(no subject)

[reenka]

I keep seeing people on my flist say they'll immigrate from America if the wrong candidate wins today. And it just makes me... sad.

I think once one becomes a refugee once, the idea of just leaving... again... for lesser or even the same reasons... just seems.... Untenable.


I mean, I always thank my lucky stars I'm not in Russia right now. But that's because every single aspect of being in Russia in the 90s would've been utter hell-- not least because the country had undergone a drastic metamorphosis in just a couple of years, where it became nearly unrecognizable. I may as well have left, because the place I remember from my childhood was nearly destroyed by its own people trying to have their capitalist revolution. Not just the person in office-- every single thing was falling apart, and even then... man, immigration is a nightmare. People joke about it, but it's a nightmare, even leaving young. I guess everything is more stark in comparison or something.

That is, I do want to live in England-- but that's because I love England so so much, not because I don't love America, which I do. I can't imagine leaving because I can't stand (the people in charge of) my country... not even 'cause I'm so patriotic but because it's so very very traumatic to do that. Everything you know-- everything you love-- your whole life-- gone. It's like, do people get that? They'd be leaving their history behind, a lot of their identity behind, everything familiar and comfortable to become a stranger in a strange land. I mean, I've never really talked about immigration-- that's how traumatic it was to me. But the reason my father left, taking me & my mother, is because there was no life for us there-- every opportunity was in America. In America, you can really live. In America, they could cure my father's cancer. In America, things are different. *sigh*.

And even with all the things that went wrong here lately-- this is still America, and the spirit remains. In Russia, the spirit itself was close to dying-- people were so beaten down and afraid and intimidated by the system-- but even so, life was good to us, y'know? I had a happy childhood, and so did my mother and so did my grandmother, who was born 5 years after the revolution. She had to leave Moscow because the Nazis were close to the outskirts before she started medical school-- and it was just a challenge, you know, something to overcome. My family didn't immigrate then, or during the Stalin era even though my great-grandfather was part of the upper echelons of government and also Jewish-- which meant the fear of being sent to Siberia or killed was constant.

I just feel really strongly about this.

We survived Reagan, didn't we. And Nixon. We'll survive even another 4 years of Bush if it comes to that. The point is for the people to care and then it doesn't matter as much who's in office, not that it matters -now-.

It's just, I think of my grandparents, who were my age when WW2 was going on. My other grandma had to flee Minsk (Belorussia), not just temporarily like my grandma Maya, but permanently, because they messed it up that bad-- the bombs were falling several blocks away from where she lived. She just took what she could carry & walked out of the city in a procession of her neighbors and other people from Minsk, catching a ride south. She never came back home-- during all the rest of her life.

Well, the point is-- she survived that without bitterness. There was such strength back then, such hope in the midst of utter danger & devastation. I get a lump in my throat just thinking about it, though obviously I've only heard stories-- how my grandma worked in the parachute factory in the Crimea somewhere, while my other grandma finished medical school in the boonies, because she refused to stop her life for the war, refused to leave her identity behind, refused to give in no matter what happened. And then after they'd 'won', it still wasn't over-- intellectuals and Jews and "rebels" and all sorts of 'different-thinking' people lived every day under the threat of death and exile, and they just-- lived their lives. There wasn't even hope, precisely, only a sort of grim determination to keep going-- to cling to what normalcy there was in completely extreme conditions. Nearly everyone was too poor to afford their own apartment in the 50s & 60s (in the Soviet Union), so families lived 2 or 3 to a 2-bedroom flat. Sometimes there was bread in the stores and sometimes there wasn't (unless you had an 'in' or 'blat' as it's called). And yet, no one could leave-- even that freedom was nearly nonexistent. And though my mother & her parents and grandparents lived well compared to the majority of people, the danger was always there, and no matter what, there was nowhere to go.

Life was good, though. Or rather life went on as it always does. Because no matter what some tyrant or totalitarian government may do to a country, life goes on, and eventually there's always a chance-- if you wait for it long enough. If you insist on living to see it-- this too shall pass.

