... -.-

[reenka]

All right, so....

How is one meant to deal with people's stupidity without actually biting their head off and/or becoming a bitter bitch who hates everyone--?

I mean, I love everyone (er, in theory-- well, I mean, non-practically speaking... yes, this makes sense to me okay) and am patient (when it's just about thought), just... all from afar. Very, very far. When faced with actual folly, I blow up and have the urge to start yelling, even worse because I actually am a quiet person who never yells. *sigh*

I know most people would just accept it. "Oh look, people are just being dense again, tralala who cares, onwards to the next manga." And... I dunno why it always strikes me again and again, as if it's never occurred to me before. Of course, this is the secret to my happiness as well, because I can easily re-experience joy for the first time also.

I want to yell about how stupid people are, but really, I am aware I'm the one who's being stupid here. I just want impossible things. I want people to think more, and... I dunno, I want them to not hurt my brain by following their logic. Really, what needs to change here is me, not them, because it's not their responsibility to make my brain feel more comfortable, but. I just. This is why I avoid people, I guess... so easily frustrated.... No way of reconciling my own level of understanding with a lesser one without going bonkers. Also why I sort of lose it if I'm misunderstood too much. I should never be a teacher.
    Ironically, of course I have an internship/job at the design office at campus teaching an html workshop. *facepalm* And I hope you understand, none of this is actually intended to mean I'm certain I'm right-- just that regardless of what I theoretically know is possible or likely (ie, that I'm at least partly wrong and the other people may also have a point I'm not acknowledging though usually I -see- it, dammit, behind the huge error they'd made), my gut reactions remain.

I mean, my last boyfriend, my biggest issue with him was that he didn't automatically 'get' everything about me, and... I mean, he got 95% of everything which is more than most people get by far, and yet it wasn't enough. Really maybe I'm just high-strung -.-

Perhaps this sort of easily set-off attitude actually comes through unintentionally on lj and this is why people think I'm scary and/or don't talk to me that much. Or something. *sigh* Yeah, that's probably true, isn't it. I mean, I don't precisely -hide- that I'm hard on certain things/ideas (though I swear, it's people's ideas that piss me off, nothing personal-- I really do separate people & ideas even if other people don't)-- so I guess maybe I come off as threatening/annoying but not in a direct enough way so that people would confront me but are rather okay just avoiding me as I avoid them. Er. Or maybe I'm overthinking it. Again. ^^;;;;

I mean, I don't think I'm intolerant, really. I just see faulty reasoning, no matter -what- the actual thought is, and react as if burnt. It's not like I can't be disagreed with-- that'd be easier to filter for, if anything, 'cause I could be more careful to only talk to people I agree with (to actually be elitist). But the problem is actually that it doesn't matter if I agree with you or not, if you seem to miss -seeing- (not agreeing with-- that doesn't matter) a point I think is important. It's that 'not seeing' that drives me insane. When I see and others don't see. It's like red cloth to a bull. A very silent yet stewing bull who avoids the red cloth altogether and goes home to rant. That would be me.

Somehow, I don't think expressing my feelings out loud to the people involved is the answer, 'cause then people -would- actually hate me and it would be no use anyway. Le sigh.

Comments

[cellia.livejournal.com]

Man, I think there's no magic way except patience. Some people have it (and thus make good teachers to slower people) and some people don't. My Mother--who lacks patience with people who don't "get" things, especially daughters who whine that she is being unclear--claims that this is part of the horrible burden one must bear for being very intelligent.

On the other hand, at some point, that idiot will be/is/was you. So (espec in fandom) I tend towards head-shaking and fuzzy feelings of nostalgia for my own stupidities (all long past of *course*).

And I was about to be all "click away," but if you even have the personality to be "in fandom" online, you care about this stuff more than most people, and you know that whole "don't care so much about it"--you've written it up already. So, just to deal practically: 1. visit another fandom (or read a book/watch movie/dinner with friends)--a nice context-giving thing to do, or if you can't do that 2. harness this annoyance/anger for good. Use the drive to write/draw/create something fic-ish. Picking over the bones of old arguments and regurgitating meta will only get you so far... as you've found.

