speaking of small owls... or not.
Sep. 5th, 2006 08:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reenkaA) Man oh man, I love Harlan Ellison <333333333 Can we please save our offense for the people who are actually lamebrained assholes instead of brilliant (if immature/obnoxious/perverted) old men? No? :/ Ahhh, that one's never going to go over well with some people, I know.... Still. I mean, a lapse of proper behavior in public isn't the same thing as being a bad person... god, I really wish I could stop arguing this point :/ :/ (Can you tell why I started out being a Draco Malfoy fan?? No? *snorts* I wonder if the people who become/are Draco fans these days don't think 'obnoxious asshole' is a really good description of him... sometimes I wonder.) But yeah, Harlan is SO the Draco Malfoy of the professional fantasy writers biz :> I bet Draco would grope Hermione's breast if the occasion arose and be like, 'well, she can take it', ahahaha, oh, they're brothers in lamitude <3333
EDIT - Disclaimer: I'm only talking about the personal, psychological ramifications & issues, not trying to imply anything about 'proper' social response or standards.
Well, the kerfuffle's probably 'cause most people value the behavior itself over motivation/subtleties of context... but it's gotten to the point where my mom tells me 'I think you're a good person' and I said, 'why?' So she says it's because I'm honest (and I laughed) and then she clarified 'honest about the things that matter', and I raised an eyebrow. Finally, she said 'you've got a sense of honor-- modified for you', ahaha & that I'm not a mean person. So I was like 'are mean people bad?' and she said yes. This exchange is so funny to me 'cause I had a 'MEAN PEOPLE SUCK' sticker I was very proud of when I was 20 or something; I still think mean people suck, but I also think that since more than half the world's population doesn't know 'mean/truly cruel' from 'harmlessly obnoxious' or even 'impolite'(!!!), I'll just go around defending mean people.... *sigh*
I should really shut up about this topic; I realize how repetitive I am :/ It just really HURTS MY BRAIN that people don't get that impolite/obnoxious != mean evil bastard. This is not advanced ethics, is it? :O
...Although I think the question of 'can a mean person still be a Good person?' is an interesting one. Cruelty/sadism is one of the true... uh... negative qualities that exist, and perhaps the only truly bad quality as far as I'm concerned (though extreme self-centeredness and desire to control/subjugate others tie in), but. I think too many people think verbal obnoxiousness is the same thing (ethically) as the actual biggie (which is wanton cruelty itself). Granted, it's a sign of insensitivity, but there can be a range there, I hope :/
If people are being funny, even if they're not funny at all, by definition they're not in the same ballpark as someone who's just cruel. Secondly, true cruelty depends on knowing who you're being cruel to and how they'll react; a truly cruel person picks on someone they know is vulnerable and sensitive (or submissive/can't fight back/born victim). It's merely an obnoxious/rude/wanky person who picks on someone they consider either tough or an equal, or someone who's not there and will never hear of it. There's also a third type of meanie who picks on people they truly think are mean/bad/wrong (but not 'stupid' or 'ugly', because there's no possible even skewed moral justification there)-- I'd say they're just badass or 'tough', like a vigilante/judge stereotype. (Ahh, Gryffindors, ahahahahah...ha.) Anyway, these three types are seriously different in terms of ethics and the best way to deal with them, I think.
For instance: people have told me that I seem v. sensitive to them & they think of themselves as mean enough (but in control enough) that they -could- say/do things to really hurt me but they don't 'cause we're friends. I'm sorry, but these people don't know me well enough~:) I don't think you can just hurt someone like that if they haven't got the mentality of a victim (ie, caring what people think, unaware of their flaws/issues, unself-confident about their strength or ability to fight back or succeed). I'm not 'out there' as being a toughass, and in fact I'm pretty (sometimes extremely) sensitive about what people say to me, but... I'm also extremely self-aware. There's literally nothing you can do/say to me about myself that 1) I'm unaware of; 2) I don't have faith I can work through eventually, given this exchange doesn't involve violence (well, violence would take a lot longer to deal with, since I'm least confident physically). So just as there are predators, there are victims-- one sort of allows/forms the existence of the other; therefore, not being a victim, it would be very difficult for a predator to gain mental access to me no matter how 'mean' or 'bad' he/she was.
