noooooooooo -.-

[reenka]

Seeker, who writes my idea of the best H/S smut like, -ever-, apparently wrote H/D on a challenge.

...Where Snape is Harry's father.



...lifesohard!!

See, most people don't seem to understand this point of view, but I think smut should actually be more precisely and professionally written than uh, 'normal' fic. It is not, or shouldn't be, easier to get 'right'. There's this overwhelming philosophy that it's all about the kink-- that if you say act/situation X is going on and that's what the reader wanted to imagine, that's all any reader could hope to ask for. Argh. This is the sort of attitude that makes 95% of all smut suck so bad 'cause it's written even more sloppily than 'normal' fics. And all it really takes is a little genuine feel for language in general, I think. I suppose this is like railing at the horrible abuses of basic anatomy in a lot of manga; just because you're an artist doesn't mean you can draw well, etc. Well, but at least I can tell when I've messed up and wouldn't publish it if I thought it sucked....

In other news, sometimes I get so frustrated I want to like, ban usage of certain terms for sexual organs in fics. Especially when they're overused (as in, five times per paragraph and sometimes 2 per sentence), words like 'arousal' and 'wetness'... why do people use them?! Why? I do not understand! Why do you hurt me so? Why-- why, god? I mean, smut-writer!

Leaving aside the glorious simplicity of using 'penis' and 'vagina' if you're feeling really uninspired, I've decided that the really cool people will just use Japanese. Nothing beats "chinko". (Plural, "chinkos".)

And you can call people "chinko-head!!" in public so easily. Just think of it! The freedom!


...This post brought to you by rather odd sleep patterns and too much sugar. And really bad porn everywhere, from sea to shining sea.

Comments

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Or if not penis or vagina, why not go all out and say "man-root" or "sheath of maleness" or "tower of passion" or "tinklestick."

Wouldn't that be something, if you had somebody who was a brilliant writer, only s/he used really strange words for body parts? Imagine the squirming feedback s/he would get from people who just wanted to fix that one...odd...thing.

[balfrog.livejournal.com]

I really like "tinklestick."

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

*is proud* I'm not sure if I made it up or not.

[balfrog.livejournal.com]

but tower of manhood! wow. nothing compares.
Must use.

[shaggirl.livejournal.com]

She'd get lots of beta offers, I bet.

What's your opinion of boypussy?

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

That I wouldn't mind gettin' me some!:-)

[shaggirl.livejournal.com]

That is the correct answer! Collect your boypussy at the door.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Those are great >:D But that would require some sort of self-awareness or like, the knowledge that one is being silly, which is missing in all these people. Sadly, it is not given to us to reform the porn-writers of the world, ahahaha. Of all things ^^;;;
But yeah, sometimes that happens, actually-- people do use stupid terms for these things even if everything else is okay, 'cause they have some sort of hang-up or are trying not to be 'vulgar' or something... ugh. And most people probably don't even care, that's really my problem. I am so alone!!1 :))

...Well, perhaps not -brilliant- writer. How many brilliant writers are there with weird sexual hang-ups....

Okay, a lot :D

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the thing is, truly bad fic is as hard to come by as truly good fic. Faking it just doesn't always work.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

The weird thing, I don't really have problems with badfic... it's the mediocre could-almost-work-if-it-didn't-make-stupid-mistakes fic that annoys me so much, probably because I slog on through it while my eyes quietly bleed, ahah. Like, in really bad fic, you don't have your expectations triggered-- 'cause it's really like they're speaking a different language entirely. It's not English, it's... y'know, Spinglish...??

[notrafficlights.livejournal.com]

COCK!

That is all.

[notrafficlights.livejournal.com]

Er, no wait. That isn't all. Have you read chs 9 & 10 of Chintsubu? ZOMG!!!1one *deds* Little boys yelling "Chinko!" at older boys shouldn't be so cute.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Hehehe that was the reason for this post <3<3<3<3 I love that manga <3<3<3<3 WHY WASN'T THERE MORE SEX, THOUGH?? :(( :((
...Somehow I like the little brother more than the older one, heheheheh and you know, I don't actually like shota, but...... -.-

COCK ALL THE WAY!!1

[notrafficlights.livejournal.com]

Awh, you don't like chinko-Toride-kun? *sad flacid penis time* XD But yes, the little brother is cute. And I loved Kamiya's angst and "WTF" reactions all the time.

