~~wah. trying to be non-fannish. failing.

[reenka]

i was going to just make a short post about my wibbling, listening to ac/dc ("you shook me all night long", eheheh) on the radio in the dining hall, and you know... rockin'. and then i was like, dude. i bet people would be -shocked- if they knew how much i liked hard rock and metal and things like that. i don't seem the type, do i. that's not my "image". and that seriously disturbs me. that i even -think- about things like that. it's not that i stop doing anything due to this phantom `image', but i stop and think about it. which is bad enough. i mean, suuuure, i listen to enya and tori and new wave and new age and sarah mclachlan and all that, just like good little `sensitive gurls' are supposed to. but. nothing really gets me like hard rock gets me. it's how i grew up, dancing like mad in front of the mirror.
    mostly, it's not the music. i just... wish my more extreme, loud, abrasive self was more obvious, i wish people could see it, because mostly, they don't. i so want to be like tank girl, delirium, ani difranco, just-- i dunno. someone in-your-face and bitchy and strong, and unafraid of anything, and always herself. because... well... i am. i hate it that i'm always seen as sweet and kind and meek and mousy and gentle. it makes me want to -scream-. i have all this fire and anger and energy, and it's all bottled up and washed under, most of the time, by the calm still waters of soft-spokenness and gentility. not that it's false-- i'm not secretly mean or anything.
    because even when i sing, i sing really softly. i have, for most of my life, anyway, unless i'm really really -really- alone. only recently have i learned to sing loudly, because i -want- to. there's this huge part of me that wants to be bloody -loud-. i want to -change- things, i want to make a difference, i want to sing on the top of my lungs and not be "sweet" just because i'm quiet. because quiet isn't sweet. quiet is just subdued. even tori-- she's not about quiet, to me. neither is sarah, or fiona. they're all about tearing yourself open and being honest and free, and that's not quiet. they're -singing-. and that's not quiet. *sigh* i don't even like ac/dc (seriously now. they act/look/sound like morons, if you think about it). but i like (pretty) noise~:)
~~

i also wanted to mention the fur-trees. they're so pretty with the tufts of snow on them. they seem made for snow. i could see every needle, such a pretty olive-green. it made me tingle. is it just me? is it just me who could live for music and for fur-trees? i mean, people kill themselves because there's nothing left. i don't understand, not completely. i get depressed, -really- depressed. but i could never want to totally -stop- while there is the sublime pleasure of the visual and audible world, wrapping around me. at my worst, i was always in love with the world, and not only with words and ideas and concepts. i could let them go. i could let go every word, every poem, every painting, if the source of it all would remain, if i could keep the colors and the light and the tingly wind and the harsh beat of drums. all i need is to feel myself a part of them. even in the midst of winter (which i hate), i can't bring myself to reject the world, because it is always so beautiful i feel like i'm dying from overload, except i'm not. i'm living. it's all living. and way before i ever met someone i could say i loved, i knew this was it. this was love. how can you say you never loved? you, who have been outside, who's seen a sunset, who's seen the snow drift over pine-needles. it is everywhere, wrapped around everything, suffusing the world like light. with even the memory of it.... i feel a happiness that has nothing to do with being the opposite of sadness. maybe it's just the heady thrum of existence, which is neither this nor that but is perhaps... like an affirmation. like the wind is whispering "yes", even as it chills you to the bone.
~~



i did rant a bit, on the subject of whether it's "too fannish" to join a fanlisting of aja's luw. this brings up all sorts of issues i have with the very concept of being a "fan" of something in the first place, such as, er... me not wanting to be a fan, because i consider the concept too reminiscent of cliques and high-schoolish identity politics and stuff like that.
    i did join the luw list, back in the day, which isn't all that far from a "fanlisting" if you want to put it like that, but. that was back before livejournal, and i just wanted to keep up with new chapters. i'm very utilitarian about lists. plus i don't -mind- discussing a favorite work. just as long as it's not a decorative "look i'm a fan" sort of thing.

i agree with ishuca's take on it. i just like things, big-name or not-big-name. the idea that because i rec aja and ivy and zahra and silvia and maya and so on, i could be seen as some sort of "groupie" or something, disturbs me. i think she was talking about the present hubbub on the `hp outer circle' list, which is frankly starting to bore me, because of course, it's getting into fandom politics, which is inevitable because a) it was started by people on the fringes of fandom; b) it's made up of human beings.