Human beings are really very stubborn, and there's nothing anyone can do about the fact that in the end, the people do shape their own destiny.
~~

As far as beautiful distractions go (may they forever perpetuate themselves), I've been looking at hunkwarts, and omg, I know I say I can't stand Lucius, but cluegirl's Lucius pin-up is a thing of pure beauty (& also lust-- omg lust). Yeah, all right, Lucius as decadent Naked Nordic Noble (...yes, I am just that lame). And also that shallow. Though even so, the real reason I can't get into the Lucius Love is because Elric does it better, yo.
    And we won't even go into the power snake-wielding!half-naked!Harry has over me, because dude o_0 Not to mention kayen's sword-wielding!H/D, because. Er. Right, then.

Also: is there anyone reading this whose favorite writer is also Patricia McKillip? I've just finished reading `Alphabet of Thorn', and I remembered why I love her writing more than anyone else's, ever.

Comments

[anaid-rabbit.livejournal.com]

A beautiful post about your family history. :)

Because no matter what some tyrant or totalitarian government may do to a country, life goes on, and eventually there's always a chance-- if you wait for it long enough.
I`m remembered of this everytime I think about my country (Portugal) and the 50 years of dictatorship we had to endure, with censorship, poverty, people being persecuted, tortured and killed for having dissenting opinions and the horrible self inflicted isolation of Portugal from the rest of Europe. When many people (including democratic European governments) thought that this would never change, that this was how we naturally were, a lost cause, there came the revolution of the 25th of April of 1974. We are now a fully democratic country on the EU with growing and stable economy, a modern European society where we value our civil rights above all. And all of this in less than two decades after five of one the most narrow minded dictatorships of all Europe. So, yes, there is always hope. For all.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Wow... I didn't know.. well, much at all about Portugal before (...except some vague rememberance about a shipping empire [??] 200/300 years ago and also a vague memory of it bordering Spain). People jump to conclusions so easily (about other people -and- countries, it seems), whereas really, the world is always in flux (though of course we keep repeating the same old mistakes, too). Real change is more than something one man could accomplish, anyway-- no matter how much power he has. I mean, historically, it's always up to the people themselves rising up against all odds~:)

[sihleira.livejournal.com]

Gods, that's so sweet and utterly true... *weeps* I studied the USSR last year, and it was always so sad and I feel so badly for you and. Yes.

And Patricia McKillip is quickly taking over Terry Pratchett on my list of favourite authors, since I'm rereading her first YA book (Winter Rose), and 'tis just beautiful.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Ahhh, you should read ... oh man, what've you read by her? You should read it all!! *laughs* Especially `The Forgotten Beasts of Eld', which is probably her best (& it won the World Fantasy award, so it's not just me), and also the Riddle-Master of Hed trilogy, but also also `Alphabet of Thorn' which came out like a year ago, 'cause omg I want someone else's opinion on it :D :D :D Not like it's an omg-edge-of-your-seat-thriller or anything, but wah, her world is the world of my heart <3

[sihleira.livejournal.com]

I don't think 'Alphabet of Thorn' is out here yet... *wails* *crosses fingers* I shall, however, search muchly for 'The Forgotten Beasts of Eld'! I read the Riddle-master trilogy, but 'twas years ago, when I was a child and had no understanding of Pretteh Writing, but I plan to reread it soon. I really should catch up on all of my other books, too... Still, I'm anxiously waiting for her new one to appear on the shelves!

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

If you mean 'shelves' as in library, yeah, you're probably stuck, especially since I dunno if they have interlibrary loan there the way they do here (...but they might! you could ask! heheh).
If you mean as in, bookstore, well, there's always amazon.com :))!

[sihleira.livejournal.com]

Oh, definitely bookstores, sorry. The libraries around my home would never bother to stock books by her- in fact, the nearest one just cut the fantasy section by about fifty percent to make way for all the superlatively exciting Westerns... *mutters* The only ones left are the Star Trek books and most of the PTerry ones, which I have already...

Anyway! *skips off merrily to check amazon* My father shall lend me money, I hope, even though I only paid off my last debt on Saturday...

