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reenkait is now becoming clear to me that everything i say about hp from now on will be a spoiler. uh. this means everything will have to go behind a cut tag for um... a month? or two? or what? not sure.
i kind of like fluff. kind of. actually, i don't like thinking of anything in terms of "fluff" or "angst". makes it seems rather one-dimensional and stupid, doesn't it. i like humor (when it's actually funny), and fluff usually is only bearable with humor. actually, -anything- is actually only bearable with humor, i'm sure people have noticed. but yeah-- fluff is best when it's not over-sweet, when it doesn't make things sound -nice- or -pleasant- or -too good to be true-, but just-- light-hearted, playful, bantering. like the story equivalent of a smirk and a waggle of the eyebrows instead of-- i dunno-- a wide, huge and innocent sappy smile. those kind of things just make one sick.
people have sometimes said that h/d fluff is a contradiction in terms, that no in-character fluff (i.e., happy-bunny fic) with this pairing can be written. i don't know if that was true then... certainly, nothing that seriously tried to extrapolate the events from fourth year. i consider absurdist over-the-top fluff to be successful at what it does-- and that is generally the only kind i've written. but now....
now i don't think i can take it. i'd feel kind of resentful, except my favorite thing about h/d wasn't really the angst but rather the rawness, the emotional volatility, the sense of its inherent violence and capacity for um... drama. angst isn't drama-- angst is what a character feels in a drama when it takes a particularly unfortunate turn for that particular character. in general, i think drama is just a sort of vividness of narrative and plot. you get big-time emotions and big-time challenges and horrible despair and desperate suspense and so on.
and that's why people say h/d isn't dead, 'cause there's even more room for this rawness, for this extreme emotional volatility coming from both sides. that was always the strength of this pairing-- and now that harry's all on edge and draco's finally feeling the burn as well, something's bound to happen. hopefully. i mean, harry's still in a whole different world from draco, but it's not an impossible obstacle given some clever maneuvering.
anyway, i was just trying to read some non-spoilery h/d fluff and failing to enjoy it utterly. that's not harry. that's not draco. why write it? and okay, i've always disliked awkward writing and shmoopy characterizations, but now it seems even more of a joke, somehow. even the good fic-- rhysenn's and penguin's, as well as abaddon's `scenes from a warzone', doesn't really begin to satisfy me. i still want them to kiss, but i want to -believe- it. i want to be convinced all over again. i want the fics to woo me anew, as if i were meeting h/d for the first time, because in a sense i am. it's a brave new world, now.
and sure, h/d was never a "canon ship". but now we have new canon harry. soppy harry won't cut it, no way no how. you -have- to basically write something close to antenora's harry now (ahahaha btw i'm really looking forward to her response), although i have a feeling i don't mean that, because i still adore ivy's harry like crazy, but it's very very -very- hard to write that boy with a soft center without having him lose his edge.
but i don't know why i'm surprised. i mean, i can barely tolerate -any- fanfic right now, because canon!harry is so vivid in my mind still. any fic i want to bother reading has to have that harry. i miss that harry. i miss harry and i love harry and i want him to be happy, but i also want to just see him -heal-, no matter what it takes, and fluff is a parody of healing that just reminds me of how it's not happening because it's never, never that easy.
i also kind of smile at everyone who says that book 6 has to be lighter, that this is rock bottom and harry has to go climbing up now. that's rather naive, isn't it. no way this is rock bottom. no way. he's going to have to lose a lot more than this-- there's still his connections with ron & hermione to wound further, there's still his innocence about the evil/darkness he's capable of, there's still him never having actually hurt anyone before. oh no, the darkness is only beginning, and writing fluff seems like a big honking -lie- to me right now.
not to say i don't want to see him happy, -them- happy. they just need to work for it, now more than ever. basically, i can't wait for more of `the losing side' and `control' (i can really use a happy ending for dark!harry right now, dammit. antenora!!! waaahhhhhh!!! one of the few writers who're still not all that AU. neeeeeeeeeeeeed.) and of course, more draco trilogy, since trilogy!harry has gotten rather close to ootp!harry lately. or like, my fantasy hopeful version of what he could be like. also, i want something in the mood of aja's angstier pieces, because `twelfth night' harry and `atrophy' draco, as messed up as they are, make me believe in them more than a million well-adjusted versions ever could.
