~~lists. i like lists.

[reenka]

i know there was some loff for my harry & draco characterization list. and well, i hate it but it happens-- i'm starting to notice patterns. evil patterns, evil. i'm starting to get the drift-- where things are going-- i'm not a person who predicts things easily, mind you. my analytical side likes days off. a -lot- of days off. but i'm beginning to think i know the deal. so here goes, inspired by penelope_z's question on why would harry love draco. so let's hit it.

Reena's Waste of Braincells, Exhibit A
      Fanon Cliches of H/D Love [not Lust]

1) - Draco has to kill Harry because of orders [i.e., Lucius/Voldemort]
    - realizes he can't [``but I love Harry!"]
    - realizes he wants to make up his own mind
    - blah blah joins the Light Side blah

2) - Draco isn't antagonistic anymore
    - Harry wonders why/has to investigate
        + is intrigued
    - Harry becomes impromptu counselor
        + bonding
    - Harry is snapped out of obliviousness
        + becomes obsessed himself

3) - Draco has something Harry needs [or wants]
    - familiarity with darkness
        + to show Harry
        + to help Harry fight it [blah, war, blah]
    - ``you hurt so good" [i.e., pain/anger makes Harry feel more alive]

4) - Harry and Draco are thrown together by events
    - during the war
    - working on a project both are invested in
        + come to understand each other
    - Harry sees Draco has his uses

5) - Draco's physical effect on Harry [while fighting/fucking: lust] makes Harry question everything about himself
    - Harry trusts his new instincts
        + disregards common sense and proceeds to shag like bunnies
    - Harry sees Draco's gentler/emotional side
    - Harry "just falls" in love/lust
        + becomes obsessed himself

6) - Draco decides to pursue Harry thus changing a basic aspect of their former dynamic.
    - ``You want me??"
      ``I want you?!"
    - Harry loses former compass
    - Draco acts in more varied ways, confusing & mystifying & intriguing
    - Harry's view of Draco expands & so does the room for more feelings
    - Draco plays hard-to-get, inflaming Harry
        + IP..!

7) - Harry wakes up and smells the sexy [also known as #2 with a ``lemon twist"]
    - usually Draco is acting aloof [Harry/Draco role-reversal]
    - Draco remembers his former obsession
        + ``He's good/evil but I want him!"
        + yeay, bye-bye logic, etc.



am going hot and cold now, with harry/draco and stuff, as winter approaches. what i mean is-- i both disbelieve fairy-tales and cling to them like a crazed hussy. penelope_z's latest post illustrated that. i was so excited to see how she could possibly get them out of this pickle (unapologetic-bastard!malfoy and in-character!harry, etc), but she doesn't know either, and now-- now i wonder who -does- know.
my reply just basically said that here's what's been done before, and these are the routes you could take, but none of them are 100% honest and anyway, most of these fics are unfinished. yes, all my favorite fics have either a toned-down malfoy or a darkened harry. all of them. malfoy has -some- redeeming quality besides his desire for harry, in every single one. wax_jism's fic wasn't really like that, but then, it didn't exactly have a traditional love affair, and in fact had nothing but some groping, did it.

i'm thinking of the more fluffy (but in-character) fics-- like silviakundera's and augustuscaesar's-- and the difference is that draco is a prat, yes, and casually cruel, yes, but-- well-- it being fluffy rather than angsty you don't need to the deepest of harry's motivations and could just have draco wear him down, or harry just having a "thing" for malfoy all of a sudden. if you consider him just having a "thing" to be cheating and not explaining it-- then what?

this is like an elaborate chinese-box puzzle for me. my mind just goes over and over it and i can't really see a solution that is completely honest. i refuse to say, "but they just aren't canon", which is bullshit. you take these archetypes and you see what you can do with them. like, fitting jig-saw pieces together, i turn them around and around, this way and that. every single fic i read-- every single one-- i want the answer to this question-- how & why. how gets answered all the time, but why-- there's usually some cheating there. it's always-- like i said in my reply-- either plain attraction, or harry's descent into darkness, or them being brought together by war (or plot!), or harry realizing there's "more" to draco, or him being tired of fighting (uh... yeah), and deciding to be friends-- which just changes it from harry & draco to harry & some guy who used to be draco but has been house-trained a little. i'm not saying they all turn draco into an apologist, because they don't-- but he isn't so petty, so completely raw and lacking in layers of obfuscation and mystery-- penelope's draco is so straight-forward. so basic. the core of draco, violent and needy and selfish and cruel and unstable and heartless and possessive and passionate.

i've asked this question before, on this lj.
no one's ever answered me-- i don't think anyone truly knows. one person's guess is as good as another's.
when i post inspirational pieces, people respond and say "yes" or "thank you", but. i also want to be inspired. i also want to be reassured. i want a fic where you take unapologetic!draco, cruel, petty, needy-- and make harry somehow fit that. somehow. maybe it's impossible after all.