Anyway, people who're just obnoxious and like to mouth off or do jackass-type things for a laugh aren't predators, pure & simple. They're more like hyenas, I guess-- well, there's a range from seagull or crow-type scavengers to hyenas, maybe :D There's a huge difference in nature between a crow and a hawk, say-- though human beings who have power & like to use it are often a lot more mentally unbalanced than hawks. I mean, hawks are a natural part of the ecosystem in which they exist in the same way mice are-- but human beings who have those sorts of dominant/cruel natures tend not to know their place. (Btw, if I had to be a bird of some kind, I'm probably a small owl-- I mean, I could always go for fresh meat, but mostly I don't make a big fuss and go with nice easy insects.) Um. Okay, that was a tangent -.-
~~
B) Man, it is beyond rare these days that I come across something that makes me really feel like an HP fan (in terms of fic or art or whatever)... but the funny thing is, I really am, actually. The last time I felt it before recently was when I saw Platform 9¾ (or the stretch of wall at King's Cross that has part of a trolley attached, whichever). Man, that was ace. Yesterday, I was sort of happy reading JKR's old post-HBP interview (which my deluded brain found slashily inspiring), and then![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
furiosity's 'The Revenant' had an adorable Draco. I wish this sort of 'ooooh, DRACO IS SO CUTE' thing happened to me more often... I remember when I read hackthis & Silvia & had that squeeing gurgle of adoration every time. (Ahahaha, I was so lame I used to read angsty obscure stuff like Jay's 'Disarm' & squee too. Well, okay, I used to squee at everything. :/ What. :/ Um.)
Aaaaanyway, I had a point and here it is: I was looking at the Swedish HP book covers at The Leaky today, and ooooh! *commence sparkly-eyed cooing* I love the OoTP one, but what I REALLY love is the HBP one <3333333333 I AM SO FULL OF TEH HBP!HARRY LOFF <3333333 That Harry is my Harry, wah <3. I wanna cuddle-wuddle him and call him Geooorge... um. So yeah. HBP! LOVE! :> Man, I really wish they sold these as posters... *weepz*
C) I've been on a kick for m/m/f (uh, pr0n) past few days, and woefully I don't like either Hermione/Harry/Draco nor (really) Harry/Ron/Hermione (and things like Sirius/James/Lily or Sirius/Remus/Tonks are actually a squick), so in terms of HP, I'm totally stuck. I sort of want to request Harry/Draco/Ginny on one of those request challenge comms, but I'm pretty sure no one would bother writing it really in character (... if that can even be done, which it probably can't without an epic, and even I don't want to read 300p for porn).
Still, I'm vaguely inspired to write lots of 'normal' boysmex from seeing a bunch of nekkid boy pics ♥. The thing I really like is how many are smiling or being cute & playful. Most pics with girls have this 'artificially slutty' quality to the playfulness... I dunno. Like, the boys are a lot more unself-conscious & 'natural' than most girls of the same age-range I've seen, which is awesome <3. So I had this mental process where 'playful gay boys' naturally progressed to 'playful bi boys', just to up the shameless slut factor, ahahah (plus my Harry remains mostly straight this way) :D
Also, I really like this article saying it makes more sense to separate romantic & sexual bisexuality rather than just saying 'if it's not romantic, it's not bisexual' the way people do. I also like the idea that 80% of guys are bisexual but heteroromantic & homoplatonic, hahaha. It seems to bear out what I've observed, and leaves room for slash-- I mean, they could have tons of very deeply platonic sex, I don't mind!! :D
D) Sometime asked me why I'm so verbose recently. I'm like, "..... GOOD QUESTION". -.-;;
EDIT - Disclaimer: I'm only talking about the personal, psychological ramifications & issues, not trying to imply anything about 'proper' social response or standards.
