~~ redefining `waste of time'.

[reenka]

Seeing Aja's post about the fanfics she'd take to a desert island, I was immediately tempted to make my own list and "memefy" it, so to speak. It'd be so interesting to see what people's -honest- "desert island" list was, and if they had one.

Since I've read so many fics, I assumed I had one in me just waiting to be made into list form. But then I started thinking about it, and.... Oh god, it's -awful-. I couldn't think!

On the one hand, I wanted to take -all- of some authors-- all of Silvia (I could use up my whole list just saying, Silvia, Silvia, Silvia), all of Ivy (couldn't pick one! they all run together in my head!), all of Aja (and again!), all of Amalin (and again!). And Maya! Gah! I adore all her writing, but if I said `Dark Side of Light', how can I really mean I'll read it again and again? Once nearly broke my brain.

All of my favorite happy H/D WIPs don't work... I mean... I wouldn't reread them, I'm sorry. I love them, but I don't reread -anything-, especially not novels, and even moreso unfinished novels. Some of the novels I'd loved dearly while reading, and would rec and gush about, but I wouldn't take with me. Okay, not -some-, most.

And then when I was making my list, I saw to my horror that more and more of what I wanted to add wasn't H/D, which I found semi-disturbing. I can't pick out of the stuff I was/am obsessed with, but it's much easier to say, "I can't be without Penelope's Ronfic"? Would I really reread that Ronfic? I don't know! I just know that all of Penelope's writing is whole in my head, otherwise. I don't know how that -works-. Is it easier to see things you're not as emotionally invested in more clearly? Except I -am- emotionally invested. Like, it's -weird- picking Rhoddlet's Hermione/Ginny out of all her work... maybe it's because when I don't really -read- a pairing, the first memorable fic I read in it seems more perfect, being alone? I don't know.

As much as I love lists, it seems I think of some writers in terms of the gestalt of their work, rather than any particular one. Sort of like I can't pick any particular arc out of the Sandman, or something. And then, some things I love -so much-, but I don't know if I can come back to. Maybe something basic in the way I respond to what I see as brilliant writing doesn't lend itself to lists...? I always had "favorite authors" much more than favorite books. Probably my favorite fantasy author, Patricia McKillip-- I would say that it's her -writing- itself that endears a lot of her novels to me, rather than any individuality of plot, to a large degree. I would pick `The Forgotten Beasts of Eld' if I -had- to, but that's because it was the first I fell for and the most "stand-alone hit" one, really.

It's like, my love grows and feeds on every fic by that writer, using the previous fics to add to my appreciation of the new one, like it's all part of the same... I don't know... flow. I think with Silvia and Amalin's work, you definitely need to read it all in order to fully appreciate any one of them. I'm tempted to say the same about Ivy, too. There's a certain arc, a development of the characterization and style. I don't know, for some reason it's rather important to me.


1. Silvia's `And I Get By' - because this is what friendship could be.
2. Audrey's `Brief Interval Before the Resumption of Play' - because this is what desire is.
3. Ailei & Khirsah's `Drawing Down the Moon' [chapter 5]- because I want love to be like that.
4. Ivy & Lib's `In Dialogia' - because this is a thing of beauty.
5. Amalin's `Ice' - because this is what I'd wished she would write, and she did, somehow.
6. Aja's `Every Second' - because it breaks me, every time.
7. Miss Breed's `Contrition' - because every story should be so honest and understated and real.
8. Trin's lord-of-the-flies!Draco ficlet - because it feels like dreaming and awake, even -thinking- of it (and I do-- go figure).
9. Serious Black's `6 Ways of Unpinning a Butterfly' - because it feels like a piece of me I found, wild in the wind.
10. Bec's `H(x)/D(x) = x^3 sec(x)' - because I don't know what it is, but it mesmerizes me on a purely visual level, and it has so much -drive-.

A part of me wanted to say `Irresistible Poison', simply because I'm just deeply sentimental and I keep picking at it like a scab, sometimes. In a way, fittingly, I have a love/hate relationship with it-- it's like everything I love & hate about H/D fics. I kept thinking of things and saying "no... no... no" to myself. So many things touched me once, but their power lies in memory rather than reality all the time. So many things I'm just not certain if I want to come back to again, even though I love them. I don't know why that is. think lists are evil, btw.