But damn, the amount of shota showing up on yaoi_daily is starting to corrupt me. That and Hoshino Lily's gorgeous stuff. *drools* Have you seen the "Attractive Body" one that's currently running? Goddamn uke-sempai's should NOT look like such shaggable jailbait. He's even got the little schoolgirl-socks. T_T;;; *is going to hell for real this time*

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Well, chinko-Torride-kun's cute, but not angsty or feisty... it's sort of boring that way~:)) I've really noticed that if a character isn't angsty/broody or feisty/spirited, I'm really like, what's the point??!? ahahaha. I am so sad -.-

Hoshino Lily's the only one who makes shota seem... sexy to me. I'm mostly thinking of Nakama's recent release, Kawaii Gatte, what with the android kitty-bois and such, ehehe. I think it's 'cause she draws them more like dolls than like little boys, maybe? I dunno. Well more like sex-bots than like little boys, and in this last case she went literal. Also, 'course the art is gorgeous. And also I liked Yamato Nase's Magical Travel Boy, but didn't find it sexy. Ahaha I kept reading Minami Haruka's stuff after the last chapter of Liking You (which was tres hot), hoping she'd achieve the same level of hotness sometime-- but Attractive Body just doesn't compare after that bit with the exhibitionism & the masturbation kink and the... yes -.-

Hahah I haven't been following yaoi_daily since I'm already swamped with stuff on my to-read list ^^;;;

[malafede.livejournal.com]

I love the goddamn Severitus challenge. It doesn't get any better than that it fandom. I want something like that in Naruto fandom too. :O Like, what if Itachi is Naruto's dad.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

no one feels my pain -.- -.- -.-

[malafede.livejournal.com]

maybe you take snape and harry too seriously? >:)

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

I really don't care about Harry and Snape one way or the other, I just care about good writing -.- Plus it hurts my head, the idea that Snape is his father... just ruins a fic for me, and smut... it -really- doesn't belong with. Well, I think I was kind of on crack when I thought Seeker was good, anyway... er. There were a lot of stupid challenges that fic tried to meet. Not that I was reccing it anyway.

[malafede.livejournal.com]

yeah, i was kind of wondering about Seeker being so good people would want her writing their ship :P though you should take pride in reccing this fic, like whoever came up with the severitus challenge should take pride in it. i want a dracocus challenge, where harry's draco's dad because of a time warp and lucius being really a woman... of course there would be crack incest involved...

i know you care about good writing, but people are becoming more and more humourless when it comes to badfic, it's sort of sad.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

I seem to remember liking a fic she wrote once... or rather, I remember it being on my rec list... it's been about 2 years since I'd read H/S smut -.- I think I only read like, three H/S writers regularly... haha, plus sometimes a writer's good with one pairing and crap with others... it could happen. ^^;;

I didn't rec it! I wouldn't pretend I didn't if I did. I linked to it while saying 'omg, lifesohard' and I liked Seeker's other smut. That's not a rec. Maybe by some people's really loose standards, but I actually care when I really rec something... like, I actually say something about the fic ^^;; It's like anything I link is seen as a rec... where the truth is, I'm a compulsive linker. I got this journal initially just to be a weblog-- and basically, logging the things I come across on the web in one way or the other is still my most natural inclination with it.

I've never really felt like making fun of badfic unless it is unintentionally actually funny or it's so bad it's like it's actually written by monkeys on crack... it hurts me too much to read it if I'm feeling sensitive. Not that Seeker is badfic per se, anyway, just mediocre. If I were to mock it, however, it wouldn't be enough to just take it 'lightly'-- I'd be more amused if it was actually MST3K'ed.

Besides, I don't find Severus-as-Harry's-father funny, I guess, 'cause... well it's not -that- ridiculous...? It's just distasteful/stupid to me rather than totally cracked out, 'cause theoretically you can write a serious fic about it, unlike say, Veela Draco.