Well, the kerfuffle's probably 'cause most people value the behavior itself over motivation/subtleties of context... but it's gotten to the point where my mom tells me 'I think you're a good person' and I said, 'why?' So she says it's because I'm honest (and I laughed) and then she clarified 'honest about the things that matter', and I raised an eyebrow. Finally, she said 'you've got a sense of honor-- modified for you', ahaha & that I'm not a mean person. So I was like 'are mean people bad?' and she said yes. This exchange is so funny to me 'cause I had a 'MEAN PEOPLE SUCK' sticker I was very proud of when I was 20 or something; I still think mean people suck, but I also think that since more than half the world's population doesn't know 'mean/truly cruel' from 'harmlessly obnoxious' or even 'impolite'(!!!), I'll just go around defending mean people.... *sigh*
I should really shut up about this topic; I realize how repetitive I am :/ It just really HURTS MY BRAIN that people don't get that impolite/obnoxious != mean evil bastard. This is not advanced ethics, is it? :O
...Although I think the question of 'can a mean person still be a Good person?' is an interesting one. Cruelty/sadism is one of the true... uh... negative qualities that exist, and perhaps the only truly bad quality as far as I'm concerned (though extreme self-centeredness and desire to control/subjugate others tie in), but. I think too many people think verbal obnoxiousness is the same thing (ethically) as the actual biggie (which is wanton cruelty itself). Granted, it's a sign of insensitivity, but there can be a range there, I hope :/
If people are being funny, even if they're not funny at all, by definition they're not in the same ballpark as someone who's just cruel. Secondly, true cruelty depends on knowing who you're being cruel to and how they'll react; a truly cruel person picks on someone they know is vulnerable and sensitive (or submissive/can't fight back/born victim). It's merely an obnoxious/rude/wanky person who picks on someone they consider either tough or an equal, or someone who's not there and will never hear of it. There's also a third type of meanie who picks on people they truly think are mean/bad/wrong (but not 'stupid' or 'ugly', because there's no possible even skewed moral justification there)-- I'd say they're just badass or 'tough', like a vigilante/judge stereotype. (Ahh, Gryffindors, ahahahahah...ha.) Anyway, these three types are seriously different in terms of ethics and the best way to deal with them, I think.
For instance: people have told me that I seem v. sensitive to them & they think of themselves as mean enough (but in control enough) that they -could- say/do things to really hurt me but they don't 'cause we're friends. I'm sorry, but these people don't know me well enough~:) I don't think you can just hurt someone like that if they haven't got the mentality of a victim (ie, caring what people think, unaware of their flaws/issues, unself-confident about their strength or ability to fight back or succeed). I'm not 'out there' as being a toughass, and in fact I'm pretty (sometimes extremely) sensitive about what people say to me, but... I'm also extremely self-aware. There's literally nothing you can do/say to me about myself that 1) I'm unaware of; 2) I don't have faith I can work through eventually, given this exchange doesn't involve violence (well, violence would take a lot longer to deal with, since I'm least confident physically). So just as there are predators, there are victims-- one sort of allows/forms the existence of the other; therefore, not being a victim, it would be very difficult for a predator to gain mental access to me no matter how 'mean' or 'bad' he/she was.
