[rambling on about nothing as usual.]

[reenka]

You know, before I spent too long in fandom, I had squicks. Now I just have preferences and a whole lot of pet-peeves, where it's just that you'd have to work harder to please me if I've a peeve about it. Like, y'know, I remember in the good old days, where Kirk/Spock sex pretty much squicked me, even if I liked the idea of the pairing a lot; I couldn't get over my adolescent vision of them. I remember when Ron/Draco and Snape/Draco and even Harry/Hermione seemed Deeply Wrong... and now I just don't prefer them. I remember when H/D was the alpha and omega of my fannish universe and I had all these ideas about how it 'should' and 'shouldn't' be done (and okay, I still have those), but I've become quite lax about thumping my chest and hyperventilating, alas.

Anyway, I meant to talk about a specific comment in this Wincest squick post, but it also made me think a bit, 'cause yeah, the sheer prevalence of that reading of a show's canon bothers me a bit-- though that's my 'canon, bitches!' thing, not any anti-incest squick, exactly; actually, I don't think I've ever had a 'traditional' squick in the sense that it's based on my real-life beliefs (I mean, I tend to like characters in fiction I'd probably clobber in real life, for a start). Like, if it's well-written, anything challenging or transgressive can only make the story more interesting, as far as I'm concerned; for examples, look to the many instances of incest in classic literature and also some of the best genre lit of today (okay, mainly Song of Ice and Fire). I cannot imagine seriously reading something good and then stopping and going, 'but this is WRONG, HOW COULD THIS BE??! NOOOoooo'. If I really felt like that, I mean, I wouldn't have graduated from books for toddlers, because isn't there always something unpleasant and 'wrong' and unfair even in (good and/or classic) children's books?

    (Btw, this is where some of my friends woujd just say I'm not a critical enough reader, so I clearly suck. Hehe. Because yeah, while I was careful to say 'well-written' and 'good' stories, the truth is I also suspend a lot of judgment/personal issues/disbelief when reading stuff I just... like a lot for whatever reason. I wouldn't call it a 'kink'; like, I don't have a 'kink' for HP canon, y'know? Most of the time the only reason I'm critical is when I either really love something or really hate it, usually because of aesthetic/story-construction reasons. This mostly applies to stuff that's really bad. How do I explain it. It applies to purple-prosey fantasy books with ass-stupid names & the majority of post-OoTP fanfic I read, hahaha; it very rarely applies to content, in other words, and only to execution-- the big exception being OOCness in fic and stuff I find relentlessly bleak. Because I'm a huge romantic dork. But I try to keep that under control. :P So yeah, it's a personality issue, basically, and one I can't really do anything about, so nyah.)


In any case, I'm veeeery touchy about actually projecting slashiness on any canon... and in fact I can't think of any where I would do so with all honesty. There's liminal cases like Star Trek, The Sentinel and Gundam Wing, but I wouldn't go so far as to explain anything that happened with the characters through that lens. It's just subtext, take it or leave it.

Aaanyway. It's funny because I have the exact opposite reaction-- usually if something squicks me in text/theory, it squicks me less in a visual representation, because I'm more of an aesthete-- I always look at art as an 'art piece' first and a 'statement' second; in other words, I can easily disengage any moral/ethical/other biases and just enjoy the pretty because pretty is what matters with visual media to me. This is why I have no hard pairing preference with fanart, for instance, and why I tolerate and enjoy extreme cheesiness in fanvids of the sort that'd make me run screaming from a fic.
    Coincidentally, it's also why the 6A/LJ wank sticks in my craw like mad. It's really the art-critique aspect that drives me mad, the double-standard where fanfic is okay but fanart isn't-- fanart needs to be judged by outsiders who don't have the first clue what they're looking at. That just drives me mad. Visual art just... the idea of judging it in such pedestrian terms without even realizing that's what you're doing-- it makes my blood boil.

Regardless, I meant to just quote harriet_spy's comment:
    To be honest, there's no way you can take a dynamic that hinges even a little bit on transgressiveness, have ten thousand squeeing fangirls stampede over it, and have anything left but flatness.