Also, I'm not 'people' all by myself, and I think people will always be split between taking things too seriously and mocking everything in sight, just depends on your personality. Generally, I'd say I do neither, though I only mock when I'm really pissed, and the Severitus thing is more 'wtf?' than really something that pisses me off enough to mock. I didn't even know the name of the challenge till you told me-- I found this fic searching google for Harry, Draco & thrust. ^^; ('Cause I'm simple-minded like that.)

[malafede.livejournal.com]

sigh.

i didn't mean you recced it, i said that for shit and giggles. and of course there's things worth to be taken seriously in fandom and fanfic writing, but something as silly as snape being harry's dad just isn't to me -- which i am saying just to explain why i cracked a joke in the first place. maybe we just have different perspective on the whole harry and snape relationship and snape? i know a lot of people only can see draco as the funny guy, and well, i feel almost the same about snape. so when they told me about the severitus challenge the first time i just laughed and laughed and laughed. YMMV. well, that's a tangent.

to sum it up, maybe it's not good to mock anything in sight, but you're taking all too seriously, or maybe just what i say. lighten up!

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Eh, shaggirl thought I recced it so I was defensive ^^;
I do think I take the things you say too seriously 'cause I get defensive when I'm teased unless it's really overtly light-hearted. Your jokes are more deadpan/mocking than silly...? It works better if I'm RPing Harry (sometimes) 'cause he can be biting/mock right back or whatever, whereas I just don't go into that mode. I'm pretty light-hearted most of the time, I think, actually-- it's just that my sense of humor is pretty silly (the chinko thing is a prime example-- but then you rarely respond to the parts -I- was joking about). And by silly I actually mean cutely silly, which is what that word makes me think of. I think it clashes with a certain type of sarcasm.

What I'm trying to say is, I can seem oversensitive, but it's not something I can control by lightening up, because in all actuality I'm already nearly constantly amusing myself or being amused. And I think I said 'Severus' because I kept seeing 'Severitus' over & over. ^^;

[malafede.livejournal.com]

words...

[malafede.livejournal.com]

by which i mean 1) i really wasn't going for discussion with this so 2) too many words for someone who's not taking the joke about the snarry daddy incest seriously :D

there's no shame in taking things too seriously. it makes you a gray character!! i take sasuke's fangirls too seriously, for example.

[malafede.livejournal.com]

... you're calling him "severus"! omg.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

I think also, I was/am just confused by the whole emphasis on the challenge and whether I do or don't take 'Harry and Snape' seriously, which is like a non-sequitir to me in this context-- meaning, I know I implied I couldn't enjoy a fic with it, but that was specifically because it was in what I saw as a smutfic to start with. What I care about in this context is smut. The fact that it's a silly challenge interferes with the fic being hot, but otherwise means nothing to me, I guess? So while to you, the challenge seemed noteworthy in its silliness at least, I didn't care long enough to even focus on it.

[stellabelle.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAHA! I meant, oh you poor thing! No really, I did! See, if I was actually reading any fic at the moment (month, year, whatever) I could lament and, like Feel Your Pain About The Bad Porn, and stuff. But instead AHAHAHAHA. (Which you should clearly read to mean: <3!)

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Well, it's not as if published stuff is that much better... er... *covers tracks, covers tracks* heeh I don't read much either. But sometimes I randomly find some and IT BURNS USSS PRECIOUSSssssss *weeps*

<3 Clearly I should make more stupid posts to get people to respond, huh ^^;;

[stellabelle.livejournal.com]

*pats your shoulder reassuringly* There, there. Um. You know, in reference to the Bad Porn Words, I think that people should just always say Man Parts. Capitalized. Just like that. In print. Or...like, last week when I was writing porn in the library, I got embarrassed cause there was this cute boy a few tables over, so I just wrote "heehee" wherever there was supposed to be a Naughty Word. Because clearly I am so super cool like that. Um. Right.

