know me, I realize, but then there's metafandom... grar....)
    ( Blather about Eragon & archetypes and Houses no one cares about. )
~~

Speaking of Something Completely Different, I've been thinking (in my messy, random, drawn-out way) about gender roles lately (...and how much I hate their existence & why, etcetc), and it's just kind of funny how it's also evident in porn, of all things. In fact, I could write some sort of essay in gender roles in porn, seriously. I'm mostly thinking of the difference between [amateur] lesbian porn (which is obviously geared towards the Male Gaze™-- thanks, Phil 101!-- 'cause they're dressed up, made up, and play with 'male' objects/roles) and [amateur] gay stuff, which is all about enjoying Teh Cock & getting off. That is like, what's wrong with society today, right there :D ...or maybe it's just Nature :P Either way, annoying both because men aren't more talky/emotional & 'cause women keep being objectified EVEN BY THEMSELVES, HOLY CHRIST. Not that men aren't all self-promoting about their hot muscles, but it's -their- pleasure, not the viewers', y'know? Augh.

Man, I'm drowning in Sentinel fic (ahhh, the freedom of good!fic and not really knowing what a fanon!Blair or fanon!Jim would even BE... bliss), but feel a bit rueful that it's not even an option to join the fandom-- all the fics were written '98-'01, it seems like. This seems to be a trend with the fandoms I stumble into, like Highlander & even Star Wars: TPM; it's generally not when there's a big to-do about it among the lj crowd. I just sort of find some good fanfiction & go 'hmmm', and then that snowballs. 'Cause like, the truth is, even the fans admit these are cheesy, cheesy shows. Like, with the exceptions to this (Smallville & The OC), I -tried- watching the show as it was on, but I have no patience for cheesy bad!TV. In fact, I don't watch TV in general for that very reason (ie, it's too cheesy/lame and when it's not it's just repetitive or not my preferred genre or... etc)

So the appeal is generally not the show, and that's a good thing, 'cause when by some miracle I Really Like The Show enough to watch compulsively, you'd have a really hard time getting me to slash (which is a sort of Catch-22, isn't it).
    I was sort of thinking about this, and I think there are categories of Characters or Couples I Don't Slash, like--

( ...um. ^^; )

Er, yeah, okay, there was no point to this post! Unless! You want to discuss/tell me what -your- pairing patterns are, if you have some quirky pattern to it, anyway, rather than 'oh, I generally just like canon' or 'oh, I just like anything if it's hot' :D I'm equally fascinated by both mine & others' quirks (...sadly, I know) :>

So um... I was thinking about 'Good-bye to Yesterday', the latest hd_holidays fic while I was out-- specifically its Draco & Harry characterizations. The Harry in it is especially unsympathetic (in a mostly believable way that I enjoyed, because it wasn't unbelievable in a grating way and more in a way that made me think). I guess I'd say it's a valid interpretation of canon that I think works for the story but is still essentially incomplete/incorrect (in an interesting way); doesn't matter, 'cause the story was really about Draco, who was so great :> What I'm saying is, Harry's seeming refusal to see Draco as a 'real person' -has- been a problem in canon; it's just that he's likely to do 'the right thing' but not in a blind way, if that makes sense.
    The end of HBP showed that Harry's not blinded by his dislike of Malfoy when presented with new evidence.... So if Draco in fact was a good boy during the rest of the war, Harry would reclassify him as 'okay' while still thinking he was a nasty poncey git, I think. But this is a fine point of interpretation that would've prevented the whole plot from happening if followed :P Mostly, I feel if Harry did open up even a little, talking to Draco or even just using him to say stuff he couldn't stay to his friends, it would be meaningful to Harry also just because he doesn't do that sort of thing easily/lightly. I'm torn on whether he'd fuck him without a real transformation in the way he sees Malfoy (more than what happened in HBP); on the one hand, no, because he's so closed-off, but on the other hand he's been known to think with his uh, inner 'monster' :P Btw, I speak so frankly/easily about this 'cause I'm pretty certain I know who the author is & I'm also certain she wouldn't mind.

( ...inevitably, more H/D blather no one cares about ^^; )

Anyway, while I -love- them (adore, even) as characters, I don't have anything particularly invested in them romantically for myself the way I do even in Heero (from Gundam Wing) or Blair from The Sentinel-- I mean, I'm not in love with them either, but I'm a lot more attracted to them being 'cool' in their different ways. I like them to be cool (though in character); with Harry & Draco, I actually get off on their uncoolness, sorta. Usually, I'd think 'oh well, Snape is really the one who's my type anyway' and that'd be it, but-- Snape doesn't do it for me either, not really. Even 'translating' him into a more palatable (to me) closest related romantic archetype doesn't really -work-, 'cause he's just too... SNAPE. Thinking about why this is got me kind of carried away :>

    ( ...blah-romantic-protagonists-blah. ...I hope no one expects a well-structured rational argument or something -.- )
~~

In other news, I thought I knew fannish pain, but I definitely wasn't ready to innocently open an S/R fic and actually see the dreaded 'Siri' in a decently-written fic. Oh man. When you sort of think 'maybe this one will be okay' and then you find out it's horridly OOC with a 'Siri'... that is a special kind of SOUL PANE, ya dig. -.-;; Although at this point in the fandom development, one wonders how you could not realize it's just LAME through sheer osmosis. It's stuff like this that made me soooo very romanticism/fanon unfriendly in HP *facepalm*