Comments

[chresimos.livejournal.com]

I am completely the opposite. I very rarely like writers, just as I rarely consistently like popular musicians - I focus totally on the independent characteristics of the work in question.

But your way of thinking reminds me of what Aja was saying, about how she likes the fics that seem the 'essence' of their authors.

These discussions make me wonder about the futility of fic-reccing in general. If the fics you like most, you like for impact, or some emotional thing, then you can't guarentee they'll have the same impact on someone who does not think the same as you. On the other hand, if you try to judge objectively, you get nowhere, because brilliantly crafted fiction can leave you cold if it doesn't mean anything to you, personally; if you can't relate to it emotionally (not in the sense that you have something in common with it, but it hits you in that vulnerable place).

The only one of these fics I have read is '6 Ways of Unpinning a Butterfly'. I thought it was rather good, an interesting take on the subject, with an interesting structure and descriptive styles, but it didn't particularly hit me or move me or stay in my mind.

Is it something in *you*, the way you think, that makes you like the fics you do? And can you identify what it is? I know the way I think which I use to explain my reactions to certain books, but I've never really thought that way about fic before - I always sort of assumed that if something was well-written, I'd enjoy it. But perhaps that's not strictly true.

[chresimos.livejournal.com]

Behold, in the interests of science I have gone forth and read, and here is what I think.

"And I Get By" - Interestingly written, interesting use of the second person, rather unusual kind of theme.

"In Dialogia" - I am left with the feeling that this is something I deeply just don't 'get'. Some turns of phrase that are quite inventive and pretty, but in general, no effect on me.

"Ice" - Nice treatment of the theme, though it seemed kind of obvious.

"H(x)/D(x) = x^3 sec(x)" - it's...trying to be witty with math?

"Every Second" - GUH.

So, there you have it. The fics that are the most precious to you have met lukewarm reception, with the exception of Every Second which I found very powerful indeed.

I think I am naturally inclined to longer fics - these short works are all in a sort of category that makes them function to my mind like
little short stories. I continually find myself thinking, Why is this a fanfiction? And yet I know they can't not be fanfiction, because they draw on the, er, archetypes of the original text.

They strike me, too, as something very targeted for a specific ship. The dynamics of the ship are assumed, from somewhere I'm not so familiar with. Which just makes me wonder. And go off on tangents. What is the H/D dynamic? It seems to vary a bit, because Draco in canon is still mostly a blank. I feel like I don't 'get' the dynamic and therefore I am simply not reached emotionally by these fics. They seem detached - from canon, I suppose - and I'm not with the ship, so I'm not making the link, I don't know how I got there.

Again 'Every Second' is the exception, managing to represent grief thematically, and yet still tying back to what I can make out of the H/D dynamic. Still I feel this detachment - like I've missed something, like I'm not into exactly why I should feel for this, other than the idea of grief which is pretty much universal.

I suppose it's my fault for ploughing into ficlets without having read the H/D staples. *sigh*

But! I would love to hear your thoughts. H/D! What is it? Why does it reach you? Explain it me.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

I think the problem is partly how I picked these....
I mean, I had this idea that I "had" to pick something from certain authors... because... I dunno... I'd miss them if I didn't have them on a desert island.
I think Amalin's written "better" stuff, even stuff that's hit me more... but this is something that -I- wished she'd write 'cause she always writes darkfic or deathfic or what have you, and I feel... I dunno... proud of it in a way. The reason I picked that one out of Silvia's bouquet of gorgeous and multifarious ficlets is because she'd written it on my request and because no one writes H&D friendship fics and this is largely how I wanted to see it. So there you have 2 down because I'm just sentimental.

`In Dialogia' is just a gorgeous thing to me, regardless of whether it's H/D or not... I just... I love the voice in it, the emotional undercurrents. Which I guess not everyone would feel. I don't know if I consider it "fanfiction" but it clicks into the H/D slot in my head. But then, I have these mental representations, these "ghosts" of characters which I can use to overlay on things to make them "be" Harry & Draco more. Or something. Bec's fic... well, it's just pretty as well. It has this -bitterness- and rhythm and I'm a sucker for the play on words and the voice... I dunno. Simple things like, "Divide him" just resonante for me. Who knows why. It's not canonical by any means, it's just the flavor of angst and pretty that I associate with the pairing~:)
It's rather meta, I guess.