i'm not exactly mercurial or unsure-- i still believe. but i'm not blind. i want actual thought and discussion and i want -realism-. maybe this is just fanfic, and just a stupid pairing, at that. it is. why do i even bother. but it's difficult, you see. it's difficult, and a challenge, just like harry is a challenge to draco-- and truth is, i can definitely see this love being unrequited. maybe this is the angle i should pursue with my draco/ginny fic. because ginny would be different. beggars can't be choosers. but that's not how harry is. he needs to think there's more to draco, something he needs in draco, besides want/desire, which other people can give him. it's been proposed that only draco can see him for himself, on an equal level.

bleh. like i was saying, what reason does -anyone- have to love -anyone-? why does -anything- work? if we can figure out harry & draco, what mystery would remain? nothing "just comes" in life, nothing just "happens"-- or does it? do you choose your destiny or are you simply drawn, inexorably, towards the things you cannot escape within yourself? that's alright, i like the echoes.

~~

in other news..! hee! hee!
i posted my fluff-fic from last night on two lists and got two reviews...!
*cries*
such glory. i got the longest review yet :D hee! hee! she said it was one of her favourite things, too :D hah and she said it was in-character! i die.

aww. *melting* i feel the loff. i was being wibbly because i'd have thought this last one was a crowd-pleaser (yea, right) but least it's a two-people pleaser!!! dammit :P
~~

art links..!
    moya's boy-next-door!harry-- don't you just want to schnoogle him-- and rip his jeans off??
    from drawmeharry: a wonderfully inked, uber-realistic snape-- by drizzt-- whose skill knocks me off my feet and onto my butt. i will NEVER be that good. most people i rave about will never be that good. yes, i'm telling you, stop comparing to the rest and start comparing to the best (yes well, in the wan hopes one can, in fact, catch up *sigh*) then again, she's professional, so ^^;;
    and draco's long lost, adorable twin sister, who proves that i'd ship het if there was anyone like her to use~:)

Comments

[annabelle-lee.livejournal.com]

Well, that's quite a quandary you have, with the shippage, and I wish I knew what to tell you, but not being a Harry/Draco person myself, I have no idea.

Actually, though, I once stumbled upon a Oliver/Marcus fic (and I swear, I have no idea where it went, I searched forever for it again). It was very vague, the fic, but really good, and basically was about Oliver trying to see the human in Marcus, and telling him at the start "Oh, you're not a monster, I love you, I'll never leave you," and then, after the fairy tale, realizing he was tired of finding the good in Marcus, and there wasn't any. So he left, and tried to take back all the promises he made, but realized he couldn't live without Marcus, and came back and said, "I lied, you are a monster," and then proceeded to snog him, of course. And, it was very intense and disillusioned and very good. So, that's what I thought of, with your post. Maybe you need to find some fics where there isn't anything redeeming, and it doesn't make sense, and that's the point. And if you can't find any, write your own. Because I just read your fluff story on your last post, and I bet you could! (Sorry, I should have reviewed before, but I'll do it here and make this really really long. Good time had by all.)

Pillows! I was sold at the pillow thing, it was adorable. I don't think I've ever seen something like that with pillows before, but when you think about it, it's actually very romantic- even if they trade pillows on purpose, just to feel nearer to one another, it's a very sweet idea. And Draco seemed... petulant, almost, sort of childlike and simplistic, without that being a bad thing. (And I think he was still in character.) It was good, I liked it. Evil kittens, fireworks, it was all good, I liked it all. (They get very touchy-feely at the end, don't they? Erm, does the rest of the school notice that?) Bravo! Well done! I applaud.

Oh, and I thought I should tell you- I really like your posts. When you read a fic that you love (and you have such wonderful taste, from the ones I've been able to read, they're always gush-worthy) and you get all excited about it, you describing a fic is almost always as good as the fic itself. Just thought you should know. ^_-

C.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

hee~! i did take care that most of the school were keeping well away from harry & draco, i thought ^^;;
but hee~! i was being all kinky wasn't i :D muwahahah. i was staying away from writing slashy lemons (mostly because face it, most of them are so. lame. *laughs*)-- and it's funny to have snuck that in there, but then, ashkitty asked, so :D ha.

oh, and-- re: the ``you're a monster *snog* *snog*" thing-- yes..!
shades of beauty and the beast, no?
what if Beast really -was- a monster? what if that's why Beauty left??! *squees in fairy-tale-rewriting glee*
what if she comes back -- because she realizes she can't bear it without him-- and he can't bear it without her (obviously)-- and they SNOG (ooo, sexy)-- and he turns into a beautiful shaggable prince-- and she's like-- "you're still a monster"-- *more snogs*? *squees more*
yes.
just, i always thought harry was too moralistic for that. harry's -very- moralistic, isn't he? *le sigh*

but yes, i love that idea ~:D
love can transcend the superego, see if it can't :D

~reena