I just thought that was really... very true. And it really applies to some of my favorite pairings (*cough!*) rather than just Wincest. It's not that I hate fluff... it's that I'm just so bored & frustrated by the sheer glut of narratives that make the transgressive and raw as acceptable and 'easy' as possible. Actually, the reason I wouldn't ship Wincest is probably because you can't reasonably expect it to be remotely healthy or resolvable in any positive way-- and I'm still a romantic. It's kinda figures that the incest is intinsically everyone's problem, but yeah. This definitely reminds of the sheer flatness I felt before I stopped reading H/D altogether; this sense that the pairing has become... completely predictable and 'easy' (in fandom, not in canon). I can't really think of a transgressive pairing that actually consistently captured its own problematic areas... which is why I'm really way too wary to read S/L, but oh well.

Comments

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Anyway, I was right, or perhaps it's a self-fulfilling prophecy that when you lower your expectations enough, you're never disappointed-- probably a bit of both. I did feel that climax and simultaneous let down that most people felt with DH (though I suppose minus the climax), and I felt it with HBP. I both got what I wanted and not, and after that my 'vision' was lost; I didn't know how to think of Harry with Draco, what tack to take, really, how to change my post-OoTP flaming vision into a dynamic that a) made sense now; b) I loved as much as the post-OoTP dynamic in my head. And while I still loved (love) H/D like crazy, 'thinking of them' in canon is something different. It requires not just love but vision, a sort of belief or conviction, y'know, idealistic in nature (for me,. who's idealistic in nature). My H/D was always crazyintense and I knew Harr y was on the road to control and mastery of the past-- had to be, to be adult enough to kill Voldemort. Draco, I had no clue-- I thought he might be growing up, or might not, but it was clear either way his apex with Harry, his last 'big bang' was when he stomped on Harry's face; I dunno if I 'knew', but I 'felt' or feared or... something. Draco had other fish to fry; the obsessive dynamic had changed, for better or worse, and people saying stuff about Harry being the obsessive one now just hurt my feelings (because it implied he had no good reason to follow him around-- I'm defensive on his behalf, y'know) and made me militantly skeptical in any case.

So yeah, the H+D in DH was actually a relief-- better than I'd hoped for (which I tried realy hard to make 'nothing'), as in it gave me ideas for things (wands!! Malfoy manor!! saving!!), but these are yummy plot ideas, not characterization-driven ideas, if that makes sense. I'm a characterization-driven writer. I will always think Harry needs Draco and vice versa, but it's hard to 'see' it using canon as a launching pad-- not 'subverting' but just using canon. I mean. Still OTP! But notsomuch blazing into the future; just like you, they're my history like HP itself is now-- well--history. *hugs*

[amalin.livejournal.com]

Wah :((((( I mean yeah, I do not really think about writing them post-DH. I mean, my post-DH fic that I almost finished before I discarded it was gen-ish H/D, but they still parted, you know? BUT BUT BUT. IN MY HEAD. THEY'RE LIKE. ALWAYS GOING TO BE TOGETHER ETC. And like, even though canon!Harry might never spare Draco a thought, in my head he'll always wonder, and so will Draco, because EVEN IN CANON, they moved each other a little. To me, they did. Like that embarrassing H/D-love post that everyone was like omfg yes about, it is true, really. I don't think their story is ended, I don't, maybe I just don't have a part in writing it anymore :( Or like. It's like even if their story is over, the effect it had on me is not :( OR SOMETHING TRANSFORMATION CHANGING EACH OTHER IN WAYS THAT LAST EVEN IF THE RELATIONSHIP DOESN'T TO THE GATES OF HELL ETC :(

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Wah :(( You make me feel like I'm shooting puppies. Eep. I didn't mean they're not together in my head :(( What I meant by 'history' is that it's a part of me, unchanging-- changing and growing is what the present and the future does, and it -has- to change with new info, has to grow-- and that's what's difficult for me, that's what I was trying to explain. In order to keep on keeping on with H/D, for me, I realized it'd have to change in a direction I wasn't as passionate about. You can't just keep them in a jar and write them seriously, especially not based on canon. But shipping them and loving the pairing is another matter :)

Just last post I was squeeing about cheesy H/D vids you are totally above, hahah ^^;;; I can see how that sounds like I'm saying that, maybe(?), but I just mean it's a writing thing. I don't know where to go with it, or what I think (yet?) they're 'really' doing in regards to each other in canon... if Harry wonders, I mean... he probably does? But I wanted him to have his eyes peeled open, to have his assumptions blasted, to have his whole world upended, and I wanted that for Draco too. I was never about going quiet into that good night. And post-OoTP, that quietness began to seep in. 'Maturity', 'pity', call it what you will.

