(who's gay?? DRACO'S GAY!!1)

[reenka]

I really wonder if it makes a serious difference that I wrote the porn snippet yesterday only for me and partly for malafede. Like. Is it possible to actually write fiction with that narrow of a target audience that only really succeeds with that audience? Not that no one else liked it, but it's not a mass pleaser by any means (and the one crit I got said it suffered from lack of setting). I mean, there's the lack of setting/characterization/etc but is it just that? It seems to me that it gained most of its meaning in context, which is: a) Harry/Draco fucking in my head-- WHEN it is in my head to start with-- needs no context, period; b) malafede's Draco (a foreign 'muse' I'm on familiar terms with-- whatever the fuck -that- means) was being sulky so my Harry was being smirky/horny (on a weird meta level that I feel awkward even approaching rationally). It's weird 'cause like, I'm so fascinated with audience when it comes to fic.

Also because I was reading musesfool's lj and she was saying how the Remus & Sirius in her head are gay, right-- and I'm not like this with most characters I have 'muses' for-- or, more precisely, I'm only like this with Draco that much, since I do think Pansy & Sirius & Remus are gay, just not so emphatically GAY. Sure, I think 'theoretically' or 'realistically' or whatever, on some uber-objective author's-intent (???! don't even want to get into that, but go with me) level he's either straight or bi.... But in my head... he's just gay. GAY. GAY in big orange letters. G-A-Y. Very gay. So gay it hurts. Veryveryveryveryvery gay, etc etc and so on and so forth. I think the reason I go on about it like that is 'cause I enjoy it. I -like- thinking of him like that. It's like... hot or something. Gay!Harry isn't hot... but gay!Draco is like... -mine- in some weird twisted (WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH ME) sort of way. I think it's another way of saying when I say 'cock-whore!Draco is mine' I mean Harry's. I mean he's Harry's. Therefore, when I say gay!Draco, I mean Harry's!Draco.

Hmm.
Anyway, that occurred to me 'cause jedi_penguin said that maybe musesfool is so convinced Sirius & Remus are gay because they're so exclusively each other's. I wonder if being an OTPer leads to this. Though then, I dislike Harry with anyone but Draco, but not -that- much. Can you be an imbalanced OTP-er based on the character you most identify with....? Not that I honestly identify with Draco less, actually, it's just that I'm very conscious that he's very different.

Even so, it seems to be true. My Draco is Harry's, forever and ever amen, so clearly that means he's gay (even though he might 'like' girls, ahahahah TOO BAD, LOVERBOY). But the question of whether attachment defines fictional sexuality or the other way around is a rather meta & tricky one. I think this might be why I dislike stories where it's very laid out that so-and-so is gay, therefore they are looking into the male contingent of the population. It's not slash in some vital way to me. Slash would always go 'only want boy'--> therefore 'gay by default'. Not 'realistic', but just how my slasher mind operates.
    Outside the OTP issue, though... without Harry, Draco would prolly go with a girl long-term 'cause he's a conformist but fuck boys in filthy back rooms; it would probably never occur to Harry that he -could- like boys outside of Draco/etc pouncing him, so left to his own devices, he'd be straight. I don't think my Harry gets off on boys outside of some particular one he's attracted to, just because he's rather asexual, whereas I see Draco as rather sexual but repressed. If he wasn't repressed, though, he'd be mostly gay though would fuck girls to feel dominant, the poor wanker.

