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Aug. 26th, 2005 07:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reenkaI think for the first time, I suddenly really understood how the people who have huge issues with canon feel, being in fandom, though not because I do myself, precisely. (Not that I don't have my own issues with HP canon, but just the sticking around anyway and the whole... feeling a bit alone and somewhat oppressed, haha, etc.)
Yeah, I mean... because I definitely have the same sort of burning issues, except with fandom/fanon instead of canon. It's sort of like fanon itself is a bit like an out-of-tune violin screeching in my ear at this point, it's kind of ridiculous. I mean, and I can't write meta about it either, not the way I could if it was canon, because then it'd feel like a personal attack or like I was saying people couldn't enjoy what they enjoy, etc, whereas it's just that I get this allergic reaction and I want to purge, heh.
Funny, because I love the -idea- of fanon, I love shared worlds, and creativity, and going in absurd directions, so what's happened to me? Why do I see a picture of say, over-the-top cross-dressing!Harry and feel sort of sick because I just... no. I could say I don't want to share Harry anymore, but it's not like he's mine; but somehow it's not about JKR or canon-thumping at all, it's about my ideas and my convictions having become rigid, and I hate that but I can't escape it because fandom's not inspiring me to anymore.
Even fanart, which always made me happy, which I unfailingly adore... even OOCness in fanart is driving me up the wall now, and I suppose that's a sign if nothing else is.
Well, so maybe I still don't fully empathize, because I don't think there's that underlying love people mention that drives me to criticize-- I mean, there is, but it's so... painful, so basically I just avoid rather than dwelling on it. It's just not worth it when 95% of all fanfic and even fanart for my pairing makes me seriously unhappy because I don't recognize the characters, or the dynamic is somehow exactly what I hate, or I refuse to suspend my disbelief because I want-- I need-- things to be better.
So... it's not like I'm announcing that I'm leaving in the sense of 'no more fic from me!', but yeah... I dunno. Do I still want to the Witching Hour? The main reason would be to see people I know and chat about geeky canon stuff without wank, so I guess that's still there. I can't believe I'm even questioning it, really. I was so sure I'd be there, because I loved Nimbus so much, and I loved meeting fandom people and being a total dork every time, it's just so... sad, I guess, because I've really overstayed, overworked my tolerance to the bone.
...Well, enough moping. Back to Basara & sweet manga oblivion!
~~
EDIT - Er... it appears I'm just having moodswings or... something (stress??) 'cause then fishnet!Draco made it all better o_0
BUT IT'S CANON, DON'T YOU SEE :))
...AND THEN AMALIN WROTE ME TOM/HAGRID-- I AM AT PEACE WITH THE WORLD! ♥♥♥ :O
Yeah, I mean... because I definitely have the same sort of burning issues, except with fandom/fanon instead of canon. It's sort of like fanon itself is a bit like an out-of-tune violin screeching in my ear at this point, it's kind of ridiculous. I mean, and I can't write meta about it either, not the way I could if it was canon, because then it'd feel like a personal attack or like I was saying people couldn't enjoy what they enjoy, etc, whereas it's just that I get this allergic reaction and I want to purge, heh.
Funny, because I love the -idea- of fanon, I love shared worlds, and creativity, and going in absurd directions, so what's happened to me? Why do I see a picture of say, over-the-top cross-dressing!Harry and feel sort of sick because I just... no. I could say I don't want to share Harry anymore, but it's not like he's mine; but somehow it's not about JKR or canon-thumping at all, it's about my ideas and my convictions having become rigid, and I hate that but I can't escape it because fandom's not inspiring me to anymore.
Even fanart, which always made me happy, which I unfailingly adore... even OOCness in fanart is driving me up the wall now, and I suppose that's a sign if nothing else is.
Well, so maybe I still don't fully empathize, because I don't think there's that underlying love people mention that drives me to criticize-- I mean, there is, but it's so... painful, so basically I just avoid rather than dwelling on it. It's just not worth it when 95% of all fanfic and even fanart for my pairing makes me seriously unhappy because I don't recognize the characters, or the dynamic is somehow exactly what I hate, or I refuse to suspend my disbelief because I want-- I need-- things to be better.
