(no subject)

[reenka]

You know, I would've been such a scary scary Star Trek fangirl if I'd had access to the internet back in High School (and you know why I didn't? my mom was afraid I'd get sucked into it the way I was already sucked into anime & sci-fi/fantasy and TV and... oh, tons of things... clearly, what did -she- know?).

I was totally one of those girls with an idol I worshipped, and like, I swooned at every picture of him and even now-- even now!-- I sort of swoon a little. It's really sad, but I think it keeps me humble. Or something. Like, to my credit I knew I couldn't -write- Spock worth spit, though I tried once (it was sort of a bunch of OCs on a starship that encountered the Enterprise... but yeah.... Um.) So yeah, I was one of those squealing fangirls (still am quite a bit), but I guess I never had the ego to write Mary Sue self-inserts or anything. Though I wrote them in my head :D

I don't know if it counts, 'cause I remember how I had this fantasy of being the progenitor of Amanda (Spock's human mother), so I was gonna name my child Amanda so that it'd be a family name, ahahahaah. Yes, I was that lame. I probably still am.

More to the point, I just saw this icon of Spock and totally squealed, omg. I still want to have Spock's babies, and it's pretty much exactly 10 years and maybe 10 fannish obsessions later. I guess you really don't ever get over your first fannish crush. Aww.
    Even to this day, and much as I adore Harry & squeal at Draco-pics, nothing compares to the sheer idolization I feel echoes of with Spock. He's like... still my idea of The Ideal Man. Ahahaha. Yeah, -here- is a character is where I couldn't get into rational debates if you really hate him or something. I'd just cry. So maybe it's best I never did get into Star Trek fandom online :>
    I mean, say, Spike makes me squeal, but I see his flaws pretty clearly (how couldn't I?) and even though he's omg-hot-n-sexay, he's not... he's not someone I admire. He's an amazing character and James Marsters is sexy as hell, and him & Buffy have enough sparks to set me on fire, but-- well, I don't actually respect him. And neither do I respect Harry or Draco or really any character I've loved since Star Trek. Wow, I didn't realize that before now.

I think a part of this is that Star Trek was a universe that kind of influenced my ideals and life-philosophy-- it wasn't just a hobby, just an obsession. It shaped my way of thinking for many years, or at least fit it and clarified what I wanted to be true. And Spock, in a way, was the manifestation of that as much as anything-- what I wanted someone to be like, what I admired in people in general, what I felt was missing in myself, all of that. It was the height of my infatuation with Reason itself, with the alien and unknown, with passion under Will. He probably wasn't what most people think of when they think of a girl's idol-- because I took him so seriously, because he represented my higher impulses as well as my squealing lust. And in a way I miss that extreme level of faith and hope (contrasted with just how much I hated the real world back then), even now.
~~

EDIT - OMG, _lioness just drew my exact vision of Pansy and Ginny, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ♥!

Comments

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

:))

I love Veela!Draco :D

*preaches*

[malafede.livejournal.com]

You said you would cry.

James Marsters is no longer hot. :(((

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Heeeee.
I'd prolly cry if someone SERIOUSLY said it and tried to argue (ie, reasons, something halfway logical, etc). I mean, I'm pretty susceptible-- I just saw this huge wank about why fanfic writers aren't 'real' writers, and I was really upset at one comment that sounded rational (while still being cracked out)-- I mean, I nearly cried, I was so hurt when I halfway believed for a minute that not writing original fic as much means I'm a fake. I mean, then I was reassured by saner people in that same thread, but.

Hee. Yeah, he had his hey-day in 4/5th season, I know. But I still think Leonard Nimoy is cute, and he's in his 70s :D AHAHAH.

[malafede.livejournal.com]

:((( I thought the point of Lee Goldberg (sp?) and the little people at his blog was that a true writer's soul is profit.

But as you know I am not the right person to talk to about emotional over-reactions about fictional characters. -.-

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Ahahahah I loved how you summed it up :D :D :D That's beautiful, it really is. Oh ahahafs;lajkfdsgs;lk YES.

No, well, Guyot or whatever his name is said that a 'true writer's soul' is... uh, being original (WTF?? WTF?? WTF??!!!)
Right. Not that I was ever 'original' since I kept writing fairy-tale inspired things since the beginning. God, I hate pompous assholes sometimes.

[malafede.livejournal.com]

Yes, but then they challenged him about writing other people's characters and he lost all shit and said he was paid for it. So a writer's soul = profit. It's like so clear they're just set proving their writerly dicks are bigger than ours.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

What's really pathetic is that I can vaguely remember all sorts of people saying (sometimes to me directly) that the point of 'serious' writing is getting paid for it; like if you're not, who cares what you do or who you are?

Anytime I tell people I write, they ask me if I've been published. It's just the assholes are more obviously offensive.

I mean, a profession is one thing, being a writer is another, but it's especially sad when even writers don't get this.

[malafede.livejournal.com]

That's because deep-down everyone's obsessed about the size of their dick.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Man. I just had this visual of the world literally revolving around a cock, like someone twirling a basketball on their finger. o_0 So like, this is why most men (and women) are sekritly at least bi ;)

And then there's the Hive Vagina swallowing up the cock (and the world) and gurgling quietly, in contentment.
THE VAGINA WILL WIN IN THE END >:O

[malafede.livejournal.com]

Well, yes. The vagina is the underdog.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

the vagina has the bigger cock.



...it had to be said.

[malafede.livejournal.com]

SEXIST.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

sometimes I just get a little ... vengeful ^^;

[malafede.livejournal.com]

GIRL-POWER BUFF.

(ahah, well. and draco was the one with the fantasies about cutting harry's cock off.)

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

so he could suck it in private, i'm sure.




(....why does that turn me on????!)

[malafede.livejournal.com]

Because you have a fetish for severed body parts... I never knew. I think there is a fandom slang for this gory stuff.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Hmf. It's not the severing, it's Draco's cute little obsession. He wants it for his very own!! Aww.

[malafede.livejournal.com]

He wants Potter not to have it. :))))

He wouldn't suck it in private, btw. He would just admire it inside its pretty jar.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

You just like ruining my nice fantasies, don't you :P

...I'm really hurt he doesn't want to suck it :(( :((

[malafede.livejournal.com]

... it's really squicky, you know.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

yes, but.

I'd be okay if he sometimes wanted to, but stopped himself, 'cause ew.

...It's the thought that counts :((

[malafede.livejournal.com]

You mean, in the hypotetical situation where he had actually cut it off?

Draco is pleased at Harry's pain over not wanting to suck it. His sucking-related needs don't overlap with his cutting-off fantasies. Or something.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

...Draco is bastard :((

[malafede.livejournal.com]

I just heard Harry say that, with the pout. He's such a spoiled weirdo, Draco says, demanding that Draco has a fetish for sucking his severed cock.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Harry feels insecure about his own fetish for Draco's cock in all its possible and impossible incarnations :)) So he'd feel alone if Draco didn't obsess over Harry's cock somehow.

[malafede.livejournal.com]

Draco only obsesses over not-severed cocks.

Have you noticed? We made a thread talking just about dicks.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

... sad.