Some people without 'muses' or a general vision of the characters outside of the particular story they're in might not get this, though. I've had people (well, ishuca) tell me that she doesn't have a singular Draco; I imagine not all writers do have a single version of a character-- why would they? Most 'original' fic writers don't need to have a single version, unless they write sequel upon sequel, which isn't that common. This seems to be more of an RP thing. For me it's more of a quantity-of-writing thing-- I've written the equivalent of an epic or two, word-count-wise, by now, so patterns have emerged. Surely I'm entitled to be on 'familiar terms' with the boys, so to speak :>

PS. Nothing to do with anything, but I'm so having a big ole literary crush on Virginia Woolf right now. Just sayin'.
PPS. The Theban Band can have my babies. Baby Number One: would gurgle and scream POTTER. Baby Number Two: would just sigh contendedly at the pretty full moon. ♥♥♥♥
    Also, blacksatinrose's oh-so-reasonable point-by-point S/R plausibility defense has made me nearly weepy with joy. SEE, WE'RE NOT ALL INSANE, DAMMIT!!1 >:O Though clearly, that doesn't quite apply to me. Oh well.
    EDIT - This had to be noted: ildi_bp has done the impossible: drawn such amazing Snape/Draco that I literally felt the pairing. Owwww, my -brain-!!1

Comments

... -.-

[malafede.livejournal.com]

It does get thorny at times. :)

That was sort of my problem with the... Draco wanks till he dies (of Magick) snippet, I think. I just wrote it for myself, and was so wankily self-pleased afterwards, I didn't care for the audience (even while writing FOR a specific audience!) - so this whole self-centered ego-maniacal piece of non-sensical writing was born. It's sort of schizophrenic... you know what you're saying, just nobody else does because they can't follow since you didn't offer background. But it's still a kind of communication, maybe (this is me projecting because for me writing = communication). You're communicating on a symbolic, very cryptic level, but it still doesn't mean it can't deciphered or that you weren't saying things on a more intimate level. You know, the kind of exchange that's very specific to the one who's talking and the one who's listening, rather than writer/wide, varied audience where you'll have necessarily to be more universal.

Anyway. I really just write one Draco, who's the one in my head (whom you're very familiar with... very) and he doesn't change. I don't feel he should change, or I don't feel people who have multiple Draco voices should narrow to the one only. In a way, it's the same thing but with a different application in practice. The Draco in my head is very large (like a real person would be), so I don't run out of issues and keep exploring themes and sides through the same catalyst - the same themes and sides other kind of writers fracture in different... material incarnations? My Draco is not Gay, he's submissive. He'd be submissive to his partner no matter the gender. That's the only fixed (as opposed to fluid) sexual descriptor I can apply to him, and even then, it's not very formulaic, unless I make it like that for kink. This is the POV of a not so expert writer who's been thinking too much about her "inspiration" processes when she should have been actually writing - but you asked for POVs, man. (You did, didn't you?)

Eh. Sirius/Remus. Though I like the reasonable, objective tone of the essay. (Although you will find out that Sirius loved James really and James returned the feelings really and he just married Lily out of intellectual slavery to societal convention, really. So there.)

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

That is so the way I see the gayness too--and especially the part about slash being about not-gay. I mean, I know that's a sensitive issue because some people write homophobic slash where the two guys are fucking while screaming, "I can't believe I'm attracted to you when I am not gay in any whatsoever! You are the ONLY MAN I have EVER BEEN ATTRACTED TO so CLEARLY what I am attracted to you is NOT THAT YOU ARE A MAN because that would make me GAY!"

Ahem. But still, it's just like you said, the thing about making the character gay as part of their identity is that it almost seems like a cheat to me. Like, Ivy once did a great post where she was talking about H/D and how "ridiculous" it was, and all she had to do was say, "Let's say on his first day in the WW Harry met this spoiled little girl..." and then keep most things the same. Not only would it not seem odd for Harry and Draco to get together Girl!Draco would probably already be considered the love interest. So making, for instance, Harry suddenly gay of course Draco would be a possibility at least. Moreso, really, because the other boys are probably going to remain straight. So it becomes more about, "Gee, we're the only two boys in the school who have speaking parts and are also attracted to boys and not girls. Wanna fuck?"

