[hero/shadow = still #1 OTP. le sigh]

[reenka]

I've just finished 'Wolfskin' by Juliet Marillier, and while it's interesting and I like the main characters (one of which is the Plucky and Strong Yet Fragile and Feminine Heroine), I can't help it... the most intriguing part of the book is the bond between the straightforward, kind yet quick-to-anger warrior boy and the snarky, cunning, needy, lonely yet ruthless sociopathic boy whom he shared a blood-oath of friendship with during their childhood. Mmmm. The warrior-boy's denseness and simplicity and loyalty set against the other's insecurity and need to prove himself and sheer single-minded desire to get what he -wants-... oh, it's like music to my ears.... And yes, I admit, in its basest elements it's really proto!H/D to me.
    And much as I understand these two are 'straight' both by author intent and common sense in context of their times and history, I can't help it-- I can't help but feel -this- is the more striking love-story, no matter how honestly heterosexual the warrior boy may be. This is the archetypal relationship between Hero and Shadow, and to me, nothing could really equal it in meaning or intensity, since it represents the basic union of Light and Dark of everyone's nature.

It occurred to me that the reason I'm so very fascinated strikes to the very heart of the reason of why I slash, why close male friendship means so much to me-- and the emotional stuntedness and closed-in inability of the latter boy to communicate his real self sort of underlines the 'normal' situation. It's almost like-- almost like -all- boys are a little sociopathic compared to ourselves (the girls, I mean); it's like they're often this closed in and verbally eloquent about everything but what lies in their hearts, so scared and insecure and ruthless in their defensiveness.

It also reminded me of the exchange I recently had with fictualities about being able to see the surviving 'half' of a pairing happy after the 'end'-- in a situation like with Frodo and Sam, where Frodo had little left to give before he'd finally departed and Sam had his wife and children. In my natural inclination, I'd say 'settling' is bad, even if the person is unaware they're settling for something 'lesser' or not as intense and deeply vital. I'd rather a character be miserable with the one they can't bear to love or lose than content with the one who merely makes them uncomplicatedly happy. But then, I'm rather perverse. -.-

I was thinking (with some chagrin), of how friends normally tend to make you uncomplicatedly happy, especially female friends (in my experience). If a friend isn't monumentally messed up, your relationship isn't likely to be fraught or angsty in terms of betrayals and secrets and overall tragedy, though clearly misunderstandings and resentments are normal. Uh, this is all 'in my experience'. And so, perhaps this is only the life of a relatively tame, easy-going female like myself-- men are much more likely to hold things back, to be eaten up by ambition and divided loyalties and duties, to be rotted from the inside with feelings they simply -can't- express, to be-- emotional basketcases, basically. And of course... of course, that's why I love them.
    More to the point, that's why I love to slash them, leaving aside the hot boysex for a sec.

I can't really imagine a healthy relationship here, and can't guarantee this rift in the boy's soul can be mended with the love and faith another clueless boy can offer, but oh-- oh-- the very idea. The possibility. It is like the dream of somehow bridging the gulf between Self and Other; more desperate and dark than any mere love-story, but also more painfully close to the heart, perhaps.

Comments

[scoradh.livejournal.com]

But if your friend was all uncommunicative and shieldy, your interest might cross the line into sexual attraction. I like my girlmates because they're safe in that sense. Sure, they get tired of me because I am kind of tiresome (I'm sure you've noticed that) but I can understand them in a way that I can't understand boys. Perhaps I cede boykind too much power, but they seem to dictate the score with me all the time. It's never a case of oh, I'll make them fancy me, it's always I fancy them, what can I do to make them fancy me, stop fancying her, etc forever. Perhaps it's the complete lack of comprehension that is the lure. That, and the fact that boys can have extremely hot arses.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