[fiendling.livejournal.com]

I agree. I'm not going to leave my country or preach about how awful it is, even if Bush wins. I'll just deal with it. It's not THAT awful, at least not yet :P And I'm happy with my life and etc. And people have survived with much worse! yes! We can dooo it :O

and yay, hunkwarts :D haha

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Admit it, you just responded 'cause I pimped hunkwarts :)) Man, it's odd how I like both that & andropotterist without bursting my brain apart. o_0 Girly!boys & manly!boys are all yummy. Just like boyish!girls & girly!girls. I'm just omnivorous I guess :>

I can't really imagine you preaching anything, man :D

[fiendling.livejournal.com]

yeaaah... im not very good with words unless im writing a paper, so i just.. stay away from preaching or sounding intelligent most of the time ): I really am smart though!!! ): hee

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

The smart people are the ones that don't preach & rather listen :D :D You are so good with words! Well, like, I like your fics, at least, so it must be true :>

[fiendling.livejournal.com]

you like my fiiicss? realllyyy? ^_^
i really need to finish them already, gaaahh

[stellabelle.livejournal.com]

Hearing stories like the one about your grandmother makes me realize how easily I take things for granted. But I just...people are resilient - as stories like yours prove. I really believe that.

As for the state of our country, I have this unflagging faith in people (which I think is a weakness of mine, sometimes, but...um). That is to say, I have faith in the American people, I have faith in change and fairness. And, y'know, you're right: four more years of a president that one doesn't necessarily support isn't the end of things. It's frustrating, obviously, but. It's resilience, again.

I think what really gets me is the division in the country at the moment. I was watching...um, 'Meet the Press' or something like that the other day, and John McCain said something to the effect of: It's not about Democrats or Republicans; it's about fixing this divide. And he's right, really. It's about the issues, of course it is, but more than that, it's about the people. I'm just such an optimist that I hope, I hope, no matter what.

Heee, I want to live in England too. Well, maybe not live there, but certainly visit. One of my best friends is English, and I think a lot of it is that she's such a part of me that I want to actually be able to see what it is that makes her face light up when she says 'home'.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the division. That is a problem, though... um, to be cloyingly positive (as I can be too-- when I'm not overly pessimistic or weirdly realistic), I think that extremes of any sentiment are reached right before the 'breaking point', y'know? Like, look at the Civil War-- or okay, less melodramatically, the civil rights movement in the 60s-- the more polarized people are, the more the times are going to force there to be dialogue. Like, if people really care about some issue-- even if they're vigorously disagreeing, or especially if-- they're going to be forced to talk to each other eventually. So. It could be a good thing-- like, when you argue with your best friend or something-- it's good to get things out in the open & not hold them in, y'know?

I totally want to live in England 'cause the fairies are there :))

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

I love your family.:-) And I have no idea how well I'd have handled moving to another country as a kid! The only other country where I've ever lived was England when I was in school and I love it, it's beautiful and I like to visit as often as I can...but the thing is, I don't ever really think of home as being who is president or anything like that. When I was there if I missed home it would often be just missing...you know, the way things looked. Wide streets with tall trees that met overhead instead of narrower streets with smaller trees. Or brown grass in winter instead of that dark green.

But I am with Jon Stewart in wanting to weep for the next four years, huddled here in a blue state. Elsewhere in America, people are terrified of gay people. Terribly terribly afraid of gay people.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Heee! My family is very insane. I don't know if that comes across from accounts of their grace under pressure, but they're really all quite insane. They produced me, didn't they :> I'm really not a black sheep. I'm more like the purple sheep in a family full of maroon sheep and some with green dots & yellow stripes. Er. Though you wouldn't know it, since my mum's a librarian & my grandma's a doctor and the other's an English teacher. And both my grandpas are linguists (I was literally doomed to be an English major from birth). Heh. My father was a punk. (It almost sounds cool when I say it like that, but THEY ARE STILL INSANE.)

