*spazzes*

[reenka]

*has attack of random angst*

waaaahhhhhh. there are probably two things that get me to want to tear out my hair and wail at the slightest intimation of them, while any other jibe is fine with me: someone thinking i'm not sane in some way, and someone saying i don't make sense in writing (*coughs* maybe that's connected). if an intelligent-seeming person just doesn't get what i'm saying, obviously i just can't express myself in normal english. which doesn't make -sense-, because why does anyone tell me i am eloquent if it's so... so... hit-and-miss, and sometimes i make sense and sometimes i don't? how does -that- work? what does that mean? i make equal amounts of sense to -myself- and...

and this guy on armchair_slash (the mailing list) just -offhandedly- says my prose was "fairly broken" and he wasn't sure he understood (in a post i wrote in reply to his) and i'm like, oh god. my prose is broken(?!?!?!) and. what does he mean, broken? is this "broken"? and if it's broken, why is it so broken it's not just that it's annoying or frustrating to read, but near-incomprehensible to someone who -should- be able to deduce meaning even if it's obscured by phrasing? so um. is it broken? how often is my prose broken? do people just not tell me 'cause they're polite?

i feel like yes, i do over-complexify my insane run-on sentences (i don't mean to), just... i can see how the meaning could get lost in some sort of flood of extraneous words. someone told me that they don't comment because my word-use is intimidating. people -have- often said i'm confusing. but being confusing is one thing. having my prose be -broken- is a value judgement that says i have some sort of -issue- with expressing myself on some basic level, not that what i'm expressing is just wackt.
    i just want someone to tell me the truth, or something. but the truth may very well be contradictory, of course. someone on lj (a rather logical thinker, i think) once said i made no sense whatsoever and implied i had issues articulating myself at all, and then when i reiterated more carefully, said i apparently -can- be articulate if i wanted to (well, he also seemed to like me more at that point. people are weird.) but it's not when i want to, because usually i don't try to control it one way or the other, so. gah.

Comments

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

*dies* there's -more-??!
omg, i'm like. nono, not FIC IDEAS, NOOOOOooooooooo -.-

because. yes. go-go dancer pr0n. you know you wannit >:D< ahahahaha. oh. i'm just like, -avoiding- writing anything worthwhile actively at this point, aren't i ><

omg. what if there's this strip bar/joint in hogsmeade that only hagrid and snape know about (.....) and like, harry finds it accidentally, and they have gay night that night, and draco needs money because his father's assets have been seized since he's in prison (...!!!) and. so he comes in, not knowing this was the sort of place it was, thinking he saw snape come in (and he's been particularly paranoid about snape becoming a death eater or something) and snape isn't there (well, he has personal contacts, let's say, ahahaha). and.

okay i need to stop now.
i need help. waaaaaaaaahhh.
<3333 you guys. this'll be making me smile for days :))

[thessamunga.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAH yeah rheanna made them for me to cheer me up AND IT WORKED, i cannot stop laughing still. i keep going and spamming people just so i can use them :))