~~ hey, at least i'm not talking about pairings anymore.... yah, ootp. again.

[reenka]

it is now becoming clear to me that everything i say about hp from now on will be a spoiler. uh. this means everything will have to go behind a cut tag for um... a month? or two? or what? not sure.


i kind of like fluff. kind of. actually, i don't like thinking of anything in terms of "fluff" or "angst". makes it seems rather one-dimensional and stupid, doesn't it. i like humor (when it's actually funny), and fluff usually is only bearable with humor. actually, -anything- is actually only bearable with humor, i'm sure people have noticed. but yeah-- fluff is best when it's not over-sweet, when it doesn't make things sound -nice- or -pleasant- or -too good to be true-, but just-- light-hearted, playful, bantering. like the story equivalent of a smirk and a waggle of the eyebrows instead of-- i dunno-- a wide, huge and innocent sappy smile. those kind of things just make one sick.

people have sometimes said that h/d fluff is a contradiction in terms, that no in-character fluff (i.e., happy-bunny fic) with this pairing can be written. i don't know if that was true then... certainly, nothing that seriously tried to extrapolate the events from fourth year. i consider absurdist over-the-top fluff to be successful at what it does-- and that is generally the only kind i've written. but now....

now i don't think i can take it. i'd feel kind of resentful, except my favorite thing about h/d wasn't really the angst but rather the rawness, the emotional volatility, the sense of its inherent violence and capacity for um... drama. angst isn't drama-- angst is what a character feels in a drama when it takes a particularly unfortunate turn for that particular character. in general, i think drama is just a sort of vividness of narrative and plot. you get big-time emotions and big-time challenges and horrible despair and desperate suspense and so on.

and that's why people say h/d isn't dead, 'cause there's even more room for this rawness, for this extreme emotional volatility coming from both sides. that was always the strength of this pairing-- and now that harry's all on edge and draco's finally feeling the burn as well, something's bound to happen. hopefully. i mean, harry's still in a whole different world from draco, but it's not an impossible obstacle given some clever maneuvering.

anyway, i was just trying to read some non-spoilery h/d fluff and failing to enjoy it utterly. that's not harry. that's not draco. why write it? and okay, i've always disliked awkward writing and shmoopy characterizations, but now it seems even more of a joke, somehow. even the good fic-- rhysenn's and penguin's, as well as abaddon's `scenes from a warzone', doesn't really begin to satisfy me. i still want them to kiss, but i want to -believe- it. i want to be convinced all over again. i want the fics to woo me anew, as if i were meeting h/d for the first time, because in a sense i am. it's a brave new world, now.

and sure, h/d was never a "canon ship". but now we have new canon harry. soppy harry won't cut it, no way no how. you -have- to basically write something close to antenora's harry now (ahahaha btw i'm really looking forward to her response), although i have a feeling i don't mean that, because i still adore ivy's harry like crazy, but it's very very -very- hard to write that boy with a soft center without having him lose his edge.

but i don't know why i'm surprised. i mean, i can barely tolerate -any- fanfic right now, because canon!harry is so vivid in my mind still. any fic i want to bother reading has to have that harry. i miss that harry. i miss harry and i love harry and i want him to be happy, but i also want to just see him -heal-, no matter what it takes, and fluff is a parody of healing that just reminds me of how it's not happening because it's never, never that easy.

i also kind of smile at everyone who says that book 6 has to be lighter, that this is rock bottom and harry has to go climbing up now. that's rather naive, isn't it. no way this is rock bottom. no way. he's going to have to lose a lot more than this-- there's still his connections with ron & hermione to wound further, there's still his innocence about the evil/darkness he's capable of, there's still him never having actually hurt anyone before. oh no, the darkness is only beginning, and writing fluff seems like a big honking -lie- to me right now.

not to say i don't want to see him happy, -them- happy. they just need to work for it, now more than ever. basically, i can't wait for more of `the losing side' and `control' (i can really use a happy ending for dark!harry right now, dammit. antenora!!! waaahhhhhh!!! one of the few writers who're still not all that AU. neeeeeeeeeeeeed.) and of course, more draco trilogy, since trilogy!harry has gotten rather close to ootp!harry lately. or like, my fantasy hopeful version of what he could be like. also, i want something in the mood of aja's angstier pieces, because `twelfth night' harry and `atrophy' draco, as messed up as they are, make me believe in them more than a million well-adjusted versions ever could.

