~~lists. i like lists.

[reenka]

i know there was some loff for my harry & draco characterization list. and well, i hate it but it happens-- i'm starting to notice patterns. evil patterns, evil. i'm starting to get the drift-- where things are going-- i'm not a person who predicts things easily, mind you. my analytical side likes days off. a -lot- of days off. but i'm beginning to think i know the deal. so here goes, inspired by penelope_z's question on why would harry love draco. so let's hit it.

Reena's Waste of Braincells, Exhibit A
      Fanon Cliches of H/D Love [not Lust]

1) - Draco has to kill Harry because of orders [i.e., Lucius/Voldemort]
    - realizes he can't [``but I love Harry!"]
    - realizes he wants to make up his own mind
    - blah blah joins the Light Side blah

2) - Draco isn't antagonistic anymore
    - Harry wonders why/has to investigate
        + is intrigued
    - Harry becomes impromptu counselor
        + bonding
    - Harry is snapped out of obliviousness
        + becomes obsessed himself

3) - Draco has something Harry needs [or wants]
    - familiarity with darkness
        + to show Harry
        + to help Harry fight it [blah, war, blah]
    - ``you hurt so good" [i.e., pain/anger makes Harry feel more alive]

4) - Harry and Draco are thrown together by events
    - during the war
    - working on a project both are invested in
        + come to understand each other
    - Harry sees Draco has his uses

5) - Draco's physical effect on Harry [while fighting/fucking: lust] makes Harry question everything about himself
    - Harry trusts his new instincts
        + disregards common sense and proceeds to shag like bunnies
    - Harry sees Draco's gentler/emotional side
    - Harry "just falls" in love/lust
        + becomes obsessed himself

6) - Draco decides to pursue Harry thus changing a basic aspect of their former dynamic.
    - ``You want me??"
      ``I want you?!"
    - Harry loses former compass
    - Draco acts in more varied ways, confusing & mystifying & intriguing
    - Harry's view of Draco expands & so does the room for more feelings
    - Draco plays hard-to-get, inflaming Harry
        + IP..!

7) - Harry wakes up and smells the sexy [also known as #2 with a ``lemon twist"]
    - usually Draco is acting aloof [Harry/Draco role-reversal]
    - Draco remembers his former obsession
        + ``He's good/evil but I want him!"
        + yeay, bye-bye logic, etc.



am going hot and cold now, with harry/draco and stuff, as winter approaches. what i mean is-- i both disbelieve fairy-tales and cling to them like a crazed hussy. penelope_z's latest post illustrated that. i was so excited to see how she could possibly get them out of this pickle (unapologetic-bastard!malfoy and in-character!harry, etc), but she doesn't know either, and now-- now i wonder who -does- know.
my reply just basically said that here's what's been done before, and these are the routes you could take, but none of them are 100% honest and anyway, most of these fics are unfinished. yes, all my favorite fics have either a toned-down malfoy or a darkened harry. all of them. malfoy has -some- redeeming quality besides his desire for harry, in every single one. wax_jism's fic wasn't really like that, but then, it didn't exactly have a traditional love affair, and in fact had nothing but some groping, did it.

i'm thinking of the more fluffy (but in-character) fics-- like silviakundera's and augustuscaesar's-- and the difference is that draco is a prat, yes, and casually cruel, yes, but-- well-- it being fluffy rather than angsty you don't need to the deepest of harry's motivations and could just have draco wear him down, or harry just having a "thing" for malfoy all of a sudden. if you consider him just having a "thing" to be cheating and not explaining it-- then what?

this is like an elaborate chinese-box puzzle for me. my mind just goes over and over it and i can't really see a solution that is completely honest. i refuse to say, "but they just aren't canon", which is bullshit. you take these archetypes and you see what you can do with them. like, fitting jig-saw pieces together, i turn them around and around, this way and that. every single fic i read-- every single one-- i want the answer to this question-- how & why. how gets answered all the time, but why-- there's usually some cheating there. it's always-- like i said in my reply-- either plain attraction, or harry's descent into darkness, or them being brought together by war (or plot!), or harry realizing there's "more" to draco, or him being tired of fighting (uh... yeah), and deciding to be friends-- which just changes it from harry & draco to harry & some guy who used to be draco but has been house-trained a little. i'm not saying they all turn draco into an apologist, because they don't-- but he isn't so petty, so completely raw and lacking in layers of obfuscation and mystery-- penelope's draco is so straight-forward. so basic. the core of draco, violent and needy and selfish and cruel and unstable and heartless and possessive and passionate.

i've asked this question before, on this lj.
no one's ever answered me-- i don't think anyone truly knows. one person's guess is as good as another's.
when i post inspirational pieces, people respond and say "yes" or "thank you", but. i also want to be inspired. i also want to be reassured. i want a fic where you take unapologetic!draco, cruel, petty, needy-- and make harry somehow fit that. somehow. maybe it's impossible after all.

i'm not exactly mercurial or unsure-- i still believe. but i'm not blind. i want actual thought and discussion and i want -realism-. maybe this is just fanfic, and just a stupid pairing, at that. it is. why do i even bother. but it's difficult, you see. it's difficult, and a challenge, just like harry is a challenge to draco-- and truth is, i can definitely see this love being unrequited. maybe this is the angle i should pursue with my draco/ginny fic. because ginny would be different. beggars can't be choosers. but that's not how harry is. he needs to think there's more to draco, something he needs in draco, besides want/desire, which other people can give him. it's been proposed that only draco can see him for himself, on an equal level.

bleh. like i was saying, what reason does -anyone- have to love -anyone-? why does -anything- work? if we can figure out harry & draco, what mystery would remain? nothing "just comes" in life, nothing just "happens"-- or does it? do you choose your destiny or are you simply drawn, inexorably, towards the things you cannot escape within yourself? that's alright, i like the echoes.

