(who's gay?? DRACO'S GAY!!1)
Aug. 30th, 2004 09:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reenkaI really wonder if it makes a serious difference that I wrote the porn snippet yesterday only for me and partly for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
malafede. Like. Is it possible to actually write fiction with that narrow of a target audience that only really succeeds with that audience? Not that no one else liked it, but it's not a mass pleaser by any means (and the one crit I got said it suffered from lack of setting). I mean, there's the lack of setting/characterization/etc but is it just that? It seems to me that it gained most of its meaning in context, which is: a) Harry/Draco fucking in my head-- WHEN it is in my head to start with-- needs no context, period; b) malafede's Draco (a foreign 'muse' I'm on familiar terms with-- whatever the fuck -that- means) was being sulky so my Harry was being smirky/horny (on a weird meta level that I feel awkward even approaching rationally). It's weird 'cause like, I'm so fascinated with audience when it comes to fic.
Also because I was readingmusesfool's lj and she was saying how the Remus & Sirius in her head are gay, right-- and I'm not like this with most characters I have 'muses' for-- or, more precisely, I'm only like this with Draco that much, since I do think Pansy & Sirius & Remus are gay, just not so emphatically GAY. Sure, I think 'theoretically' or 'realistically' or whatever, on some uber-objective author's-intent (???! don't even want to get into that, but go with me) level he's either straight or bi.... But in my head... he's just gay. GAY. GAY in big orange letters. G-A-Y. Very gay. So gay it hurts. Veryveryveryveryvery gay, etc etc and so on and so forth. I think the reason I go on about it like that is 'cause I enjoy it. I -like- thinking of him like that. It's like... hot or something. Gay!Harry isn't hot... but gay!Draco is like... -mine- in some weird twisted (WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH ME) sort of way. I think it's another way of saying when I say 'cock-whore!Draco is mine' I mean Harry's. I mean he's Harry's. Therefore, when I say gay!Draco, I mean Harry's!Draco.
Hmm.
Anyway, that occurred to me 'causejedi_penguin said that maybe musesfool is so convinced Sirius & Remus are gay because they're so exclusively each other's. I wonder if being an OTPer leads to this. Though then, I dislike Harry with anyone but Draco, but not -that- much. Can you be an imbalanced OTP-er based on the character you most identify with....? Not that I honestly identify with Draco less, actually, it's just that I'm very conscious that he's very different.
Even so, it seems to be true. My Draco is Harry's, forever and ever amen, so clearly that means he's gay (even though he might 'like' girls, ahahahah TOO BAD, LOVERBOY). But the question of whether attachment defines fictional sexuality or the other way around is a rather meta & tricky one. I think this might be why I dislike stories where it's very laid out that so-and-so is gay, therefore they are looking into the male contingent of the population. It's not slash in some vital way to me. Slash would always go 'only want boy'--> therefore 'gay by default'. Not 'realistic', but just how my slasher mind operates.
Outside the OTP issue, though... without Harry, Draco would prolly go with a girl long-term 'cause he's a conformist but fuck boys in filthy back rooms; it would probably never occur to Harry that he -could- like boys outside of Draco/etc pouncing him, so left to his own devices, he'd be straight. I don't think my Harry gets off on boys outside of some particular one he's attracted to, just because he's rather asexual, whereas I see Draco as rather sexual but repressed. If he wasn't repressed, though, he'd be mostly gay though would fuck girls to feel dominant, the poor wanker.
Some people without 'muses' or a general vision of the characters outside of the particular story they're in might not get this, though. I've had people (well,ishuca) tell me that she doesn't have a singular Draco; I imagine not all writers do have a single version of a character-- why would they? Most 'original' fic writers don't need to have a single version, unless they write sequel upon sequel, which isn't that common. This seems to be more of an RP thing. For me it's more of a quantity-of-writing thing-- I've written the equivalent of an epic or two, word-count-wise, by now, so patterns have emerged. Surely I'm entitled to be on 'familiar terms' with the boys, so to speak :>
PS. Nothing to do with anything, but I'm so having a big ole literary crush on Virginia Woolf right now. Just sayin'.
PPS. The Theban Band can have my babies. Baby Number One: would gurgle and scream POTTER. Baby Number Two: would just sigh contendedly at the pretty full moon. ♥♥♥♥
Also,blacksatinrose's oh-so-reasonable point-by-point S/R plausibility defense has made me nearly weepy with joy. SEE, WE'RE NOT ALL INSANE, DAMMIT!!1 >:O Though clearly, that doesn't quite apply to me. Oh well.