waahhhh. someone write messed-up desperate h/d with angry-and-lost!harry and impossible-brat-who-won't-quit!malfoy and a happy ending, dammit! the fandom needs it! we all need it! -i- need it! someone! anyone! waaahhhhh! *coughs*
~~

EDIT - wah. i feel bad about seeing everything in life but especially fiction as a fairy-tale-- i can't help it, i've been obsessed with fairy-tales since i could read. it's hard to go around and pretend to have a brain and still look at all the ugliness and hopelessness of existence and say, "well, it's not so bad, there's a light at the end of the tunnel". because obviously, it -is- that bad. it is, i know that. if i said it wasn't, i'd be stupid. i'm aware people cheat, lie, steal, hurt, fear, and destroy each other. i know it's unlikely to change, and i know we all die alone and most often we all live out our lives alone.

love, to many people, is just something they read about in a book, something they don't really believe in except in fiction, something they think intelligence can disprove and a long hard look at the facts will break down.

many, many people have argued for why light and hope and love aren't four-letter words, why you can keep in touch with reality and still think there's something -else- out there, something brighter inside us than is readily apparent a lot of the time. i can't logically prove it very easily. i can't say, look, this action, this book, this piece of art, this character proves there's such a thing as love and hope in the world and in human beings. all i can say is-- i see it, and i believe in it, and i don't -think- i'm so weak and limited in my imagination-- i know i am. i -know- i'm deluded and only human and selfish and small in the scope of things. all i do is dream. in the end, that's all i -want- to do, and that's not positive or good or sane, but... i can't bear to stop, that's all.

and i firmly think, based on everything i know of the heroic journey as a literary convention (and the books have been following it rather closely so far), and my own experience of fairy-tales (which is considerable), that the person jkr means to redeem isn't draco at all, but rather harry.

but then, this is all theoretical, and we'll just see, at the end of book 7, i guess~:)
~~

in other news, i adore nefeleo's draco trilogy h/d so much i'm -still- faint with it. there are no words. in the end, it doesn't matter -what- the emotion is in a piece of art or fiction, as long as it's -strong-, and i can believe in it.... all in all, it's rather funny i ever come close to having a reputation for being analytical, really. i just want my mind to be blown away.

Comments

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

you are edging waaaaaay too close to draco/ron for comfort, here. *looks afraid*

although... *chortles*
then you can have harry/draco & ron/z-whoever-he-is.
now -that- would leave poor hermione high & dry. maybe even desperate enough for hr/luna..!..!! nerd-girls unite. or something -.-

[eleveninches.livejournal.com]

That actually sounds like a good idea, only it would end up like Queer as Hogwarts or something, because I think it is statistically impossible for all of them to be gay. :))

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

queer as hogwarts!!!!
i smell a parody fic..!..! >:D great title, anyway. it has potential, man.
little-shit!draco who's like... all pathetic and pursuing poor harry thinking he wants to kill him, but he really doesn't. harry could be brian on crack. a lot of crack. they can all be on crack-- and gay. it has that certain flavor is insanity i can't resist, hee. and of course, ron will be the only one to end up happy, 'cause, you know, hermione was just going through a rebellious stage, you know, and discovered that she was straight after all (and also, luna annoys her with all the mumbo-jumbo-- hermione has enough of her own mumbo-jumbo, thankyouverymuch, with the elf-hats and everything), but it was too late 'cause ron quite enjoys being gay, really.....also, it's fun to see hermione's face turning more and more sour 'til she looks just like mcgonnagal >:D

[eleveninches.livejournal.com]

That scary thing is, I'm sure it's already been done.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

...but..! but! no one can do like youuuu can do it >:D
no one's as funny as thou art, oh Master >:D

[eleveninches.livejournal.com]

-.-!!!!!!!!!

[lasultrix.livejournal.com]

Pshaw. I fully intend to bribe somebody into writing the Queer as Marauders Plus Snape Plus Harry fic.