This is not a stupid post! It is a pressing issue which affects the world at large, Reena! Write your local government official! Form protest lines! And stuff! Er.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

...So That 'Gay' Guy put his Man Part 'A' into The Other 'Gay' Guy's Man Part 'B', after which they rubbed the above objects together until they were ready to stop. "Oh, baby!" Gay G uy cried with vigor. "That feels so good!" And The Other 'Gay' Guy agreed, as his did Man Part, because it flexed and grew wetter than before. "You're on to something!" he cried back, gratified to share 'Gay' Guy juices with his buddy.... And then the two 'Gay' Guys fell asleep.


...I feel 'naughty' now.
*files proper paperwork and slips in a little porn for the hard-working government officials*

[scoradh.livejournal.com]

...I never realised that's what 'chinko' means until now.

*is pious* Lj teaches us so much.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

I feel I am a great educator-- or, I could be, if encouraged!
...But not as great as manga porn.

[addictedkitten.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha! That fic, dude. I even tried skipping ahead to the porn, and...no.

I read one of Seeker's fics once. She used the word "tits" to refer to nipples. Nipples on a male.

I took that as a harbinger of imminent doom and ran the fuck away.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

...I guess this really goes to show you I was young & innocent back when I read H/S porn ^^;; I tried clicking on my old links to see why I remember it so fondly, & conveniently both of them were dead ><;; Ahahah I did skip ahead to the porn, and it -was- kinda sad... though at least Harry & Draco didn't cry like in the fic right before that ><

You know, if you're going to say 'tits', you might as well go all the way and say 'man-boobs', I figure :>

[addictedkitten.livejournal.com]

It's just...tits? I mean, I'm generally disgusted by that in reference to women, but with men it's just mind-boggling. I'm perfectly fine with using language to indicate degradation, but not when it sounds awful and makes no sense.

Still poking tentatively at that fic. Draco just "yipped." Which is funny, because I too often make noises reminiscent of small dogs, especially when engaged in sexual congress with a person.

Also:

“Anything’s better than dead,” Lucius added. Giving his son a restrained smile, the equivalent of a bear hug in the Malfoy range of public expressiveness, he then nodded at Harry. “Welcome to the family,” he said simply.

Harry choked.

Funnily enough, so did I.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Ahahaha papa-bear!Lucius :D :D :D That's so precious, somehow. I choked also >:D Poor Harry. And then Lucius gave him make-up tips & claimed first dibs on the wedding night, right :)) :)) ...Well, if it was an Amanuensis fic ^^;;
I dunno, is boobs better than tits? There's only breasts, and I think people think that sounds boring..? I mean, is knockers better, or ya-yas or rack... actually I think I made up the part about the ya-yas >:D

...Somehow, I do like yipping!Draco. I also wouldn't mind if he barked, but that's just me :D

[addictedkitten.livejournal.com]

Hahaha, I know, I was totally thinking of the same fic. Don't trust him, Harry! He'll steal your virtue, and then you'll end up pregnant against all laws of god and man.

I don't find breasts particularly boring (in any context, really :D). Boobs sounds childish, tits trashy, everything else I won't dignify with a response.

I also wouldn't mind if he barked, but that's just me.

Yes. Yes, it is just you, and may we never speak of it again.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

...Almost makes one want to use the line 'Father! How could you, impregnating my husband!!' somewhere... or other.... And Lucius could be like, "you want a MAN with a real PENIS, don't you Harry?" You know I was always secretly cut out to be Amanuensis' successor. And Harry would be like, "Draco may not have a MAN penis, but he has MAN-BREASTS THAT SATISFY!!" (...see, the breast thing just doesn't work in that context).

But yeah, I was always rather unhappy with all the other terms. Man-boobs has a certain charm to it, though. Well, unless you're talking about fat men, in which case it makes one a bit queasy.

Strange findings.

[george-h-115.livejournal.com]

This may very well be the greatest journal that I have ever stumbled upon, and seeing as how all I wanted to do was randomly look up known words on yahoo...I would say that I have done quite well.
George

Re: Strange findings.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Er, hi! I hope you're not going by this last post, as that would be a bit embarrassing :> Well, whatever it was I did right, I guess I'm glad I did it! Have fun... and stuff.

~reena