Anyway, people who're just obnoxious and like to mouth off or do jackass-type things for a laugh aren't predators, pure & simple. They're more like hyenas, I guess-- well, there's a range from seagull or crow-type scavengers to hyenas, maybe :D There's a huge difference in nature between a crow and a hawk, say-- though human beings who have power & like to use it are often a lot more mentally unbalanced than hawks. I mean, hawks are a natural part of the ecosystem in which they exist in the same way mice are-- but human beings who have those sorts of dominant/cruel natures tend not to know their place. (Btw, if I had to be a bird of some kind, I'm probably a small owl-- I mean, I could always go for fresh meat, but mostly I don't make a big fuss and go with nice easy insects.) Um. Okay, that was a tangent -.-
~~
B) Man, it is beyond rare these days that I come across something that makes me really feel like an HP fan (in terms of fic or art or whatever)... but the funny thing is, I really am, actually. The last time I felt it before recently was when I saw Platform 9¾ (or the stretch of wall at King's Cross that has part of a trolley attached, whichever). Man, that was ace. Yesterday, I was sort of happy reading JKR's old post-HBP interview (which my deluded brain found slashily inspiring), and then
furiosity's 'The Revenant' had an adorable Draco. I wish this sort of 'ooooh, DRACO IS SO CUTE' thing happened to me more often... I remember when I read hackthis & Silvia & had that squeeing gurgle of adoration every time. (Ahahaha, I was so lame I used to read angsty obscure stuff like Jay's 'Disarm' & squee too. Well, okay, I used to squee at everything. :/ What. :/ Um.)Aaaaanyway, I had a point and here it is: I was looking at the Swedish HP book covers at The Leaky today, and ooooh! *commence sparkly-eyed cooing* I love the OoTP one, but what I REALLY love is the HBP one <3333333333 I AM SO FULL OF TEH HBP!HARRY LOFF <3333333 That Harry is my Harry, wah <3. I wanna cuddle-wuddle him and call him Geooorge... um. So yeah. HBP! LOVE! :> Man, I really wish they sold these as posters... *weepz*
C) I've been on a kick for m/m/f (uh, pr0n) past few days, and woefully I don't like either Hermione/Harry/Draco nor (really) Harry/Ron/Hermione (and things like Sirius/James/Lily or Sirius/Remus/Tonks are actually a squick), so in terms of HP, I'm totally stuck. I sort of want to request Harry/Draco/Ginny on one of those request challenge comms, but I'm pretty sure no one would bother writing it really in character (... if that can even be done, which it probably can't without an epic, and even I don't want to read 300p for porn).
Still, I'm vaguely inspired to write lots of 'normal' boysmex from seeing a bunch of nekkid boy pics ♥. The thing I really like is how many are smiling or being cute & playful. Most pics with girls have this 'artificially slutty' quality to the playfulness... I dunno. Like, the boys are a lot more unself-conscious & 'natural' than most girls of the same age-range I've seen, which is awesome <3. So I had this mental process where 'playful gay boys' naturally progressed to 'playful bi boys', just to up the shameless slut factor, ahahah (plus my Harry remains mostly straight this way) :D
Also, I really like this article saying it makes more sense to separate romantic & sexual bisexuality rather than just saying 'if it's not romantic, it's not bisexual' the way people do. I also like the idea that 80% of guys are bisexual but heteroromantic & homoplatonic, hahaha. It seems to bear out what I've observed, and leaves room for slash-- I mean, they could have tons of very deeply platonic sex, I don't mind!! :D
D) Sometime asked me why I'm so verbose recently. I'm like, "..... GOOD QUESTION". -.-;;
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Re: i wanted to say yes :)
Date: 2006-09-13 03:53 pm (UTC)Draco Malfoy is sleeping with his Mum and will one day throw R/Hr's kid out of the window Y/N?
that's a tough one
Date: 2006-09-13 03:55 pm (UTC)AHAHAHAHAHAH HARRY IS THE KNIGHT OF FLOWERSLkfjl;akjsfdlkjlskjglkdjf
...okay, no. but. *coughs/chokes*
Re: that's a tough one
Date: 2006-09-13 04:02 pm (UTC)H/D is like Jon/Theon in a way. I have pornographic fantasies of Theon being sent to the wall and becoming like... Jon's reclutant/bitter/flayed companion.
(Now I have like, a repressed lecture in me. That's hard.)
Re: that's a tough one
Date: 2006-09-13 04:11 pm (UTC)God, I love seeing H/D in places :( It's sort of like seeing Pi :>
Re: that's a tough one
Date: 2006-09-13 04:15 pm (UTC)What's Pi?
You don't have to be sad about seeing H/D. I think it's become so trendy to be declare H/D lame that now it's being anti-H/D that's lame.
(Jon didn't like Theon and Theon thought he was so much better than him. UST!)
Re: that's a tough one
Date: 2006-09-13 04:22 pm (UTC)HEEEE, Robb/fanboys! :D I love straight-boy crushes <3.
Theon was so oppressed :> :>
Re: that's a tough one
Date: 2006-09-13 04:32 pm (UTC)I actually like Robb precisely for that reason. Somehow obvious straight boys are just so loveable.