I'm funny with Draco in canon, because at times he seems very straight to me...usually those times when he's not being a total girl. I can totally get into Draco/Pansy with all the realistic fumbly experimental sex that implies. Harry I have a harder time seeing with anyone. Maybe part of it is Draco strikes me as such a little animal, instinctively pushing and touching and trying. Harry's more like, "What? What do you want from me? What??"

hah

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Did I not mention that my Draco's gay 'cause it's hot? That explains everything. Heh. I don't actually think he's gay, though I do think he'd not be as 'good' (fit as well?) with girls just 'cause the power dynamic can never work quite the same (WOE!!1). Like, I was thinking earlier about how I would so fuck Draco but if and only if I was a boy (it's... really weird). I sexualize him... like... a lot, but even though he can be submissive/attracted to females (you know I believe that), it's just not a bone-deep 'need to be fucked' thing unless it's a) a boy; b) HARRY. *coughs* Possibly, that's my kink speaking, though. Just possibly. If anything, you saying 'not gay' just makes my inner Harry predatory/horny, but then, he needs no excuse to be like, 'Heh heh yeah right.' Ahem. *drags mind out of gutter kicking and screaming*

Then again, it's weird 'cause my Draco's not submissive, except he -is-. Like, he is, sexually, except he's so not non-sexually that he tries to not be sexually, either. Like. Repression/projection/issues :D Maybe it's just that I like it that he'd put up a fight (and prolly never really stop).

I used to write self-centered wanky fic only for myself all the time, before fanfic. I think some of my finished stuff barely made sense to anyone (in fact, I know so, since the people in my fiction workshop told me so). Um. I really have to continuously restrain myself not to beg you for more genderfuck!Draco. Damn. TANGY, YOU SAID >:O >:O >:O
if you want, you can give me a kink to drabble, too :D :D :D

Sirius&James are too alike to make a good couple, man. Plus, James is straight. So ha. :P :P

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

I've actually yet to read that homophobic slash of which so many speak, thank god. I'm just selective, I guess...? Usually those fics are just badly written too, I imagine :>
Heheheh this is all ringing weirdly in my head since I had such a thing for gender-switch in HP (not really in other fandoms... at all... ahahah THOUGH IMAGINE WOMAN!METHOS AHAHAHAH), making Harry or Draco female.... mmmm. Yeah. I've read one fic (...by Dark Victory, I think...?) where that -was- the case, and Harry & Draco hung out together as friends for a bit (hahahah) because no one else they knew was gay, and they wanted someone to talk to. It was hilarious. Just. Great. (Proof any premise can be made to shine).

Yeah, Harry's pretty asexual, though I totally think once you jump-started his engine, he'd go off like a rocket (teehee). Maybe that has to do with figuring out what someone wants from him ;))

Though yah, fics like Marysia's where Harry was the sexually-aware one and Draco was the asexual one needed to be jump-started don't -quite- click for me... though I do think Draco would be repressed about certain subjects/types of sex (...like Dahlia's Draco, ahaha). There's a Draco for every taste, man~:))

My Draco's pretty bi ('cause yeah, it does bend both ways in canon), but... I like calling him gay 'cause he's Harry's bitch and that's just too amusing to me. Also, I was thinking about how this relates to OTPing-- when you just -can't- see the character with anyone else (the way I can't really see Draco with anyone but Harry)-- so yeah, he does wind up 'gay by default'. Queeny, I guess I'd call 'im :D Even if he were straight he'd seem gay on one level. I do know straight guys who act like that, it's just that they seem gay :D

Re: hah

[malafede.livejournal.com]

kinks!:

a) horny/predator harry at draco saying he's not gay. (ahahah!)

Maybe it's just that I like it that he'd put up a fight (and prolly never really stop).
That's actually the best part, and resistence and submission are not mutually exclusive... if anything, he just has these denial issues. :D :D

I will write more genderfuck Draco if I can request another kink!

Re: hah

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

(....He would so wank him & like, refuse to let him come & make him beg & like HOW NOT GAY ARE YOU NOW, MALFOY??!... but then he's perverse in that particular way, which could be just projection but I can't help it... see you were really onto something with pervert!Harry).