[bookshop.livejournal.com]

hahahaha, or i could have just read this comment first and spared myself a rant, though i think the rant was more a venting for my own sake than Reena's. Oh, Alice! I heart thee.

*chink*

[cellia.livejournal.com]

^_^

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Hee, see, this is why I ♥ your advice in general, ficcish or not-- you totally say things that are reasonable and right and of course I knew that, but somehow it's reassuring to hear it from you. If that makes sense. Yes.:>

And I knoooow, and I -have- no patience. *facepalm* Strategy #2 (avoidance/distraction) does work, and I mean, I -have- been avoiding HP fandom and distracting myself with shiny things, but it doesn't make me any more ready to deal with Teh Stupid when it happens, and of course I can't avoid it forever. On the other hand, it's not like the whole 'well, we are superior, we must suffer' attitude works for me either (much as my own Mother also espouses it, ahah, though without the addition of me being slow... actually I can't think of a single time I haven't 'gotten' something she said... well, me not getting thing sis a rare occurance in general, though my father used to go on about how dumb I was when I was like, 6).

I totally go with the fuzzy feelings as long as I don't have to deal with people actively being dense right in front of me. Then all distance/perspective flies out the window and I start growling to myself ^^;;;;

And I've done both things with this frustration-- am creative or avoidant-- in my time, yeah, but I can't do it every time, but of course you said there's no magic way, which of course there isn't. Perhaps it's a question of totally avoiding any discussion that might set me off... but at the same time, I'm -interested- in them. *sigh* And it's not just fandom, I'm just easily irritated by people in general. I have never really had problems understanding things. Er. -.- Even math, when finally explained well.... -.- It's actually not helpful with relating to other people or like, living in society, though. Or like, anything, really. Not that I'm omg-genius, but I just tend to not make stupid mistakes that aren't driven by emotion or tiredness or flippantness or whatever. Er. ^^;;;;;

[cellia.livejournal.com]

Perhaps it's a question of totally avoiding any discussion that might set me off... but at the same time, I'm -interested- in them.

I remember someone commenting once that in Chinese BL fandom people didn't really write essays or do meta, but if they had an argument/idea they'd write a story to push it. Yeah, I know a good story is more than a narrative around an argument, but some of my fav and easiest-done pictures were done as direct reactions to people saying something I disagreed with. Basically "oh, so you think *that*? Well, let me *show* you my pov." And for evil-mastermind purposes, a mediocre, but engaging story will change more hearts and minds than a brilliantly reasoned essay.

Yeah, it's just me pushing the creative option again, but I think you need to stop beating your head against the wall. Smash/scale it (creative) or walk away (avoidance).

Of course, there's always option 3: vent in private to people who won't take offense or get hurt :D

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

If I had to boil down the advice most of my friends online give me to one sentence, it's: stop whining and write more, Reena! Ahaha, and I definitely appreciate that, and wrote 'The Evolution Principle' in that spirit-- as well as many another fic, ehehe-- but, y'know, blocked and restless, etc etc :D

I totally realize your ultimate wisdom :D I think I'm a lot closer to some sort of resolution than I have been for ages, though I suspect I can't walk away entirely without finishing my damn novella-- or two, ahahah. I still want you to beta that, btw, eheheh. And yeah, I'd probably wanna scale it a lot more if I didn't feel so alone in that quest these days, what with most of my old-time homies on to greener pastures. At the same time, this is really a problem on a larger scale than just fandom too, you know. Alas. But being creative and avoidant, I'm right on those, possibly a little -too- much :D

[cellia.livejournal.com]

Good luck, man. Good luck. <33

I mean to start getting creative art-wise or whatever myself one of these days too. RL is just taking most of that energy for now. Sadly, I have nowhere near your passion it seems.