~~ redefining `waste of time'.
Oct. 1st, 2003 01:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reenkaSeeing Aja's post about the fanfics she'd take to a desert island, I was immediately tempted to make my own list and "memefy" it, so to speak. It'd be so interesting to see what people's -honest- "desert island" list was, and if they had one.
Since I've read so many fics, I assumed I had one in me just waiting to be made into list form. But then I started thinking about it, and.... Oh god, it's -awful-. I couldn't think!
On the one hand, I wanted to take -all- of some authors-- all of Silvia (I could use up my whole list just saying, Silvia, Silvia, Silvia), all of Ivy (couldn't pick one! they all run together in my head!), all of Aja (and again!), all of Amalin (and again!). And Maya! Gah! I adore all her writing, but if I said `Dark Side of Light', how can I really mean I'll read it again and again? Once nearly broke my brain.
All of my favorite happy H/D WIPs don't work... I mean... I wouldn't reread them, I'm sorry. I love them, but I don't reread -anything-, especially not novels, and even moreso unfinished novels. Some of the novels I'd loved dearly while reading, and would rec and gush about, but I wouldn't take with me. Okay, not -some-, most.
And then when I was making my list, I saw to my horror that more and more of what I wanted to add wasn't H/D, which I found semi-disturbing. I can't pick out of the stuff I was/am obsessed with, but it's much easier to say, "I can't be without Penelope's Ronfic"? Would I really reread that Ronfic? I don't know! I just know that all of Penelope's writing is whole in my head, otherwise. I don't know how that -works-. Is it easier to see things you're not as emotionally invested in more clearly? Except I -am- emotionally invested. Like, it's -weird- picking Rhoddlet's Hermione/Ginny out of all her work... maybe it's because when I don't really -read- a pairing, the first memorable fic I read in it seems more perfect, being alone? I don't know.
As much as I love lists, it seems I think of some writers in terms of the gestalt of their work, rather than any particular one. Sort of like I can't pick any particular arc out of the Sandman, or something. And then, some things I love -so much-, but I don't know if I can come back to. Maybe something basic in the way I respond to what I see as brilliant writing doesn't lend itself to lists...? I always had "favorite authors" much more than favorite books. Probably my favorite fantasy author, Patricia McKillip-- I would say that it's her -writing- itself that endears a lot of her novels to me, rather than any individuality of plot, to a large degree. I would pick `The Forgotten Beasts of Eld' if I -had- to, but that's because it was the first I fell for and the most "stand-alone hit" one, really.
It's like, my love grows and feeds on every fic by that writer, using the previous fics to add to my appreciation of the new one, like it's all part of the same... I don't know... flow. I think with Silvia and Amalin's work, you definitely need to read it all in order to fully appreciate any one of them. I'm tempted to say the same about Ivy, too. There's a certain arc, a development of the characterization and style. I don't know, for some reason it's rather important to me.
1. Silvia's `And I Get By' - because this is what friendship could be.
2. Audrey's `Brief Interval Before the Resumption of Play' - because this is what desire is.
3. Ailei & Khirsah's `Drawing Down the Moon' [chapter 5]- because I want love to be like that.
4. Ivy & Lib's `In Dialogia' - because this is a thing of beauty.
5. Amalin's `Ice' - because this is what I'd wished she would write, and she did, somehow.
6. Aja's `Every Second' - because it breaks me, every time.
7. Miss Breed's `Contrition' - because every story should be so honest and understated and real.
8. Trin's lord-of-the-flies!Draco ficlet - because it feels like dreaming and awake, even -thinking- of it (and I do-- go figure).
9. Serious Black's `6 Ways of Unpinning a Butterfly' - because it feels like a piece of me I found, wild in the wind.
10. Bec's `H(x)/D(x) = x^3 sec(x)' - because I don't know what it is, but it mesmerizes me on a purely visual level, and it has so much -drive-.
A part of me wanted to say `Irresistible Poison', simply because I'm just deeply sentimental and I keep picking at it like a scab, sometimes. In a way, fittingly, I have a love/hate relationship with it-- it's like everything I love & hate about H/D fics. I kept thinking of things and saying "no... no... no" to myself. So many things touched me once, but their power lies in memory rather than reality all the time. So many things I'm just not certain if I want to come back to again, even though I love them. I don't know why that is. think lists are evil, btw.