Theon was too oppressed! By Asha. And considering the sexism-gate that's going on on the boards today I guess I am scum for disliking not only Catelyn and Dany, but Asha also. XD
Re: that's a tough one
Date: 2006-09-13 04:06 pm (UTC)DAMN I AM SLOW.
THOUGH, CHOKES @ HARRY THE COCKY LITTLE SUBORDINATE OF WORLDWISE DRACO
Re: that's a tough one
Date: 2006-09-13 04:19 pm (UTC)...if Harry was a subordinate, he'd have to be a cocky one, wouldn't he. Also, here SHARE MY PAIN (http://furiosity.livejournal.com/320813.html?thread=10524973#t10524973) :>
Re: that's a tough one
Date: 2006-09-13 04:36 pm (UTC)Dude, that's a lot of text O_O Summary? I skimmed and I seem to understand she thinks Draco tops because of politics?
Re: that's a tough one
Date: 2006-09-13 04:40 pm (UTC)Re: that's a tough one
Date: 2006-09-13 04:46 pm (UTC)HOLY CRAP I KNOW SOME FANS OF HARRY WHITEWASH HIM BUT THAT'S JUST HILARIOUS.
Also: a) and b) have nothing to do with psychology and sex. and c)... like, I don't like the fanon where Draco is this disgusting little grovelling worm, but where do they get him having such a strong will? (Everyone is fandom is so polarizing and unsubtle.)
And now I'm reminded that the majority of people seems to think bottoming is a form of weakness. Like they were animals and the beta was just admitting the alpha is too mighty for him. =.=
Re: that's a tough one
Date: 2006-09-13 04:54 pm (UTC)...yeah, basically I don't know why I bother with people who'd hit a certain level of 'unable to hold an intelligent conversation', but THEY TALK TO ME FIRST! :/ The thing she had in common with the OEL manga person (http://adora-spintriae.livejournal.com/253625.html?thread=1640633#t1640633) from this weekend is this apparently total inability to actually -listen- to what I said. :/
fixed typos
Date: 2006-09-13 05:09 pm (UTC)Anyway after some time spent observing Sasunaru shippers (I swear, that's ALL they talk about, who tops that is) I decided you can't really make any conclusive argument one way or the other from YA canons. I think people will always project their own sexual experiences onto the characters and there's a lot of leeway because they aren't so sexually defined (if at all). This is how you get arguments like "Draco tops because he's popular" from sexually inexperienced or just not very emotionally intelligent people. Actually now I am contradicting myself with saying their arguments are weaker but I guess I meant that the debate is even harder than "DRACO LOWERED IS WAND BECAUSE OF HIS COSCIENCE Y/N" and people twist the canon around with that as well, projecting all sort of made-up facts/stereotypes on the scene.
I know I am obsessive. However, I understand why you're so angry at bad logic. Btw, I had a break-through re=moral readings of characters too and I understand your hatred now; I don't hate moral readings per se but I hate people who assume the only way to relate to a character is by JUDGING THEM. So you're irrational if you like Jaime more than Catelyn.
Re: fixed typos
Date: 2006-09-13 05:17 pm (UTC)YESSSSSSSS!! :D :D :D :D! *does the little dance of being understood* :> People constantly assume I judge when I don't judge and it DRIVES ME UP THE FUCKING WALL :O!
Also: "not very emotionally intelligent" sums it up nicely :>
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Date: 2006-09-13 05:24 pm (UTC)Re: that's a tough one
Date: 2006-09-13 05:35 pm (UTC)You know once I was ranting in my head about Harry and I totally called him "that boring self-righteous little bastard". Heh.
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From:Re: i wanted to say yes :)
Date: 2006-09-13 03:57 pm (UTC)Re: i wanted to say yes :)
Date: 2006-09-13 04:03 pm (UTC)They're both assholes and pathetic yet sort of sympathetic.
Maybe Harry is Brienne.
Re: i wanted to say yes :)
Date: 2006-09-13 04:07 pm (UTC)NOOOOO NOT BRIENNE.
just sort of but NOT REALLY!
Re: i wanted to say yes :)
Date: 2006-09-13 04:11 pm (UTC)Note how I finally slipped the lecture in. I am so rad.