waahhhh. someone write messed-up desperate h/d with angry-and-lost!harry and impossible-brat-who-won't-quit!malfoy and a happy ending, dammit! the fandom needs it! we all need it! -i- need it! someone! anyone! waaahhhhh! *coughs*
~~
EDIT - wah. i feel bad about seeing everything in life but especially fiction as a fairy-tale-- i can't help it, i've been obsessed with fairy-tales since i could read. it's hard to go around and pretend to have a brain and still look at all the ugliness and hopelessness of existence and say, "well, it's not so bad, there's a light at the end of the tunnel". because obviously, it -is- that bad. it is, i know that. if i said it wasn't, i'd be stupid. i'm aware people cheat, lie, steal, hurt, fear, and destroy each other. i know it's unlikely to change, and i know we all die alone and most often we all live out our lives alone.
love, to many people, is just something they read about in a book, something they don't really believe in except in fiction, something they think intelligence can disprove and a long hard look at the facts will break down.
many, many people have argued for why light and hope and love aren't four-letter words, why you can keep in touch with reality and still think there's something -else- out there, something brighter inside us than is readily apparent a lot of the time. i can't logically prove it very easily. i can't say, look, this action, this book, this piece of art, this character proves there's such a thing as love and hope in the world and in human beings. all i can say is-- i see it, and i believe in it, and i don't -think- i'm so weak and limited in my imagination-- i know i am. i -know- i'm deluded and only human and selfish and small in the scope of things. all i do is dream. in the end, that's all i -want- to do, and that's not positive or good or sane, but... i can't bear to stop, that's all.
and i firmly think, based on everything i know of the heroic journey as a literary convention (and the books have been following it rather closely so far), and my own experience of fairy-tales (which is considerable), that the person jkr means to redeem isn't draco at all, but rather harry.
but then, this is all theoretical, and we'll just see, at the end of book 7, i guess~:)
~~
in other news, i adore![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
nefeleo's draco trilogy h/d so much i'm -still- faint with it. there are no words. in the end, it doesn't matter -what- the emotion is in a piece of art or fiction, as long as it's -strong-, and i can believe in it.... all in all, it's rather funny i ever come close to having a reputation for being analytical, really. i just want my mind to be blown away.
i kind of like fluff. kind of. actually, i don't like thinking of anything in terms of "fluff" or "angst". makes it seems rather one-dimensional and stupid, doesn't it. i like humor (when it's actually funny), and fluff usually is only bearable with humor. actually, -anything- is actually only bearable with humor, i'm sure people have noticed. but yeah-- fluff is best when it's not over-sweet, when it doesn't make things sound -nice- or -pleasant- or -too good to be true-, but just-- light-hearted, playful, bantering. like the story equivalent of a smirk and a waggle of the eyebrows instead of-- i dunno-- a wide, huge and innocent sappy smile. those kind of things just make one sick.
people have sometimes said that h/d fluff is a contradiction in terms, that no in-character fluff (i.e., happy-bunny fic) with this pairing can be written. i don't know if that was true then... certainly, nothing that seriously tried to extrapolate the events from fourth year. i consider absurdist over-the-top fluff to be successful at what it does-- and that is generally the only kind i've written. but now....
now i don't think i can take it. i'd feel kind of resentful, except my favorite thing about h/d wasn't really the angst but rather the rawness, the emotional volatility, the sense of its inherent violence and capacity for um... drama. angst isn't drama-- angst is what a character feels in a drama when it takes a particularly unfortunate turn for that particular character. in general, i think drama is just a sort of vividness of narrative and plot. you get big-time emotions and big-time challenges and horrible despair and desperate suspense and so on.
and that's why people say h/d isn't dead, 'cause there's even more room for this rawness, for this extreme emotional volatility coming from both sides. that was always the strength of this pairing-- and now that harry's all on edge and draco's finally feeling the burn as well, something's bound to happen. hopefully. i mean, harry's still in a whole different world from draco, but it's not an impossible obstacle given some clever maneuvering.
