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[reenka]

I'm having an interesting moral dilemma recently that I can't seem to crack by myself.

I found a site, Juxtaposefantasy.net, which is basically decent original slash fiction in several different fantasy-type universes-- as a paid, subscription service. $9.99 a month, no less. The writer updates one of the story universes once a week, etc etc.

My first reaction to this was horror-- paying for slash?? Please! Who does she think she is?! ...That was also my second and third reaction.

And then I read some of the teaser chapters, and was hooked. I'm a sucker for suspense things-- which is why I try to avoid suspense fiction and don't mind spoilers. I don't -seek out- spoilers, but I'm one of those people who hates that awful itch of having to know that seems to please most people. It just... bothers me. I know most people get off on it... and I do like the small adrenaline rush, I guess. But I'm too prone to compulsive, addictive behaviors already, I think, and suspense fics just make it too much for me to take and I overload. I realize most well-written fic is in the suspense category if it's a WIP, come to think of it, so I've been reading almost exclusively that for awhile now. Hmm. Maybe it's worse if the actual content is a thriller also. Er... but that's a complete tangent.

Anyway, I paid the money, but now I feel horribly dirty and uncomfortable with myself. It raises all sorts of awkward questions, this discomfort.


So why is my instinctive response that this self-publishing is somehow "bad"? How is self-publishing on the net "bad"? Why am I so instinctively drawn to mainstream publishing, considering that it rips off artists and doesn't exactly reward quality? Isn't what this writer is doing what most of us would want to do, that is, writing what she loves and getting both an interactive, vocal readership and a means to support herself meanwhile?

Well, first of all, I think the price is a complete rip-off. Second of all, she's just... not -that- good. And I realize that sounds kind of elitist or whatever, but I do have this old-fashioned feeling (completely out of touch with reality as it is) that you should be brilliant to get to be published. You should be -better- than the rest of us somehow. And this person doesn't even seem to have a beta who'd catch some basic grammar errors. So there's that.

This elitist thing is why people say "I'm a published author" while puffing out their chest and looking down their noses, right? Even though... well... most "published authors" suck in a bad way, and "best-sellers" are usually so far from "literature" as to be from another literary planet altogether. A part of me also thinks that as difficult as it would be to write oodles of fic while having a full-time non-writing job, that's just one of the trials of being a writer.

You're -supposed- to starve, stay up all night writing while you slave away at the McFast-Food-Joint all day and/or try to finish grad school or whatever, have no social life, and shut yourself into a small room with only coffee and/or Mountain Dew for company. That's how it works, isn't it? That's the glory of it, isn't it? Then, at the end, the truly great (and high-stamina) among us will cross the finish-line as True Writers, and all the famous publishing houses will take one look at the final manuscript and swoon. Just-- swoon away; either that, or thus begins the equally arduous process of sending in the damn thing to everyone and their brother until -someone-, someday, takes pity on you. That being another Test Of Your Glory And Dedication To The Cause. And/or you get your big break having your most throw-away, casually written fic published in Amazing Stories (okay, now I'm stuck in the 40s, but whatever).

That's how I want it to be, even if it's clearly just a pipe-dream.

So. Do you guys think it's a rip-off? Would you do this if you could? Would you then charge by the year instead of by the month? Would you just not charge as much? I'm really stumped, and also curious.

...I suppose all this goes a ways to explain why I still haven't even attempted to be published, huh :> Besides the whole "my original fic is (generally unfinished) crap" thing -.-

Comments

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

I agree with Cassie that it's not slash unless it's fanfic--and I do think that trying to sell that is uncool, because you're making money off of someone else's work. (Though oddly, I don't know if I'd feel that way about original fanart...but since the author isn't an artist maybe that's okay?)

The thing about the Internet and fanfic that's kind of interesting is that it gets publishing back to its most basic elements, I think. Somebody starts telling a story in a big room and if people want to hear more, they listen.

I think in the past vanity publishing was not the same as it is now. Didn't, like DH Lawrence self-publish, for instance? It was not always about not being of the correct quality. So I guess the question is what exactly does it mean to be published? Because things that are published aren't always that good, and sometimes they're even re-written by editors. Still I do understand that gut reaction about saying, "I'm published," meaning something. It does mean something, and sometimes that something is connected to writing quality, but sometimes it's more just about being a professional. That way I guess it's like any art--for instance, someone can be a wonderful actor who never gets cast, but what the lesser actor who does get cast has is a knowledge about "the business" which is part of it too. Like I know as an editor some of the worst people to deal with are the people who claim they are professionals but are really amateurs. Even if they're published somewhere, they're like professional amateurs. Usually that means they make ridiculous demands they claim are the due of "professional writers."

