[I don't believe we can resist the things that make no sense...]

[reenka]

You know, this is really odd-- kind of mind-boggling, even-- for me to admit, but: just because I don't -identify- myself with any social group or time period, (early lj) HP fandom included, it doesn't mean I'm not actually included.
    I mean, it annoys me so much when people say stuff like 'but why do you care about ancient history, you losers' partly for idealistic 'but history is important, asshole!!' sort of reasons, yeah, but the main reason is-- the main reason is that it's my history too. I was part of that fandom-- I was there, I knew these people, they knew (at least of) me, and I felt... I guess I felt I belonged. So it matters because I was enough of a loser to get involved and stay involved up till now, even though I haven't really 'moved on' in the sense of joining another fandom -or- really participating in the HP fandom as it stands. In that sense, I -myself- am a pointless remnant the same way some pointless story about old-time BNFs is.

I mean, I reread Bec's 'H(x)/D(x) = x^3 sec(x)' even though I couldn't care less about whatever 'goodfic' is going around H/D circles now, say-- and it means so much more to me than 'just a fic', because I read it back before I had a coherent idea of 'oh, it's intelli' or a 100% solid grasp of the H/D cliches it mentioned-- I read it raw and starry-eyed, not yet inured to the 'tricks' of fanfic or sharp little references to snarling boysex against a wall. And that sort of thing never seems to leave me. Now, I can almost tell what the 'real' fic looks like, trying to cut away my ancient bias like an appendix, but it won't... quite... go. I think it's still a good fic, but if you look at it now, you won't understand it, I think, what it -felt- like to read it for a style-whorish H/D-obsessed fangirl in 2002, because it was basically written the -very month- I started reading HP & H/D.

I mean, in the end, it was coincidence-- I just -happened- to have my first contact with H/D be eleveninches'/Durendal's website, and I just -happened- to read her generous links page to Aja & Ivy & Rhysenn & Penelope (the Veelas & various H/D + intelli associates, et al) immediately afterwards because Durendal was a Veela. So I saw-- I imprinted-- I fangirled. That's basically how it went.

And I ask myself now-- honestly-- would I care if this was some wank history about the Buffy fandom or even HP history I hadn't participated in, like something actually recent or from 2000/HP4GU-era? Probably not, you know? I wouldn't care how exciting/shocking the wank is, how the truth finally came out, whatever-- it only matters 'cause it ifluenced the course of what was once my fandom. My turf, y'know? Even though now that seems kind of funny and sad.

Comments

[blacksatinrose.livejournal.com]

That whole history lesson was seriously fascinating. I came into HP fandom in 2003, so I remember... I guess the ending edge of some of that stuff (just like I remember Veela Inc and Intellislashers, but I wasn't around when they were really big deals, just when they were sort of remembered as formerly active big deals, if you know what i mean).

Anyway, so I'm a history geek and I'm sort of shocked at the idea that it doesn't matter. Not only does it matter because it's interesting, it also explained a lot of the situation in HP fandom when I joined, and the situation I see even now lingering on my flist even though I'm not really in it anymore.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

I think with me it's even weirder in some ways 'cause I came in early enough but I didn't -know- people closely so much as read their fic. I sort of follow fandom wanks/wars/kerfuffles, but I was never -that- interested in who was friends with whom, really... so in a way it feels distant, like I was never really part of that fandom, and in a way that -was- what I read. I'm like... fic!social or ficcishly social or... ficcishly fannish or something, haha. Like, I wasn't friends with the Veelas, I just squeed about their fics a lot. If I didn't read the H/D stuff (and was into S/R, say), I don't know -what- fandom would've looked like to me, were I to be in it at the same time or earlier. Probably really different. What I mean is, even living through these events seems different depending on what you focused on at the time.

But yeah, it explains a lot. I was mostly ignorant as a day-old puppy in retrospect, licking everyone's faces and yapping happily, tail wagging at all the fics. I thought everyone was so -cool-, y'know? Haha so in that sense I'm like MsScribe if she wasn't all that snarky, wasn't outgoing, wasn't power-hungry or... okay we're nothing alike, but anyway :))

[blacksatinrose.livejournal.com]

Oh hell yeah. Most of the EVENTS had to do with either the het-shipper portion of fandom (R/Hr vs. H/Hr, duuude, although funnily enough most of the MsScribe stuff mostly revolved around Harry/Ginny) or the Harry/Draco portion which, of course, I was never really involved in. But it's been interesting because even just since I came... you know, when I first came into HP fandom, the BNFs still... existed? In the sense that, even though I was into the R/S area, there were certain people you just knew, most of which were H/D authors - you had Cassie and Aja and Ivy and... Rhysenn? people like that.

Now, notsomuch. I do think fandom has lost its tendency to conglomerate around beacons of activity. Whether that's a good or bad thing is arguable, but there aren't any BNFs in the way there used to be, not at all.

...Yeah you're nothing at all like Msscribe, HAHAHHA. I was thinking, while reading that, that that's the kind of thing I'd do if I weren't so apathetic about fandom status. And she was better at it than most although I'm not convinced it would work if someone tried it today just because part of the reason it worked for HER was that the first thing she did was construct an impenetrable armor against attacks in the form of BNF approval.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

It is -so- freaky to think that H/D-ers 'ruled' over all the other slash ships. SO. WEIRD. >.> I think it's a similar feeling to living in America & theoretically knowing that people out there in -all- other countries emulate/listen to/curse/are -aware- of us even though we usually do none of these things for them. I mean, HP is like that within all fandoms (loud, dominating & insular) and H/D was like that within HP slash, which is a bit... wtflakjfslkfjs;lkfjdsfl;kj y'know? heh.

Hahaha man, you-as-misscribe is sort of scary. But I can't picture you doing the troll thing 'cause it's just so... grade-school with the insulting-the-lowest-common-denominator? I dunno. Though I can see where you'd be good at manipulating people if you bothered ^^;;;

[blacksatinrose.livejournal.com]

It's true, it's true, and that's actually a very good comparison.

AND YOU ARE RIGHT, I... don't think I could take myself seriously HAVING FLAME WARS WITH MYSELF. Although I roleplay with myself all the time? I mean I think part of it would require you to think of fandom as a big chessboard/some other game instead of really thinking about the fact that there are other people involved. Which is why, I guess, people keep saying it shows a near sociopathic level of manipulativeness and amorality, although I tend to think of it more as Narcissism or Hysterial PD. But I took psychopathology like, a while ago so I couldn't really swear I'm remembering the definitions correctly.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

...When you said that about roleplaying with yourself, I thought... hahaha I do that all the time! When I write! *snorfle*



....btw, the Lucifer comic is still Very Good :9