But of course there's still love. I just have to regress a bit to get into it. I don't project it into the future as much. I don't construct air-castles like I did post-OoTP-- it's more just going over the memories and old photographs and feeling nostalgic and a little happysad. I dunno. Their fanon story is definitely not ended, but it's more like it's atemporal-- endings and beginnings don't apply anymore. I dunno if there is an ending in my head, anyway-- I'm not saying it's 'ended', just that I don't know where it's going for me. If it's going. Emotionally, I mean; in terms of actual events and such, I have several ideas, haha. Anyway, it's just different levels, really. When I love something, of course I love it forever :)

[amalin.livejournal.com]

dlfkjs the fanvids just made me lol by existing okay

just have to regress a bit to get into it. I don't project it into the future as much. I don't construct air-castles like I did post-OoTP-- it's more just going over the memories and old photographs and feeling nostalgic and a little happysad. I dunno. Their fanon story is definitely not ended, but it's more like it's atemporal-- endings and beginnings don't apply anymore.

:(( REENA. SEE I AM NOT REFUTING WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, I'M JUST TRYING NOT TO HEAR IT YET BECAUSE I FEEL THAT WAY TOO. And I really miss them. :((

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Heheh If I wasn't so wary of going through 10943 hours of film, I'd totally make them myself :> :> Cheesy vids are greatness. You should've seen that pre-Azkaban Sirius + Wormtail fanmovie they showed at the con. I mean, with fans actually acting the parts. In south Cali, like the streets of sunny LA or something. It was a thing of MONUMENTAL BEAUTY. And of course dorkiness, haha. I died. Oh fandom cheese D: D:

Wah. :(( I haven't gotten to the point of missing them yet 'cause I have all this stuff to write, haha, so avoidance is easy as procrastination, but I've been 'not projecting' since the end of HBP, so I guess I'm ahead of you on that front. ^^; Instead of looking for hypothetical sappy fics, you should watch some vids. *eyebrow waggle* Though of course my favorites are angst, there's always stuff like this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fcs_RnkKOMk&mode=related&search=) & especially this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StcErK-vgv0&NR=1), AHAHAHAHAH :D Disney crack makes it all okay. :>

[amalin.livejournal.com]

God you're making me want to read horrible OOC sap in which they wake up together and grouchily promise to love each other forever and I don't even know where to FIND that shit anymore lkdjs

[discordiana.livejournal.com]

I just have to regress a bit to get into it. I don't project it into the future as much. I don't construct air-castles like I did post-OoTP-- it's more just going over the memories and old photographs and feeling nostalgic and a little happysad.

You know though (I'm not refuting either, I'm just trying to see if the things I say are useful) but I wrote a lot of stuff after my first reading of DH to deal with my initial problems and one of the big positive things were that I wanted/was actually happy to recapture all my post-OOTP thoughts about (Draco as the monster, and the shadow, but in general) OOTP Draco, yeah. Of course you've got things to add (the HBP and DH story) but it seems to just work in the direction where it makes that reading easier and give it more pay-off. Like even the expectation of romantic heroism after HBP weren't exactly it.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

That -is- interesting if you isolate it; the fact that Draco 'regressed' or didn't progress-- remained most definitely himself. The problem is, of course, that Harry doesn't seem to have a hair-trigger Shadow-like response to Draco's behavior; he seems to accept it(?). Ron got angry and punched Draco, but Harry saved Draco's life instinctively & didn't seem bitter afterwards. I love DH!Draco, though, and his ambiguities and his -trying- so hard and his doing things that are good sort of naturally, if on the very minimal scale-- and he's a lot less angsty/reluctant/conflicted about it than Snape, say, it seems like. I find all that very interesting. Dynamic-wise (ie, H/D), I dunno, it's different.

I do love the connection between OoTP!Draco & DH!Draco, but then I loved HBP!Draco, too and thought he was a totally great and natural progression from OoTP except for the bit where he's not bothered with Harry so much & has other problems now :> The romantic heroism talk all went over my head-- I never even began to connect with it, so it's not an issue; I'm just not sure where I or how I see their dynamic in DH. It's hard to imagine Harry would be all that sensitive to Draco's antics if he forgave -Snape-, but of course it was always more personal in a way with Draco. I mean, it's not that I don't see a potential for other people to write stuff, I just don't feel it myself? It's like I love Draco and Harry's stories but I don't know if I see a story for them together. My sort of story, I mean, not like in general.

