*spazzes*

[reenka]

*has attack of random angst*

waaaahhhhhh. there are probably two things that get me to want to tear out my hair and wail at the slightest intimation of them, while any other jibe is fine with me: someone thinking i'm not sane in some way, and someone saying i don't make sense in writing (*coughs* maybe that's connected). if an intelligent-seeming person just doesn't get what i'm saying, obviously i just can't express myself in normal english. which doesn't make -sense-, because why does anyone tell me i am eloquent if it's so... so... hit-and-miss, and sometimes i make sense and sometimes i don't? how does -that- work? what does that mean? i make equal amounts of sense to -myself- and...

and this guy on armchair_slash (the mailing list) just -offhandedly- says my prose was "fairly broken" and he wasn't sure he understood (in a post i wrote in reply to his) and i'm like, oh god. my prose is broken(?!?!?!) and. what does he mean, broken? is this "broken"? and if it's broken, why is it so broken it's not just that it's annoying or frustrating to read, but near-incomprehensible to someone who -should- be able to deduce meaning even if it's obscured by phrasing? so um. is it broken? how often is my prose broken? do people just not tell me 'cause they're polite?

i feel like yes, i do over-complexify my insane run-on sentences (i don't mean to), just... i can see how the meaning could get lost in some sort of flood of extraneous words. someone told me that they don't comment because my word-use is intimidating. people -have- often said i'm confusing. but being confusing is one thing. having my prose be -broken- is a value judgement that says i have some sort of -issue- with expressing myself on some basic level, not that what i'm expressing is just wackt.
    i just want someone to tell me the truth, or something. but the truth may very well be contradictory, of course. someone on lj (a rather logical thinker, i think) once said i made no sense whatsoever and implied i had issues articulating myself at all, and then when i reiterated more carefully, said i apparently -can- be articulate if i wanted to (well, he also seemed to like me more at that point. people are weird.) but it's not when i want to, because usually i don't try to control it one way or the other, so. gah.

Comments

[veuki.livejournal.com]

Reena, you fucking rock. Ignore him, baby. And yes, this is probably so ineloquent in telling you how much you fucking well rock the casbah, but you do. *snuggles*

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

*meeps*
*feels better*
hee. i was overreacting, i think. i do that -.-
(still, it's like... some sort of twilight zone scenario... what if i actually am not speaking a language anyone could understand? like, i -think- i'm making sense, but i'm -not-? tadatadatadatadatada... hee ^^; )

thanks >:D<
i just looked at stupid icons & am giggling now~:) *hugs*

[thessamunga.livejournal.com]

I BELIEVE I KNOW THE STUPID ICONS YOU ARE SPEAKING OF!

And I agree. Broken!? I think he's got a screw loose.

[dancingrain.livejournal.com]

It looked to me like said guy has something to prove, given his general tone when posting.
I thought personally he was talking about the way the messages format, when you read them on the webpage, but who knows.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

heeeee. pwetty dwaco. *inclines head and watches your icon twinkle*
and yeah. *bounces* you do indeed know which icons i was speaking of >:D< although um, i dunno why i called them stupid except in that mtv sort of way. hee.

i mean, yah, he probably does have a screw loose (just in that "he's got something up his arse" sort of way), but he talks like a professor or something. wah. the people who count understand me, so everything is right with the world >:D

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

meep ^^
somehow that seems too good to be true (about the formating), but maybe~:)
hee. it's a bit like he has rather surprisingly high expectations of the level of editing and thinking-through we would do on the list, like it's a seniors-level english class and he's the ta.

or maybe that's just me. *laughs*

[thessamunga.livejournal.com]

ahahaah they are beyond stupid and that's what makes them hilarious. i swear, you should have been online five hours ago when cassie and madde (pansy/neville) and rheanna and i were all online and just HYSTERICALLY LAUGHING, i couldn't type properly for at least an hour straight :)) :)) :)) FANTASTIC :))

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Reading his post, I stopped cold at that line and thought, "Hmm...why the need to pause for a personal put-down here?" What I would say about your style of writing in that post is that it's just allowing for a stream of consciousness. I write like that on lj a lot too, using words like, "It's like..." or "I don't know..." You just, to me, seemed to be presenting your process along with you conclusions.

But if a person is more into facts, like archetypes like "hero" and "wonder boy" are stuck in the narrow confines of the behavior they show in the books and the way their author might respond if somebody asked her a question about their future, they might be put off by such a different style. I maybe flatter myself to think that I'm pretty canon-focused when it comes to my characterizations (I don't write fanfic but I do like to argue my interpretations with canon, at least) and I give the characters a lot more room than that poster seems to want to give them.