no one really -cared- who started the list, and i suppose in the spirit of egalitarianism, one shouldn't, but seriously, i think who's in charge of a good concept is as important as the concept. i think discussion of who's a "big name fan" and who isn't is completely offensive in regard to fics. though in their defense they were saying they want to introduce people to fics they haven't heard of. which is fine and good, but.... honestly, my concept of intelligent fic discussion isn't -about- reccing, but rather being blunt and uncensored about any fic, heard of or not. it's true that there are a lot of unknown writers out there, but honestly, if they're not at least -somewhat- well-known, they are probably not all -that- good. there -is- such a thing as word of mouth.

for example. i've heard of 95% of all the hp fic writers on my friends list within about 2 months of each other. does that make them all bnf's? i admit i read a lot of fic and i have an ability to sort and remember and cross-link and follow up recs and references, but really. if you post things in public forums, if you have friends and comment on other people's things, you're not really "unknown". and er, i know this, because damn, but people keep adding me steadily, and i don't even -have- a big wip right now.
    but yes. the ins and outs of `fandom' have always disturbed me. i don't like the idea that i'm a part of it. i want to be `famous'-- ie, i want a large number of people to read my fics (wheeee! readers!) but that's not the same as wanting to be "big" in the "fandom". i want readers, not minions. fandom and "fan" is too close to minion, to me. i'm not anyone's minion. i'm really close to being neil's minion, but um. seriously, i'm not. i just adore him and i think he's godlike, based on several (not -all-) of the sandman arcs, but i wouldn't like-- follow him around and ask him to sign my boobies or anything.

though i -did- get Really Really Excited when i saw ivy in nyc this fall (eeeeeeeee~!!!! IVY!!!!! I CAN DIE HAPPY NOW!! -- yes, that was me). but um. yah. *coughs* i feel all sorts of warm fuzzies for ivy and aja and silvia and you-know-who-you-all-are, but like-- er... that's just me, being an over-excitable obsessive t00b. now, a lot of people would say that's fan behavior. but it's an emotional, sincere thing for me. i honestly adore their work and what i can see of them as human beings. they're like my heroes, because they write things that make me happy and thus make the world a little bit better (ehehehe and yes it's all about me, indeed, ehehehehe). but not really, because that implies a sort of girl-scout thing where they're the scout masters and i'm the scout. i don't know how to explain it, quite.

it's so much easier to know what you're -not- rather than what you -are-. i yam what i yam, as popeye would say~:)

Comments

[lasultrix.livejournal.com]

Followed the link to your comment on the idea of 'fanlisting'. Couldn't agree with you more.

And yes, that shows very well that you're *not* meek and gentle and doormatlike. You're passionate. Which makes you happy often, which makes you squee, which might give people the wrong idea. But you know what you're like.

[silviakundera.livejournal.com]

The whole "Big Name Fan" thing bubbles up every few months or so. It's all silly. We should all whatever we like, and not worry if it's popular or not.

I normally consider BNFs to be persons that 70% of the people in a fandom know by name. And usually a good number of people in other fandoms have heard their names, by reputation, if they've been around in fandom long enough. Cassie Claire, Te, torch, Helen, ect.

They're widely known. There's no denying that. *shrugs* But all it says about their work is that, well... it's widely known. *g* Every individual reader still gets to make his/her judgement on the quality of the material.

And if it's good, what does it matter that it's been rec'd a thousand times? It doesn't make you a minion to be the thousand and first rec'er. It just means... you liked it. No more, no less.

if you post things in public forums, if you have friends and comment on other people's things, you're not really "unknown".

Yeah, really. Other than the major, majorly popular authors... most of us are in the same boat. *g*

[lasultrix.livejournal.com]

No idea who Helen is, so there you go. *shrugs* It all depends on your circle. I was shocked that Kay Taylor didn't know... I can't remember who it was at the moment, actually, but somebody very well-known. But Kay basically just knows her old intellislasher group, plus a few others and the ones she's met at meets. I think everybody's got their own little list of BNFs in their head, and sometimes they overlap with other people's and sometimes they don't.

[silviakundera.livejournal.com]

I think everybody's got their own little list of BNFs in their head, and sometimes they overlap with other people's and sometimes they don't.

Oh, absolutely. *nods* I've met people who have no idea who Te is, when she was one of the first names I ever heard when I entered fandom about 4 years or so ago, and is still a name I hear almost everywhere I go.