anyway, i was just trying to read some non-spoilery h/d fluff and failing to enjoy it utterly. that's not harry. that's not draco. why write it? and okay, i've always disliked awkward writing and shmoopy characterizations, but now it seems even more of a joke, somehow. even the good fic-- rhysenn's and penguin's, as well as abaddon's `scenes from a warzone', doesn't really begin to satisfy me. i still want them to kiss, but i want to -believe- it. i want to be convinced all over again. i want the fics to woo me anew, as if i were meeting h/d for the first time, because in a sense i am. it's a brave new world, now.
and sure, h/d was never a "canon ship". but now we have new canon harry. soppy harry won't cut it, no way no how. you -have- to basically write something close to antenora's harry now (ahahaha btw i'm really looking forward to her response), although i have a feeling i don't mean that, because i still adore ivy's harry like crazy, but it's very very -very- hard to write that boy with a soft center without having him lose his edge.
but i don't know why i'm surprised. i mean, i can barely tolerate -any- fanfic right now, because canon!harry is so vivid in my mind still. any fic i want to bother reading has to have that harry. i miss that harry. i miss harry and i love harry and i want him to be happy, but i also want to just see him -heal-, no matter what it takes, and fluff is a parody of healing that just reminds me of how it's not happening because it's never, never that easy.
i also kind of smile at everyone who says that book 6 has to be lighter, that this is rock bottom and harry has to go climbing up now. that's rather naive, isn't it. no way this is rock bottom. no way. he's going to have to lose a lot more than this-- there's still his connections with ron & hermione to wound further, there's still his innocence about the evil/darkness he's capable of, there's still him never having actually hurt anyone before. oh no, the darkness is only beginning, and writing fluff seems like a big honking -lie- to me right now.
not to say i don't want to see him happy, -them- happy. they just need to work for it, now more than ever. basically, i can't wait for more of `the losing side' and `control' (i can really use a happy ending for dark!harry right now, dammit. antenora!!! waaahhhhhh!!! one of the few writers who're still not all that AU. neeeeeeeeeeeeed.) and of course, more draco trilogy, since trilogy!harry has gotten rather close to ootp!harry lately. or like, my fantasy hopeful version of what he could be like. also, i want something in the mood of aja's angstier pieces, because `twelfth night' harry and `atrophy' draco, as messed up as they are, make me believe in them more than a million well-adjusted versions ever could.
waahhhh. someone write messed-up desperate h/d with angry-and-lost!harry and impossible-brat-who-won't-quit!malfoy and a happy ending, dammit! the fandom needs it! we all need it! -i- need it! someone! anyone! waaahhhhh! *coughs*
~~
EDIT - wah. i feel bad about seeing everything in life but especially fiction as a fairy-tale-- i can't help it, i've been obsessed with fairy-tales since i could read. it's hard to go around and pretend to have a brain and still look at all the ugliness and hopelessness of existence and say, "well, it's not so bad, there's a light at the end of the tunnel". because obviously, it -is- that bad. it is, i know that. if i said it wasn't, i'd be stupid. i'm aware people cheat, lie, steal, hurt, fear, and destroy each other. i know it's unlikely to change, and i know we all die alone and most often we all live out our lives alone.
love, to many people, is just something they read about in a book, something they don't really believe in except in fiction, something they think intelligence can disprove and a long hard look at the facts will break down.
many, many people have argued for why light and hope and love aren't four-letter words, why you can keep in touch with reality and still think there's something -else- out there, something brighter inside us than is readily apparent a lot of the time. i can't logically prove it very easily. i can't say, look, this action, this book, this piece of art, this character proves there's such a thing as love and hope in the world and in human beings. all i can say is-- i see it, and i believe in it, and i don't -think- i'm so weak and limited in my imagination-- i know i am. i -know- i'm deluded and only human and selfish and small in the scope of things. all i do is dream. in the end, that's all i -want- to do, and that's not positive or good or sane, but... i can't bear to stop, that's all.
and i firmly think, based on everything i know of the heroic journey as a literary convention (and the books have been following it rather closely so far), and my own experience of fairy-tales (which is considerable), that the person jkr means to redeem isn't draco at all, but rather harry.
but then, this is all theoretical, and we'll just see, at the end of book 7, i guess~:)
~~
in other news, i adore
nefeleo's draco trilogy h/d so much i'm -still- faint with it. there are no words. in the end, it doesn't matter -what- the emotion is in a piece of art or fiction, as long as it's -strong-, and i can believe in it.... all in all, it's rather funny i ever come close to having a reputation for being analytical, really. i just want my mind to be blown away.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Is there another fic called Control that I haven't heard of? *squints* Did it come out before mine?
