noooooooooo -.-

[reenka]

Seeker, who writes my idea of the best H/S smut like, -ever-, apparently wrote H/D on a challenge.

...Where Snape is Harry's father.



...lifesohard!!

See, most people don't seem to understand this point of view, but I think smut should actually be more precisely and professionally written than uh, 'normal' fic. It is not, or shouldn't be, easier to get 'right'. There's this overwhelming philosophy that it's all about the kink-- that if you say act/situation X is going on and that's what the reader wanted to imagine, that's all any reader could hope to ask for. Argh. This is the sort of attitude that makes 95% of all smut suck so bad 'cause it's written even more sloppily than 'normal' fics. And all it really takes is a little genuine feel for language in general, I think. I suppose this is like railing at the horrible abuses of basic anatomy in a lot of manga; just because you're an artist doesn't mean you can draw well, etc. Well, but at least I can tell when I've messed up and wouldn't publish it if I thought it sucked....

In other news, sometimes I get so frustrated I want to like, ban usage of certain terms for sexual organs in fics. Especially when they're overused (as in, five times per paragraph and sometimes 2 per sentence), words like 'arousal' and 'wetness'... why do people use them?! Why? I do not understand! Why do you hurt me so? Why-- why, god? I mean, smut-writer!

Leaving aside the glorious simplicity of using 'penis' and 'vagina' if you're feeling really uninspired, I've decided that the really cool people will just use Japanese. Nothing beats "chinko". (Plural, "chinkos".)

And you can call people "chinko-head!!" in public so easily. Just think of it! The freedom!


...This post brought to you by rather odd sleep patterns and too much sugar. And really bad porn everywhere, from sea to shining sea.

Comments

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Or if not penis or vagina, why not go all out and say "man-root" or "sheath of maleness" or "tower of passion" or "tinklestick."

Wouldn't that be something, if you had somebody who was a brilliant writer, only s/he used really strange words for body parts? Imagine the squirming feedback s/he would get from people who just wanted to fix that one...odd...thing.

[balfrog.livejournal.com]

I really like "tinklestick."

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

*is proud* I'm not sure if I made it up or not.

[balfrog.livejournal.com]

but tower of manhood! wow. nothing compares.
Must use.

[shaggirl.livejournal.com]

She'd get lots of beta offers, I bet.

What's your opinion of boypussy?

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

That I wouldn't mind gettin' me some!:-)

[shaggirl.livejournal.com]

That is the correct answer! Collect your boypussy at the door.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Those are great >:D But that would require some sort of self-awareness or like, the knowledge that one is being silly, which is missing in all these people. Sadly, it is not given to us to reform the porn-writers of the world, ahahaha. Of all things ^^;;;
But yeah, sometimes that happens, actually-- people do use stupid terms for these things even if everything else is okay, 'cause they have some sort of hang-up or are trying not to be 'vulgar' or something... ugh. And most people probably don't even care, that's really my problem. I am so alone!!1 :))

...Well, perhaps not -brilliant- writer. How many brilliant writers are there with weird sexual hang-ups....

Okay, a lot :D

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the thing is, truly bad fic is as hard to come by as truly good fic. Faking it just doesn't always work.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

The weird thing, I don't really have problems with badfic... it's the mediocre could-almost-work-if-it-didn't-make-stupid-mistakes fic that annoys me so much, probably because I slog on through it while my eyes quietly bleed, ahah. Like, in really bad fic, you don't have your expectations triggered-- 'cause it's really like they're speaking a different language entirely. It's not English, it's... y'know, Spinglish...??