It depends on the fandoms you enter, how much you interact with the fans in those fandoms, and the places you go to search for your fanfiction, ect.


No idea who Helen is, so there you go.

She's been AWOL from fandom for about six months *at least* now... But, formerly, she was rather huge in Sports Night and The Sentinel, and she was for boyband slash what Cassie Claire is for HP. Like Te, one of those multiple-fandom BNFs.

[lasultrix.livejournal.com]

I have *no* idea what The Sentinel is, except that people in the fandom often mention it. And the only reason I know who Te is is because lots of my HP friends are also Smallville fans, and names tend to stick in my memory.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

it's really good that every so often, you guys -do- disagree with me, otherwise it'd all just get kinda ... scary, eheheh. sometimes i think that the only really silly people are people i don't personally interact with... like... they're the "masses". the plebey masses, who cannot see the Light, eheh. though that's not true, because for every person who responds, there are probably like 30 more people on my friends list who're screaming (yes, screaming) she's -wrong-!! ohohoho! she's so wrong~!! er. yes.

i only know people because of my one month of rabid multi-fandom consumption this past may. also, smallville, and a good memory for names (as long as i saw them written and not heard).
when i explained the theory of a "lurker" ie, an unknown fandom person to my mom she was like, "those must be the people who have nothing to say", eheheh.

which scares me. these hordes of people who have nothing to contribute. did the aliens steal their brains?? one wonders.
or it could be that i babble so much that the universe of un-babble is just that alien to me. but er... yes. we can always call for egalitarianism (i keep using that word today), and all that, but people are people, and people are jealous when other people give some people attention. because -they- want attention, or they think the bnf's are "unworthy", and of course only the Worthy Ones must be praised, you see. your god is stupid, go look at MY god!! ahahahah. etc.
even though it's human nature to put people -on- pedestals, as well as knock them down. we're all schizoid like that, and we pretend we don't like it even though we do.

so i'm saying, even though it's silly, it ain't going away, you know.

[wellington.livejournal.com]

but i could never want to totally -stop- while there is the sublime pleasure of the visual and audible world, wrapping around me. at my worst, i was always in love with the world

I think about this all the time, somewhat of an obsession with me, trying to define that feeling. You do a good job, believe me. Just today on my way home on the bus, the sun was just at that point where it's blinding, but makes everything look so warm and faded and golden, and I was just lost. Couldn't even help the dumb grin I wore all the way home. Those sorts of things just--it's love, like you said.

As for depression and ending it, I know what you mean there. How can anyone think of something like that...considering there are moments, when I look at things around me, a certain brand of weather, a certain image, some beauty that just makes everything that's happened and everything that could happen just so totally worthwhile just to be there, to feel that feeling and experience that beauty. You probably weren't looking for any kind of literal explanation, but just thought I would mention that suicidal tendencies are often biological, that is, they have to do directly with brain chemistry as much as being situational. I've sort of had personal experience with those kinds of feelings. I shall shut up now. Anyway...

Er...I agree totally about the whole fan thing. I like what I like, and wouldn't consider myself a fan of much of anything. It's all about the love you feel for something -- that deeply personal feeling you take away from it...yeah. Er, I'm so ignorant, what is a 'Big name fan' exactly? Ah, am rambling. Shall shut up.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

wah. you can totally ramble. since that's what -i'm- doing on -your- friends page, so~:)
and ... i've found that people either know exactly what i mean, or not at all. weird, that. with the beauty thing.
i know what you're saying about depression is pretty much accepted fact nowadays. so many things come down to chemistry once you break them apart. -everything- could come down to chemistry if you want it to.
do you think there's a chemical explanation for the feeling of awe and wonder? are some people more predisposed to be sensitive to it? is it something to do with having your pleasure-center be cued to your visual region of the brain??
do you -care-? eheheh