I don't think there's any danger of fluff from me. I'm still writing the fight!wank, which maybe I'll finish at some point. Of course, it's not Harry, it's Draco. Though *muses* I suppose I could try out a Harry counterpoint, now that I think about it. I'm with you and the liking of new and improved Harry. I feel justified in my characterizations now, mostly. He snarks! He's bitchy! He's violent! *loves*
my own experience of fairy-tales (which is considerable), that the person jkr means to redeem isn't draco at all, but rather harry.
:-o like whoa. *is thoughtful now* I'm going to think on that. I'm going to copy and paste it into my quotes file so every time I open that I'll have to see it, and I'll have to think about it. Because I need to think about it. Because I'm very intrigued.
no subject
Date: 2003-06-29 12:13 pm (UTC)oh, but i like -your- fluff, 'cause usually it involves snarking & shagging & that's right on, you know?~:) 'course, angsty shagging is good too. heh.
yah, `control (http://members.cox.net/twistedcorridors/FANDOMV2.HTM#Control)'... is a must-read. as is everything else antenora's written-- for you especially. if you don't love her, i will honestly eat my hat >:D nice hat, too.
yah, it just occurred to me that she seems to be getting harry closer and closer to voldemort & er, of course, "fear and anger lead to the Dark Side, grasshopper", so you know~:)
am way flattered on the quoting bit. heee. no one's said they'd done that before~:) but yes, the thing with rowling's dark!harry is that i don't think he'll -stay- dark, y'know? i mean, obviously he won't go back to his eleven-year-old self, but he's got to wake up and smell the roses if he's going to defeat voldy without -becoming- voldy. which makes a nice fanfic, but not so much with the Hero's Quest epic fantasy. and stuff~:)
also, much love for your icon <3
reminds me of rainbow brite, but you know, not too much >:D
no subject
Date: 2003-06-29 08:38 pm (UTC)And dude, yeah, your fannish essays tend to leave me either thoughtful or deeply in doubt of my characterization. Your last Draco post was really good but now I feel very wary about writing him. Seeing as everything in the world is about me, I tend to read these things as OMG MY CHARACTERIZATION IS AWFUL AND SHE'S TALKING ABOUT ME *WEEPS* and so on. *hides*
Icon!!!1 It's Anna <3 <3 <3 isn't she lovely? *adores the Anna*
no subject
Date: 2003-06-29 08:51 pm (UTC)oh, and like... that was just ootp!draco... you haven't written post-ootp fic yet, so you're exempt. hee hee >:D
plus, not to worry. you can give me your fic in the full confidence i will smack down if it is unworthy ;)
(and hey! more porn for meeeee!) >:D
no subject
Date: 2003-06-29 08:53 pm (UTC)here's (http://www.livejournal.com/users/antenora/14467.html) the one i meant~:)
no subject
Date: 2003-06-29 09:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-06-29 09:17 pm (UTC)i feel like such a traitor, somehow, but i don't know to what -.-
no subject
Date: 2003-06-29 09:33 pm (UTC)"As if you're so much better. You play the spy for us for the sake of your father. Who is a complete bastard, by the way."
"Maybe I just play the spy for you because I like the way we exchange information."
"Wouldn't surprise me. You're rather shallow like that."
...
and then the exposition fairy flew away and the LOOK SEXUAL TENSION anvils stopped falling from the sky and Harry and Draco stepped out of the noirish romantic comedy they were inexplicably inhabiting, and Sara hit the little button in the corner of the screen marked X.
