....

[reenka]

...I just had the most disturbing vision out of the corner of my eye, of my plushie!Harry with long wild black hair o_0 Y'know, but still with his messed-up striped t-shirt & jeans & glasses & stuff.

As flash occurred, I realized I would possibly adore girl!Harry even more than boy!Harry, in a way. In an OMG CRUSH sort of way o_0 He's just. My darling as a boy, but as a girl he's. Just. Dude. Breasts o_0 Awkwardness. Still wearing boy clothes. And blushing a lot. And still being very angry. And punching Ron for staring. And. Suddenly getting weird reactions about... boys. Which may or may not have always been there. And. Liking Ginny more. And. Omg, breasts.


Feel like the biggest perv that ever lived o_0 I know Silvia wrote it, but see. This is less about the funny (though still funny) and more about the. Y'know. Sex. And gender-bending. And Harry not being gorgeous! Just lanky & skinny & with wild hair & small breasts & still the urge to kick things. Like, he's totally the same except. Y'know. Yeah.

Girl!Harry & Hermione, ack. He'd like-- go to her for advice and-- stuff-- and-- fumbling would occur, and. It would be so awkward! And. Hot! And Ron! Poor Ron, with the staring and the being rather awkward and messed with and. Ack! And. Draco would. Be so confused. And angry. And confused. And how could he act the same way? Potter is a GIRL! It's just. Too weird. So. He just. Avoids. And wanks. And stalks, like in the shower or something. o_0

Seriously have to fight urge to write girl!Harry. Ack. Someone talk me out of this...! Please.

Wah. Okay I think I've purged it. 'Cause clearly it's not going anywhere, it's just-- ack short skirts & knobby knees...! And Draco like, fainting (and we can't forget Ron-- what with the wanting to grope Harry's breasts 'cause they're mates & that's the sort of favor one would expect), and Hermione being protective (or possessive! Harry, you must take care of yourself now that you're one of us!) and Ginny deciding she's gay (well, she is in my head) and. Omg. Everyone Wants Harry = Reena Is Ever So Lame. It's just. I can't decide who to pair her with-- I just think everyone would be confused, it's not that they all want her. It's just that... hormones are everywhere. And she wanks a lot. And possibly I could see it being H/D but mostly. Girl!Harry. Still angry. Ack. And violent! And. Getting into physical fights!! Omg. See, this is why I should be asleep now. Bad Reena, no Mary-Sue!Harry for you. *slaps own wrist*
~~

PS. potter_mouth can most definitely have my babies anytime, anywhere. Forget about that girl!Harry thing, I'm totally sold on the testosterone overload, I really am. CALL ME, BABY. :-*
    I mean, it's likely enough you like boys, but you being fictional & me being creative, we can work something out, non?

Comments

Re: :-"

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

* * *

Sometimes he almost wants to say the words, but his lips turn blue, and it's not enough. He's silent as he lays his cheek against Harry's back, and traps Harry's heart between it and his hand.

He wants to tell Harry every secret he's never admitted he knew, but he can't. Harry would listen, and his eyes would shutter and he'd walk away with a slow, even gait, and then Draco would grow slowly colder until the winter found its way beneath his fingernails. It would be over, he thinks. If he speaks, it would be over.

==

Harry looks down at the long, pale fingers resting on his chest, and he can't move. If he moves, Draco will startle and jerk away; if he moves, he'll remember why he should really get going; if he moves, he'll turn around and see Draco there, looking at him with those empty cold eyes full of everything Harry hates.

Harry doesn't look at Draco. He just listens to him breathe and watches the sky.

He remembers.

He remembers flying together earlier that day. He remembers hexing Draco off his broom earlier that year, when he thought it might be entertaining. He remembers visiting Draco in the hospital, holding those long fingers beneath his own, and waiting.

He remembers how Draco woke up and refused to speak. He looked at Harry with withering, accusing eyes, and something in Harry's stomach had tightened. Guilt.

The next morning, Draco owled him an empty parchment, and it was only a month later that the hidden words finally crumpled underneath yet another spell: "I love you," it said. "I hate you. I love you. I hate you. I love you. I have you." It went on and on in endless repetition, the elegant, pointed scrawl going straight off the page. Harry couldn't tell which was true and which wasn't; which was written first and which was written last. He didn't think he wanted to know.

==

Draco shivers, though Harry's back is warm and his breathing even. Harry never remarks on Draco's infrequent, silent breaks from their warfare, and neither of them mentions it. They don't look at each other, so it doesn't really happen. It's not real like this, is it.

In a minute, Draco will get up. He'll walk away slowly, waiting for Potter to move, which he won't. He's Potter, and he thinks this is all Draco deserves. Maybe he's right.

==

Harry feels so calm.

Draco fits snugly against his back, like he belongs there. This feels okay, though it shouldn't. It doesn't hurt until afterwards; Harry's heart is suspended, barely beating in his own chest. It's okay as long as Draco stays still like this. They can breathe the stilted winter air and wait it out.

Harry feels so calm.

==

Sometimes Draco thinks he's about to speak, but then Harry moves, and instead he gasps.

* * *

Re: :-"

[malafede.livejournal.com]

Sometimes he wants to save the world, the one he's staring at, the one in the distance, while Malfoy slumbers against his back, a hand cradling Harry's heart inconsciously.

From Hogwarts, from the gallery encircling the second and from the arch they are framed in right now, the world is just another sunset, and then another night, and then another sunshine. It's got no details, it's the idea of a land far, far away, one that Harry and Draco couldn't reach anyway.

Draco's hand curls around his robe, over the even, unperturbed beating of Harry's heart.

"Weren't you sleeping?"

Draco pressed himself closer.

"Are you thinking to run away again?" he asked, his voice still drowsy and unconnected, not fully awake.

"Yes," Harry answered, without moving, letting Draco enfold him. "But not there."

Re: :-"

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

wheeeesweeeeet
*heart*

Re: :-"

[malafede.livejournal.com]

I'm clearly fixating on pagan sacred feminine/man fusion thing rituals lately.

Re: :-"

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Hey, don't those have sex in them...?

...maybe that's just Marysia's version :D

Re: :-"

[malafede.livejournal.com]

... most of the porn I've been writing last month starred a crazed version of the sacred feminine... in draco.

OKAY DON'T LAUGH SO WHAT.

Re: :-"

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Hey, Draco can be girly. I dig.
Also, like I said, Marysia did that too ;))