You're totally right-- I do appreciate girls' safety, though being bi, I wish I did get romantically attracted more, or I start to self-doubt. But it's just that there are -so- much fewer girls of 'my type', ahahah. Oh man ><;;; Plus, I both crave safety and believe it's boring in excess :> And I'm not so much threatened and confused as bored and bewildered by the masses of stupid boys around me -.- Though sometimes they're endearing, when they remind me of James or Ron-- lovable clueless dorks. It's not so much that they're so mysterious as that they're so utterly clueless; once you understand that, it all goes smoother, though perhaps the desire to ever sleep with one might temporarily decline as you wonder just how much more intelligent than rabbits they really are~:))

...But no, I jest :>

[scoradh.livejournal.com]

I sometimes think being bi must be hardest of all, because there isn't really a safety net, is there? (If you excuse the whole 'everyone is bi to a point' thingy.) My mother insists that I am such an intense person that casual stuff would never satisfy me, that I have to wait for the 'one person' who'll be right. That seriously bugs me, because I'd always thought myself above crap like soulmates and Mr/Mrs Right. I've come to appreciate that she must be on the money, though. The thought of the casual getting-off that my classmates indulge in just makes me squirmy (and not in a good way).

Okay, so that was prolly TMI. But sometimes I look at boys and can see that they're just like me: they really don't know if they're saying the right thing, they don't come armed with a foolproof plan, they're really just winging it. Winging everything.

And other times they call all the shots, because I let them. One thing you can't change is how other people feel (unfortunately). Am determined to get a better grip of my own feelings, though.

And this is your new facet! Reena, the Confessional Box. Eep. (Or EEPS, as the ukes ALWAYS say in yaoi.)

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Omg ze kitTEN!!1 :D :D *distracted* (It's like porn, except... not. It's actually more like catnip to me-- kittens I mean. Er. I'll just stop now.)

I'm also an intense person, haha, and so I know where you're coming from. I feel I -should- be more of a 'loose woman' (easier that way, too!), and I theoretically know the Mr/Mrs Right thing is highly unlikely if not ridiculous, but. I yam what I yam, and so on and so forth. I don't think it was TMI (or is unless we mention *actual* bodily functions and not just 'squirming' in a metaphorical way, ahahaha. And even then, depends on what-- snot is okay... er.....)

I know what you mean about knowing not helping 'feeling'. That's like, my constant doom, because I know a lot but uh, my feelings aren't much progressed since I was 16. But boys really are winging it even moreso than we are, y'know, 'cause they're DUMBER, yes DUMBER :D :D *feels unjustly satisfied*

I've totally been used (USED I SAY) as the Confessional Box rather frequently. Even by boys. I dunno what it is, I think it's Eau de Reena. Or possibly everyone thinks I'm a sucker :D :D

[scoradh.livejournal.com]

Here, have this icon too. I always feel wary of using it in case people think it's because of them, but it is too cute.

Pornip?

TMI in the sense that I can yabber on for three days about myself and not say more than three actual things. What wrecks my head is having to wait -- wait for the right person, wait until the boys I know grow up, wait till he breaks up with her, wait till he sees that I'm just bloody wonderful damnit.

And I'm extremely IMPATIENT. I do not LIKE waiting.

I worry a lot that boys never want the same things as girls, that it's doomed to the perennial conflict between the hunter-gatherer and the cave-maker. Or whatever the hell. It's been proven scientifically and whatever. It makes me sad and also desirous of buying one of those long-stitch cushion cover sewing things so I can be ahead of the game when my life turns into Never Been Kissed except without the Kissing.

Yet they still seem to get what they want all the time, whereas girls are left in the dust going "Why didn't he call? Why'd he say that? Why'd he ignore me?" ETC ETC ETC.

Yup, you're a sucker.

No, I always seem to ... know who'll take me blabbering like this and who'd cosh me over the head for it. If it's any consolation, you're one of four people, one of whom gave birth to me. Perhaps that's actually an insult, I DO NOT KNOW.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Hee! You could always become one of those take-charge type females that (some) boys like. Like, if you dress to impress, eventually (I hear) it pays off :)) Then again, everyone and their sister gets more play than me, so I may not know as much as I could :> You could always also try to be friends with them first-- 'cause you don't have to wait for that. And if they're too clueless after awhile, you could think of um, more desperate measures then :>

I think -some- boys (not a lot) want the same things as girls, but they tend to be either repressed or geeky. Personally, I go for repressed, because geeky/emotional is just too easy, and I likes me a challenge. But there -are- boys who're waiting for The Right One and they just don't know it-- however, this is The Great Female Myth, so there are people who'd laugh at this, but! It's just that most girls don't apply this discriminately enough, and use wishful thinking rather than careful analysis (by which I mean, get 'em drunk and get 'em talkin', ahahah).