I was definitely happy with Draco in DH, though. He was just... constantly himself and yet still managed to give little glimmers of something unexpected. You could work with that. Somehow. Not that I know how, but I still like the idea of DH AUs :>

[discordiana.livejournal.com]

I really don't get the talk of how Draco has regressed. I mean, I get it, but that just makes it worse. It seems like when OOTP came out and people were disappointed he wasn't Cassie Claire's Draco. I mean, even the people who hate him seem to be holding this against him, that he's not the fantasy fandom made him out to be.

I think you can't ignore HBP when you talk about Draco, it's just that it's not some essentialist deal where he's either HBP and DH, it's both. That's way better; it's like when I was talking about Draco saving Goyle... it's a lot more awesome when bravery comes from a guy who screams and squeezes so tightly it hurts and later is still saying he's on the DE side to save his ass. But then I just read a post when someone said they shouldn't be sympathizing with Jaime Lannister, and this movie review where the guy was all like "they're all assholes, what's the point of it" and I want to headdesk x1000.

Plus I think Draco changed, moreso than Harry even. It just wasn't bangy or super-positive and cool and didn't bring him to an openly admirable place.

I don't know about Harry... I mean 1) he seemed pretty emotionally robotic in this book to me when he wasn't having righteous anger and 2) the shadow is a complex archetype so I can still very easily read it there but then I almost expect you to want me to make a case for why it's *the* reading rather than just a possible (sneaky! that's what I like about it... remember that song I talked about on aim?) one.

Like, it's supertrue that Harry has a completely different relationship to Snape, if anything because they're so similar, where Draco is an alien in almost every way. But you know what I mean.or

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

That's why I put 'regressed' in quotes, like, 'regressed'. Because people say so, and because they were expecting... whatever it is they were expecting :P I wasn't ignoring HBP(??), I was saying HBP was a direct response to my ideas post-HBP and was, if anthing, impossible to ignore in many ways, so... but then I never know if you're talking about me or 'fandom' or what ^^;;; I don't think I was saying he's 'either' HBP or DH; that doesn't even make sense to me, since he's one character & I couldn't separate the cumulative effect of books in my head if I tried. Partly my problem (ie, they're completely 'whole' in my head, one entity). I like the idea of AUs, but starting them myself is an issue of some difficulty. When I said I 'liked the connection' between OoTP and DH, I didn't mean to skip HBP, I meant to say the books have resonances; OoTP Harry & DH Harry does, hell, book 1 Harry & book 7 Harry has major thematic connections. And thematic connections is what I was talking about.

I agree Draco changed... in many little subtle ways, in some more obvious ways in terms of his priorities becoming more clear. With Harry, hahah I don't expect you to illuminate canon!Harry for me :> I don't think he was robotic, though seeing it from your pov I see where you get it... he was so sad/nostalgic about his years in Hogwarts, so frustrated and angry and even needy about Dumbledore, obsessive about the Hallows, scared and impatient while camping, worried about and then lost without Ron. The past was really palpable as a presence-- Harry was thinking about it more than ever, finally asking these hard questions about Dumbledore, finally going to Godric's Hollow, going back to Hogwarts and realizing his connection with it & Tom and Snape-- all these things were strong emotional markers, and I experienced them from Harry's pov. But of course my view of Harry!canon and yours... tend not to coincide, as I said :>

[discordiana.livejournal.com]

Ahaha, it's sort of funny because I want to say "you're projecting" regarding your reading of Harry, but it has nothing to do with what I actually think about it, just with the way I twitch every time you talk of "fangirls" projecting "slash". ;P (<-- emoticon)

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

I think the way I say it is very loose and hinges on creative unifying of some threads in canon (ie, summarizing at all is subjective in that it's inevitably an interpretation rather than a pure dissection of canon). Alas, I never actually bother quoting bits or making coherent arguments ^^;;;; Anyway, I don't think I say all fangirls always project slash by default :P I just make distinctions between subtext & text; god, I don't want to get into THAT again. I 'see' slashiness myself plenty of times, I just stop short of saying it actually directly explains X action; like... uh, random example, I see some emotional 'slashiness' in Star Trek, though I'm ambiguous about sexualizing it. Regardless, I would never say 'the reason Kirk went so far to rescue Spock when he thought Spock was dead after the second movie was because he was in luuurve and they were boyfriends omg!!'. I mean, most reasonable people wouldn't say that, but a lot of people do squee in that general direction, and I've been in fandom long enough to become bitter, clearly. ^^;;

[amalin.livejournal.com]

I know one day I'm going to leave HP behind in a way that means I only think of it fondly as something that happened years ago, and mourn for years past but I don't want to admit that will happen yet :|

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Oh, with HP in general.... mostly it's history but I still feel close to it. Like, I want to go to next years con and I still love talking about canon (when I get a chance to) and so on. I don't mean ancient history? It is, of course, very recent history, but... there's a sense of a relationship that is defined rather than developing, and that relationship is to a whole complete canon now. So it's not just fond reminiscence yet for me either!