EDIT - This had to be noted:ildi_bp has done the impossible: drawn such amazing Snape/Draco that I literally felt the pairing. Owwww, my -brain-!!1
malafede. Like. Is it possible to actually write fiction with that narrow of a target audience that only really succeeds with that audience? Not that no one else liked it, but it's not a mass pleaser by any means (and the one crit I got said it suffered from lack of setting). I mean, there's the lack of setting/characterization/etc but is it just that? It seems to me that it gained most of its meaning in context, which is: a) Harry/Draco fucking in my head-- WHEN it is in my head to start with-- needs no context, period; b) malafede's Draco (a foreign 'muse' I'm on familiar terms with-- whatever the fuck -that- means) was being sulky so my Harry was being smirky/horny (on a weird meta level that I feel awkward even approaching rationally). It's weird 'cause like, I'm so fascinated with audience when it comes to fic.Also because I was reading
musesfool's lj and she was saying how the Remus & Sirius in her head are gay, right-- and I'm not like this with most characters I have 'muses' for-- or, more precisely, I'm only like this with Draco that much, since I do think Pansy & Sirius & Remus are gay, just not so emphatically GAY. Sure, I think 'theoretically' or 'realistically' or whatever, on some uber-objective author's-intent (???! don't even want to get into that, but go with me) level he's either straight or bi.... But in my head... he's just gay. GAY. GAY in big orange letters. G-A-Y. Very gay. So gay it hurts. Veryveryveryveryvery gay, etc etc and so on and so forth. I think the reason I go on about it like that is 'cause I enjoy it. I -like- thinking of him like that. It's like... hot or something. Gay!Harry isn't hot... but gay!Draco is like... -mine- in some weird twisted (WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH ME) sort of way. I think it's another way of saying when I say 'cock-whore!Draco is mine' I mean Harry's. I mean he's Harry's. Therefore, when I say gay!Draco, I mean Harry's!Draco.Hmm.
Anyway, that occurred to me 'cause
jedi_penguin said that maybe musesfool is so convinced Sirius & Remus are gay because they're so exclusively each other's. I wonder if being an OTPer leads to this. Though then, I dislike Harry with anyone but Draco, but not -that- much. Can you be an imbalanced OTP-er based on the character you most identify with....? Not that I honestly identify with Draco less, actually, it's just that I'm very conscious that he's very different.Even so, it seems to be true. My Draco is Harry's, forever and ever amen, so clearly that means he's gay (even though he might 'like' girls, ahahahah TOO BAD, LOVERBOY). But the question of whether attachment defines fictional sexuality or the other way around is a rather meta & tricky one. I think this might be why I dislike stories where it's very laid out that so-and-so is gay, therefore they are looking into the male contingent of the population. It's not slash in some vital way to me. Slash would always go 'only want boy'--> therefore 'gay by default'. Not 'realistic', but just how my slasher mind operates.
Outside the OTP issue, though... without Harry, Draco would prolly go with a girl long-term 'cause he's a conformist but fuck boys in filthy back rooms; it would probably never occur to Harry that he -could- like boys outside of Draco/etc pouncing him, so left to his own devices, he'd be straight. I don't think my Harry gets off on boys outside of some particular one he's attracted to, just because he's rather asexual, whereas I see Draco as rather sexual but repressed. If he wasn't repressed, though, he'd be mostly gay though would fuck girls to feel dominant, the poor wanker.
Some people without 'muses' or a general vision of the characters outside of the particular story they're in might not get this, though. I've had people (well,
ishuca) tell me that she doesn't have a singular Draco; I imagine not all writers do have a single version of a character-- why would they? Most 'original' fic writers don't need to have a single version, unless they write sequel upon sequel, which isn't that common. This seems to be more of an RP thing. For me it's more of a quantity-of-writing thing-- I've written the equivalent of an epic or two, word-count-wise, by now, so patterns have emerged. Surely I'm entitled to be on 'familiar terms' with the boys, so to speak :>PS. Nothing to do with anything, but I'm so having a big ole literary crush on Virginia Woolf right now. Just sayin'.
PPS. The Theban Band can have my babies. Baby Number One: would gurgle and scream POTTER. Baby Number Two: would just sigh contendedly at the pretty full moon. ♥♥♥♥
Also,
blacksatinrose's oh-so-reasonable point-by-point S/R plausibility defense has made me nearly weepy with joy. SEE, WE'RE NOT ALL INSANE, DAMMIT!!1 >:O Though clearly, that doesn't quite apply to me. Oh well.EDIT - This had to be noted:
ildi_bp has done the impossible: drawn such amazing Snape/Draco that I literally felt the pairing. Owwww, my -brain-!!1
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
... -.-
Date: 2004-08-31 06:59 am (UTC)That was sort of my problem with the... Draco wanks till he dies (of Magick) snippet, I think. I just wrote it for myself, and was so wankily self-pleased afterwards, I didn't care for the audience (even while writing FOR a specific audience!) - so this whole self-centered ego-maniacal piece of non-sensical writing was born. It's sort of schizophrenic... you know what you're saying, just nobody else does because they can't follow since you didn't offer background. But it's still a kind of communication, maybe (this is me projecting because for me writing = communication). You're communicating on a symbolic, very cryptic level, but it still doesn't mean it can't deciphered or that you weren't saying things on a more intimate level. You know, the kind of exchange that's very specific to the one who's talking and the one who's listening, rather than writer/wide, varied audience where you'll have necessarily to be more universal.