I think I just wandered off-topic. Um, yeah. So I guess the question is why do *you* feel dirty about this--is it that you feel like you're endorsing bad writing? Because it seems like if you were blown away by this person's writing you'd think you were doing something noble. Or I would, maybe.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Hee! As usual, Sister Magpie explains it all~:) Whew! Yeah, that's it. I think I feel dirty because I don't really appreciate the writing (even though, you know, I'm "supporting" it and reading), and that's just... wrong to me. Though, I mean, I wouldn't mind so much buying an actual book I don't think is great, this seems... more icky 'cause like... I'm going out of my way, or something? I dunno. But it does feel different 'cause I have a thing against paying for anything online, forget -writing-, which is the basic online commodity. So yeah, I mean... it's a quality thing.

Actually, I'd be surprised if it was -that- great, 'cause then I'd really wonder why the person isn't published, ahahah. It's a catch-42, in that I'm pretty sure they -would- be. But. Yeah... if I was blown away.... yeah. Yeah.

Also, the thing about professionalism... that also really clicked in my head. 'Cause the whole site... y'know... besides everything else, what gets on my nerves about it is that it just looks so unprofessional-- the design, even, is sloppy. With all that money coming in, you'd think someone would do a better job for her-- for free, even. Jeez. (Although now I feel shallow, ahahah.)

Yeah, there's a lack of professionalism about the whole shebang. *feels reassured* Like, I don't wanna pay amateurs money, maybe that's also it?? Heh.

You know... now I sort of feel more like I should try to get into the industry more, not 'cause my writing is Good Enough but just because it's an industry and I don't like being an amateur, or something. Heh.

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Well, sometimes complete amateurs can act like professionals as well. I think a lot of professionalism is just common sense--you see the big picture, get what the publisher or whoever is trying to do for you and work with them. Amateurs who call themselves professionals tend to have a big sense of entitlement and are really into playing the role of the writer where their work is sacred instead of a product. And they're always telling you they're a writer, and usually assuming that you can't understand what that is because you're just...whatever you are. I think they don't get that being a professional is really not that different from being an amateur--people don't just start paying you to write or giving you expense accounts. You usually just still write yourself and then try to sell it.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Ah. Product.
Y'know, that doesn't even occur to me, though I have to say I've never thought my work was "sacred", ahahahah. *coughs*
That kinda cracks me up. "Worship me!!!"

Well, I don't feel my work is a product, either. Er. If I had a relationship with my writing... er... hmm. Dunno. What would it be? I get attached to it, but that attachment isn't constant-- usually it fades right after I've finished it, and if it doesn't, generally... that just means I haven't finished it and I want to, but something's stopping me. Like a lack of discipline. ^^;

Um. I don't know if I -care- about "selling it", but then, I don't really care about money unless I'm the one paying it. In terms of asking for money, I'm like, eh??? I'm neither the professional (who is willing to, what, compromise their artistic integrity for it?) or like the amateur (who'd insist on it above all things, and would also want more money). I'm... I'm just someone who doesn't have a clue, I guess.

To me, "integrity" means doing the best job I can, which is what the person at juxtapose.com is lacking (but then, so is most of the industry). Since I personally don't feel I can make someone's purchase of my work worthwhile, I don't try to sell anything. Is that professional or amateur behavior?? Or is that just me being a wimp who has lame excuses for things?? Heh.

I suppose I just don't care about it one way or the other, though this is prolly because I don't really support myself at this point. *sigh* Even if I did, I doubt I'd start demanding outrageous sums no matter how desperate my straits were, just 'cause that's wrong, especially for an artist. Like, if you're a carpet cleaner, sure, go ahead, be a ruthless capitalist, but it's just -sad- if you're a writer. But that's just me.

As far as whether I can see myself having the "sell-out" attitude of "gimme work and I'll do it" or whatever.... I dunno. I'm so inspiration-driven, it'd prolly be difficult to write on demand, especially if the subject-matter bored me. 'Cause being bored by being creative is clearly the ultimate sin, heh. But if I can stomach it, sure. Especially if it's fun. It's all about the fun, in the end.

Maybe I'm just too immature to even be an amateur -.- hee. Having fun, though~:)