[silly writing rambles]

[reenka]

I'm starting to see a pattern, methinks /:)
    Currently, I'm dipping back into my novella, for instance, and it coincides with a period in my real life where I'm being avoidant, stressed out and just not feeling very good about the progress I'm making. So like, making -any- progress on my Big Skeery Project makes me feel a bit better, and it's basically -easier- than fixing my life, y'know; generally, I'm too lazy and it's too much trouble to write consistently on a single subject [of the novella], but when I'm overwhelmed and avoidant, it really helps to focus on -something-, and the very length and not-posting-bits aspect makes me feel like I'm Really Doing Something. Almost like the lack of instant gratification is a form of penance-- like, see, see, this is important, I'm not even getting any feedback, ahahah.


    Conversely, I think there's a certain sort of mode I get into writing short angsty pov bits-- usually it's nothing related to the canon or the characters, but rather my own mood. Instead of ennui and listless avoidance, generally I do it 'cause I feel sick physically or I'm really emotionally unbalanced-- sometimes inspired by another piece of fiction. Like, there was the time I wrote H/D 'cause I've been watching/thinking about late Season 6 of Buffy, or all the angstfics I've written in response to other angstfics. It's a quick, short-lived emotional response, and I can't write them if there are no hot pokers involved, y'know?

I write humor when I'm generally busy & on a roll-- like, if I'm actually doing stuff in real life and am energetic and 'healthy', I think I tend to write snippets of dialogue in notebooks on the fly, like sitting on trains & buses or in class. I don't write angst in class, man. Sometimes I do write porn on the go and in public, but not that much. Usually I like to write fluffy snark to cackle to myself while having lunch on campus or something :D It's a thing. Oh, and I've also noticed that I often write -really- cracked out hilarious stuff when I've stayed up way past my bedtime & am near-delirious-- half the time I don't finish these, but man, I'm funny (...and verbose) when I'm half-asleep :D That's when I get big convoluted plot ideas, too :D

Hm. Well, porn... I think that should be obvious (when I'm horny?) but it's not a direct correlation or anything. I did have one period when I wrote smut-snippet after smut-snippet, but that was an aberration, mostly. Porn has no season, no rhyme or reason. Porn comes & goes like the Seattle rain, hahaha :D

...So, do you guys have a type of fic you write when you're in a certain phase? Not like a mood ('cause I guess most people are more likely to write angst when they're angsty... unless you want to self-medicate), more like a... well, phase. I didn't realize I had those till I realized I was writing my longfic in a pathetic attempt at productivity :))

In other news, due South has an awesome idea for a comm, called stop_drop_porn, which is for posting out of context porn snippets, and they have periodical prompts & everything. Hahaha, that would so work for me :D Out of context porn, man. It's how it always works in my head. I mean, sure, in-context porn happens, but it's like... it either gets out of control (to become out of context) if I enjoy it too much, or it's limp, like homework or something. I always have to laugh at earnest posts about how embarrassing & difficult porn-writing is & just. The peer-pressure of it all. I mean. I sooort of think that if it's not fun for you, you ain't doin' it right :))

...I want to write about whether empathy for a character one is writing [okay, Draco] necessarily translates into sympathy for their canon version, or conversely whether an overt sympathy for their canon version can actually frustrate a reader's ability to empathize with them in a specific fic, but.... Well, the whole question seems too personalized to me, maybe. Do other people even have equivalent issues? I can never tell ^^; Still.
    
    'How important is empathy for the character in a reader? In a writer? How is it different from sympathy? How can you tell when a character's sympathized with by the writer as opposed to being written sympathetically?'-- all these seem to be interesting questions. Certainly, people have assumed that JKR's unsympathetic to Draco & that seems to be wrong; it's even more hilarious to think that you can decide -I'm- unsympathetic to Draco from my writings. Am I? Maybe it doesn't matter if that's what you get from it, but. At the same time, I think empathy is pretty close to -understanding- to me, and to say I don't empathize is nearly the same as saying 'I don't understand', but that's just me & how I work, so....

Well, it's just. The whole concept of writing a character I don't sympathize with or like on some level is interesting to me. Mostly 'cause I don't think I've ever done it or -can- do it; it gets to the point where I write characters & pairings just so I'd get over my dislike. I mean, I may still be 'meh' about them in general, but from then on I'll enjoy -my- vision of them. All this takes is the realization that I made myself like Lucius for the duration of my ill-conceived Lucius/Narcissa fic -.-
    But mostly I guess this shows that I'm the sort of person whose opinion of most characters (except my very favorite in the fandom, ie Harry) sort of shifts from fanfic to fanfic, depending on the portrayal in that particular instance; I can like them more or less depending on fic-quality, and over time, if I'd read enough good fics with them (not to say with sympathetic characterizations of them, though it helps), I'll grow fond of the character outside any one fic. Even then, I'd still vacillate if it's a good fic. I can like Harry more or less depending on how he's written, especially if it's a good fic that succeeds at manipulating my emotions subtly. I -prefer- to be taken for a ride... I prefer not to project my feelings onto the fic but rather have the fic generate the feelings for me, whether I'm writing or reading. Which... I think, makes me different from 95% if not more of all OTC and OTP-type people. :/