The fact that your post did let the reader in on the thought process, sometimes arguing with itself as you considered different sides, might have been jarring to someone who wanted everything laid out so cleanly, even to the point of assigning motivations to people who disagreed (slash writers who passionately support their pairing are trying to insert themselves into the HP phenomenon or whatever). Plus you really were arguing from the exact opposite side: he was specifically coming out against the idea of the reader having too much control over meaning while you were coming out and saying the reader was a partner in the process. That whole position might seem "broken" to some people.:-)

[eleveninches.livejournal.com]

He thought it was "broken"? Whatever, man. Don't listen to him; I understood it perfectly.

[lasultrix.livejournal.com]

Here's a random piece of truth for you: I'll be in NYC staying with Cassie from the 9th to the 16th, except for the weekend in the middle when I'll be in Boston with them. Might you be anywhere in the vicinity, Reena-my-dearest?

[antenora.livejournal.com]

Dude, that guy is acting like an ass. Ignore him. ;p

And, there is nothing 'broken' about it. It is perfectly intelligible and any problems he might have in understanding are just that: his problems. I happen to love the way you express yourself, as you know, and I absolutely adore you. You rock my pink harry potter socks, Reena.

--Andrea--

[ztrin.livejournal.com]

You make perfect sense; that guy just has a stick up his ass. <3

[ishuca.livejournal.com]

despite being muchly in absentia and having put armchair on no mail, let me stop by to say... what?

did he explain? i mean, did he go into why your prose was broken, thus offering constructive criticism which might help you to improve your writing?

or did he just say that and move on? because if that's the case, fuck him and forget it.

i say this as your (really bad unworthy, absent) beta. because if he couldn't be bothered to give you any real help then he didn't mean to do so. alright?

and no, your writing isn't perfect. neither is anyone else's. but if that's all that person had to say then whoop de fucking doo. 'back at you' and so on and so forth.

:hugs:

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

*meeps*
*hugs*!!
heeeee. *hearts your evil malicious teddybear icon*

yeah, um. i'm just sensitive about that (though it -was- just a small flare-up, i didn't like, angst about it all day or anything. *laughs*), but yah, he just sort of mentioned it. not that he's the only one, that's what kind of gets to me (i mean, there's zoshak... and others i can't think of right now). but i mean, i don't expect anyone to be an impromptu beta or anything, you know. though it would be nice ><

but yes. i think it's more me than him, with my sore spot and insecurity about making no sense because i'm secretly So Weird I Make A Sane, Logical Person's Brain Fry. though that might be an accomplishment, actually~:)

*hugs*!
heeee. i'll just bring all my fics in hard-copy when i see you and make you read them in real-time :)))) *evil grin*
hope you're having fun in mongolia with all the horse's milk and the nomads, btw >:D<

(yes, i'll never stop it with the mongolia, yes.)

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

<3! *grins* i am so totally surprised by all the support (since i was asking for criticism, heheh), but yeay. i'm all happy because if i make sense to you (as in, someone whose opinion actually matters to me) then it doesn't really matter if some random person i don't even know mutters something, since i have no reason to respect him, really, except that he sounds intelligent, but then that sort of thing is relative. heh. (except for the small part of me that is like, 7 years old and thinks that if someone acts high-and-mighty and professor-like, they'll give me a C and fail me and say i need to re-learn english and stuff. ahahah school really scars one, apparently -.-)
hee~:)

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

*dies* there's -more-??!
omg, i'm like. nono, not FIC IDEAS, NOOOOOooooooooo -.-

because. yes. go-go dancer pr0n. you know you wannit >:D< ahahahaha. oh. i'm just like, -avoiding- writing anything worthwhile actively at this point, aren't i ><

omg. what if there's this strip bar/joint in hogsmeade that only hagrid and snape know about (.....) and like, harry finds it accidentally, and they have gay night that night, and draco needs money because his father's assets have been seized since he's in prison (...!!!) and. so he comes in, not knowing this was the sort of place it was, thinking he saw snape come in (and he's been particularly paranoid about snape becoming a death eater or something) and snape isn't there (well, he has personal contacts, let's say, ahahaha). and.

okay i need to stop now.
i need help. waaaaaaaaahhh.
<3333 you guys. this'll be making me smile for days :))

[lasultrix.livejournal.com]

Oh, and your prose is NOT broken! If he didn't understand that the dashes mean emphasis, he's SILLY.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

!!!!!!!!11!111!!1..!...!!
*chokes*!!!! wheeeeeee!u;jskfalkj?faslfjgwah! *incoherent*!..!
[had to buy new keyboard in the middle of this, spacebar stopped working entirely! whee! was gurgling intermittently on the bus there, heeeee. *twirls*]
!! YES! if i'm not in the vicinity, i -can- be >:D
and. will be! this is ...wow. you've probably said something on your lj, but since i haven't been reading lj... wah. (sort of like i keep getting birthday presents late, first maya and now you. heeee!)

