[never surrender]

[reenka]

...They really will have to pry this pairing from my cold dead body, won't they. Should I just accept it? No, you see, you are Reena and this is them, and they can't move on. Move on? They can't. No.

No, you see, I can see it so clearly now. It's all about-- well, you think you can move on, and you -do-, you do... life goes on, it does, and you grow up and it becomes stupid, really, these attachments. You can see right through them, to the old you, and what were you thinking. You don't know anymore. You want to laugh at yourself. It's funny. You and -him-? Please.

And then, but. But. Well. Then it comes back. And it's like, you're -over- it, so it makes no sense to anyone (most of all yourself), because you have a life now, and you're not That Person. That stupid clingy needy obsessive person, you're not like that anymore, but. Then it all comes back, he comes back, again and again, and you stand there by the door, even though the door is closed, you've closed it, and you breathe and you think 'it's him, I know it's him, and this door is closed for a reason', and then. And then you think of how you like your life; how it's been okay, living like this, and you like your sanity and you like being comfortable with who you are and maybe it's not what you've Always Wanted but that's a stupid dream anyway. A stupid dream and you're not stupid or fifteen anymore. You're not fifteen, that's the point.

Because he knows you too well and he doesn't know you nearly enough. It's not like you can ever really be friends, not really, and you realize that now, and you can deal with it, and that's what grown-ups do, they realize these things and they move on, and it's all right. We all do this. It's all right not to live like a desperate angry teenager when you have no time for that anymore. That's what one -does-.

And then you just look at him, really look the way you hadn't allowed yourself for awhile, you remember, and it's stupid, you think, you're stupid. He's bad for you. He's the worst. He's the worst ever, ever, ever. You couldn't hug him without secretly wanting to crush him, and what kind of relationship is that? You can't go on like that, not when you're done, and you're supposed to have your real life starting now. It's over now. It's over.
    But it's never over. It'll never be over, not between you two. You could try to have understanding, and pity, and remorse and forgiveness and love, but in the end those are all lies. Lies you told yourselves because you were trying, really, and it was even easier that way. But both of you only know what it's like to need, even if you can't ever satisfy it. It is stronger than either of you, and you may as well, really. May as well call it love.
~~

Man, I really love Beeeb's Harry. And the way he broods about Voldemort, and the way flies into the sun, which yeah, captures a lot of the magic I see in HP. Or maybe I'm just obsessed with Harry flying and the landscape of castle & forest & lake, which... I know I am. And the way he sort of... has a presence.
    I also love the way he captures these scenes from GoF and the end of OoTP so vividly.

Also-- omg, I love Kazuma Kodaka T_T Her characters' expressions... waaaahhhhh T__T

Comments

[balfrog.livejournal.com]

better the need be there - it's when they both seem to have gotten over the other one that the ficness dies. Why should they bother with each other if the other isn't an annoying little itch in their minds anymore? The whole 'wake up one morning and see the light/feel indifferent' bit. Kind of sudden and 'huh?' inducing.
:D

Did it never leave for your Draco? It felt like that a couple of days ago. Not that I'm knocking this turn of events.
:D
:D

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Well, with Harry... with Harry, it's just not the same. Harry's always had Draco as an 'itch' in his side, and I don't think -that's- changed, but that's not a big deal to me. You can make Harry 'see' Draco and want Draco eventually, after hard work which no one in fandom does to my satisfaction.... But Draco doesn't itch, he burns. My ficness dies if he doesn't burn, because I couldn't care less about Harry's itch, 'cause I'd just as happily let him have Ginny or whoever. He doesn't start off needing Draco, he grows to after he first tastes being with Draco; without that initial collision, he doesn't need Draco at all, not on an -emotional- level. Not at all. And in my head, he never did, period. Draco, on the other hand... he's the clingy needy obsessive one who'd try to move on and think he did but be lying to himself. Because he's so good at that, and that's why I loved him. Because he's in denial, and he's angry and helpless and he could blow up the world except he can't. He's never quite good enough to get what he wants.

Oh yeah, it left for my Draco... which is why I wrote this post, really, cryptic though I guess it was-- I meant that I realized the little bastard is only lying to himself. ^^;

[balfrog.livejournal.com]

I meant that I realized the little bastard is only lying to himself. ^^;

deluded Draco, trying to get over it and desperately clutching on to the tatters of his dignity Draco, telling himself ,no way, not again! Draco.

hahaha.

I'm still twiddling my thumbs for fic here.
(*is demanding and grabby*)
:D

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Hah, um. Well, I'm not too inspired, but maybe soon.... ^^;;