Anyway. I really just write one Draco, who's the one in my head (whom you're very familiar with... very) and he doesn't change. I don't feel he should change, or I don't feel people who have multiple Draco voices should narrow to the one only. In a way, it's the same thing but with a different application in practice. The Draco in my head is very large (like a real person would be), so I don't run out of issues and keep exploring themes and sides through the same catalyst - the same themes and sides other kind of writers fracture in different... material incarnations? My Draco is not Gay, he's submissive. He'd be submissive to his partner no matter the gender. That's the only fixed (as opposed to fluid) sexual descriptor I can apply to him, and even then, it's not very formulaic, unless I make it like that for kink. This is the POV of a not so expert writer who's been thinking too much about her "inspiration" processes when she should have been actually writing - but you asked for POVs, man. (You did, didn't you?)
Eh. Sirius/Remus. Though I like the reasonable, objective tone of the essay. (Although you will find out that Sirius loved James really and James returned the feelings really and he just married Lily out of intellectual slavery to societal convention, really. So there.)
hah
Date: 2004-08-31 11:20 am (UTC)Then again, it's weird 'cause my Draco's not submissive, except he -is-. Like, he is, sexually, except he's so not non-sexually that he tries to not be sexually, either. Like. Repression/projection/issues :D Maybe it's just that I like it that he'd put up a fight (and prolly never really stop).
I used to write self-centered wanky fic only for myself all the time, before fanfic. I think some of my finished stuff barely made sense to anyone (in fact, I know so, since the people in my fiction workshop told me so). Um. I really have to continuously restrain myself not to beg you for more genderfuck!Draco. Damn. TANGY, YOU SAID >:O >:O >:O
if you want, you can give me a kink to drabble, too :D :D :D
Sirius&James are too alike to make a good couple, man. Plus, James is straight. So ha. :P :P
Re: hah
Date: 2004-08-31 02:13 pm (UTC)a) horny/predator harry at draco saying he's not gay. (ahahah!)
Maybe it's just that I like it that he'd put up a fight (and prolly never really stop).
That's actually the best part, and resistence and submission are not mutually exclusive... if anything, he just has these denial issues. :D :D
I will write more genderfuck Draco if I can request another kink!
Re: hah
Date: 2004-08-31 02:25 pm (UTC)Hehehe mmmm, denial. :9 Denial is sexy. Um. *coughs*
You can request one-- hey, I virtually asked you to :))
Re: hah
Date: 2004-08-31 02:30 pm (UTC)(Eeeh, and because I am going to sleep and can't answer email right now, if I am not triggered (to write drabbles) it's because I am angsty and perpetually blocked, but as far as lj-type comments, anything goes! And it gets embarrassing yet again, so. Hush.)
Re: hah
Date: 2004-08-31 03:09 pm (UTC)You are a GRYFFINDOR!
As a Gryffindor and as an NFP, you are idealistic,
loyal, and committed to doing what you know is
right. Creative, optimistic, and interested in
possibilities, you prefer to keep your options
open. You are curious, imaginative, and
perceptive. You value harmony highly, and are
excellent at resolving conflicts.
(http://quizilla.com/users/ReaderRavenclaw/quizzes/Hogwarts%20Sorting%20Hat%3A%20Based%20on%20Myers-Briggs%20Personality%20Typing/)
....so not true. I've been set up! set up, I tell you!! ahahahah
(....I think my inner Harry is patting my hand....)
this quiz is on crack
Date: 2004-09-01 01:09 am (UTC)You are a RAVENCLAW!
As a Ravenclaw and as an NFP, you are imaginative,
idea-oriented, and value intelligence. You may
be a non-conformist, and are probably good at
seeing new ways of doing things. You are
insightful and perceptive, and as an empathic
person who highly values harmony, you usually
try to avoid conflict. Of course, you may
enjoy participating in heated debates - but
only as long as they remain on an intellectual
level and not a personal level. In general,
you are open-minded and curious, and set high
standards for yourself.
(http://quizilla.com/users/ReaderRavenclaw/quizzes/Hogwarts%20Sorting%20Hat%3A%20Based%20on%20Myers-Briggs%20Personality%20Typing/)
(And since when do Gryffindors "value harmony highly, and are excellent at resolving conflicts"? Please.)
Re: this quiz is on crack
Date: 2004-09-01 01:15 am (UTC)Still, I felt slightly relieved yet boggled at the same time. I fit in no House, I knew that already, but I do like more actual -characters- from Gryffindor than any other House and I uh.... well, it's a losing battle :> I don't think I'm 'studious' or 'ambitious' or 'hard-working', so doesn't that make me Gryffindor, though? :/
Re: this quiz is on crack
Date: 2004-09-02 10:21 am (UTC)Your ficlet below has me giggling with glee. Feel his big bad cock indeed. Rowwr! Roar like a hungry kitten!
Can I just say, btw, that Draco is SO a hungry kitten?
Re: this quiz is on crack
Date: 2004-09-02 11:27 am (UTC)