y'mean, 9-16th of um... september, right? doesn't matter, just whistle and i'll catch the bus there. it's only 3 and a half hours, and they run every 2 hours or so, so it's easy enough~:)
!!!
WAH!!
and heeee, my prose really -is- rather broken right now, but. *excited*!
eeeeeeeeeeeeee! :)))

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

*grins*
since past experience leads me to believe you'd definitely -say- so if i was talking nonsense (hee) i have no choice but to be reassured (against my will entirely, of course) >:D

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

wheeeeeee!! <3!
man, i feel the love >:D (somewhat unexpectedly, since i was all prepared to be told there was a secret cadre of people who actually thought i talk out of my ass or something. not that i don't, but hey.)

since it sounds like you'd followed the discussion, i'm rather inclined to agree with you, although he seems intelligent and articulate, if a bit... set in his theoretical ways, which is why his opinion bothered me. hee. methinks i smell a grad english lit student, eheheheh.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

heeeee~:)
i do so love it when things get explained to me, though i do feel better being told i have nothing to worry about too, of course >:D<
heeee. you like detail on a level i can identify with, hehehe.

yes, that is probably what it is-- that i tend to contradict myself and get off a straight line and blunder around not trying to sound -too- defensible most of the time, as long as i've -arrived- somewhere at the end. and i guess some people get woozy from that, or something, and plus don't they tell you not to do that in english papers, or something? because well, i know i don't write essays you could give to an english professor without fear, mostly because of the clutter, but it's weird when they become -incomprehensible- because of said clutter. it's like, to get to the point where you can -only- understand english-essay type arguments is... disturbing.

heehee. and i totally do agree with him-- sort of-- i see how he could arrive at his conclusions anyway, because yes, hp is a "closed text" but it's also just a text, and the whole -idea- of a text -having- to be "open" or "closed" kind of bothers me. i think -all- texts can be seen as open or closed depending on the reader. sort of like... say... i dunno, the bible was probably intended in a very particular way. at least one thing is for sure-- the biblical god was supposed to be seen as Good. and yet there are a number of readings where the judeo-christian god is seen as malevolent or controlling or even destructive. so. i mean, no matter -what- the writer or the text is supposedly saying, the reader is -still- in control of what they perceive. so the open/closed text theory may make sense for criticism but i dunno if it totally jibes with reader experience. and he seems to have totally stewed in those lit-major juices so much that there's no -other- way of understanding literature than the official one (not as a -fan-, anyway), so i suppose he has a problem there~:)

heeeee. do so appreciate you explaining it to me >:D
i think this whole stream-of-consciousness thing has its proponents and detractors as a style of writing, and probably the loose style of comprehension it implies is rather antithetical to the a+b=c variety. even so, he sounded like a ta or something, which is probably what set me off.
one wonders just why -he- enjoys/reads fanfic & h/d & `love under will' in particular >

[thessamunga.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAH yeah rheanna made them for me to cheer me up AND IT WORKED, i cannot stop laughing still. i keep going and spamming people just so i can use them :))

[antenora.livejournal.com]

And you should feel the love, dude. There is much love bebopin' around here. <3! :)

*lol* Dude, I had actually just finished going through my armchair backlog this afternoon, not all that long before I saw your post. I agree that he does seem quite intelligent and articulate, but... dude... anyone who responds to opposing opinions by either missing the point or being deliberately obtuse isn't one who should be criticizing others. Wise man once say: "A closed mind is an enigma indeed. Nothing ever goes in, but odd things are forever coming out."

He's just silly. Like Draco pouncing about in bunny slippers and a trenchcoat while smoking a bubble pipe silly. ;p

So, bah humbug, I say.

---Andrea---

[lasultrix.livejournal.com]

Oh, no I haven't actually mentioned it on LJ. Just had to tell you. :)

Yay! See you in a month, then.

[ishuca.livejournal.com]

:sulks at you:

isn't in mongolia. is in japan.

though not for very much longer. mwah!

and if you want, you can. i'd love to read them hard copy (you could do the same with PoL, too! ;P). as long as i have some colored pens nearby.... :DD

and that's good you didn't angst for long. he was a shit for going about it the way he did. by the way, who did you get as a new beta?

:writhes in jealousy:

:hugs:

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

heee. yah, i think i knew that, actually ^^;;
*meeps* about japan, i mean. hee. holes? brain? what? hee.

i'm on a mad writing spree, though. any holes in my brain are entirely because the leakage is worse than usual~:) this last one actually has a plot, too (*gasp!*). i don't know how -that- happened. well, yes i do. it was one of those plots that come to me so of course i don't know what to do with them and leave them alone for months in embryonic form with barely any fleshing out beyond the premise. and then i'm avoiding writing something else and so i return to it and boom! realize that my trusty old trick of combining bits and pieces of different embryonic stories would work with such-and-such in particular, so off i go. this is probably turning out about as long as `one good reason' except it looks like it'll actually be -finished-.

whoa.