Hehehe mmmm, denial. :9 Denial is sexy. Um. *coughs*
You can request one-- hey, I virtually asked you to :))

Re: hah

[malafede.livejournal.com]

eheh, I already requested the "draco saying he's not gay/harry being horny and predatory" one, but I really want some penetrative sex with... right, this is too embarrassing, I'll tell you in private.

(Eeeh, and because I am going to sleep and can't answer email right now, if I am not triggered (to write drabbles) it's because I am angsty and perpetually blocked, but as far as lj-type comments, anything goes! And it gets embarrassing yet again, so. Hush.)

[malafede.livejournal.com]

... Being repressed has nothing to do with being asexual, believe me.

*zips lips*

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Haha, that's exactly what I meant re: Harry :D :D That he's asexual without being repressed, and that Draco's repressed without being asexual o_0 So I wasn't really linking them :> :>

TEEHEE *coughs*

Re: hah

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

You are a GRYFFINDOR!

As a Gryffindor and as an NFP, you are idealistic,
loyal, and committed to doing what you know is
right. Creative, optimistic, and interested in
possibilities, you prefer to keep your options
open. You are curious, imaginative, and
perceptive. You value harmony highly, and are
excellent at resolving conflicts.


(http://quizilla.com/users/ReaderRavenclaw/quizzes/Hogwarts%20Sorting%20Hat%3A%20Based%20on%20Myers-Briggs%20Personality%20Typing/)



....so not true. I've been set up! set up, I tell you!! ahahahah
(....I think my inner Harry is patting my hand....)

[notrafficlights.livejournal.com]

I totally agree with everything you say 100%. Please, as much as I enjoy it, get out of my head. You're scaring me.

And everything you said is probably the wonderful reasons I have a thing for Dom!Harry. "My Draco is Harry's, forever and ever amen" <- A great big "Who's you daddy?" right there. The only other person I can occasionally imagine him with is Blaise, for pointless sex or as a standin for Harry. It'd almost be kind of disturbing if it wasn't fictional.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Ahahah, actually I like switch!H/D but almost no one writes it except like, Dahlia o_0 (That's one of my WHY GOD WHY things). Not that my Draco isn't always kinda subby when when he tops, ideally, but it's boring if he's ALWAYS the one being buggered & he's okay with that. There should always be that power-struggle/uncertainty/tension going on, y'know, and I can so see Malfoy always -trying- to catch Harry unawares or just having schemes to bugger him or just somehow get back at him for having to walk bowlegged for a week or whatever >:D :D

However, this is unrelated to the fact that Draco is, was, and always -will- be Harry's Bitch :D :D :D :D!! Oh Draco. He is so doomed. MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. (See, I totally get off on the idea that I'm torturing Draco by pairing him with Harry. Um. 'Cause he wants it, precious, but he'll whinge and scream and protest and HATE all the way to the screaming orgasm :D :D :D :D!!)

Argh, heh, I have a hate-on for Blaise lately 'cause everyone (but EVERYONE) uses him in fics as 'optional guy friend for Draco' whereas he has zero personality (or, really, gender, translation-to-Greek thing nonwithstanding) in the books. It pisses me off. Why not Nott? At least he had a sentence in OoTP (rat-faced, I think) devoted to him. Grrrrrrrr. Also, I think this is related to me going WTF(??!?) to Blaise/Hermione OTPers and Blaise/Draco OTPers (WTF?????x10000). I am bitter, nevermind me :>

...Also, now I feel all superior 'cause I'd written Nott as the non-Crabble-or-Goyle Slytherin boy in Draco's year, and like, I got my personality from JKR's website (where she's like, 'he's too clever to join Malfoy's gang'--> *STRUTS*). Ahem. Yeah, issues, what--?

~reena :>

[malafede.livejournal.com]

this is unrelated to the fact that Draco is, was, and always -will- be Harry's Bitch

No, it's not unrelated! Resistance is futile! There can be power struggle even with constant Draco buggery.

