~~ the virtues of not respecting one's character

[reenka]

I think I'm entering another 'bah-- HP??!' phase, where I find certain things written about in fandom either boring, annoying or just wrong. Those 'things' would be er... Draco. This is a problem to an H/D shipper, no?

So I think I'm... taking another fandom break right about now.


I think it used to be that I got into H/D because I loved certain writers' view of it, and then I just fell in love with the idea behind it. It's not that I loved Draco or Harry, it's that I loved their fic potential.

Now... I've gotten -so- frustrated, especially considering I haven't written much for months and haven't read fic that really clicked in even longer, that I just... am really easy to irritate by a jarring note in characterization, mood, etc; something that isn't so much OOC as annoying. On the other hand, pretty much everyone's Draco annoys me to some extent, and the people who always made me love him aren't writing anymore.

Basically, I don't care if icy, confident and competent Draco is OOC... what I care about is that he pisses me off like no tomorrow when he suddenly is 'better' than Harry. I mean... is he not the biggest jerk on the planet? And not in a cool-sexy-yeah sort of way, like, uh... Tsukasa (from Hana Yori Dango... it's an anime). I think it's that I always like hot-headed jerks and never like cool-as-ice jerks (though they're everywhere... and I don't hate them if they don't win... if they lose, well, I may not shed a tear-- ahh, Nakago-- but I don't gloat or anything). The other thing that is absolutely necessary for me is that the jerk has to be fought by the love interest-- he must (must, MUST) be kicked in the pants. It's... it's a law of universe! It's what they're born for!

So even thinking about a scenario where The Jerk actually teams up with The Best Friend to kick the Hero in the pants... that's just... that's enough to make me want to give up altogether.

I mean, I have tolerance for certain people writing about pretty much anything, but.... The thing I always disliked is how having one hobby, for me, can overwhelm all other hobbies I could possibly have. So if I read HP, I don't read virtually anything else. And that gets me angry at myself and makes me view fannishness as some sort of leech on my system rather than any kind of entertainment. Eh.

This is mostly inspired by me curling my toes in rage at a depiction of uber-dom!Draco (when I think about it... it's really kind of odd that I ever like Draco, considering the way so many people write him... I think it's just that when I see him from anything but the inside of his head, he makes me feel like I just ate something really really sour. Bleh. My handful of favorite writers being the exception, of course, but especially Maya & hackthis-- remember when she wrote Harry POV...? Ahh, those were the days.) Ahahaha, though in retrospect this makes me laugh. Okay, enough fandom angst. I've been happily reading yaoi manga past few days, anyway. HP, what? There are pretty boys fucking everywhere, wheeee!

I saw Rent on Broadway with my mom yesterday, ahahah. The lesbian couple was rather hot, and seeing as how I have a one-track mind, I immediately decided the sniping & the omg-love-me-I'm-a-sex-goddess Maureen chick was So Like Draco Omg. Because yes, I am that easy, and I see Draco pretty much everywhere. Yes, I dislike him, really, LEAVE ME ALONE WITH MY ISSUES OKAY!!1 Anyway, just because he lives in my head doesn't make him welcome, and some people make me actually want to see him suffer. Onwards, then.
~~

In the Rent playbill, there's a quote from Harvey Fierstein on playing Tevye the Dairyman from Fiddler on the Roof. He says, "this is a really scary part. It's a great part, and I have a lot of respect for it-- which I'll have to get rid of right away, because you can't play somebody you respect. You have to play somebody you can identify with."

i thought that was fascinating, and so true for writers, too. I think this question of which characters one writes best has been on my mind for a while, and there's been contradicting reports-- some people can only write characters they like or click with or are attracted to, especially from that character's point of view-- and it's much rarer to find someone who writes to explore the perspective of those they don't quite understand or possibly don't even like. I've always found writing from within the shoes of the character which presses your ugly buttons to be fascinating... it tells you so much about yourself as a writer, I think. Teaches you to be honest, to be objective perhaps. At least one could say it helps write the other characters' interactions with that one better.

Basically, I think respecting a character distances you from them. And a writer and an actor both have to be able to have zero distance, even if they do have it when they need it, too. And while there's such a thing as self-respect, this only applies to real people. Characters... I think my feeling with them comes closer to pride if they do well.


But there's a definite divide between respect (or admiration) and an ability to truly understand someone up close, isn't there? If you like someone a lot, you're so much more likely to smudge the things that don't fit into your beautiful-happy image of them, and much more likely to make too many other characters like them or want them to an unrealistic extent. Or perhaps it could be confined to -one- other character, like their Significant Other, being too enamoured of them, too understanding, too submissive, too dominant, too committed-- whatever's important to you as the writer.

I've always had the opposite problem, it seems-- I can't write characters if I respect them or admire them. I loved and respected Spock horribly, and couldn't write a word about him (and even without knowing about the idea of 'fanfiction', I did try). I have heavy-duty writer's block trying to write Snape or really anyone I consider to have an aura or appearance that demands respect. So yeah, I have to work on that... probably by trying to find the thing about them that isn't admirable, that shouldn't be respected-- and work from that. I should've asked myself, "what do I find ridiculous and stupid about Spock?" and worked from there.

And that's why I write Draco even though my opinion of him isn't the highest-- it's just so easy to disrespect him, isn't it? He's such a loser. And with Harry, it took me a while, but especially after OoTP, I realized he had this ridiculous temper, and horrible problems with walling himself off from people, and huge trust issues, and he was basically an asshole sometimes, but he still made me want to cuddle him because I saw where he was coming from and hurt with him. He's not cool because of that-- and he's not anything more or less than what he is. A boy, just like any other boy. A boy with problems. A boy with needs. A boy with dreams. This is someone I can write.

I think this applies to writing and acting both: before you can really write or express the inner self of a character, one should ask them, what do you need? What do you dream about? What are you ashamed of? What are you afraid of? What is the worst thing you've ever done? What do you regret the most? What keeps you up at night? What makes you want to shrivel up and die? What makes you laugh? Who would you rather be? What do you think you want? What turns you on the fastest? What makes you want to kill things?

That's a start, isn't it?

Get rid of your respect. Find the roots of your emotional kinship.

Comments

[miss-charmed.livejournal.com]

hmmmm *thinks* sometimes, sometimes, i feel like i'm reading fics purely for the smut and fluff content. Draco's character tends to get lost among all the, uh, activities.

(from Hana Yori Dango... it's an anime)
woohoo, Meteor Garden. eh.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Heh. I realize I may be too picky, but for my tastes, Draco's character gets lost in angst too, more than half the time. Though sometimes I think I just disagree with most of fandom as to what Draco's character -is- or what H/D is, etc. Ahhh, this is why I need a break~:))

I never actually watched Meteor Garden, the um... Korean soap-opera, right :>

[miss-charmed.livejournal.com]

There's just way tooooo many Draco, H/D fics out there and it's quite easy to lose yourself in all of these. Your post made me pause and *reflect*... i used to be picky when it comes to Draco too. There used to be a Draco in my mind and if it's not met by a certain fic, i'd quickly stop reading. But now... gee.

Anyway, have fun with the break! Share your discoveries? :D

Hee, Meteor Garden is Chinese. Oh no, wait, Taiwanese. :p lol.