but yah. and wah, that probably made sense to you, being a chemistry person and all that~:)
in the end, i think situation influences chemistry and chemistry influences situation. i don't claim to "know", but i refuse to explain things away unless they're actual physical deformity involved. i dunno. i hate the idea that i'm ruled by my level of hormones and so on, but i suppose it could be true. damn dopamines ><;;
i've always been borderline with everything, so that's influencing -my- take on it. i definitely can tell i have certain imbalances at times (as do we all), that seem to have a pattern, but they're not -quite- on the pathological side i don't think. like, i'm -almost- hypothyroid, but not quite. i'm sure there are points where i could've been diagnosable as any number of things, though i was always a little too in touch with reality to pass mustard as ... er... insane ^^;
maybe it's true and i can never really fully believe in anything that is radically different from how my brain works. i mean, say you took out someone's frontal lobe-- i won't argue, there's not much you can do. but, if you took out a part of their left cortex, the right would compensate eventually.
i believe with chemistry also, some people can/do use their ability to compensate, and some people don't. i dunno. this is just my own theorizing. i think this ability to feel the world, so to speak, is a form of compensation and a method of "dealing" with things that would otherwise overwhelm or maybe even pass you by.
i don't know. you take your stimulants where you find them, i guess.
everything can be a trip, a drug, a way to heal yourself.

if you -are- sick, if you -do- have an imbalance, i believe that taking prozac isn't the only answer.
but. once again, this is just me ^^

Re:

[wellington.livejournal.com]

Hmm...i'll try not to get too deep in this, but let me try to explain myself.

do you think there's a chemical explanation for the feeling of awe and wonder?

Ooh...existential extrapolations (I will definitely not go there, since it could be endless). I definitely have a hard time believing that such feelings could be nothing but chemical reactions, electrical impulses and whatnot. Just because the experience itself means so much that condensing it down just seems...wrong? But as for what I was saying about the other thing, I can only relate my own experiences. I hope I don't make this uncomfortable but, I've been in that place, sort of with that feeling. And when I was there, as much as everything else said--no, screamed that there were things for me, it didn't register the same way as it does now. If you're sitting there with a blade in your hand, with this urge, this feeling that this is what you are compelled to do and this is what's right--what feels right, no amount of beauty is going to change your mind about that potentially. Just because that is a feeling too, a feeling matching the strength of those other feelings, those beautiful vibrant feelings. And it's a confusing place to be. People do stupid things when they're confused, and to find yourself pulled in two directions by two equal forces, it only takes small things to send you tumbling over this way or that. To be overwhelmed. Aargh...I'm not making sense.

The thing is, I can recognize that feeling and that pull. And drugs can actually diminish that. But like you said drugs aren't the only answer...but they can help. The attitude I've encountered is that people seem to think that a person can't be themselves when on anti-depressants, which upsets me slightly because based on my experience, I've found that, properly managed, all they seem to do is make things feel normal. Not better, not worse...just...normal.

Because depression is nearly tangible (I only speak from what I've experienced), you can feel it coming on and you can feel it blanket you...sort of like some kind of monsterous enigma...it sort of blinds you to other feelings. Drugs help that kind of depression...the tangible part of it. They hold off that physical portion of it so that you can learn to deal with the deeply emotional part. Gah...again, I'm not making sense. You know what, I think I'd better give up, or I'm just going to muddle things further. Definitely drugs are not the only answer. But for some people it's a good place to start...

i don't claim to "know", but i refuse to explain things away unless they're actual physical deformity involved.

Mmm...I'm often the same way, I'm rather skeptical in general about the practice of psychology...explaining things away...it's probably why it took me years and years to even go see anyone about any of my problems. But I completely understand what you're saying.

Will be continued...the thing said it was too long....

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

nah, you're making sense. it takes a bit to confuse me, anyway. ahahah, though some of those post modern philosophy types sure do come close. also, reading really dense academic texts of any kind tends to tax my brain. you know the kind. the kind that seem to be -made- to drive you insane trying to use parts of your verbal processing centers that god never intended lazy little girls to be using ><;; eheheh
but yah. i'm always overly optimistic and slightly anti-drug (more, drug-phobic, actually), so... but ... i do see how in "reality" people certainly do get totally carried away and not even having the love of their life begging them to wake up, crying and kissing their feet would er... stop them.
people leave their wives and babies and then there's kurt cobain and stuff like that. so yeah.
i think i'm just usually... all... mind over matter which is ridiculous when the mind -is- the matter, you know? i feel like my mind is "okay" right now so it's hard to truly imagine it breaking down and going out of control, but i realize this feeling of security is fleeting and undependable.
i've had times where i -definitely- couldn't control myself, and heck, in small ways it happens every single day.
fear, for instance. if you are afraid, -nothing- can break through that. not that people kill themselves out of fear usually, but still. sadness/pain is easier to get over... well... not immediately, but it passes, for me. like any pain passes. you just wait, and wail and scream and then the next day you can't even remember exactly how bad it felt.