I don't know why I'm so venomous this evening. *retracts claws*
no subject
Date: 2003-06-29 09:41 pm (UTC)it has... potential!
yah, i don't know what it is with me sometimes... *sigh*
it's disturbing how many things are bad once you take the veil of "THIS IS JUST MY KINK" off them -.-
no subject
Date: 2003-06-29 09:58 pm (UTC)it's disturbing how many things are bad once you take the veil of "THIS IS JUST MY KINK" off them -.-
First of all: WORD. I was telling my friend Kimberly the other day that lately I seem to be more into mediocre porn than really really good gen, and stuff like that. This explains why I keep hitting The Bottom!Draco Emporium (http://www.geocities.com/owrai_wa_no_baka/fics/hd.html) (god, I'm wincing just typing that out), which is populated mostly by fics ranging from actually kind of decent to WHY GOD WHY?!?!1 Sigh. So much badness, man, but like Harry's fucking Draco! And and! It's like so hot omg! Even when it's clumsily phrased and horrifically plotted and Harry actually calls Draco "baby" and Draco thinks he can get away with casting the Imperius curse INSIDE THE SCHOOL. *facepalm*
Also, this is how I feel about Seeker to Seeker, which I thought sucked so mightily until I just read ahead to all the porn and I was like wait. Which is why I couldn't tell you the plot or anything, but I can describe all the sex scenes from memory. And also why I don't send a lot of feedback on the porn I read. "Dear author: Your fic sucked, but the sexy bits got me off. Thanks! *thumbs up* <3, Sara."
Secondly: so your kink is what, sex in graveyards? Reena, you feisty little thang.
no subject
Date: 2003-06-29 10:30 pm (UTC)ahahaha. omg, no. i haven't read enough graveyard sex scenes to um... swing that way, anyway. *falls over*
*is feisty*!! >:0
no, it's just-- usually i go for the "omg i'm so blase and pissy and immune to you, malfoy" harry and "well i don't want any piece of you either, you ugly freak" draco and then they're like, "WAIT, LET'S FUCK!!!! >:O" and stuff. or, something slightly less lame. but yes, it's just, who expects graveyards? (it's like the spanish inquisition). i like the spur-of-the-moment-snark/sex combo. well, you know. well, better than beds and moonlight through the gauzy curtains anyway -.-
and now i'm like, OMG YOU LINKED ME TO ALL THAT PORN, I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ELSE NOW!! and i read that imperius fic and i was like, "*GROAN*", but also, wheeee! 'cause like, i dunno.... there's just something hot about the idea of harry pretending to be controlled and the stripping and so on. *cringes*
sadly, characterization flies out the window when i start thinking, "OMG HE WANTS HIM SO BAD, OMG". *giggles* ahhh, the horny 15-year-old inside us all.... though most of the sex in `seeker to seeker' was sort of really embarrassing (engorgement charms and the like). though hey, i kind of like that one fic with toast and engorgement charms and stuff... too much. waaaaaayyyy too much. it's by kimmie. but it's classic, classic i tell you.....
and yes, that's the sort of remix i -thought- i had to do for the challenge, and instead i got twincest and ron/draco and an h/d fic i couldn't make heads or tails of 'cause it had little plot and little sex and a lot of prettily-written abstract angst. sigh.
there can always be the "rewrite bad pr0n" challenge. we can start one. *laughs*
think of the sudden influx of pr0n!!! and like... everyone's happy. we need a pick-me-up, post-ootp. sirius/harry and harry/ginny pr0n disqualified, of course >:D
no subject
a;lksjdf!!!1 *whimpers* YOU KNOW THAT IS A FIC SUMMARY RIGHT AND THAT I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT DAMMIT AND I WANT TO WRITE FIC LIKE THAT. DAMMIT. DAMMIT!!!!11
i like the spur-of-the-moment-snark/sex combo.
ME TOO! I bet you didn't know that, huh. *nods*
i read that imperius fic and i was like, "*GROAN*", but also, wheeee! 'cause like, i dunno....
No man, I know! There's soooo much bad porn, but then the sex is good and I'm like, yay! And it's all so wrong, but you know, when it comes down to what I'm rereading (and rereading and rereading), guess what, it's the poorly-plotted implausible wankfic. *shame* Maybe that's my bulletproof kink. Unapologetic bottom!Draco wankfic. Sigh.
though most of the sex in `seeker to seeker' was sort of really embarrassing
*flails* Well yes, but, then there's that really hot blowjob scene, and then when they get all cute and with the having sex for fun and IT'S HOT OKAY. *cries* If you wanna get right down to it, I'd say it's the PLOT that's the embarrassing thing. (Percy's a prefect? is this set in third year? Lucius okay with Harry hanging out? Voldemort who? YEAH OKAY) and frankly, the sex is the only reason to read it.
i kind of like that one fic with toast and engorgement charms and stuff... too much.
