(oh baby, maybe someday...)

[reenka]

Is there such a thing as feeling too much nostalgia? And what is that state? What is 'too much'? Conversely, what is 'enough' nostalgia?
    To put this in context, I'm saying this 'cause I randomly found an mp3 recording of `She Says' by ivyblossom, and man, I have all sorts of associations with... well, back when Ivy was in the fandom and I was young and innocent still all aflutter about OOC H/D fics and every other day I had another fic idea and.... That's over now, I think; though I'm capable of feeling nostalgia for things which aren't really over... well, generally I don't. I don't think I ever get used to things I loved fading away; I mean, I'm pretty sure I'll love or at least really enjoy book 6, but it won't be OoTP, and it won't be the optimism & intense undiluted excitement of suddenly loving canon, and it won't be that feeling of huge unexplored vistas and suddenly connecting with Harry for the first time. It will be... a book I really enjoy.

I don't think I can even explain what some of those early fics meant to me-- it doesn't matter if they were OOC or over-flowery or even if they'd make me laugh now.... I have all these emotional resonances forever tied with those first few fics I'd read, which, let's face it, changed my whole life. It's almost scary to realize that I'll never forget `Origins' & LUW & IP & Harry Potter's groove as long as I live. I've gone through so much-- I think in a sense I've grown up as a writer with H/D; my vision of what I wanted to write about and how I saw these characters has changed so much-- so much. I didn't get any less idealistic, though perhaps I became more harsh & honest with time <3 It's been a journey I wouldn't trade for anything.

I can't guarrantee it's over yet-- but it's ending. If nothing else, book 6 will close a lot of fanfic avenues, even before book 7, I'm pretty sure. This is the final lap, whatever happens.

And... I'm happy that what remains in me is love, still. As bitter as I get sometimes, and as tired as I am, I still love them, and I do still love the fictional universe and the experience and community of fandom, and... there's so much love I've gathered, so much I can't even put into words. I can't believe how many fics I've written, finished and unfinished-- that's a really large body of work, right there, and it's large chunk of me, and I can't believe how many fics I've read, and that's a large chunk of me as well. I've also kept all the friends I've made (though I admit some I don't talk to as much these days), and that... that doesn't have to end at all.

Comments

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Oh, I didn't mean 'redeemed' in the traditional sense of the word, wherein he's done something serious he needs to atone for in realistic terms. I mean in story terms, in Harry's eyes, and within the context of his clear pathway along his father's footsteps (so it's a question of future tense). It's not his personality that needs to be changed, he just needs to... be saved, I guess, is the more correct term. Saved from himself, from his devotion to his father, from his blinding resentment of Harry which could easily mean he'd do anything to oppose him, and from a rising war which pits "us" against "them" and would make Draco "them" whether or not he -is-.

Ahhhh, I wish I trusted JKR to have Draco represent, but I feeeear, I feeeear. Firstly there's her commentary wherein Draco will never work with Harry, she said. Secondly is how she's always like, OMG WHY ARE YOU SO ON CRACK, DRACO SUCKS, etc. I mean, I suspect Snape won't stay on the 'good' side either (maybe I'm paranoid, but she said not to trust him, but really I don't trust -her- and her need to give people what's 'coming' to them!) It doesn't absolutely have to be Draco (in JKR's mind?) is what bothers me. It could be Theodore Nott! Or something. I dunno. I just don't take it for granted anymore -.-

Draco has a lot of reasons to be bitter, sorta like Snape did... and it doesn't really take strength or conviction to go Snape's initial path-- it takes weakness and a need to conform and it takes the fact that Draco won't fit in anywhere else and he knows it; Harry... Harry doesn't even see him as human moreso than Voldemort in some ways. Now, this is why H/D is so essential and why he has to see Draco in a different light as far as I'm concerned, but.... but Draco exists, it seems like, to get beat up, to be some chitzy 'moral lesson'. So... I'm worried, is all. It's not something I can take for granted, so I want a fic to sell it to me-- I want to see how Draco gets over his shit and gets a clue, 'cause... he could easily get dead before that happens.

And I think you hate fanon!Harry who's in love with fanon!Draco more than you hate fanon!Draco
AHAHAHA BEST THING EVER *falls over* *is v. v. dead*
This is so hilarious to me 'cause I think it's so true!!1 And yet I can never say I dislike any kind of Harry, that would like, break my brain, so! I blame Draco!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (...poor boy, what did he ever do to me, seriously, I do so love to abuse him... aww, he loves it, I know he does). But yes! Yes! I don't actually feel any resentment against Harry no matter how Harry's written (I can dislike a fic, but not the Harry in it... or at least, it's very very hard to get me to admit it, ahahah). I sort of run away from a fic with my tail between my legs if I feel myself beginning to dislike Harry, and I always blame something-- the writing, the plot, the Draco(!!)-- it's never the Harry, per se, even if I dislike what he does. ^^;; AHAHAHAHAHAH. Oh, I amuse myself.

