~~lists. i like lists.

[reenka]

i know there was some loff for my harry & draco characterization list. and well, i hate it but it happens-- i'm starting to notice patterns. evil patterns, evil. i'm starting to get the drift-- where things are going-- i'm not a person who predicts things easily, mind you. my analytical side likes days off. a -lot- of days off. but i'm beginning to think i know the deal. so here goes, inspired by penelope_z's question on why would harry love draco. so let's hit it.

Reena's Waste of Braincells, Exhibit A
      Fanon Cliches of H/D Love [not Lust]

1) - Draco has to kill Harry because of orders [i.e., Lucius/Voldemort]
    - realizes he can't [``but I love Harry!"]
    - realizes he wants to make up his own mind
    - blah blah joins the Light Side blah

2) - Draco isn't antagonistic anymore
    - Harry wonders why/has to investigate
        + is intrigued
    - Harry becomes impromptu counselor
        + bonding
    - Harry is snapped out of obliviousness
        + becomes obsessed himself

3) - Draco has something Harry needs [or wants]
    - familiarity with darkness
        + to show Harry
        + to help Harry fight it [blah, war, blah]
    - ``you hurt so good" [i.e., pain/anger makes Harry feel more alive]

4) - Harry and Draco are thrown together by events
    - during the war
    - working on a project both are invested in
        + come to understand each other
    - Harry sees Draco has his uses

5) - Draco's physical effect on Harry [while fighting/fucking: lust] makes Harry question everything about himself
    - Harry trusts his new instincts
        + disregards common sense and proceeds to shag like bunnies
    - Harry sees Draco's gentler/emotional side
    - Harry "just falls" in love/lust
        + becomes obsessed himself

6) - Draco decides to pursue Harry thus changing a basic aspect of their former dynamic.
    - ``You want me??"
      ``I want you?!"
    - Harry loses former compass
    - Draco acts in more varied ways, confusing & mystifying & intriguing
    - Harry's view of Draco expands & so does the room for more feelings
    - Draco plays hard-to-get, inflaming Harry
        + IP..!

7) - Harry wakes up and smells the sexy [also known as #2 with a ``lemon twist"]
    - usually Draco is acting aloof [Harry/Draco role-reversal]
    - Draco remembers his former obsession
        + ``He's good/evil but I want him!"
        + yeay, bye-bye logic, etc.



am going hot and cold now, with harry/draco and stuff, as winter approaches. what i mean is-- i both disbelieve fairy-tales and cling to them like a crazed hussy. penelope_z's latest post illustrated that. i was so excited to see how she could possibly get them out of this pickle (unapologetic-bastard!malfoy and in-character!harry, etc), but she doesn't know either, and now-- now i wonder who -does- know.
my reply just basically said that here's what's been done before, and these are the routes you could take, but none of them are 100% honest and anyway, most of these fics are unfinished. yes, all my favorite fics have either a toned-down malfoy or a darkened harry. all of them. malfoy has -some- redeeming quality besides his desire for harry, in every single one. wax_jism's fic wasn't really like that, but then, it didn't exactly have a traditional love affair, and in fact had nothing but some groping, did it.

i'm thinking of the more fluffy (but in-character) fics-- like silviakundera's and augustuscaesar's-- and the difference is that draco is a prat, yes, and casually cruel, yes, but-- well-- it being fluffy rather than angsty you don't need to the deepest of harry's motivations and could just have draco wear him down, or harry just having a "thing" for malfoy all of a sudden. if you consider him just having a "thing" to be cheating and not explaining it-- then what?

this is like an elaborate chinese-box puzzle for me. my mind just goes over and over it and i can't really see a solution that is completely honest. i refuse to say, "but they just aren't canon", which is bullshit. you take these archetypes and you see what you can do with them. like, fitting jig-saw pieces together, i turn them around and around, this way and that. every single fic i read-- every single one-- i want the answer to this question-- how & why. how gets answered all the time, but why-- there's usually some cheating there. it's always-- like i said in my reply-- either plain attraction, or harry's descent into darkness, or them being brought together by war (or plot!), or harry realizing there's "more" to draco, or him being tired of fighting (uh... yeah), and deciding to be friends-- which just changes it from harry & draco to harry & some guy who used to be draco but has been house-trained a little. i'm not saying they all turn draco into an apologist, because they don't-- but he isn't so petty, so completely raw and lacking in layers of obfuscation and mystery-- penelope's draco is so straight-forward. so basic. the core of draco, violent and needy and selfish and cruel and unstable and heartless and possessive and passionate.

i've asked this question before, on this lj.
no one's ever answered me-- i don't think anyone truly knows. one person's guess is as good as another's.
when i post inspirational pieces, people respond and say "yes" or "thank you", but. i also want to be inspired. i also want to be reassured. i want a fic where you take unapologetic!draco, cruel, petty, needy-- and make harry somehow fit that. somehow. maybe it's impossible after all.

