~~ hey, at least i'm not talking about pairings anymore.... yah, ootp. again.

[reenka]

it is now becoming clear to me that everything i say about hp from now on will be a spoiler. uh. this means everything will have to go behind a cut tag for um... a month? or two? or what? not sure.


i kind of like fluff. kind of. actually, i don't like thinking of anything in terms of "fluff" or "angst". makes it seems rather one-dimensional and stupid, doesn't it. i like humor (when it's actually funny), and fluff usually is only bearable with humor. actually, -anything- is actually only bearable with humor, i'm sure people have noticed. but yeah-- fluff is best when it's not over-sweet, when it doesn't make things sound -nice- or -pleasant- or -too good to be true-, but just-- light-hearted, playful, bantering. like the story equivalent of a smirk and a waggle of the eyebrows instead of-- i dunno-- a wide, huge and innocent sappy smile. those kind of things just make one sick.

people have sometimes said that h/d fluff is a contradiction in terms, that no in-character fluff (i.e., happy-bunny fic) with this pairing can be written. i don't know if that was true then... certainly, nothing that seriously tried to extrapolate the events from fourth year. i consider absurdist over-the-top fluff to be successful at what it does-- and that is generally the only kind i've written. but now....

now i don't think i can take it. i'd feel kind of resentful, except my favorite thing about h/d wasn't really the angst but rather the rawness, the emotional volatility, the sense of its inherent violence and capacity for um... drama. angst isn't drama-- angst is what a character feels in a drama when it takes a particularly unfortunate turn for that particular character. in general, i think drama is just a sort of vividness of narrative and plot. you get big-time emotions and big-time challenges and horrible despair and desperate suspense and so on.

and that's why people say h/d isn't dead, 'cause there's even more room for this rawness, for this extreme emotional volatility coming from both sides. that was always the strength of this pairing-- and now that harry's all on edge and draco's finally feeling the burn as well, something's bound to happen. hopefully. i mean, harry's still in a whole different world from draco, but it's not an impossible obstacle given some clever maneuvering.

anyway, i was just trying to read some non-spoilery h/d fluff and failing to enjoy it utterly. that's not harry. that's not draco. why write it? and okay, i've always disliked awkward writing and shmoopy characterizations, but now it seems even more of a joke, somehow. even the good fic-- rhysenn's and penguin's, as well as abaddon's `scenes from a warzone', doesn't really begin to satisfy me. i still want them to kiss, but i want to -believe- it. i want to be convinced all over again. i want the fics to woo me anew, as if i were meeting h/d for the first time, because in a sense i am. it's a brave new world, now.

and sure, h/d was never a "canon ship". but now we have new canon harry. soppy harry won't cut it, no way no how. you -have- to basically write something close to antenora's harry now (ahahaha btw i'm really looking forward to her response), although i have a feeling i don't mean that, because i still adore ivy's harry like crazy, but it's very very -very- hard to write that boy with a soft center without having him lose his edge.

but i don't know why i'm surprised. i mean, i can barely tolerate -any- fanfic right now, because canon!harry is so vivid in my mind still. any fic i want to bother reading has to have that harry. i miss that harry. i miss harry and i love harry and i want him to be happy, but i also want to just see him -heal-, no matter what it takes, and fluff is a parody of healing that just reminds me of how it's not happening because it's never, never that easy.

i also kind of smile at everyone who says that book 6 has to be lighter, that this is rock bottom and harry has to go climbing up now. that's rather naive, isn't it. no way this is rock bottom. no way. he's going to have to lose a lot more than this-- there's still his connections with ron & hermione to wound further, there's still his innocence about the evil/darkness he's capable of, there's still him never having actually hurt anyone before. oh no, the darkness is only beginning, and writing fluff seems like a big honking -lie- to me right now.

not to say i don't want to see him happy, -them- happy. they just need to work for it, now more than ever. basically, i can't wait for more of `the losing side' and `control' (i can really use a happy ending for dark!harry right now, dammit. antenora!!! waaahhhhhh!!! one of the few writers who're still not all that AU. neeeeeeeeeeeeed.) and of course, more draco trilogy, since trilogy!harry has gotten rather close to ootp!harry lately. or like, my fantasy hopeful version of what he could be like. also, i want something in the mood of aja's angstier pieces, because `twelfth night' harry and `atrophy' draco, as messed up as they are, make me believe in them more than a million well-adjusted versions ever could.

waahhhh. someone write messed-up desperate h/d with angry-and-lost!harry and impossible-brat-who-won't-quit!malfoy and a happy ending, dammit! the fandom needs it! we all need it! -i- need it! someone! anyone! waaahhhhh! *coughs*
~~