...*issues*
(AND THEN I ROLE-PLAYED HARRY FOR LIKE 3+ MONTHS, IS IT ANY WONDER I WENT NUTS STOPPED WRITING FIC??!)
*feels sudden conspicuous lack of her former one third Harry icons or so*

[notrafficlights.livejournal.com]

(AND THEN I ROLE-PLAYED HARRY FOR LIKE 3+ MONTHS, IS IT ANY WONDER I WENT NUTS STOPPED WRITING FIC??!)

*steepled fingers, leather couch, notebook etc* Veerrry Iiinterestink. Seriously, though, where did you RP him?

but Draco exists, it seems like, to get beat up, to be some chitzy 'moral lesson'.

Heh...

Harry: Did she say 'chintzy'? Like an armchair?
Draco: Wanna sit in my lap and find out?

Sorry, couldn't help it. Anyway, I thought he was there for plot development? I mean, let's see. There's the Robe-shop scene where Harry gets all "ZOMG WIZARDS ARE WEIRD", and then the Rememberball where Harry gets all "ZOMG I CAN FLY", and then the midnight duel which leads to fluffy and Harry getting all "ZOMG THERE'S A DOOR", and then Norbert etc which leads to detention and Harry being all "ZOMG OW MY SCAR SHIT WTF ARE YOU WEIRD VOLDY-FLOATY-UNICORN-BLOOD-SUCKY-THINGY", and then the bookstore-diary scene which leads to "ZOMG VOLDYRIDDLE AREN'T YOU LIKE ALL PINKEYED-AND-NOT-YOUNG-AND-HOT AND BOY DO YOU HAVE A BIG SNAKE", and the CoS false-Heir thingy which results in "ZOMG HERMIONE'S A CATgirl" (and something else which I'm sure is important but I can't remember) and I won't go on.

I mean, really, I think you and everyone else in fandom just have a thing against him sometimes...

Firstly there's her commentary wherein Draco will never work with Harry

Well, where'd you get that from? Interview canon is about as stable as fanon, though. Ms R contradicts herself way too fucking much, especially when you go back to older stuff where she's like "James was chaser" and then WHY THE FUCK IS HE PLAYING WITH THE SNITCH FOR THEN, EH!?

Pfff, you need to embrace your Harry-hate. Let it out. Embrace your inner Riddle, cos he's hot and can speak Parseltongue AND HAS A BIG SNAKE.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Eheheh, my thing against Draco is well-documented by the historians... of myself. Er... yeah ^^; I am... very easily annoyed by him, I take incarnations of him way too personally, and I argue with him in my head. At least my Draco muse is as bitchy & pissed off at me as I am at him. Heh heh. Not that I'm sadistic or anything... I let him get what he wants eventually. Aren't I nice to him?? AWWW. *coughs*

I was seekersgold & Draco was seekersidethorn<3<3 Though more than half the RP wasn't on lj & might thus be lost forever-- well, at least to me, 'cause I don't keep logs. -.- But you could get a feel for my Harry from the lj easily enough, ahahah. That RP by itself probably explains much. Or maybe only to me.

You're right, he -is- there for plot development... I'm sorta reassured, actually-- like I said, I'm just worried & thusly don't take things for granted, is all. I wasn't saying I'm convinced one way or the other, rather than I want to be convinced by a fic. I think the 'exists to be beat up' isn't me having a thing against Draco-- that was me sympathizing and over-empathizing with Harry's pov too much at the same time, which doesn't dictate what actually happens to Draco, of course. To Harry, he exists to get beat up and to be a Shadow and so on. He has other, more mundane functions to the plot, naturally, yeah. So I wasn't really taking interview stuff as 'canon', I was using it to explain why I wasn't sure one way or the other-- there are several directions for Draco to go, and they do depend on both plot needs & Harry's development and other characters' appearance, which is hard to predict also.

Hee, chintzy. Well, I meant that in an 'omg, Draco's so hot!!1' way, of course :>

I can't hate Harry, man. I WUB Hawwy <3<3<3<3<3 (a little too much).

[notrafficlights.livejournal.com]

I think the 'exists to be beat up' isn't me having a thing against Draco-- that was me sympathizing and over-empathizing with Harry's pov too much at the same time

Heh, same difference. See, I can really get into the Harry-hate sometimes, quite easily. It just doesn't happen often enough in canon for me to express it a lot, is all.

I just realised what your icon says. *dies*