Since I've read so many fics, I assumed I had one in me just waiting to be made into list form. But then I started thinking about it, and.... Oh god, it's -awful-. I couldn't think!
On the one hand, I wanted to take -all- of some authors-- all of Silvia (I could use up my whole list just saying, Silvia, Silvia, Silvia), all of Ivy (couldn't pick one! they all run together in my head!), all of Aja (and again!), all of Amalin (and again!). And Maya! Gah! I adore all her writing, but if I said `Dark Side of Light', how can I really mean I'll read it again and again? Once nearly broke my brain.
All of my favorite happy H/D WIPs don't work... I mean... I wouldn't reread them, I'm sorry. I love them, but I don't reread -anything-, especially not novels, and even moreso unfinished novels. Some of the novels I'd loved dearly while reading, and would rec and gush about, but I wouldn't take with me. Okay, not -some-, most.
And then when I was making my list, I saw to my horror that more and more of what I wanted to add wasn't H/D, which I found semi-disturbing. I can't pick out of the stuff I was/am obsessed with, but it's much easier to say, "I can't be without Penelope's Ronfic"? Would I really reread that Ronfic? I don't know! I just know that all of Penelope's writing is whole in my head, otherwise. I don't know how that -works-. Is it easier to see things you're not as emotionally invested in more clearly? Except I -am- emotionally invested. Like, it's -weird- picking Rhoddlet's Hermione/Ginny out of all her work... maybe it's because when I don't really -read- a pairing, the first memorable fic I read in it seems more perfect, being alone? I don't know.
As much as I love lists, it seems I think of some writers in terms of the gestalt of their work, rather than any particular one. Sort of like I can't pick any particular arc out of the Sandman, or something. And then, some things I love -so much-, but I don't know if I can come back to. Maybe something basic in the way I respond to what I see as brilliant writing doesn't lend itself to lists...? I always had "favorite authors" much more than favorite books. Probably my favorite fantasy author, Patricia McKillip-- I would say that it's her -writing- itself that endears a lot of her novels to me, rather than any individuality of plot, to a large degree. I would pick `The Forgotten Beasts of Eld' if I -had- to, but that's because it was the first I fell for and the most "stand-alone hit" one, really.
It's like, my love grows and feeds on every fic by that writer, using the previous fics to add to my appreciation of the new one, like it's all part of the same... I don't know... flow. I think with Silvia and Amalin's work, you definitely need to read it all in order to fully appreciate any one of them. I'm tempted to say the same about Ivy, too. There's a certain arc, a development of the characterization and style. I don't know, for some reason it's rather important to me.
1. Silvia's `And I Get By' - because this is what friendship could be.
2. Audrey's `Brief Interval Before the Resumption of Play' - because this is what desire is.
3. Ailei & Khirsah's `Drawing Down the Moon' [chapter 5]- because I want love to be like that.
4. Ivy & Lib's `In Dialogia' - because this is a thing of beauty.
5. Amalin's `Ice' - because this is what I'd wished she would write, and she did, somehow.
6. Aja's `Every Second' - because it breaks me, every time.
7. Miss Breed's `Contrition' - because every story should be so honest and understated and real.
8. Trin's lord-of-the-flies!Draco ficlet - because it feels like dreaming and awake, even -thinking- of it (and I do-- go figure).
9. Serious Black's `6 Ways of Unpinning a Butterfly' - because it feels like a piece of me I found, wild in the wind.
10. Bec's `H(x)/D(x) = x^3 sec(x)' - because I don't know what it is, but it mesmerizes me on a purely visual level, and it has so much -drive-.
A part of me wanted to say `Irresistible Poison', simply because I'm just deeply sentimental and I keep picking at it like a scab, sometimes. In a way, fittingly, I have a love/hate relationship with it-- it's like everything I love & hate about H/D fics. I kept thinking of things and saying "no... no... no" to myself. So many things touched me once, but their power lies in memory rather than reality all the time. So many things I'm just not certain if I want to come back to again, even though I love them. I don't know why that is. think lists are evil, btw.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-10-03 08:45 am (UTC)*facepalms*
I suck, I'm sorry.