Trin's fic...
She usually almost always writes surreally, and I adore the imagery, again utterly apart from anything directly tied to canon. I just love her writing. I don't judge -any- of these by canon standards or by "good, representational H/D" standards, and I don't think these criteria have to be related. I have "H/D" in my head more than I've -ever- seen it in -any- fanfic. The only pairing I've "seen" in a particular fanfic is Sirius/Remus in `Drawing Down the Moon', but both these characters aren't that well fleshed out in canon especially pre-OoTP when this was read & written. And there's also the fact that I don't really -read- Sirius/Remus, so this story hasn't merged with any other characterizations in my mind. I have no "sirius & Remus" in my head, really.

I think I appreciate the above fics on a purely personal level, which is what that list was. It wasn't a "best of" list... I made that clear, right? It was a favorites list, and even there, I love the authors much more than these particular examples of them, which I wouldn't even call representative.

But yeah, to appreciate them you -would- probably have to read much more H/D. As far as novel-length things... like I explained, I wouldn't reread them. I just don't reread things (remember, this is a Desert Island list, so). Also, there's no pitch-perfect H/D novel-length that I can think of. I wouldn't reread Origins or Tale of the Shining Prince or IP, really.

As far as the H/D dynamic... it would take awhile to really pin -that- down. It's a question often discussed, but the answer of what's H/D is different to everyone who "sees" it. It has to do with wanting passionate, transformative love that overcomes all barriers, that is against all odds, that doesn't make sense and takes the world by storm. It's a question of idealism, of wanting to believe that such drastic change is possible, that love can pretty much be the catalyst for personal redemption, that one is not doomed to a static self. Also, just there's the potential to change the world they live in by the sheer anomaly that H/D would be.

Some people think Draco needs Harry and vice versa-- that they would complete each other. Basically, it's got all this potential for semi-utopian imaginings and it's also passionate, angry, angsty, love/hate and there's all this -tension- coupled with kinetic potential for unpredictable, wide-ranging results which is...er... sexy. Canonical it's not, but that's not the point-- the point is that it's a dream of sorts, a wild but mesmerizing possibility for the development of both their characters. You'd have to -want- this change to happen, I think, to really buy it. And did I mention that most of us think "I hate you, let's fuck" is just... hot? Heh.

[chresimos.livejournal.com]

*kicks livejournal* Post, you cantankerous beastie! Right.

Ah...yes, I know it wasn't a best-of list. I was just wondering about why some fics affect people, and not other people, and I liked reading your explanations.

Also thanks for elucidating on the point of H/D. It makes sense...as in, I get that impression from reading those fics...but because I have no basis I didn't know if this was quite the right impression, that all the H/Ders are getting and loving.

I feel guilty for lack of detailed commenting, but take that as a sign that I'm understanding what you wrote. Thank you again.

[bookshop.livejournal.com]

ALSO I OWE YOU AN EMAIL FROM LIKE MAY.

*facepalms*

I suck, I'm sorry.

[bookshop.livejournal.com]

Hello. :) Thank you for your comments on The Reader and Every Second. I'm replying to you here because, well, I was already spamming Reena's journal. :) (And I'm always interested in analytical feedback, as you'd mentioned writing for the first fic. I would be flattered to receive critique of any kind. :) )

You mentioned the theme of grief being universal in "Every Second"--I just wanted to point out, in case you somehow missed it or it wasn't obvious enough, haha, that that fic was written last year on 9/10. In fact every second of it was written entirely by hand with no revision while I sat sobbing my heart out for the victims of 9/11. When I posted it I friends-locked it because I didn't think it was a good fic--I thought it was written out of too much emotion to be really compelling. It took me a while to realise I was mistaken and post the fic to a larger audience. So it stands to me as my sort of proof that writing that comes from the heart will always touch the audience, regardless of how much painstaking work went into the composition.

[chresimos.livejournal.com]

I did in fact notice the date. And yes, that's exactly what I meant - it's the emotional outpouring that touched me, more than any sense of what the story was related to or where it was coming from, in terms of canon or backstory or so on.