EDIT - wah. i feel bad about seeing everything in life but especially fiction as a fairy-tale-- i can't help it, i've been obsessed with fairy-tales since i could read. it's hard to go around and pretend to have a brain and still look at all the ugliness and hopelessness of existence and say, "well, it's not so bad, there's a light at the end of the tunnel". because obviously, it -is- that bad. it is, i know that. if i said it wasn't, i'd be stupid. i'm aware people cheat, lie, steal, hurt, fear, and destroy each other. i know it's unlikely to change, and i know we all die alone and most often we all live out our lives alone.

love, to many people, is just something they read about in a book, something they don't really believe in except in fiction, something they think intelligence can disprove and a long hard look at the facts will break down.

many, many people have argued for why light and hope and love aren't four-letter words, why you can keep in touch with reality and still think there's something -else- out there, something brighter inside us than is readily apparent a lot of the time. i can't logically prove it very easily. i can't say, look, this action, this book, this piece of art, this character proves there's such a thing as love and hope in the world and in human beings. all i can say is-- i see it, and i believe in it, and i don't -think- i'm so weak and limited in my imagination-- i know i am. i -know- i'm deluded and only human and selfish and small in the scope of things. all i do is dream. in the end, that's all i -want- to do, and that's not positive or good or sane, but... i can't bear to stop, that's all.

and i firmly think, based on everything i know of the heroic journey as a literary convention (and the books have been following it rather closely so far), and my own experience of fairy-tales (which is considerable), that the person jkr means to redeem isn't draco at all, but rather harry.

but then, this is all theoretical, and we'll just see, at the end of book 7, i guess~:)
~~

in other news, i adore nefeleo's draco trilogy h/d so much i'm -still- faint with it. there are no words. in the end, it doesn't matter -what- the emotion is in a piece of art or fiction, as long as it's -strong-, and i can believe in it.... all in all, it's rather funny i ever come close to having a reputation for being analytical, really. i just want my mind to be blown away.

Comments

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

*grins* well, not such a great feat, considering jkr keeps saying over and over again (apparently) that "the darkness is coming", heh, but thanks >:D
analytical-- not so sure-- but i'm happy you think so all the same >:D

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

heh. people are big on denial, all in all. i mean, look what everyone does to draco's characterization alone. (awwww, he's just a cuddly wuddly bunny, -really-, deep inside. riiiiiight.)
she's even said (i think) we shouldn't trust -snape- entirely. i think the only person -i'd- trust entirely is harry, and i'm v. sure she'll put 'im through the wringer (even more), just 'cause she's mean and evil, as we've seen :D
also, well-- people don't want to really accept that hope isn't a simple thing like saying "oh, it'll be all right". hope is painful too, and the "light at the end of the tunnel" almost always comes at a horrible price. if it does exist.

but hey, i'm still an optimist, i just prefer to dream with one eye open~:)

[bookshop.livejournal.com]

I agree with most of this, if not all, and am too lazy to re-read for parts that I disagree with. :D However, I think that you underestimate the fact that people like Antenora and I have been saying since the beginning of time that Dark!Harry isn't a (*have forgotten the word for ____!things*, is it incarnate? anyway), but very much a part of who canon Harry is and always has been. The one thing that thrilled and delighted me about OOTP was how plain it made our perceptions of his character. Part Two of LUW is where I have always planned to really bring out that darkness in him and now I kind of wonder if people will think I'm taking him darker just to fit with new canon prescription; but I know, and you know, that the ones of us who have always written Harry as Dark will see new canon not as an obstacle for H/D so much as a vindication of how we've always seen the pairing, ideally.

However, one thing i think OOTP *does* make more difficult: ideally all my H/Ds end in happy endings. Bonus ending is one preferably with Lucius dead and Draco not mourning. :D That I can see as a legitimate obstacle. This new Harry getting it on with Draco, however? The only question really is whether or not he'd bother to bring lube. :D

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

yah, you're right of course-- um, but i had to note that -some- change has been undergone, and obviously it's not like he's a new person, but he's not -the same-, either, so it's hard to say, "well the same but not really, darker but not really, just really kind of reasonably-pissed!harry"... but yah. happy endings are always possible you know. always. that's why they exist-- because they're always possible. or something. because they're based on hope & the ultimate power of love and stuff, and that it can overcome any obstacle blahblahblah, so basically if you make draco worthy of harry it's all good, and if you don't, why write h/d, anyway, y'know?

also, i think draco not mourning lucius is... well... i suppose it'll happen if draco himself enters a rebellious-teen phase (he -has- to, doesn't he?), buuut... he loves his father, man. i think he does, anyway. maybe lucius isn't worth it, but that doesn't matter, a lot of us have shitty parents we love anyway. it's just, some of us grow up anyway. somewhat, anyway~:)

and ouch, no lube.
poor boy, he'll learn. i hope -.-

[eleveninches.livejournal.com]

I want to write Harry/Ron so bad I can taste it, but I am a) plotless and b) convinced R/Hr will happen. It will. Watch it... wait for it...

