[wait by the light of the moon]

[reenka]

Reading `The Art of Walking Backwards', which is shaping up to be a wonderful Bring Back Black fic, I'm thinking about the idea of Remus wanting to bring Sirius back for Harry, because he needs him-- because he shouldn't have to survive alone like Remus has had to, and....


I was just thinking how a large part of the 'justification' or philosophy for H/D had been that Harry is lonely-- that he needs someone who's all his, to keep, you know.... Especially because we all thought after Sirius, he'd be broken in some way and just like Remus thought in this fic, he couldn't take anymore, and you know-- he wasn't broken after all in HBP-- and then Dumbledore died, and yet no one really seems to think he'll be broken now, even though now he's lost even more. And he's learned to let go voluntarily, with Ginny, so theoretically he should be -more- shut off and emotionally barren, shouldn't he? Is this fodder, then, for the people who'd always claimed Harry has to go on alone, not paired with anyone, 'cause he's the hero (which I'd always strenuously disagreed with, 'cause that's just not JKR at all).

And yet-- and yet-- I think for all his losses and the strain, it's just hit me that... I don't think Harry's lonely at this point, not anymore. I think that's a large part of why I've been sort of at a standstill with my Harry characterization-- because where HBP ended, I think he realized what was important to him. He realized what he would fight for, and now he's not just rolling with the punches, he's not just taking it. I think he found a sense of purpose and control over his life which Remus never had, because he was a werewolf and powerless in ways Harry never was. Harry is not powerless, and even without his parents or Sirius or Dumbledore, he's not alone. He's not like Remus at all. He has Ron and Hermione, and he has a purpose, and he has the innate capability to win and defeat that which had made him powerless-- unlike Remus, he has an enemy he can actually fight, because the enemy isn't himself.

I keep feeling bewildered, on some level, by the people who see HBP through shippy glasses (forget H/Hr or H/D or R/Hr), because it wasn't about any of those to me-- and no, I don't mean it was H/Hr/R, except it was, but not that way. They faced a rift and they overcame it, and I really feel the three of them are stronger than ever, and the truth is, Harry doesn't need Ginny because he has them. Ginny's... nice, but not essential, and he knows it, and that's why he can let her go. That's why he can be strong and feel sad about Dumbledore without suppressing it-- because he's learned to lean a little, I think.

Just as Draco has had his world knocked out from under him, I think Harry has found his grounding at last, which has been there all along, of course. He knows where his strength is, and it's not that love is beside the point, it's that he has it. He didn't make the mistake James & Remus & Sirius made in mistrusting each other-- so he's all right the same way they would have been if they'd stuck together. He'll be okay.
    (And while I'm so happy for Harry, in ficcish terms... man, it couldn't be less inspiring.)
~~

Also, I'd just like to say, coldbeverage's Crabbe & Goyle are what they look like in my head, and why slash with either of them... um... puzzles me. Canon, baybe! Also, omg, Ron & Hermione arguing is just kind of... painfully cute. And woooowwww, nassima's Azkaban!Padfoot o_0 WHOAH. And actually, the whole hp_details comm is making me all wide-eyed, especially things like these visualizations of the four Common Rooms o_0 Now I want to write things set there! And zomg, Hogwarts! And Hogwarts lake! I think I might be a little obsessed... Ahhh, the Burrow...!..!.!!... I think I'm going to cry.
    OMG, this is... er... almost my Remus.... Or maybe this one by Ashley is closer. Um. There are so many at the Full Moony, and yet nothing totally fits. This one's definitely alpha!Remus-- you can sort of see him smoking a cigar and being droll, ahahah. Ashley's one S/R is really kinda hot, though. Possibly... possibly I love this Remus by Julie Thomson best. (Oh, and-- all the Remus pics, you'd have to copy & paste the link to see.) And then we have fools_trifle's S/R Celtic knot(!!!) ...aaand I'm done (for).

Comments

[lanjelin.livejournal.com]

I think I have come across as rather confused about tis whole thing, and it's not only because I've been writing this in the middle of the night when I should actually go to sleep (though it's day now, and I'll try to be more coherent). No, it's also because I haven't really got as clear a view of the characters as you have - not even of Harry. I'm also not like Harry. I have a couple of traits in common with him, but overall we're quite different, so I have to work hard to understand him.

I have read "A Season in Hell", but I disagree with that characterisation of Harry. This I have decided on, haha, because I don't see Harry as someone to sink into depression like that, to give up. He so perfectly fits the type that fights until the end, which is why I loved "A Spell to Turn Tigers into Butter" by Amanuensis. It's one of the darkest fics I've read, and Harry is completely defeated in it, and still he manages to fight back. That's who hej is to me, and I think that "To Rule in Hell" has that feeling as well.

I think Harry is one of those "Dandelion children" (I don't know the English expression for it, so it's a direct translation from Swedish, sorry). I read about them a few years ago and they are children who, no matter what happens to them manage to survive and even thrive. These are children who has had as bad, or worse, childhoods as Harry, and they still come out sane and healthy. Despite being abused, shipped from foster home to foster home and without having any relatives to care for them.

And though I certainly think that there's limit to what he can cope with, I don't think what happened in OotP was enough. He still had people who cared for him, and more importantly, people he cared about.

Though I have to point out there's no direct reference to physical abuse of Harry by anyone but possibly Dudley in canon.

I was thinking of when Marge let her dog chase him up a tree where he had to remain for several hours. She wasn't hitting him, but I'd still call it physical abuse. It must have bee terrifying, since he was so young. She also (IIRC) has never done anything but put him down and treated him badly in general. Her comments about his parents was what set him off, no doubt about it, and I certainly wouldn't call it self defense. However, she is to Harry sort of what Snape has become - a person who continously derides and never has done a single nice thing for him, never ave him a moments respite. Whenever they meet, all the old baggage is there in Harry's mind. He expects her to be the way she has always been, and is already angry before she even starts to speak. This is even more true with Snape, and it makes it very easy for them to push his buttons, so to speak.

When it comes to bottoming or topping, I think that when Harry gets as far as allowing Draco to touch him in such a way at all, he's not going to hold anything back. I think this is what we disagree on; I don't think their relationship could start in violence. I think that to Harry, anger and hate is very separated from feelings of love, and even lust. In all the instances we've seen him really angry, he just pounds and pounds without thought, anger overwhelming him. To turn that sexual, he'd have to have more control, more space to even form coherent thought. I have no proböem seeing Harry push Draco up against a wall in anger; I just don't hink he'd do it out of lust. I think that Harry and Draco would have to would have to have their big showdown before Harry can think of Draco as someone to trust enough to let that close. And that's it; I think that before Harry lets Draco come close to him, he'll have to trust him - and then, yes, I don't think he'd have a problem with letting Draco take control.

I also totally think that Ginny is the one who tops in their relationship, haha. Not physically of course, but you know what I mean, right?