... Constant Draco buggery...

*hypnotized* For some reason I'm imagining Moody saying that to the class, just in awed tones rather than yelling.

(Can I ask something? Did I sound MAD in my last post? Ahaha, I'm pretty damn sure I did.)

this quiz is on crack

[malafede.livejournal.com]

You are a RAVENCLAW!

As a Ravenclaw and as an NFP, you are imaginative,
idea-oriented, and value intelligence. You may
be a non-conformist, and are probably good at
seeing new ways of doing things. You are
insightful and perceptive, and as an empathic
person who highly values harmony, you usually
try to avoid conflict. Of course, you may
enjoy participating in heated debates - but
only as long as they remain on an intellectual
level and not a personal level. In general,
you are open-minded and curious, and set high
standards for yourself.


(http://quizilla.com/users/ReaderRavenclaw/quizzes/Hogwarts%20Sorting%20Hat%3A%20Based%20on%20Myers-Briggs%20Personality%20Typing/)


(And since when do Gryffindors "value harmony highly, and are excellent at resolving conflicts"? Please.)

Re: this quiz is on crack

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Ahahah, on the other hand, the actual description works (as far as describing -me-, and you also, I think), even if the Houses are... iffy :> :>
Still, I felt slightly relieved yet boggled at the same time. I fit in no House, I knew that already, but I do like more actual -characters- from Gryffindor than any other House and I uh.... well, it's a losing battle :> I don't think I'm 'studious' or 'ambitious' or 'hard-working', so doesn't that make me Gryffindor, though? :/

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Hahah, you didn't sound mad-- I mean, you mostly posted random snippets from the past week or whatever, so you just sounded random yet sane :> :> Maybe slightly scatter-brained~:)

I keep hoping someone will comment praising the girl!Draco and asking for some more girl!Draco action :(( AHHH THE TANGY SCENT OF WOMANHOOD. *PERVS*


...um. yeah, but. I don't like predictable things :>

[malafede.livejournal.com]

... CONSTANT DRACO BUGGERY ...

... anyway, I am afraid you're the only one who likes tangy draco.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

MY TASTES ARE SIMPLY TOO REFINED TO HAVE MASS APPEAL.

[malafede.livejournal.com]

YES, I MEAN, YOU'RE ONLY THE RABIDEST FAN OF THE HERO OF THE MAIN BLOCKBUSTER OF THE LAST DECADE--

... snap out of it, Potter. This constant self-deluding just isn't sane.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

WE'LL BLOODY TALK SELF-DELUSION WHEN YOU STOP BELIEVING EVERYTHING DEAR OLD DAD TELLS YOU, MALFOY.

[malafede.livejournal.com]

My Dad can back up his every point with scientific evidence, something I've yet to see coming from a Gryffindor. Then again, why go for logic when you can manipulate people with pathetic ploys for sympathy?

AND JUST YOU WAIT, YOU STUPID WANKER WHO PUT MY FATHER IN PRISON. PREPARE TO DIE.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

AHAHAH MORE DEATH THREATS! This should be good. I'm free Thursday, if you want to schedule, I'm afraid your father will have Tuesday and Wednesday booked as far as murder goes.

[malafede.livejournal.com]

WHO DO YOU THINK MY FATHER IS KILLING, THE FUCKING DEMENTORS? You're just so incredibly stupid, it drives me so mad, Potter. Even when you for some bloody miracle bloody know the bloody facts, you just bloody magicaly forget them. Must be fucking nice on that fucking bloody high-hose.

[malafede.livejournal.com]

OH WHAT THE FUCK.

HORSE.

THOUGH I AM SURE YOU'RE FAMILIAR WITH HOSES AS WELL.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

It's only a matter of time before he's out, Malfoy, isn't that what you said? I made sure to make time for him right after Voldemort. You and your father both ask so nicely, don't you?