Oh wait, this post was on Draco? Er...

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

*chortles*
oh yah, this was all about draco.
harry: the new draco >:D

and -of course- r/hr will happen. he gave her perfume!!!..!..!..!!
IT IS TWUE WUV, DAMMIT...!

no... no... what you really want to write is harry/neville/draco. you know it >:D

[eleveninches.livejournal.com]

I was actually considering Ron/Zacharaiah or however the fuck you spell it. o_o I need sleep. o_o

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

you are edging waaaaaay too close to draco/ron for comfort, here. *looks afraid*

although... *chortles*
then you can have harry/draco & ron/z-whoever-he-is.
now -that- would leave poor hermione high & dry. maybe even desperate enough for hr/luna..!..!! nerd-girls unite. or something -.-

[eleveninches.livejournal.com]

That actually sounds like a good idea, only it would end up like Queer as Hogwarts or something, because I think it is statistically impossible for all of them to be gay. :))

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

queer as hogwarts!!!!
i smell a parody fic..!..! >:D great title, anyway. it has potential, man.
little-shit!draco who's like... all pathetic and pursuing poor harry thinking he wants to kill him, but he really doesn't. harry could be brian on crack. a lot of crack. they can all be on crack-- and gay. it has that certain flavor is insanity i can't resist, hee. and of course, ron will be the only one to end up happy, 'cause, you know, hermione was just going through a rebellious stage, you know, and discovered that she was straight after all (and also, luna annoys her with all the mumbo-jumbo-- hermione has enough of her own mumbo-jumbo, thankyouverymuch, with the elf-hats and everything), but it was too late 'cause ron quite enjoys being gay, really.....also, it's fun to see hermione's face turning more and more sour 'til she looks just like mcgonnagal >:D

[bookshop.livejournal.com]

*pretends she didn't hear any of that*

Also, hem-hem, I *did* read your post, I *did* note that you forewent any mention of Draco in your summary other than to say "Harry is definitely funnier now" and I *did* note that you think we are all on crack.

*strikes Yul Brynner pose*

Well? >:0 What do you have to say for yourself?

[eleveninches.livejournal.com]

Draco was in the book for all of five seconds! What, you were expecting him to walk up to Harry and say, "My bad?" H/D is not canon kthnx.

I'll have you know I read that as "my bed?" thank you very much.

[bookshop.livejournal.com]

Re: I'll have you know I read that as "my bed?" thank you very much.

[eleveninches.livejournal.com]

*pretends it is Kingsly*

*fangirls*

[addictedkitten.livejournal.com]

Man, like right on. I'm all thoughtful now. *ponders*

Is there another fic called Control that I haven't heard of? *squints* Did it come out before mine?

I don't think there's any danger of fluff from me. I'm still writing the fight!wank, which maybe I'll finish at some point. Of course, it's not Harry, it's Draco. Though *muses* I suppose I could try out a Harry counterpoint, now that I think about it. I'm with you and the liking of new and improved Harry. I feel justified in my characterizations now, mostly. He snarks! He's bitchy! He's violent! *loves*

my own experience of fairy-tales (which is considerable), that the person jkr means to redeem isn't draco at all, but rather harry.

:-o like whoa. *is thoughtful now* I'm going to think on that. I'm going to copy and paste it into my quotes file so every time I open that I'll have to see it, and I'll have to think about it. Because I need to think about it. Because I'm very intrigued.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

hee <3
oh, but i like -your- fluff, 'cause usually it involves snarking & shagging & that's right on, you know?~:) 'course, angsty shagging is good too. heh.

yah, `control (http://members.cox.net/twistedcorridors/FANDOMV2.HTM#Control)'... is a must-read. as is everything else antenora's written-- for you especially. if you don't love her, i will honestly eat my hat >:D nice hat, too.

yah, it just occurred to me that she seems to be getting harry closer and closer to voldemort & er, of course, "fear and anger lead to the Dark Side, grasshopper", so you know~:)
am way flattered on the quoting bit. heee. no one's said they'd done that before~:) but yes, the thing with rowling's dark!harry is that i don't think he'll -stay- dark, y'know? i mean, obviously he won't go back to his eleven-year-old self, but he's got to wake up and smell the roses if he's going to defeat voldy without -becoming- voldy. which makes a nice fanfic, but not so much with the Hero's Quest epic fantasy. and stuff~:)

also, much love for your icon <3
reminds me of rainbow brite, but you know, not too much >:D

[addictedkitten.livejournal.com]

Welllll, get out the salt and pepper, man. Cos I've read Antenora's stuff before (Chains and The Door, at least) and I was deeply unimpressed. Even just now I reread The Door, and just...winced. Her writing style just does not work for me.

