~~ of death and Harry Potter.

[reenka]

I love Snape.

I just want to put that out there, because it needs to be said.

Much as Draco's my pissy little princess (whom I alternately adore and want to torture), and Harry's my heart in HP, Snape.... He's like that prickly, growly, antisocial hateful bastard you want to dislike but can't, because he's too brilliant and torn and stubborn and loyal and desperately lost. And the most awful thing about him is that he's not nearly as awful as he tries to be. Oh Snape. A lot of the attractions of Tom, but without the raging sociopathy.

I suspect it's only his fanon that was holding me back before.


Also, Harry's infatuation with book!Snape is quite as strong as his obsession with Draco, though much more, uh, subtextual (hardy har har). I just can't help but respond to the sheer scope of the tragedy brewing for Snape & Harry, the way Dumbledore meant so much to them both & how loyal they both are, the way they're sparks & cinders and pretty much the guiding forces of the light. Hopefully they'll meet in the middle, because otherwise the explosion would likely be disastrous.
~~

After looking (once again, against my better judgment) at amanuensis1's post, I couldn't not collect my thoughts about about Harry & Sirius.

Similarly, I read fabularasa's amazing post about Snape & Dumbledore (the subject most gripping to me at the moment, it seems), and there's this summation of the major theme in HP:
    How do we think about death? How much do we fear death? Should we fear it at all? Should we seek to stave it off? And how?

I wish I could pinpoint the places in the book where all this is broken down, but the more I think about it, the more I feel that yes, this book dealt with Harry's feelings about Sirius, in a somewhat roundabout and symbolic fashion.

    One of the things I wanted the most out of book 5 fanfic was to see Harry deal with Sirius, so of course I wanted it from the actual book 6, too. And I do believe that it was rationalized away & almost explained away rather anviliciously, with Dumbledore just approving Harry's grown-up resolution not to let Sirius down by grieving for him too much. However! However...

Yes. The point is the journey away from fear of death & towards acceptance of unconditional (non-romantic) love. That is easily the most meta over-arching theme of the books. And I think that framed in that context, the apparent senselessness of Cedric's and Dumbledore's & Sirius's deaths recedes-- because they chose what they did, whatever the consequences. Cedric chose to stick with Harry. Sirius left 12 Grimmauld because he wanted to take that risk-- heedlessly, recklessly, but full of spirit & protectiveness and the love for life (and Harry) which sustained him. Basically, Sirius wanted to live for a specific purpose ever since Azkaban, and I don't think that diminished after he got out. Sirius lived for Harry no less than Lily died for him, and I can maybe see how instinctively, Harry could realize (at some point) that death could be a gift as much as life can.
    And Dumbledore chose to give up his life for the greater good as well, ensuring Snape's position with the Dark Lord & protecting Draco and giving Harry the last boost he could.

Harry's not ready to accept that yet, of course, but he's on his way. I think... yes.
    Basically, I think though it seems Harry's not dealing with Sirius, he -is- dealing with death itself as it constantly manifests in his life; if nothing else, the strong theme of horcruxes and the Inferi are blatantly part of that, nevermind Dumbledore's demise at Snape's hands and Harry's delayed reaction at the funeral. He actually -cried-, and I don't think it was only for Dumbledore that he was crying. It was for himself, and for Hogwarts, and for Sirius, and as the book says, for his lost chances. The thing he mourned the most with Sirius wasn't so much their established relationship (of which they had little), but all the chances he'd lost for one. And once he thought of his lost chance to tell Dumbledore things-- to ask Dumbledore how he learned to speak Mermish-- that's when he cried.

    Dumbledore was his last connection to that childhood sense of security he'd never quite had before Hogwarts just as Sirius was his last connection to his old dream of family & stability. Harry's response to Sirius's death was to let go of childhood (and the attendant neediness), it seems like, as much as it was to realize what he -does- have, and what he's not willing to let go of. He knows exactly what he's fighting for now, and I believe in book 7 he'll realize what he's -not- fighting -against-, and that is death.

It just-- seems so clear that the funeral wasn't just about Dumbledore for Harry-- it was much more metaphorically significant than that. It was Harry letting go-- coming to terms with being alone, with being on a dark path he's determined (rather than afraid or otherwise disinclined) to travel, yet with still looking forward to sunlight and the companionship of his youth. Harry's still Harry-- still raging at any injustice, still obsessively needing to -know-, still demanding of absolute loyalty to the point of the ridiculous, still awkward but with a finer edge. He thinks more, defines his boundaries more, is more sure of his own power rather than allowing others to blind him. He -chose- to follow Dumbledore to the cave because he wanted to go, and that was such a huge step to some measure of the self-awareness and control that Snape was insisting Harry needed to learn to deal with Voldemort last year.

And yes, there's lots more that could be said about the flipside-- Voldemort & fear of death, the things Harry has to learn from and avoid. For some reason, I wasn't really surprised by the horcrux development... it just all falls into place more and more. Voldemort's nature dismembers and divides and separates soul & body; Harry's (best) nature unites & is united. And I suspect that's at the heart of the love vs. fear battle, and the reason why love is so powerful a weapon against the Dark Arts-- because the definition of pure love (and you could make an argument that erotic love isn't as pure) is that it's the great Uniter.