I shouldn't have said 'just like you', but then you're always saying I'm your one connection to fandom :> Funny, I thought I wasn't really part of fandom for more than a year now :)) Nearly all my friends aren't in fandom, really, and most of them don't even like HP, per se (besides you and a few others). But that doesn't matter-- the point is that my love for canon is totally live & kicking, so I suppose I shouldn't call it history, except that history has many layers, and a lot of them are still alive. :)

[amalin.livejournal.com]

No, you are right though, it is history to me, why do you think I moved off LJ in part, you know? I just. Don't want to admit it to myself sometimes, I am way too attached to all this deep down, it is not as easy as I pretend to cut all ties and everything.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

I don't want to cut all ties either :(( I mean, okay I don't really read fic anymore but I never cut all ties :(( That's not what history means to me, anyway; I probably keep closer ties with my past than my future, though, I mean, I do the migrating crab thing too (well! I'm a Cancer!)... so it's okay to stay attached. It's okay to keep it. It's okay to still believe in it the way you used to, even if you stopped following the thread of that belief into the future. I think, anyway. You don't have to leave everything behind; you don't even have to leave in the sense of... leaving pieces of your heart behind. You can take it all with you. <3.

[amalin.livejournal.com]

I just read Maya's last fic and it made me feel all these things more - in love with HP, the knowledge that it's ended, the fact that it will always be part of me, the fact that it's still gone :| kdfjs I know it's so stupid to feel so strongly about it when everything important in my life is still going on, but it's like when NA ended, I rarely talk about it but I'm still not over it, nor will I ever be.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Maybe I should read it. Wah. Why do I have this block about fics :(( What was the last fic I read, even? I can't remember.

It's not stupid, anyway. I feel strongly about it too-- probably more strongly than about 'real life' things, but then I was always like that, haha. I was kinda taken aback/sad when Maya said this is her last fic. But I might have read it if the word 'epilogue' wasn't involved :)) Man. I prefer epilogues to stay far away from fanfics :>

Maybe I should write my own fic to deal with DH more fully.

BUT NO I SHOULD FINISH THE ONES I HAVE lakjsflja. Maybe when they're done, I'll know what to say. Knowing me, it'll probably be gen :> I just got HP paper party plates at the supermarket yesterday 'cause I couldn't resist lkjfaslkjsakjfa oh man.

[amalin.livejournal.com]

You should read it maybe :-? It's not the definitive fic I was looking for post-DH but I didn't expect it to be, I don't expect anyone to have written that yet. I sort of hope someone will do it for BBB3 but for once I'm not tempted to write it myself, maybe because I don't know how. I do think you should read it though?

I just want them to . . . interact again. I hate the idea that they're going to forget about each other. They aren't. "No one's going anywhere" . . . I wish. :(

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Haha, but what's the definitive post-OoTP fic? The definitive post-HBP fic? Is the fic actually H/D? Does it involve Scorpius, etc? No way am I reading that, but ^^;

I don't think they'll forget. I mean, they don't mean the same things to each other, but people grow up... which can be worse than forgetting, 'cause you become 'mature' and gain 'perspective', but you can always write some cute yet telling with about Auror!Harry who's not married yet and Ginny who's out of the picture (like, gone for a round-the-world trip to give them both a bit of space before the Big Decision or... whatever) and I'm sure Draco'll come up -somehow- in Harry's business. Heh. He's a Malfoy and I'm sure he'll try something to get his family back in good terms in the wizarding world to get them to the halfway respectable status we see in the epilogue; plus, Harry still has his wand!! I think they all interact with each other at least in some way within their own generation especially, 'cause the Wizarding world is so small and the number of people who are at the forefront of it smaller (and both Draco & Harry mean to be in that number).