And dude, yeah, your fannish essays tend to leave me either thoughtful or deeply in doubt of my characterization. Your last Draco post was really good but now I feel very wary about writing him. Seeing as everything in the world is about me, I tend to read these things as OMG MY CHARACTERIZATION IS AWFUL AND SHE'S TALKING ABOUT ME *WEEPS* and so on. *hides*

Icon!!!1 It's Anna <3 <3 <3 isn't she lovely? *adores the Anna*

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

ehehehe. i feel antenora's best work is `the losing side' (which is at the usual archives but not on her site 'cause she's rewriting it), and `to rule in hell' (which ...well, it's violent! it's sexy! it's got dark-and-bitter!harry, hee) and `control', but not so much most of her ficlets. except maybe this (http://www.livejournal.com/users/fyredancer/104537.html#cutid1)-- snark & the most delicious dark!harry & hey, graveyards and sex!!-- and `simple'. hee. but i just um... yah. okay, okay, i'll eat my hat -.-

oh, and like... that was just ootp!draco... you haven't written post-ootp fic yet, so you're exempt. hee hee >:D

plus, not to worry. you can give me your fic in the full confidence i will smack down if it is unworthy ;)
(and hey! more porn for meeeee!) >:D

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

except that was sooo the wrong link (though you may actually like the story more-- but, you know, er... not h/d). *slaps self*
here's (http://www.livejournal.com/users/antenora/14467.html) the one i meant~:)

[addictedkitten.livejournal.com]

Wait wait, she's Talya Fyredancer now? *doesn't understand!* And I have trouble starting fics that haven't been updated in so long. Plus she has all those WiPs. That makes me nervous and bitter. Maybe when/if she finishes.

Speaking of smacking down and stuff, d'you want to give me a beta on the fight!wank fic, whenever I finish it (which should be soon)? It'll be pretty short. Plus, Draco! And pooooooorn! And Draco!porn!

[starlitefaerie.livejournal.com]

the first half of your entry i can't comment on because well, everything i would say has been said before, i'm sure.

but the second part? after the edit? i want to marry your words, i want to ask them to dance and then grab ahold of them and just twirl. too much rightness.

all i can say is-- i see it, and i believe in it, and i don't -think- i'm so weak and limited in my imagination-- i know i am. i -know- i'm deluded and only human and selfish and small in the scope of things. all i do is dream. in the end, that's all i -want- to do, and that's not positive or good or sane, but... i can't bear to stop, that's all

gah! *aches* that's exactly how i feel. that, what you wrote right there and this: love, to many people, is just something they read about in a book, something they don't really believe in except in fiction, something they think intelligence can disprove and a long hard look at the facts will break down. is my girlfriend and i exactly and why we have problems sometimes, because she views the world as one of those cynical love-isn't-as-pretty-as-art-makes-it-out-to-be people and i am one of those i-need-to-believe-that-there's-fireworks-and-tingles people. and that's two viewpoints that are so different, so - no. i can't deal with it, back to harry&draco, but i love how you describe the possibilities of h/d as a couple. how you describe the way that they should be because yes that's exactly. volatile and uncomfortable and everything that you wrote is exactly them. but, at the same time, i understand a need for fluff sometimes. because i love them so much and some writers will write something so incredible and so dark (maya's the dark side of light, for example) and you need fluff, even OOC fluff to counterbalance that, to makes things okay in your mind again.

everything you write, reena, i want to capture in a book and just - *aches more* - reread it as much as possible. you are lovely.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

wheee ~:) <3
i feel like such a goopy person sometimes, especially when it comes to love and fairy-tales and my stubborn optimism, because some people (like you) just -understand- and some people are probably just smirking at me.
it's very hard to cross that divide, between the "believers" and the "non-believers". and it bothers me that it even exists, of course.

i dunno. i like angst with a happy ending more than fluff, myself. i think it's more satisfying. like, i'm pretty sure that `the losing side' and `underwater light' and `sins of the father' and `love under will'-- and even the draco trilogy, will have happy endings, and that's what's satisfying to me. fluff is like a lie, you know, and i don't want happiness to be a lie, i want it to exist in spite of pain and heart-break and "destiny". or something~:)

*hugs*

Re:

[starlitefaerie.livejournal.com]

no, i agree. angst that turns out good is better because you have that darkness to make you appreciate the light. you know? that contrast is so essential. cause fluff is cute and nice, but it's like happy, happy, great, sweetness. it's too easy to get through.

and i don't want happiness to be a lie, i want it to exist in spite of pain and heart-break and "destiny".

*nods*

*hugs back*

yes! definitely!