~~

in other news..! hee! hee!
i posted my fluff-fic from last night on two lists and got two reviews...!
*cries*
such glory. i got the longest review yet :D hee! hee! she said it was one of her favourite things, too :D hah and she said it was in-character! i die.

aww. *melting* i feel the loff. i was being wibbly because i'd have thought this last one was a crowd-pleaser (yea, right) but least it's a two-people pleaser!!! dammit :P
~~

art links..!
    moya's boy-next-door!harry-- don't you just want to schnoogle him-- and rip his jeans off??
    from drawmeharry: a wonderfully inked, uber-realistic snape-- by drizzt-- whose skill knocks me off my feet and onto my butt. i will NEVER be that good. most people i rave about will never be that good. yes, i'm telling you, stop comparing to the rest and start comparing to the best (yes well, in the wan hopes one can, in fact, catch up *sigh*) then again, she's professional, so ^^;;
    and draco's long lost, adorable twin sister, who proves that i'd ship het if there was anyone like her to use~:)

Comments

I was going to rant about this on my own livejournal, but...

[metro99.livejournal.com]

I've long had this problem with that Harry/Draco dynamic, even though I'm an avid H/D shipper and I write it myself. Although, short fics are so much easier to cut cliches out of. I don't like the idea of pinning everything down to lust and sexual attraction, because after awhile, the excuse doesn't fly anymore.

However:

Draco has to kill Harry because of orders

I really don't understand why exactly anyone thinks Lucius or Voldemort would order Draco to kill Harry. Okay, it makes for a good start to a plot, I guess, but it usually isn't all that plausible, unless they're older. I mean, at this point in the books Draco is kind of an immature idiot. Forgive me for saying so - he's my favorite character, after all - but he's incapable of pulling off his own plots, much less Voldemort's or Lucius's. Unless they're older, and he's grown up a little.

But let me backtrack, I think Draco's character can go into two directions plausibly in fanon. He can be uber-evil and dark or he can be the conniving, malicious boy he's always been: playing pranks but mostly harmless. Most people don't really write the latter. They instead make him fluffy, which isn't canon at all. He starts turning kind of Mary Sue-ish, which leads to bad fanfic, which leads to me wanting to write some, which is bad for all.

Anyway, since I exclude redeemed-and-fluffy!Draco from this, I'm left with dark!Draco and with relatively-canon!Draco. I have trouble seeing a reason that Harry would be in love or even like either of these versions. I'd like to think that if Harry ever actually talked to Draco and got to know him, that they might get along or even understand each other. But even if they would get along if they talked, it's hard coming up with a non-cliched situation where they're thrown together and have the opportunity to talk.

But even if they did get along, Harry's got no need for another friend. He's got some already, and they don't like Draco. If anyone made an active pursuit towards a relationship, it'd be Draco. And Draco's not too likely to put himself on the line by asking for Harry's friendship yet again, since he's already been through that before.

So, in the end, I'm not quite sure what I wanted to say. My mind moves in these circles everytime I ponder their relationship dynamic and I always end with no conclusion. I love reading H/D - it's about the only fanfic I read - but when it comes down to it, it's hard to find a logical explanation for it.

If I had to choose a plausible plotline, however, I'd pick the one about Draco understanding Harry's darkness. To me, Draco is less dark than Harry is. I mean, Draco goes around supporting it, but Harry's got it somewhat inside of him. I love that aspect of his character.

Umm...sorry for the ramble. I just like to talk about H/D. It's so damn interesting.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

And Draco's not too likely to put himself on the line by asking for Harry's friendship yet again
...

yes. yes. definitely. so it's kinda like, -harry- has to be the one making the move...? or malfoy wants to get back at him, and uses him sexually maybe? or again, malfoy gets aloof, harry's intrigued, etc.
i know what you mean about semi-redeemed!mary-sue!malfoy-- this is where a lot of the chaptered fics go, definitely. weird, that most writers actually identify more with harry than with draco. i do, too, sorta, except i'm nothing like draco ^^;; hee. i'll admit that~:) i'm not exactly a -gryffindor-... more like ravenclaw that would probably get stuck in gryffindor because i'm into being naughty and breaking rules, like hermione ^^;;

i know what you mean, also, about it probably being-- interesting-- if they talked, that there's potential there. but i dunno, i don't like having to turn harry dark to do it-- yes, harry has darkness inside him, but it's that -tension- that teetering-in-the-edge, that's interesting, not the fall into the abyss or whatever. it's just depressing.

*sigh* i know i'm definitely not the only h/d shipper with doubts and "issues" about the pairing. it's not like most of us are naive fluff-bunnies, most definitely ^^;; (that's why so many people seem so --appealing to me, in this `ship/fandom-- there's a good crop of intelligent folk who ship harry/draco-- moreso, i think, than harry/ginny for example ^^;; heh)

i just-- i still want that fic that-- you know-- does it.
i wanna see where `underwater light' & `mirrors' and even luw and `the untold want' and `plague of legends' go-- though neither of them is The Fic, the One True Fic that takes no shortcuts. *sigh*

oh, and never fell sorry 'bout rambling 'cause a) i do it all the time, and spam -your- friends page with them; b) i luurrrve people who take time to anwer my questions~:D

~reena