noooooooooo -.-

[reenka]

Seeker, who writes my idea of the best H/S smut like, -ever-, apparently wrote H/D on a challenge.

...Where Snape is Harry's father.



...lifesohard!!

See, most people don't seem to understand this point of view, but I think smut should actually be more precisely and professionally written than uh, 'normal' fic. It is not, or shouldn't be, easier to get 'right'. There's this overwhelming philosophy that it's all about the kink-- that if you say act/situation X is going on and that's what the reader wanted to imagine, that's all any reader could hope to ask for. Argh. This is the sort of attitude that makes 95% of all smut suck so bad 'cause it's written even more sloppily than 'normal' fics. And all it really takes is a little genuine feel for language in general, I think. I suppose this is like railing at the horrible abuses of basic anatomy in a lot of manga; just because you're an artist doesn't mean you can draw well, etc. Well, but at least I can tell when I've messed up and wouldn't publish it if I thought it sucked....

In other news, sometimes I get so frustrated I want to like, ban usage of certain terms for sexual organs in fics. Especially when they're overused (as in, five times per paragraph and sometimes 2 per sentence), words like 'arousal' and 'wetness'... why do people use them?! Why? I do not understand! Why do you hurt me so? Why-- why, god? I mean, smut-writer!

Leaving aside the glorious simplicity of using 'penis' and 'vagina' if you're feeling really uninspired, I've decided that the really cool people will just use Japanese. Nothing beats "chinko". (Plural, "chinkos".)

And you can call people "chinko-head!!" in public so easily. Just think of it! The freedom!


...This post brought to you by rather odd sleep patterns and too much sugar. And really bad porn everywhere, from sea to shining sea.

Comments

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

...I guess this really goes to show you I was young & innocent back when I read H/S porn ^^;; I tried clicking on my old links to see why I remember it so fondly, & conveniently both of them were dead ><;; Ahahah I did skip ahead to the porn, and it -was- kinda sad... though at least Harry & Draco didn't cry like in the fic right before that ><

You know, if you're going to say 'tits', you might as well go all the way and say 'man-boobs', I figure :>

[addictedkitten.livejournal.com]

It's just...tits? I mean, I'm generally disgusted by that in reference to women, but with men it's just mind-boggling. I'm perfectly fine with using language to indicate degradation, but not when it sounds awful and makes no sense.

Still poking tentatively at that fic. Draco just "yipped." Which is funny, because I too often make noises reminiscent of small dogs, especially when engaged in sexual congress with a person.

Also:

“Anything’s better than dead,” Lucius added. Giving his son a restrained smile, the equivalent of a bear hug in the Malfoy range of public expressiveness, he then nodded at Harry. “Welcome to the family,” he said simply.

Harry choked.

Funnily enough, so did I.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Ahahaha papa-bear!Lucius :D :D :D That's so precious, somehow. I choked also >:D Poor Harry. And then Lucius gave him make-up tips & claimed first dibs on the wedding night, right :)) :)) ...Well, if it was an Amanuensis fic ^^;;
I dunno, is boobs better than tits? There's only breasts, and I think people think that sounds boring..? I mean, is knockers better, or ya-yas or rack... actually I think I made up the part about the ya-yas >:D

...Somehow, I do like yipping!Draco. I also wouldn't mind if he barked, but that's just me :D

[addictedkitten.livejournal.com]

Hahaha, I know, I was totally thinking of the same fic. Don't trust him, Harry! He'll steal your virtue, and then you'll end up pregnant against all laws of god and man.

I don't find breasts particularly boring (in any context, really :D). Boobs sounds childish, tits trashy, everything else I won't dignify with a response.

I also wouldn't mind if he barked, but that's just me.

Yes. Yes, it is just you, and may we never speak of it again.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

...Almost makes one want to use the line 'Father! How could you, impregnating my husband!!' somewhere... or other.... And Lucius could be like, "you want a MAN with a real PENIS, don't you Harry?" You know I was always secretly cut out to be Amanuensis' successor. And Harry would be like, "Draco may not have a MAN penis, but he has MAN-BREASTS THAT SATISFY!!" (...see, the breast thing just doesn't work in that context).

But yeah, I was always rather unhappy with all the other terms. Man-boobs has a certain charm to it, though. Well, unless you're talking about fat men, in which case it makes one a bit queasy.