[oh, that green-eyed boy....]

[reenka]

You know how they say you get attached to a fandom, then you drift away, but even so you stay around 'cause of the friends you make. And of course it's true for me too, though it's more like I stay around livejournal for the people, not fandom. Fandom was always mainly a vehicle to see fanfic and fanart and produce some sometimes. And unlike most people who seem to mainly like fanart as a way to see their favorite character or pairing portrayed, the sexier the better, I just like fanart as its own thing, the way I like fanfic as a 'thing'. Uh. If that makes sense.

Anyway... I was on my way to the video store to rent season 4 of Alias, and there's this poster of GoF, and... naturally, the only one I had eyes for was Harry. I literally had to restrain myself from squealing and saying 'BABY!!' out loud. I did sort of mutter it :D :D :D Omg yes, I'm still a crazed fan. Of Harry and/or anyone who remotely resembles him :> I mean, I'm not what you'd call a big Dan Radcliffe fan. It's just that it's 'okay' to think of him as Harry, and I take any excuse, ahahaha. Yeah, I'm that bad -.-

I guess-- I don't miss the H/D fics (much), writing or reading-- and I don't know if I miss the meta or even the fanart (which I still love even though it seems most of the H/D BNF fanartists are gone-- they are, aren't they?). I'm still nominally in touch with most of my old fandom friends (whenever I'm not too obsessed to read my flist), but. What I miss... what I miss now is Harry. Thinking about him, writing about him-- drawing him still comes so naturally.

It's like... it's not like I've ever really had 'something to say' about Harry the way I did with Draco. Draco's the one I could see tons of interesting fics for, the one I could play around with-- but after one reads enough fics and plays enough games, what's left is just pure affection. The simple, uncomplicated love of a character that's the most basic property of being a fan-- the first thing to come and the last to leave. Like fire.

Without even thinking about it, Harry's the one I start to mindlessly doodle. I always start with the glasses, y'know. Glasses + a huge mop of black hair = Harry <3<3<3 It's really that simple. Oh, and he has a wand, a sort of broody expression and he's apparently always around 12-14 in my head :D

I was thinking how even with most other aspects of my fannish love gone, this remains for some reason: a dark-haired boy with a fierce green gaze, staring intently at something he's holding in his palm. Staring unblinking at the flickering green light in front of him, lips slightly parted. He's thinking of the past and the future, of his parents and his girlfriend and his friends, and he's thinking of death.
    I love that boy. I always will.

Comments

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

See, it's like... I haven't lost interest, precisely, so much as my revolutionary spirit, maybe? It's not like I was part of the 'larger fandom' back in '02-'03 anyway, 'cause I was always a fringe element, y'know? But... what kept me going in the beginning was reading lots of fic and seeing lots of art, which is what inspired me to do my own thing in response. The only time I wrote in response to -canon- was post-OoTP, and the majority of that load of work was too ambitious and therefore still unfinished. And then people wrote things less and less to do with canon and I got more and more bitter and 'out of tune' with fandom and H/D and since I don't like Snape 'that way'... there's just not much going on, y'know?

In your case, I'm pretty sure you would've found more of a niche in oldskool fandom 'cause the Dracos were spicier and everyone was a lot more into the light-hearted snarky cuteness back then :D I was just thinking recently about how for some reason, when I think of the seminal 'H/D moment', I think of that Quidditch scene from Love Under Will-- and if you read that now, I bet you'd think it was lame and OOC and over-fluffy. But back then it went down like butter 'cause... well, we were young. That was actually a plus! That stuff goes down better when you're a total n00b with no clue and a lust for pretty boys frotting on the Quidditch pitch, hahaha. Ahh yes :D

And the funny part is that I didn't love LuW -that- much, it's just I read it at an impressionable age, when I could actually believe H/D really -was- about snark and frotting, that Malfoy was gorgeous, that Harry was hot-blooded and a bit dense but that's all. Nothing too dangerous.

For other people-- maybe they did get bored or whatever, but I never did. I just kind of... thought I wanted to write & read 'grown-up', realistic H/D, but I never really did. I guess a theme can only have so many variations before you memorize it to the bone & start noticing each tiniest wrong note. Well, my point is that I didn't lose interest, maybe I just lost my way, which is different 'cause it could be found again in the right fannish environment, but. Unlike something like Kirk/Spock, I don't think most people took H/D that seriously, ahahah.

[scoradh.livejournal.com]

I've never read past Chapter one of LuW. I thought it was cliched, but on reflection that's because it's been copied so much and by so many poorly-skilled authors that it's lost all its flavour. The seminal H/D moment now is probably emmagrant's blowjob by proxy (another thing that never struck me very much).

The fandom seems branched now. I reckon once upon a time there was only a couple of ships that were really going strong -- now you can find practically every one. That doesn't mean the quality has gone up. If people would just stick to a few less ships, perhaps something decent would come out of it.