Re: i wanted to say yes :)
Date: 2006-09-13 04:14 pm (UTC)"Why do you--" Draco's whole face screwed up in misery. "Why can't you fucking leave me alone? Umm! Mmmmmph-- uuuh--" Potter shoved his whole tongue in unceremoniously like some sort of silky slick battering ram, and Draco felt speared through all the way down to his stomach. Gone were the tentative dry brushes from the Forbidden Forest; this was an all-out invasion, and it burned.
Draco almost didn't notice Potter's hands wander until they slid up his lower back, cool enough to make him twitch. For a lost moment all he did was clench his fist in Potter's shirt, jerking it up to wrap it around his fingers, with his other hand clenching on Potter's forearm. Instead of making Potter stop, that seemed to egg him on, until their arms and stomachs rubbed against each other in earnest. For a few frantic moments all that existed was those tiny patches of skin Draco scrabbled at around Potter's waist and the smacking, slurping noises between them.
When he'd kissed Potter back, it was with all the resentment and outrage he could muster, like he was launching some sort of counterattack. He bit at Potter's mouth and growled and grunted, tangling his fingers in the rat's nest on Potter's head so he could yank.
It struck him that Potter wanted this. There was a numb sort of sinking feeling in his stomach. He hadn't want to talk after all-- Potter never wanted to hear anything Draco said, and now things weren't much different just because Potter developed an itch in his bloody pants and apparently felt entitled to use whomever he felt like to scratch it.
"Want-- you--" Potter mumbled, panting into his ear and making Draco feel both queasy and twitchy but also melting somewhere in his lower stomach.
"Ohh...." Draco's mind went completely blank and fuzzy around the edges and he froze.
Re: i wanted to say yes :)
Date: 2006-09-13 04:21 pm (UTC)There was a numb sort of sinking feeling in his stomach. He hadn't want to talk after all-- Potter never wanted to hear anything Draco said, and now things weren't much different just because Potter developed an itch in his bloody pants and apparently felt entitled to use whomever he felt like to scratch it.
Draco is insecure. I like it but :(
Harry is so absent from all this. He's very cipher like in which he seems to be there to do all the things that turn Draco on. That's probably because I project onto sub!Draco though.
Re: i wanted to say yes :)
Date: 2006-09-13 04:26 pm (UTC)Um, here, maybe that's more Harry, before:
"You're a prick, yeah. Such a-- prick-- but it feels good to say it. Finally sayin' it's like passin' a thick piece of, um-- y'know--"
"Potter!" he cried, outraged. "You're nothing but a soppy drunk! Get a sodding grip!"
Potter blithely dragged his stool closer to Draco's, ignoring him.
"Oh! Here, have some." He pressed the flask into Draco's slack hands, making Draco wonder distantly if it had a charm to top it off. He shrugged; it's probably easier to tolerate these things if one is quite pissed enough oneself.
"You reckon I've wanted to? Say it before, I mean?" Potter actually sounded nearly sober at this, and Draco barely had the time to process that before Potter had toppled him off the stool.
There wasn't much pain since somehow or other, Potter cushioned him; for a moment, Draco was merely stunned. Potter was all bony hips and knees and smooth muscle, but all of a sudden, Draco felt quite a bit too comfortable.
"I-- you--" Draco swallowed hard, making an effort to descramble his brain. "Finally lost it, haven't you?" That may have come out better if it wasn't a hoarse whisper.
"Dunno. Seemed like a good idea at the time." Potter's glasses had slid off at some point in the tussle, and he blinked stupidly at Draco, eyes wide and dark. His lips slowly parted as Draco watched, and Potter licked them.
"W-what?"
"This," Potter said, and he dipped his head to smash his dry mouth against Draco's.
Re: i wanted to say yes :)
Date: 2006-09-13 04:41 pm (UTC)BLITHELY yesss! I love blithe anyone but especially Harry, must be part of my dry!people kink.
I also have a secret kink for H/D being drunk together, did I ever tell you? I love incoherent Harry facing his demons, though I would love it even more if they acted like frat boys.
I love that Harry is confortable because he's drank and Draco is so... not. Power differential because of booze! Yes.
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