Oh, I think of home as a (visual, sensory) place too-- like, that's how I remember both Brooklyn and Moscow. It's weird to me when people want to leave their home for ideological reasons where they seem to forget that home isn't about that. I guess I really didn't address that at all-- but like, yeah, that's what identity circles around-- the environment itself, the look and feel and the type of people you grew up around (obviously, I grew up around intellectual freaks... man, I just realized that my mother is like, Hermione... raising Luna, ahahahah... yeah it was a circus).

They have dark grass in winter...?? That's... really odd o_0

As far as Moscow, I miss the architecture, actually (since, y'know, city-girl). I always thought that made me really weird, but I get all maudlin seeing pictures of European cities 'cause they look like Moscow a bit-- the cobblestone streets and large stone mansion-type houses and streetlamps and benches. American cities are just... not like that. Though weirdly, the closest is Milwaukee.

...I think the whole puritanical afraid-of-sexual-deviants thing has been an American tradition though, hasn't it? After the Gay Scare blows over, maybe we'll go on to being terribly afraid of those EVIL POLYAMORISTS :> :> Yeah man, if I didn't hate the inner city life so much, I'd be rather pleased I have homies in NYC ;))

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Well, of course they're crazy! That goes without saying!:-)

I totally know what you mean about European cities vs. American ones. *Remembers what Moscow looked like and hums "Anthem" from Chess.

But yeah that's just what I mean. At the risk of sounding like something out of Gone With The Wind, it's really more the land than anything else...though that tends to help form the mindset. America's just seriously needs a wake up call. This is getting ridiculous.

The grass was green! I mean, it's just...well, I guess because there's always so much moisture and the winters are milder, so in February, at least where I was, the grass was still green instead of everything being more brown. I'd never have noticed the brownness of home if I wasn't suddenly noticing how green it was in the South of England at the same time.

Heh--now I remember when samaranth was here in December and she was looking at the trees in Central Park and said, "It looks like there's been a big fire!" because they were all black with no leaves at all.

P.S.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Though I didn't actually watch the Daily Show today, and after finding out that they passed all these laws banning civil unions & gay marriage (which just means it'll go to the Supreme Court), I get where you're coming from more. Man. But this means it'll be a real intense battle, which is actually positive 'cause, y'know, airing dirty laundry is a good thing. Cleansing, y'know.

history

[cellia.livejournal.com]

Catching up on LJ, so late commenting!

People's family histories are always so interesting to me. And I always feel a sort of weird kinship with Jews from Russia/Poland/etc. It sometimes feels like people's grandparents and parents did so much more living, so much more exciting things... but so much of this was because of uncomfortable circumstances... I have such a more comfortable life than all the previous generations of my family, which is how it's supposed to be, I think, but I just hope it doesn't lead me too much into stagnancy.

I get the "home" idea too. I grew up in suburbia, but damn if I don't get a certain rising feeling of homecoming as we travel that final stretch of highway, with the Stop&Shop strip mall, the car dealerships, and that big big sky. Then the last hill that promises the turnoff into the badly-paved, pothole pitted lane to my house... *sighs* Glad I'm going home for Thanksgiving.

McKillip isn't my favorite writer, but I cried and cried during the Riddlemaster trilogy.

Re: history

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Man, that isn't even the half of my family's history, which is so convoluted and insane and overly dramatic (though it seems normal before people go 'omg, you're KIDDING'). Perhaps it was hard to live boring lives during WW2 as a Jew in Russia :> :> Russia itself (even now) is one big cesspit of insanity right there. Not that America is sane, precisely, but perhaps there's just a bigger buffer zone... rich people, eh.

Dude, I get a feeling of homecoming going back to -Brooklyn-, and it doesn't get any more unhomey and blah and OMG THIS SUCKS SO BAD than that ^^;;;
Well, especially working-class look-there's-another-bright-shiny-mafia-owned-electronics-store Brooklyn. Oh man. I hate it and I love it, but it's mine. New York City-- where the slugs all know your name.

Ahhh, you should read `Alphabet of Thorn' just so I can bug you for an opinion :D :D :D