-aaaand- the fic i was -avoiding- is about as long. though not so much with the plot. both of them are post-ootp, though, which is weird, since i had been avoiding post-ootp statements like the plague.
and er... *giggles* no beta. no one offered except that random person, though i did ask kind of offhandedly. still though, 144 people on my friends-of list, etc. you'd -think-, wouldn't you. they all secretly think i suck, eheheheheeh >:D<
ok, well, addictedkitten offered so -she- doesn't think i secretly suck-- or rather, she said she -would- except she'd suck as my beta. which is probably true. heee. i don't trust almost anyone to be right except you, but i'm sure i wouldn't reject some people, ehehehe. but those are probably the ones with the bigger load of stuff. or something.

i've also realized that i'm doomed.
'cause lasair sorta-kinda once said she'd beta (i -think-) if i ever wrote a wip, buuuttt, i don't think that's my style. if i wrote a 500k manuscript, i'd write it all at once, probably, which makes it a non-wip, just a really long-ass fic. i mean, you can theoretically write 300 pages if you worked non-stop for a month for like, 8 hours a day only sleeping for 4 or something, right? well, i'd be like that, if i knew exactly what i had to write. i hate that buzzy feeling of "i know what to write" and not -doing- it. it's like swallowing stones all the time.

*hugs*
and what did i ramble about -now-? i don't even know o_0

[ishuca.livejournal.com]

well, yes, but i'm travelling all over. so i forgive you. (mongolia indeed)

god, mad writing spree... i haven't read -anything- new in the fandom (though i did bring some old fics with me on my computer for comfort) and only read OotP once and am feeling very distanced. wah! :sniffles:

i shall have to read your new stuff when i get back, right after i (ugh) read OotP again.

:beats you: you must have a beta! no offhanded asking, now! ask for real, and if that doesn't work search someone out! rawr! :shakes you:

and las would definitely be a good beta, but you're right, i can't see you writing a WiP. and yes, you can. just look at idiotparade and the fic she wrote for the SSFQF. i mean, my -god-.

i missed a chance to write because of timing, but it's no real loss, i suppose. the real experience i was having was well worth the inability to write. -you- should definitely go to nara one summer, when they are having the candle festival again. candles at night, covering the ground and water. -amazing-

:hugs back:

stuff. we're both good at that.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

hehehehe. i need a beta, huh. *giggles* that's funny considering how many fics you'd said don't -need- a beta 'cause they're um...... not serious enough. *laughs*

well, see, the people i'd -want- to beta me, i'd be intimidated asking, and stuff. heee.
who would you recommend? we sort of know the same people, right? and i don't want a -permanent- beta, anyway, 'cause i have one. *grins* and i'm not letting you off the hook! *laughs evilly*

i feel disconnected just not reading my -friends page- for a week. i can only -imagine- doing it for -weeks- and...stuff.
i'd be surprised if anyone remembers me after a month. *laughs* or if i still have even half of the same people watching ><;;

but yeah.
this is not so bad. i mean.... if you'll have intermittent email access for this half a year, it won't be too bad~:) for me, anyway. and i'm the one that counts, of course >:D<

and wheeeeee! i'm -seeing- lasair this september..!.!..!!
i can't believe how many of my friends i've seen! it's ridiculous!! waaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!
one day. one day, even if i have to wait 5 years, i'll see amalin, too. then my fandom life will be complete, and i could move to england and become a hermit. heeeee.

i keep re-reading bits of stuff i wrote and thinking, omg, i -wrote- that? i sound like i know what i'm doing!! omg!! wild!
hee.
i used to go for -months-, a year or more, without writing a story. and now, if i don't write for a few weeks, i start to feel like i'm just taking up space or something.
but this is when one realizes one must get -out- of the house and -do- something~:)
even if that something involves spending money one doesn't have and getting new pants.

i mean, pants have -nothing- to do with the redemption of draco malfoy. *snorts* it's a wonderful thing >:D<

i'm -thinking- that if i do write a long-ass fic, i can cut it up and -release- it as a wip, 'cause those things get more comments, man. COMMENTS!!!

my record is what, 18? for my harry/cho fic!! *weeeeeps*!

why is my harry/cho stuff so popular (well, it -is- ff.net, but still)?? WHY GOD, WHY?!? i posted my stupidstupidawfulhorrible harry/cho + draco fic and it's got what, 11 comments? in 2 months. that's a lot for me. I hate it. hate thinking, "omg, so-and-so has more comments than me, even -soandso- has more comments than me, I MUST SUCK!!! >:O" *sigh* but then i -do- get more comments and i -rage- because people are so -stupid- as to like a stupid fic.
there is no winning ^^;
hee ~:)