Aaaaah god not the toast! *gags* Squick squick. But otherwise, it's so wrong, but I'll just be sitting around and I'll think of the part where they're trying to talk to the professors and Draco's all bouncing and Harry's like "bla bla HOLY FUCK RIDE IT MALFOY" and I just LAUGH AND LAUGH and then, you know, squirm. *ahem* What.
instead i got twincest and ron/draco and an h/d fic i couldn't make heads or tails of 'cause it had little plot and little sex and a lot of prettily-written abstract angst. sigh
And that's why I didn't sign up for a damn remix. What if I'd gotten intellislash or somefuck? Or like, Harry/Snape? *cries* I don't wanna think about it anymore.
there can always be the "rewrite bad pr0n" challenge. we can start one.
Ahahahahaha. I wish. The problem with that is actually one of morals for me, because we'd basically be putting up people's fics, saying they suck, and asking people to fix them. I mean, the poor authors. That would be awful.
I do wish I had the necessary fandom BNFness to pull off holding a challenge, though. It could be like, the Porn It Up challenge or something. Like, take a story you've written and well...porn it up. Or just a general post-OoTP porn challenge. *muses* Sixth-year fics, right? The Harry Potter and the Age of Consent challenge. Pick a pairing and go.
Hmm. Hmm, hmm, hmm.
no subject
Date: 2003-07-01 09:37 pm (UTC)<3~!
and obviously, i know what you mean about that bit with the helpless shagging... i should come up with a plot that can sustain more, even... like... i know it's lame, but if it's played for laughs.... like, extreme susceptibility to orgasms. nothin' like having a spontaneous orgasm mid-snark to have someone look at you twice. *laughs*
but it's not as fuuuun re-porning your own stories... like.... i've porned all the ones i -could-, personally, though obviously for others it may not be the same. personally, i'm thinking of a call for h/d porn. now that everyone thinks the pairing's harder to do than ever, why not just make them do it harder than ever? hee >:D
(oh yes, bad jokes everywhere -.-)
i mean, every third h/s fic or twincest fic is porn, you know that right? and only every -tenth- h/d fic is porn, IF NOT LESS!! this is a grave, horrible injustice! i was even reading h/s and thinking about how they were making fun of malfoy and making him out to be some prissy, "snogging would ruffle my hair and sex might dirty my fingernails" prick that can't get wild and dirty-- and you know, maybe that's the problem! the fandom at large doesn't understand malfoy's Sekrit Inner Lust! they need to be shown the Light! and also, the Arse! or something!
hee~:)
or maybe have people write about their bulletproof kink. except it has to be h/d. because h & d need to fuck. like yesterday. for the good of the fandom. nay, for the good of the world. just like in extracurricular, except more porn >:D
no subject
Date: 2003-06-29 09:07 pm (UTC)Speaking of smacking down and stuff, d'you want to give me a beta on the fight!wank fic, whenever I finish it (which should be soon)? It'll be pretty short. Plus, Draco! And pooooooorn! And Draco!porn!
no subject
Date: 2003-06-29 09:12 pm (UTC)ahem.
and yah, sure, porn=good, and also i can stop thinking about WAH POOR WOOBIE and just you know, sex is a good band-aid in times of need, and also, he's a teenage boy, he has needs....
no subject
Date: 2003-06-29 09:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-06-29 09:29 pm (UTC)unless it's graphic twincest or harry/ginny, in which case there are questions i feel i'd have to ask >:D<
<3
no subject
*plots*
no subject
Date: 2003-06-29 09:37 pm (UTC)omg. WHY DO YOU MAKE ME THINK OF THESE THINGS??! *dies*
y'know, ginny could use some of that wild fred-n-george lovin'. incest will win her away from the straight-and-narrow so then harry would be free as a bird to stare at draco's arse. as in, MY GOD, WHY DID I NEVER NOTICE HOW HOT THOSE BUNS ARE??!