but about the chemicals being specific and stuff... *nods* yah, being over-optimistic again.
in a way, i think my attitude is actually non-productive, and something i should get over (especially considering my impending psych major, eheheheh).
i am wary of things... poking about semi-randomly in my head. if i wanted dopamines, i know how to get 'em. but. i realize that some things are -really bad- in certain cases, and people's chemistry could be -so- tangled up they need ...help. and i'm not so uninformed as to think prozac/etc makes you "happy". i've not seen people truly improve on drugs in a way i'd approve of, but i'm aware successes exist, it's just i don't know any~:)
also... depression & even delirium are things i probably am somewhat acclimatized to, and don't feel as scared of as i should, having experienced them in small enough doses that i'm okay without any drugs. well, okay being a very relative term. i mean, van gogh and sylvia plath weren't "okay", and yet i think their lives were ... well-spent, you know what i mean?

it's like, 70% of the famous artists have had some sort of "problem" and they wrote/drew all that stuff, and that makes it okay for me, but know it doesn't make it -actually- okay. it's like that semi-famous morality play or whatever, where you have this illness, this tumor in your brain, but it makes you able to create these genius pieces of music, but if they took out the tumor, you'd be tone-deaf. that "flowers for algernon" sort of deal.
would you take the tumor (which would eventually kill you), or would you take the non-artistic life? what does "balance" mean when it's just flatline existence? does art and passion make its own imbalances? what is the price we pay for truly being sensitive and open to the world?
is being open to the world a source or a result of a sort of "mental illness"?

i dunno. i always had a not-completely-negative association with madness and imbalance and art and maybe even death. i like dancing with death, because i'm sure i won't fall. i have this built-in safety lock, it seems. i just -couldn't- kill myself, for instance, so it's all very easy to say, "well, no reason is a good enough reason", because for me it quite simply isn't about reasons. and likewise, for the people who -do- do it, or want to.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

and er. yes. i do over-analyze, ehehe. i'm glad my sudden barrage didn't freak -you- out. i'm glad someone responded to that part of my post, just so i didn't feel all anyone wants to talk to me about is fandom stuff, which would be semi-depressing, actually, eheheh.
i mean, i do have a purely "poetic ramblings/rl-stuff" journal, but i'm sick of compartmentalizing myself all the time.
it's a weird place to be, where i hate censoring myself and feel like i'm the stupid one. it's always reassuring to be responded to in an open manner that isn't purely about "i agree" or "i disagree", so thanks >:D

Re:

[wellington.livejournal.com]

i've not seen people truly improve on drugs in a way i'd approve of, but i'm aware successes exist, it's just i don't know any~:)

:) Agreed. As often as drugs can help, I've never met anyone who has actually improved on them, including myself. What I've found is they seem to leave things a little more open to improvement. I can tell you, that right after I started taking some of my meds were some of the most truly depressing times of my life. Improvements have to be self-made or they just don't work. They don't stick.

In terms of art...I'm with you there. I often find myself asking those questions. And frankly I am scared. Scared about losing that way of viewing life, that ability to see art in things...scared to lose my perception.

I don't know. I've always had this thing about madness and genius -- I can't deny the correlation...I've always wanted that...to be able to translate feelings to tangible forms...to art. It's probably the most important thing to me, and directly associated with my self-worth.

I like how you put the relationship. As much as it contradicts what I'm currently doing with myself. There's practicality and there's romanticism. I'm a horrible romantic concerning most things, I don't know if it's healthy, but it is how I feel. You are so right in those points you make.

Thanks, it's nice to discuss this stuff. I don't think many of my friends are up for working out the mechanics of art...:) Breath of fresh air.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

heh. i am probably -too- into talking about the "mechanics of art", since it led me down the questionable path of taking art history courses that make me read kant, who is (one of) the tools of the devil ><;;
and, even though i said all that about artistic ability being correlated to imbalance, i don't think it is. well... not quite that bluntly. plenty of sane, "okay" people are artists. i mean, there's a -certain- wobbliness that's to do with doing something most people just don't -do-, so it's not -quite- something i think the car-mechanic down the road is up to....