...I try to imagine bashing anyone over the head, like, ever and fail :( On the bright side(?), once I lose, I'm more likely to kill you than thwap you or be mean. But uh, I haven't lost it that much yet (isn't that just REASSURING, ahahah? Yes, yes it is.)

[scoradh.livejournal.com]

Given that I'm too busy (with, er, writing and lj and fic) to brush my hair most mornings, I don't think that's gonna work for me. I'll probably just have to stick to the ... uh ...

Yeah, the cats and Celine Dion, that's it.

To be fair, I do have some boys that I could loosely call friends, which is an improvement for me. Mind, the only reason I ever spoke to the most gorgey one is because he's got a girlfriend.

Same here. I'm soooo pleasant to everyone. And then one day, I'm sure, I'll take my flatmates out individually and kill them one by one.

(That's actually a Maeve Binchy quote, btw. She is love.)

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

...or you could just give up and date desperate boys who don't know how sekritly cute they are and are too introverted to ask :D :D But that tends to mean 'emotionally fucked-up geek' :(


.......and then there's the ugly assholes :))

[scoradh.livejournal.com]

Darling, it's the getting 'a boy, any boy at all' to ask me out (or what we do ever here, which is to go with ... not quite the same thing) that's the problem. I could never ask a boy out. Not because I don't think it's cool, it's that the rejection would utterly, utterly crush me.

And next on Station Emo ...

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean-- in that I've definitely never asked anyone out. I'd probably rather die. However, that whole trick with getting to them first definitely works. Like, uh, do they have sci-fi/fantasy/writing/etc clubs at your school? Stuff like that. 'Safe' places where you talk (I made my mistake and 'talked' online with several of them, but the idea still holds, right?)

It's sort of like-- you find your target, right-- or at least, someone who doesn't freak you out & seems bearably attractive-- and you sort of... talk to him. And if that doesn't work (because it probably wouldn't with me!), you sort... well, I was gonna say stalk, but... occupy his space :))

...Okay, I'm just bullshitting, really, but you could always sort of pick out boys without ever doing anything, and then waiting for the moment to... inobtrusively move closer to their line of sight :D

[scoradh.livejournal.com]

They do have a sci-fi club at UCC, only I borrowed Neverwhere from their library in Freshers week and as yet have not figured out where they hold meetings so I can return it, much less find geeks. Though, technically, my class is full of geeks -- only, after five years of geekhood due to good marks, they are determined to scrub that stain from their personalities.

Hugging them whilst drunk tends to get your arse felt up, but that's Irish boys for you.

I'm tending towards the 'boys smell!' mindset right at the mo ...

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Well, they -do- smell, 'tis true. I'm just grateful when it's not weed or cigarettes or like, heavy alcohol, or if it is, it's not too strong ^^;;;

...Man, I've never met geeks in denial before. *is fascinated in spite of herself*

[scoradh.livejournal.com]

I'm guilty of the last two myself, so I'll say nothing ...

Warl, they're swots more that geeks, I guess. They have not reconciled themselves to the fact and swots = social death where I come from. Given that they're in med, they have a helluva lot to be in denial about.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Well, I think that's probably okay since um, that sort of person doesn't sound like fun to me either :)) But then I'm a complete lazy-ass who never studies and can't be bothered to do any more work than she *absolutely* has to... but I can see what you mean with the med-student thing. One imagines they think there's money in it :-? However, you're still not missing out on anything if it's just swottishness; like, does that even count? Well, perhaps it implies passable intelligence, but really, who cares about -that-, ahahah? *cough*