[just to spam you all...]

So... reading recent meta posts that start hearty discussions-- well, more like skimming-- I've realized something about why -I- don't tend to ever start those (well, very rarely). Hm. It's because I don't know how to be provocative enough. I hem and haw and make circular references and argue with myself and confuse people. So I can probably say X and Y and Z sucks and should DIE and like, most people would nod their heads and go '...well, that's Reena for you' and the rest would be like '...better not say anything, she's RABID'. -.- (Which... might be true, I guess.... Er.) I wanted to try and be provocative and daring RIGHT NOW, but failed even in the planning stages. (I feel tempted to just start shouting INFIDELS!!1... but somehow doubt anyone would pay attention).

Sometimes I do think 'oh, it'd be nice if I got that many responses' because I think I'm doing something -wrong-, like not being interesting or clear enough, or not having intelligent enough things to say, or just saying things which are 'duh' and obvious to everyone or just irrelevant and stupid and no one ever tells me. Though it's not like a lot of comments are a sign of something intelligent/relevant having been said, 'cause the things that get the most reaction are usually things that people -already- have a vested interest in and have gone over themselves 5 trillion times. And I'm not really interested in those things (because been there, thought that, bored now.) But sometimes I just... wish I engaged people more-- in a sort of abstract way that doesn't mean I want to -do- anything about it, like with most things in my life.

Okay, I have a story about how I really don't want attention, though: I was on the bus, and it wasn't really crowded but there were no empty two-person seats, and no seats with only one person who looked completely harmless & like they would ignore me. The driver kept saying everyone had to find a seat, so I gave up and left (and he called after me that no, I didn't have to! and I was like 'it's okay'). And found another bus which would take me a little further from home, but fine.

Of course, karma being what it is, that bus was a -lot more- full, so there wasn't even a comfy place to -stand- antisocially in the corner like I like to, but that's fine, crowds are anonymous in their own way. So of course the bus driver knew me (apparently), and suddenly he started yelling for everyone to let the 'lady in the hat' have a seat. He said this several times, and -everyone- was looking at me. There really -were- no seats, you understand-- someone had to sit on someone's lap, because I was a 'regular rider', who apparently 'deserved' a seat. And of course if I said anything, I'd be making -more- of a scene. Finally, someone got up and gave me the window seat and then sat on their boyfriend's lap next to me.

I think all this convinced me I'm really glad I don't make those uber-popular comment-heavy posts anyway; I'd probably freak out and go hide under a (bigger) rock. -.-

PS. Yeah, this post brought to you by me being really bored, not in NYC seeing GoF with my friends, and generally uncomfortable in a small computer lab. But I liked 'Must Love Dogs', though I was constantly conscious (while seeing it in the rec-room in the Student Union) that I consistently laughed louder and more frequently than anyone else. One should really never put me in a dark room where most people are silent and there's something to amuse me: clearly I lose all self-consciousness and become a horrible person who totally doesn't care about attention, because dammit, John Cusack is fucking funny. -.-;;;