i'm not exactly mercurial or unsure-- i still believe. but i'm not blind. i want actual thought and discussion and i want -realism-. maybe this is just fanfic, and just a stupid pairing, at that. it is. why do i even bother. but it's difficult, you see. it's difficult, and a challenge, just like harry is a challenge to draco-- and truth is, i can definitely see this love being unrequited. maybe this is the angle i should pursue with my draco/ginny fic. because ginny would be different. beggars can't be choosers. but that's not how harry is. he needs to think there's more to draco, something he needs in draco, besides want/desire, which other people can give him. it's been proposed that only draco can see him for himself, on an equal level.

bleh. like i was saying, what reason does -anyone- have to love -anyone-? why does -anything- work? if we can figure out harry & draco, what mystery would remain? nothing "just comes" in life, nothing just "happens"-- or does it? do you choose your destiny or are you simply drawn, inexorably, towards the things you cannot escape within yourself? that's alright, i like the echoes.

~~

in other news..! hee! hee!
i posted my fluff-fic from last night on two lists and got two reviews...!
*cries*
such glory. i got the longest review yet :D hee! hee! she said it was one of her favourite things, too :D hah and she said it was in-character! i die.

aww. *melting* i feel the loff. i was being wibbly because i'd have thought this last one was a crowd-pleaser (yea, right) but least it's a two-people pleaser!!! dammit :P
~~

art links..!
    moya's boy-next-door!harry-- don't you just want to schnoogle him-- and rip his jeans off??
    from drawmeharry: a wonderfully inked, uber-realistic snape-- by drizzt-- whose skill knocks me off my feet and onto my butt. i will NEVER be that good. most people i rave about will never be that good. yes, i'm telling you, stop comparing to the rest and start comparing to the best (yes well, in the wan hopes one can, in fact, catch up *sigh*) then again, she's professional, so ^^;;
    and draco's long lost, adorable twin sister, who proves that i'd ship het if there was anyone like her to use~:)

Comments

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

firstly... squeee..~!
*ponders* should i fangirl you?? hee! i'm reading `veela magic' right about now~:D
alright so i'm in the beginning of the first chapter (thus, will review in few days) ^^;; but mostly i'm your fangirl (ugh, bad, bad word-- admirer?
er...yah) 'cause of this (http://www.livejournal.com/talkread.bml?journal=lasultrix&itemid=2353#cutid1), which is one of the most beautiful, amazing things i've ever read, ever.
so. yes.

i haven't read it all this time 'cause i thought it was mostly fleur/cho with some harry/draco as a background pairing. and i was going to go through -all- of the readable h/d before i um... branched out. because i, for one, am not here for the "Good Writing" (because then i'd just read original fic, let's face it, heh)-- but for harry/draco. but squee~:) am so amazed you know/read about lil old me~:D

er. onwards ^^
you make an interesting point. no, i wasn't saying they were all necessarily ooc, though "cliche" implies that-- sort of. i just meant there were... short-cuts that get used a lot. yes, i fully intend them to be able to change each other-- it's not love if that doesn't happen. in fact, i find it sort of depressing if that -doesn't- happen, and they just have this horrible cycle of misunderstandings and lost opportunities and entropy. all i really want is for the writer not to tinker -too- much with the initial dynamic-- so that i feel that they're starting from some place that resembles "canon" and then they could go anywhere they want, from that.
    a lot of (good) fics take a changed harry (or draco) for granted-- "something happened"-- during the summer, or last year, or just-- growing up. and i realize maybe the writers like the character more that way and aren't just trying to make the pairing easier-- but i still think that doesn't say much about the pairing if most of the stories have to change them somehow to start with, before bringing them together.

if the characters -don't- change, you have a stagnant, boring sort of story, really. but if they're already half-way unrecognizable from pre-fic events-- and you spend the fic (it happens) getting -back- to canon (like, draco is all blah and `i'm above that sort of thing now' and harry has to inspire the fire back into him, or vice versa).

and definitely, they're not "ooc" just because a plot convention is used... it all depends on how you -use- a plot, and depends just how ooc -are- they. plot influences character possibilities, but not completely. it's all tricky and dependent on the story ^^;

hee. and i feel like i talk -too much- about hp stuff and people think i'm just a fangirl with no life ~:) "doesn't she have anything better to do??" hee~:) i'd write about my life if i could make it interesting -.-

~~reena, who realizes she could never win

[lasultrix.livejournal.com]

I'm sitting here in a computer lab at Trinity almost crying because you said that about the Jill story. *watery smile* Because... it's all true. It's what happened to me, and I had to write it, and the truest way I could write it was to make every word of it metaphorical.

Whee! You're reading VM. I loved your review of PFI (which I started beta-ing for recently) and I followed links I saw to your journal. Plus, I adore the fact that you talk so much about HP. I'm all about the meta, me. Hell, I'm studying Philosophy. The idea for VM actually started as H/D with F/C as background, you know, but now the way it's going is they're both pretty equal.

So... mutual fangirling, eh?

*fangirls and runs*