    It's what unites Ron & Harry & Hermione in a common purpose, what makes Harry Dumbledore's man, and partly what drives Draco to desperate attempts at murder and violence (for love of his father), which is probably why Dumbledore wants to save Draco so much. At base, Draco's actions in HBP are motivated by love no less than Harry's in regards to his friends-- that's why he's an innocent; and, I believe, even Snape's murder was driven by love as well as responsibility, which is why it was so painful and repugnant to him.
    I suspect that if murder tears your soul, unconditional love like one has for friends & family is what strengthens it & helps it endure the unendurable. I think that even Draco, weak as he's shown to be, endures for the sake of those he loves, and that in itself redeems him in Dumbledore's eyes, I think, just as it's the lack of such soul-binding that condemns Tom Riddle.
~~

Also, omg!! Aaaah, kungfooqueen's H/D art is killing me dead! The snarky love and the fantasy AU love and the canon love through the years and OMG OMG the HBP love!!
    And half-nekkid!Draco is just. Um. Yeah. *fans self* Really makes me wanna write H/D like whoa o_0

And djinniyah's spoilery H/D art is like. Well. If you love H/D even a little, this'll probably make you squee in a frighteningly loud manner. Ahem.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

Sorry for having been vague, misleading and making typos! I was not talking about Sirius (who might as well never have existed, even Tonks was not grieving but moping for Remus) but referring to the bits that you loved. I found the Snape (and to a small degree Draco, but that much less so) arc to be cheating and too blatantly obvious.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean about Draco, yeah-- like I'd said earlier, it wasn't like he was given development per se (just iven the potential for it), but rather that the earlier characteristics I saw were made much more obvious in order for Harry to see them & for the plot to advance. In that sense, the Tom bits was also obvious; in terms of characterization, you could easily make the case that the whole book is full of blatant, archetypal characterizations that paint with broad strokes and make obvious, traditional connections to stereotypes and almost caricaturish behavior types. So I sort of feel that the only people -not- too caricaturish and predictable/obvious are Harry & Snape. Harry because he has so many moods and quirks of history & behavior, and Snape because he's so ambiguous and cloaked in mystery & double-crossing of himself.

So I'm really curious what you mean about Snape, since I was often confused and befuddled by him, until I just decided to trust Dumbledore & therefore Snape.

As for Sirius... I feel Harry did mourn for him (just not enough); there were those two numb weeks before Dumbledore came, and Harry pointedly refused to speak of him (repressed) any time he was brought up, and he totally overreacted like mad to Mundungus, etc. It was always kind of in the very very far background, one of those emotions Harry was avoiding in the way he was avoiding most things not to do with anger/curiousity/adrenaline/hormones, I thought.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

Tom was obvious, as I wrote he was like a summary from a Trollope or Eliott novel (which I later discovered to be in Rowling's book shelf), but with Draco I liked that he broke his nose, that was something he did without his goons, and I can imagine your joy, and the fanart you linked to.

Yeah, Harry was complex.

But Snape was predictable. It was always 100 percent clear to me that he is not with the Death Eaters, that he is always Dumbledore's man. Never any doubt, as I tried to explain, because of the way it was written. He worked for Dd, he wanted to protect Draco, and he did it all in his role as double-spy which made him burn with rage at times. Hell, he even saved Harry from the death curse at the end, it was so. Awfully. Obvious. No grey area :(

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

I think I find 'predictable' in terms of plot and motivation a different type of ambiguity than merely the emotional & character-driven, which would be based on the reasons for Snape's behavior (which we still don't know) and his inner landscape (ditto) rather than how he ends up behaving, y'know. I suppose I always do favor the inner over the outer; the outer Snape was pretty predictable, but I find the inner Snape that I can infer has gotten more complex, if that makes sense. He has more emotional background, more solidity I suppose. He seems more... real? Even as his actions remain straightforward, but then I find even Harry's actions pretty straightforward, simply because I think I 'get' Harry on a basic level.

There's a difference between a rich character & a character that's truly ambiguous. I think a certain threshold degree of richness allows for emotional ambiguity, which would be when you could hate & love at the same time, be honorable yet cruel (as Snape now can). I think Snape's different than Sirius in method-- Sirius is all impulse and drive and dedication to whatever's up in his head, Snape's all deliberation and dedication to a cause or a worthy master & control broken up by lapses of rage & hate & revulsion.

Snape just seems more interesting to me, but that's a personal reaction, totally. I find nearly all Rowling's characters to be predictable in a similar way; she writes in very clear arcs, it seems like. I think Snape's greyness is more emotional in a similar way to Slughorn's (how he teaches, how he never gives more than he has to, how he's a petty little man) rather than ethical, if that makes sense. Snape always struck me as a highly ethical man, very... rigid, y'know? He's not wishy-washy by nature, I don't think, not like Draco.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

Right, that makes sense to me.

Slughorn still is more grey than Snape because Rowling allows him to be, he's a rich character, he's good/bad like nearly all of the people, the school itself is dangerous and filled with inept teachers etc. but well, while I can see how Snape becomes more real to you in this, I think that's mostly because we get to see his house and a non-Harry pov of his life while Slughorn is just real as a character.

I'm trying, I really am, and I guess talking with you helps a little, but by stating again and again that Snape looked at them with hatred and drawing such a black (what Harry overhears and sees) and white (Dumbledore's unequivocal support and trust of and in S) picture does not work for me, no matter how much I wish it would.

PS: Not wishy-washy. Sluggy is wishy-washy. And do you also think he's got an older binding vow with Dd?