So... it's not like I'm announcing that I'm leaving in the sense of 'no more fic from me!', but yeah... I dunno. Do I still want to the Witching Hour? The main reason would be to see people I know and chat about geeky canon stuff without wank, so I guess that's still there. I can't believe I'm even questioning it, really. I was so sure I'd be there, because I loved Nimbus so much, and I loved meeting fandom people and being a total dork every time, it's just so... sad, I guess, because I've really overstayed, overworked my tolerance to the bone.
...Well, enough moping. Back to Basara & sweet manga oblivion!
~~
EDIT - Er... it appears I'm just having moodswings or... something (stress??) 'cause then fishnet!Draco made it all better o_0
BUT IT'S CANON, DON'T YOU SEE :))
...AND THEN AMALIN WROTE ME TOM/HAGRID-- I AM AT PEACE WITH THE WORLD! ♥♥♥ :O
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Date: 2005-08-29 11:36 pm (UTC)Well, this is a genuine philosophical discontent, no? And I would not presume to glibly talk you out of it, but only to caper in front of you ridiculously, and distract you from it. ;) Or not.
But what I take you to be saying is that you don't trust fandom, and you don't even feel motivated yourself, to address what you see as the most interesting new issues in canon. You don't deny their interest, if I understand you correctly -- you just want to see what JKR has to say about them and don't have anything to add yourself and don't really care what fandom has to say. About Snape and Narcissa, and all the other fascinating developments that don't fall into mainline fanon, etc. etc.
Which strikes me as a coherent position to take, though I honestly haven't reached that point of suspension myself. I'm sure fandom will have many chances to prove that it can't handle post-HBP gen, that it can't escape its ruts. But I will go on being optimistic, I guess, until I can't fool myself anymore, and then I'll go find another way to waste time online. :)
But I really hope you do run with your DE!Draco, maybe for Big Bang. I mean, a fic should do what you want it to do, and if you don't want it to do everything, or if you want it to mourn new canon rather than run with new canon, then go for it. The interest is in the writer's sensibility, not in whether a reader ends up agreeing or not.
Meanwhile, you make some other points which I must not let pass! *begins capering*
I do think this qualifies as "reason to think there is a mystery", in a detective-style hunch sort of way, which is how Harry thinks, anyway
Hmmmm. Biggest shopping day of the year with millions of people in Diagon Alley, Narcissa has been mothering Draco and annoying him in the clothes shop, he's getting irritable and impatient and . . . he slips off to take a walk by himself! How positively sinister! O_o Hee, I just don't buy it. This is not a normal thing for Harry to think. It still requires explanation, and my money's on prior obsession. I mean, Ron and Hermione are the test cases here, and they're all about a good mystery/detective plot, but throughout the book, they're not seeing it; they think Harry's nuts.
I think I'm just defending Harry's honor in this case, in that he wasn't just obsessed with Malfoy because he's so gay or whatever ^^;;;. . . I try to separate that reaction from my understanding of the character, or something like that, or everything gets... wonky in terms of making sense.
Now you are letting me down gently, aren't you? :) Or calming me until the men in white coats come. But you know what? I'm as brutal as anyone at keeping my canon and fanon distinct, but I honestly, truly think that canon!Harry is gay as a summer weekend in P-Town. I mean, he finally found a girlfriend who's a boy and he still doesn't know what to do with her.
All right, you may not buy overtly gay, but there is nothing wrong with positing homoerotic overtones as significant -- not just subtextual -- motivators in a story like this. I mean, whole genres of boarding school stories would be banished if you ruled that out.
And yes, JKR has to be careful, Warner Brothers and all that. But I can't help thinking that what some people call the "obsessive heteronormativity" of HBP is a little joke of JKR's at WB's expense. (Filch/Pince, anyone?) Meanwhile, she's winking at the reader. Yes she is, we've all been all over the examples.
So, OK, overt slash is never going to happen, but there's no reason to be excessively apologetic about the potential homoeroticism of the "real" feelings of "real" characters. If you think about it, it's an almost self-hating form of self-denial, or a secret shame of slashers, to concede that while we may play these dirty games in our own sandbox, nothing of the sort ever crossed our heroes' pure virgin minds. Of course it does! And for some more than others. Like Harry. :))
[continued . . . ]