noooooooooo -.-

[reenka]

Seeker, who writes my idea of the best H/S smut like, -ever-, apparently wrote H/D on a challenge.

...Where Snape is Harry's father.



...lifesohard!!

See, most people don't seem to understand this point of view, but I think smut should actually be more precisely and professionally written than uh, 'normal' fic. It is not, or shouldn't be, easier to get 'right'. There's this overwhelming philosophy that it's all about the kink-- that if you say act/situation X is going on and that's what the reader wanted to imagine, that's all any reader could hope to ask for. Argh. This is the sort of attitude that makes 95% of all smut suck so bad 'cause it's written even more sloppily than 'normal' fics. And all it really takes is a little genuine feel for language in general, I think. I suppose this is like railing at the horrible abuses of basic anatomy in a lot of manga; just because you're an artist doesn't mean you can draw well, etc. Well, but at least I can tell when I've messed up and wouldn't publish it if I thought it sucked....

In other news, sometimes I get so frustrated I want to like, ban usage of certain terms for sexual organs in fics. Especially when they're overused (as in, five times per paragraph and sometimes 2 per sentence), words like 'arousal' and 'wetness'... why do people use them?! Why? I do not understand! Why do you hurt me so? Why-- why, god? I mean, smut-writer!

Leaving aside the glorious simplicity of using 'penis' and 'vagina' if you're feeling really uninspired, I've decided that the really cool people will just use Japanese. Nothing beats "chinko". (Plural, "chinkos".)

And you can call people "chinko-head!!" in public so easily. Just think of it! The freedom!


...This post brought to you by rather odd sleep patterns and too much sugar. And really bad porn everywhere, from sea to shining sea.

Comments

[stellabelle.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAHA! I meant, oh you poor thing! No really, I did! See, if I was actually reading any fic at the moment (month, year, whatever) I could lament and, like Feel Your Pain About The Bad Porn, and stuff. But instead AHAHAHAHA. (Which you should clearly read to mean: <3!)

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Well, it's not as if published stuff is that much better... er... *covers tracks, covers tracks* heeh I don't read much either. But sometimes I randomly find some and IT BURNS USSS PRECIOUSSssssss *weeps*

<3 Clearly I should make more stupid posts to get people to respond, huh ^^;;

[stellabelle.livejournal.com]

*pats your shoulder reassuringly* There, there. Um. You know, in reference to the Bad Porn Words, I think that people should just always say Man Parts. Capitalized. Just like that. In print. Or...like, last week when I was writing porn in the library, I got embarrassed cause there was this cute boy a few tables over, so I just wrote "heehee" wherever there was supposed to be a Naughty Word. Because clearly I am so super cool like that. Um. Right.

This is not a stupid post! It is a pressing issue which affects the world at large, Reena! Write your local government official! Form protest lines! And stuff! Er.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

...So That 'Gay' Guy put his Man Part 'A' into The Other 'Gay' Guy's Man Part 'B', after which they rubbed the above objects together until they were ready to stop. "Oh, baby!" Gay G uy cried with vigor. "That feels so good!" And The Other 'Gay' Guy agreed, as his did Man Part, because it flexed and grew wetter than before. "You're on to something!" he cried back, gratified to share 'Gay' Guy juices with his buddy.... And then the two 'Gay' Guys fell asleep.


...I feel 'naughty' now.
*files proper paperwork and slips in a little porn for the hard-working government officials*