However, it's not like I'll dislike Ginny (or Harry or Draco, whatever) if they're shown to be assholes or angels, for that matter-- in fact, I'll dislike the -story- if it's too obviously manipulative in that sense. My fluctuations are a form of empathy to a good, subtle story-- I'll like the character more if they're more -real-, not more 'sympathetic', and less if they're more cardboard, and it's only secondarily that I get pissed off at something they -did-. There are few writers that can make a character I like to start with both -real- and distasteful to me in a gripping sort of way I don't immediately reject as OOC; the only writers in terms of H/D that come to mind are hackthis & ishuca (...god, I HATED PoL!Draco... HATE....) :D
    Like, okay, I want you (the writer) to convince me to like something I didn't like before-- I want to be that open and I want the fic to be just that good. I -want- to overcome my biases, my feelings of discomfort with an idea (like say, Draco topping Harry or something); I'm especially happy when that happens, rather than uncomfortable. Sure, I don't seek it out-- I don't try to read 'widely' across pairings, particularly-- but I want to be surprised. I want to have my cake & eat it too-- the familiar and the strange & novel, all in one sexy package :D

I think it's obvious when people don't do it (ie, sympathize with their characters) 'cause they don't go too deep-- it's not that they write them too harshly or too unflinchingly or don't go on about their good sides-- it's that they don't go into detail of their pov enough. In other words, I feel distance from a character because they seem to be written too much 'from the outside', and that makes me feel like the narrator's unsympathetic. No amount of torturing or misfortune really gets me up an arms, like, 'how could you do that!! omg!! D:' Though maybe I'm just a freak :>

Anyway, if a character's allowed to talk in their own voice (show-not-tell, in other words), then I feel they're sympathetic and their author must sympathize to some degree. If, on the other hand, the character's glorified or coddled or shown as 'oh so cool', I'm immediately suspicious and feel put off. Which... is interesting 'cause people say that's what happens when they read the HP books, so they're put off by Harry (who's obviously author-approved). But that's where the fact that Harry's written in a 3d manner kicks in-- he's too detailed, too real of a character, so he can stand on his own. No amount of meta can change that Harry is -Harry-, and therefore sympathetic. At that point, author-sympathy becomes moot to me as a reader.

As a writer, I guess people have different writing styles; some understand rationally and put people into boxes and see them from a distance, while others get up close & personal, 'feel out' the character to write them, need a 'muse' of them-- a simulacrum they 'feel' is separate from them. Needless to say, I belong to the second category-- meaning, while I don't have 'muses' in the half-crazy sense, I do have one for Draco, and I do 'feel him out' in order to write him. If that's not being sympathetic, fine-- maybe it's just empathetic-- but what's the difference in a practical sense, really?

I guess I feel like maybe you need a greater degree of objectivity to characterize as well if you think rationally rather than 'feel' a character. Maybe. If you're going to be all third-person about it, it helps if you're a good natural observer of people, I guess, someone who just naturally picks up on the surface cadences and motivations behind human interaction & pretty much directly reproduces them-- it's just that that sort of gift for mimicry is pretty rare even among otherwise good writers. It's weird, 'cause I feel like JKR is a bit of the 'natural observer' and a bit of the 'judgmental narrator' model writer, which splits her critics into ever-warring camps :> Me, I just wish both the writer and the reader could be magically prompted into taking characters 'as is', on their own terms, even if the point is the change them utterly & mess with their heads. I think this sort of utter honesty is way more important than sympathy, if anything because it allows both for sympathy and judgment.
~~

...Aaaand, y'know, if I were to wonder sometime why being on Teh Internets is worth it, a priceless quote: In fact, most of these impressions are untruths incorporated into an exterior shell that effectively shields from the world the fact that gay porn is my primary hobby.
    (Of course, immediately following we have references to 'dudeness' and a 'mannish upbringing' as reasons for god-knows-what but I think it's supposed to be 'gay porn', & I remember why I should really do something better with my time, like talking to snails -.- It's a sort of... I dunno, overall acknowledgment that I'm not as dorky/lame as -that-, but I'm still... y'know, pretty damn lame, ahahahahdlafkjslakj;fa) It's sort of like, it's too easy to think 'well, if it's cute & funny, then it's worth it', but really, snark can only go so far.... I dunno, what the hell am I saying. *facepalm* Wank makes me sporfle, but also have EXISTENTIAL ANGST, okay :D