~~freaks & babies...

iiiii've got plush haaaaary's today :> hee, all the way from england. his glasses are -huge-, hee. he's squishy and everything. yum :}

i've been pissy the last hour or so, but when i look at harry i can't help but smile. ok, so reading this also really helped *grins* how can i ever loff anyone who doesn't loff harry? how i ask you, how? well you see i don't mean, "just harry". *evil giggle* no, i mean, -that- harry. hee.

yah so i told the bastard to go to hell, finally. w00! this was a long time coming, lemme tell ya. he's like, "you're not enough of a bitch for me". and i'm like, "you know what honey?? now i am!" yeah. i said, yeah :P

this was going to be about my relationship to my writing, and how i kinda can't decide if i'm a "good enough" writer or not. i mean, usually i'd say of course, i know i'm good. but i mean, i don't worship myself the way i worship others, obviously, so it's like, does that mean something's horribly wrong? i don't impress myself, really. i don't do any number of things i -could- do with my writing, and i don't know if i -could- even. but i -want- to. that's why i keep writing, of course, that's the point isn't it? because i -want- to. i mean, it might be unpleasant sometimes, even dreary and frustrating and awful at times. but i still want to. like those evil bastard boyfriends you keep coming back to, except writing is actually secretly pretty darn cool :)

so yah, i'm not as cool as (so many!) other writers i worship, as far as i can tell. i know i'm really really good-- sometimes-- and sometimes i -don't- know that. it comes and goes. my quality itself, fluctuates, of course. i can't -stop- so i'm resigned to it, pretty much. i'd seriously consider suicide-from-frustration if i did stop. so. it's like singing in the shower, and hitting all the wrong notes, and breaking glassware-- sure, it's embarrassing and not too good for ze ego-- but hey. what would life be like without it, right? god, i'm so hideously positive. i blame the ficlet! yeah! in the end i love writing, and even -reading- gives me intense, powerful pleasure, so writing is a way of summoning even a bit of that, a way of releasing my own "scent" into the air. i may stink sometimes (to go with the metaphor) but... well... it's a natural function, so i go with it. and yeah, i'd love to be good, as good as the writers that knock my socks off. and-- if i'm not-- i still have those writers, knocking my socks off, right. and i still have my masturbatory, not-quite-bad-but-not-quite-good-enough writing, which i enjoy, at the very least, because it's mine. my freaky little babies. awwwww ~:)

~~let me to the marriage of true minds....

so... i was wondering. well i don't really have an answer to this that i like, so i was wondering rather than spewing (in my head, anyway, heh). why do (fanfic) writers write characters as ooc (assuming they're not completely ignorant)? is there, in fact, a need for "realism"? what does realism mean, when you're talking about character development, necessarily? why is it important? (gahd, i sound like i'm making assignments for a freshman essay....)

why do (otherwise respectable, good) writers discard the need for realism in the name of those ever-confusing things, called `pairings'? what makes a realistic pairing, and who gets to decide? on the other hand, does anyone actually seriously think draco/ginny makes any sense in any galaxy whatsoever? (ok so i fess up, that's what inspired all this.) yah, one tiny look at `draco veritas', and i'm boggled by the inevitable idea that the "love" being mentioned is between draco and ginny. which, in a lesser story, would just make me snort and point. but... here... i'm just confused.

there is of course, such a thing as an "unhealthy" couple, or a doomed couple, or a casual couple. not everything needs to be perfect and meant-to-be. granted. but if you love the character, and it's a major character, why stick them with these doozies for mates? of course this opens a whole can of worms about, why are we mean and flippant about the characters that mean so much to us as writers. i suppose we're `mean' and flippant because that's just how we are, as humans. we can't take anything with total sincerity, especially the things that mean the world to us, 24/7. (but does it excuse us? if my ex is mean and flippant to me, do i say, but well, he's human? yeah but i still wanna kick his ass across the country.)

so i'll give everyone (that i admire, otherwise) the benefit of the doubt and say, probably they don't mean that draco and ginny (say), are "meant to be together". or draco and neville for example (*hinthint*, luciusmalfoy, heh). of course, if someone -does- think draco/neville are meant to be, i rest my case and refuse to argue (obviously it'd be hopeless, heh). of course, "meant to be" is just silly romantic fluff anyway. right?
   yeah....
   in books/movies/tv, characters are thrown together rather cruelly and randomly, in long-running things especially, aren't they? and we don't complain -too- much. we just wait it out, mostly. sorta like, in hp canon, even, is jkr really implying that harry/cho are "meant to be"? well, probably not....

just because we've written something doesn't mean we think the universe is meant to work this way, and we're devoted to this perfect ideal we've created. far from it, right. well, blah, this should be 'obvious', especially as regards to "squick" stories and "horror" & "torture" stories, etc etc.

personally, i don't `do' horror/torture/squick/etc within my own writing, and i don't seek it out to read/watch. i have an intrinsic need for Meaning & Beauty, so even if i'm going to like a horror tale, it's gonna have those. (say, Hellraiser. heeeyyy... it had meaning... sorta... *pouts*)

yah. so i'd like input, actually.
why do you guys (er...well... i believe `you' exist now... progress, eh?) write the pairings you do? i mean, i'm sure you can say, "no reason", or "i'm flippant that way"... but you know, er... besides that.

and if someone can explain their deep devotion (if such a thing exists) to draco/ginny to me... i don't know... i might be grateful, or traumatized for life, i'm not sure, heh. personally, i'm wary of giving all this importance to minor characters-- because they turn into, basically, original characters. which slightly bothers me, as far as 'shipping goes. i dunno why. sorta, it's not 'shipping if you just make up the characters. um. i dunno if you can 'ship within your own storyline, exactly, y'know? and from what i know of ginny, she's just harry's fangirl and token weasley sister, no? where's the possibility of her being all that Special coming from, really, in canon anyway? of course, you can argue -draco- isn't all that "special", in canon. oh well. yah so it's all moot isn't it. well, i knew that. i just like to ramble :) still, though. i like my romances to have that spark. tension. compatibilities mixing and smouldering against -incompatibilities-. angst! woo! plus y'know. "a marriage of true minds", etc., power/intelligence equality also. i'm so, so picky. *deep sigh*. maybe i just need to lighten up ~:)

( so here goes my response to the wondrous replies on list... )

P.S. ~~oh my goodness... this... *trails off*...

    ``Everything, I think, is an elaborate sarcophagus for the shadows, the dry matte ebon prints fringed with moonshine that rest in vampire sleep on walls and ceilings and floors."

*swoons* it tastes like hazelnut chocolate filling, rich and smokey and delicious. *drugged grin*

P.P.S. ~~``You know, Harry, I never knew you had an ass."
*looks again* erm. *wanders off, disturbed, yet smirking*