but... the wellsprings of art are deep inside you. even people with most of their minds gone-- even elephants-- (hee!) make stuff people could recognize as "art".
i wobble on this. two year-olds doodle. so do overly complex 22 year-olds with extensive "emotional issues". is the latter "more true" than the former?
i've seen autistic 14 year-old draw and i've seen my (seemingly sane) art teacher draw and i've seen boys drawn tanks in their notebooks when i was eight. i wouldn't necessarily be able to label and rank these things. while insane people and disturbed people do create art, a lot of the time, that art is disturbed and not all that... er... universal, and only appeals to a certain prurient interest. for every van gogh, there's thousands of people who just draw severed arms, legs, and noses being eaten by spiders with the same condition he had.

it's being off-kilter that helps, not full-out pathology. and possibly art itself is what makes you off-kilter, not the other way around. i think creativity is a vital and central part of one's humanity, and it's very very hard to lose it. people who you'd think should've lost it, don't, there are lots of psychiatry research on this, too. it's not like... localized, i think. it's not like there's a "creativity center" the way there's a motion center. even verbal centers are scattered everywhere around the brain. we use all of ourselves, creating things, and it's very hard to really mess up all that.

some people are -never- creative, and then they start when they're 25 or even 65. i never quite got that. some people are creative up to age 20 and then never do it again, at least for 30 years. i never got that either. for me, it's just how i think/live/breathe. it's not dependent on mood, thought pattern, current identity. i remember when i was like, 2 years old, i doodled things. now, most 2 year olds doodle things. but i never stopped. so to me, i started then, even if what i did then wasn't "art" or anything anyone wants to see-- it was still me being creative. now... how many insane/imbalanced/"weird" two-year-olds -are- there? well, unless you've got one of those birth defects like autism or downs syndrome, but that's a whole different kettle of fish.

but you see what i'm saying.
i'm a romantic too. ehehehe. that's why i like my `ship, you know. h/d-ers come in two types: insane romantics and total plebes. since total plebes are easy to sort and discard, you're left with insane romantics ~:)
eheheh. whereas, you know... like, lucius/harry & harry/snape and ginny/ron people scare me. you have to wonder just what kind of issues -they- have, you know?? *giggles*
i figure ron/draco is romantic except really bitter and violent. considering h/d is -already- bitter and violent, i'm guessing it just wasn't angry and mean and bitchy enough. so, romantic but in denial. ahahaha. you know, if i really said what i thought of all the ships, people wouldn't think i'm nice anymore >:D

Re:

[wellington.livejournal.com]

continued....

say you took out someone's frontal lobe-- i won't argue, there's not much you can do. but, if you took out a part of their left cortex, the right would compensate eventually

Yes. So true. In terms of compensating, our bodies have it worked out to a detailed degree. But when it comes to hormones...I'm not sure how much the compensating factor plays into it. The brain is one thing, but hormones are so complex and originate in so many different areas and are so specialised...it's difficult to say. I mean you have your adreanal glands and your pituitary and thyroid and thalamus and etc. etc.

And horomones are so specific to what they do...many anti-depressants (I cannot spell, sorry!) are tuned to very specific chemicals, which is why often a doctor will put a person through many different ones before finding one that works. There's not a generic medicine that works for every case of depression and often times, they have to resort to combinations. Blech...I think I should shut up now before you end up thinking I'm a Drug Tsar or a rep for Glaxo or something...

Heh...also, funny you should mention it...I actually am hypothyroid. Gods I sound fucked up, don't I. I'm not as scary as I've just made myself out to be, I swear!

You know I like the way you think things through rather a lot...even if I don't always agree. I'd say you're probably the second most truthful person (to yourself and others) I've met online (or that's my perception anyway). I admire you greatly. :) I just hope I haven't frightened you away....

[ishuca.livejournal.com]

yeah, i was talking about the hubbub there, and about how incredibly frustrating and nonproductive conversations like that are.

:sighs:

:hugs reena:

:t00bs off:

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

*wibbles*
waaaah you can't t00b off yet! you haven't told me if kassie's fic-fragment sucks yet or not~!!
*gurgles*
waaaaaah. *giggles*

[ishuca.livejournal.com]

:t00bs back:

ficlet? what ficlet?

:sticks tongue out:

:t00bs off again:

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

*cries*
*can't cry convincingly, decides to giggle*
wah. the evil!hermione ficlet, silly!
*thwaps you*
am angsty about it and dunno whether/how to continue ever since you said it needs to be an epic.
*tries to cry again*
eheheh