Then again, I'm cutting my own hands off because I don't like Snape!ships.

Unlike something like Kirk/Spock, I don't think most people took H/D that seriously, ahahah.

Damn.

Still, I don't know if I'd ever want to take it seriously ... I just wish that old verve would come back. But it won't, and this fandom's days are numbered anyway -- right up until the last book.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

It's probably true that the expansion is largely to blame, though none of the people -I- know got too out there... it's always 'those other people' reading & writing Seamus/Hagrid or whatever, ahahah. Even if I wasn't an OTPer, that just doesn't make -sense- to me, since the very nature of fannishness seems to be about pickiness (like, knowing what you like & why you like it) to me, but. I've always been a weird fan :-?

Omg, the proxy blowjob is SOOOOOoooo not suited to be the seminal moment for ANYTHING OMGWTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFfff. Argh. Seriously, I can all I can do is laugh, 'cause. That's fucked up. What in the world does that represent???! DO I EVEN WANT TO KNOW??! Heh. Probably not. But yeah, even when LuW came out, there was another fic with inadvertently nearly that same scenario, haha. Well, at least -I've- never written it :D

Have I written detention snogging?? OMG I'VE BEEN REMISS. I MISS THE DETENTION FICS WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. :( And the confrontation-after-Potions. And OMG THE POTIONS PARTNERING AHAHAH. AND THE CLOSET FUCK. AND THE 'GETTING DRUNK AND SNEAKING INTO SLYTHERIN' fuck :D :D :D :D :D :D :D *NOSTALGIC OMG* AND WHO CAN FORGET THE ONE UNDER HAGRID'S HUT... ....oh wait...

I guess what I was saying was, I don't think -I- really wanted to take it seriously either, though I thought I did. That's just a lot of pressure on myself & leeches a lot of the fun from things. The problem was that for me fun = using my brain as well, and it sucked that so many fics were... uh... sucky, y'know? Ahahah. So I got more and more demanding and hardcore and started overthinking everything which was just shooting myself in the foot 'cause you basically can't have fun if you're being an uptight wanker, but. Dammit, I hate OOC Draco :))

...it's possible the fandom will outlast the books-- other fandoms outlast the run of their shows, anyway. Plus, there's always the other movies that'll keep coming out after book 7, probably ^^;;;

[scoradh.livejournal.com]

Well ... the seminal moment of porny hotness, mebbe? I was so busy keeping my eyes peeled for this awesome hotness that I practically missed it when it did come. Perhaps if there wasn't such a build up I might actually have found it hot.

I liked the detentions and partnering too, because there was a lot of potential in it. However, I've never seen Draco sabotaging one of Harry's potions -- not once. People seemed to forget how much fun the partnering would be in and of itself, and jump right into the relationship part.

All gone now, anyway ...

It's funny, though, that there's only about two routes people take with Draco's characterisation; he's hardly ever, oh, shy, or a prude. It's just sex god or snarky bastard. Hmm.

It's not so much Seamus/Hagrid as Regulus/anyone. Seems to be the flavour of the moment. That and incest. Lovely.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

But... er... aren't there many moments of porny hotness as good or better?? This confuseth me. Though. Back when I read it (raw), it -was- the hottest thing in the fic, ahahah, such as it was. But it wasn't really that hot of a fic, so. However, it -was- kind of addictive, so it had that going for it :>

I think out of all the detention and various sundry Potions class fics I've read, -some- must have had sabotage-- in fact, I'm sure of it. Not that I can remember which :> But you're right, they did skip to the relationship too fast, but then lack of build-up is a wide-ranging problem I have with most H/D fics. No one spent quite enough time on building them up to make me happy. Actually, that's my main issue with all H/D fics everywhere :> Er, aside from absolutely horrid characterization gaffes like... ugh, I don't wanna remember ^^;;

But yeah-- not so much with the shyness (unless they're going for fluffy!sekritly-kind!Draco, which-- uh-- happens, to my shame). There is -very- little prudish!Draco, but the shining light for that characterization is probably Aspen and maybe a bit with Miss Breed (weatherby) and malafede, though she hasn't actually finished much. Myself, I prefer a prudish snarky bastard, not so much with the shy (he does have -some- established canon traits, and I think his extraversion's pretty obvious). I don't actually know if 'sex god' is a characterization type so much as a focus, ahahah. :> I suppose it means everyone wants him and that means Harry does too, but I hate that idea so much I try to block it out from my consciousness, because Harry automatically wanting Draco used to make me want to really hurt things, hahah.

I actually theoretically like Regulus, even though... uh... he has no personality in the books and I've always thought I needed the tiniest sliver of personality to work from, it being... y'know... fanfic and all that. Uh. :> But I do like the idea of Regulus (y'know, all angsty and doomed and tragic and Slytherin... who can resist?). If only... if only he had a brain :D :D