So Draco will always be trying to get his own slice of pie that Potter's always going to be interfering with somehow, I'm sure :))

[amalin.livejournal.com]

I guess I meant, definitive in terms of what I want to have felt after DH, I don't know :( Okay yes there is Scorpius and it's not H/D but I still really think you should read it.

See, I feel so complicated about what I want from H/D post-DH that I feel like I SHOULD write it, I just . . . don't feel like I have it in me right now. Maybe I don't even have the belief in me, not enough :( We'll always have NA :(

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Me too! That's what I meant, definitive in terms of how I felt-- I definitely could never really read anything that reflected how I wanted to feel post-OoTP entirely unless I wrote it myself, partly 'cause 'how I felt' was so complex and intense and well... picky :> Post-HBP, what I wanted was Trio gen and Harry/Snape murderous confrontations of angst and lust (Snape/Lily would've been an awesome addition I hadn't thought of). Post-DH I want pre-epilogue Harry gen, Snape/Lily & Dumblewald :D The only fics that 'worked' for me post-OoTP emotionally were actually the Sirius fics, either Bring Back Black or grieving fics; those, people did really well. I want gen where Harry processes his grief and sense of responsibility & his feelings re: Remus & Dumbly and Snape some more & looks in on Teddy and Malfoy and gets himself another owl and maybe go with Hermione to Australia, that sort of thing.

It'd be neat if Draco was in Australia, but now I'm just thinking of Abaddon :))


I'm skeered of the epilogue :( Agh. It was enough just making my peace with it in canon, I don't want my peace disturbed :( My preferred feeling about the epilogue is 'leave it alone and I'm fine' :))

[amalin.livejournal.com]

I want gen where Harry processes his grief and sense of responsibility & his feelings re: Remus & Dumbly and Snape some more & looks in on Teddy and Malfoy and gets himself another owl

That's sort of what my fic was trying to be, and a little me trying to tie up how I felt about the epilogue (really just H/G), whereas I think Maya's was post-epilogue tying up? READ IT REENA I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. It's not really - it doesn't disturb the epilogue, it just builds on it okay.

[amalin.livejournal.com]

Post-OotP, what worked best for me was Aja's Properties, Queen of Hearts, and Written; post-HBP was Durendal's The Very Magnitude of Guilt (which is more post-DH, adaptably) and Breed's Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys, sort of Quality of Mercy, and uh I think that's it :)) I will sort of tentatively count furiosity's and scoradh's BBB2 fics. All the rest of the things I've read since then, I've either forgotten or they're MWPP era, I think!

LDKFJS AUSTRALIA ABADDON LDKJFS

I always want genfic really, I have realized that all the H/D I love best can pass as gen. But well! It's always H/D to me.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Nothing worked for me post-OoTP because nothing had the intensity I wanted + the H/D resolution I wanted + the level of anger issues in Harry + the level of HBP-style 'I'll show you, Potter' on Draco's part. And then post-HBP I guess I didn't even read any of those fics, though I adore Durendal's and Miss Breed's writing, not to mention Maya's. >__> I liked Aja's 'Properties'! And of course I liked QoH (end especially) but it wasn't IT by far because... meh, super-gay!Harry, it seemed like. Of course, nothing could've really pleased me post-OoTP (except canon.... like if HBP was actually slash). Man, I feel like I should read those fics but I sort of... I don't know. I did like Ociwen's 'A Very Long Misadventure' post-HBP but the most I could say about it isn't that it satisfied me but that it didn't suck like everything else sucked. ^^;;

As for me, I didn't used to want genfic; it's really a function of me really & truly not believing I can enjoy or believe in H/D anymore as written in most people's fics. I had all this bitterness to work through around '04 and end of '05 (creeping into '06, but really I was over it by then), all this anger at fandom and frustration with everyone's writing and so on, where it was like my own H/D was twisting and becoming darker and angrier just as a response. I look back on it and it seems like such a bad time, those 2 years I spent hating nearly everything H/D fandom produced. I think I don't read fics 'cause I'm afraid I can't feel that high anymore 'cause I'd be so pointlessly unhappy & critical all the time. I dunno. I started BBB because of this bitterness having some hope attached and in the end it was already too late because I didn't read any of the fics. Ah well.

I might read Maya's fic. But. Well. The likelihood I'd like it.... I mean, I always enjoy Maya's writing itself, so I'd probably like it on some level, but ;_____; I'm just saying, I probably won't squee over it. :-?