Brian & Justin 4EVAR!11!!1
May. 23rd, 2004 09:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reenkaAhhhhh, omg, omg!!
Duuuude!!
I've been so lazy and I haven't seen the last 5 eps of QAF and I finally downloaded and watched the first one, and omg, I'd forgotten how much I loved it!! Dude!! The only disturbing-icky part was the Ben/Michael sex, because... no. But! OMG the... *gurgle*... yes, okay, the Brian/Justin, okay I admit it, ack. Brian kissed him! On! The! Cheek!...!.. (he is so in love it is almost painful... except NOT)!! Aaaah! And! Said all sorts of! Romantic! Things! ...like... well... Justin was the one with the romantic things to say ("it was love to me" = GUH), but then Brian just sort of melted and I think I was squealing. Loudly. In my head. (I feel... junior high-schoolish and yet....) They are so... the... cutest evar!!1
And the dialogue is. Jumping! Was it always like that? They're all so adorable. Even Michael(!?... wtf? cute bonding with Hunter!) And... aww, Ted & Emmett make me sad. But not too sad, because Brian makes me happy, oh-so-happy, wah.
It's amazing how much Brian has really changed-- become more balanced... it's almost like he -glows- or something (or maybe he always did-- I mean, this -is- Brian). It's like... he's really showing affection so much more, and he seems... on top of things, except in a good way, but not an over-the-top compensating sort of way. Seriously, how can anyone not love him? He shines.
Yes, I'm a Brian whore. Wahah, I admit it! I mean, I was always saying "...but Justin!!" and now... I've seen thesmirk light. *cough/swoon* I mean, I was just perving over pics of ickle Dan earlier today, and feeling awful (because! I'm not like that! HONEST!!) and... yeah, okay, now it's like, Dan who? Because. The pretty! Has! Landed! And! IT IS GAY!!!1 (..... fine, no need to bring "reality" into this, is there? Is there?)
EDIT - um. clearly... I spoke too soon. *gurgles & DIES!!1*
~~
And... I was also thinking about... stuff (again).
Like... do we choose who we become?
I know, it's kind of a biggie, but. I'm obsessed with it, in my own little way.
I think that's one of the things that confuse people about some stuff I say, because I think most people assume we just deal with the cards we're dealt in terms of our drives and needs and attitudes, right? And I think my unspoken assumption sometimes is that in the end, it's not a question of either nature -or- nurture, but of the choices we can make to overcome both those things. It's like... everyone has a range of potential no one can guess at, lurking within them, and it's a question of whether or not one chooses-- and believes that they're capable of choosing-- to become their better self. Choosing one's own best destiny.
So... looking at it that way... one can always at least strive to become smarter, stronger, fitter in whatever way. Or one can choose to pander to one's perceived flaws and admit defeat without much of a fight-- let the proof be in the pudding, so to speak. One can say "this is who I am", end of story, refusing to admit that identity is malleable and the future, unlike the past, is in our hands.
That's JKR's overall point, isn't it?
That's supposed to be the main difference between Harry and Draco, isn't it? That Harry chose not to accept the situations handed to him, that Harry has to learn to choose what he wants and believes in even in the face of a prophecy that is supposedly going to determine the future. What do you want to bet Harry's going to somehow subvert that prophecy, btw?
It really seems like Harry's discovery of free will is at the center of his journey.
I do believe it, I guess, so it's hypocritical to pose it as a question-- I do believe we may not choose who we are, but we can all choose who we become, and that's the important part. Maybe it's all an illusion and our lives and genetics shape us irrevocably, but without that illusion of "free will", what's worth fighting for? If our identities aren't our own in some way, if we are slaves to our pasts and our blood, where's our real identity, in the first place? Who are we if not that spark of "I will!" or "I won't!" that can define our varying potentials into a single point of belief?
(And by this measure, I really do think that Snape is a real hero in his own way, clearly. Not because he joined the "good side" or whatever, but because he chose to overcome-- while clearly retaining whatever he thought he was, at least at the surface. Neville & Ginny, ditto-- but Snape had a lot more to overcome. After all, he probably despised most of the people he was now 'joining'-- they tormented him and probably drove him to being a Death Eater in the first place! But evidently, he chose to say 'fuck them!' in the best way possible-- by living his life regardless, even though he's still pretty bitter and obsessed with the past. It's like, he only overcame just enough, but not enough to fully free himself by far.)
Perhaps that's it-- perhaps it doesn't matter whether we -can- shape our future and thus ourselves-- perhaps all that matters is that we -believe- and that faith in itself defines us. That in itself, is a fight against a self-fulfilling prophecy of a sort-- the prophecy that was given to each of us at birth-- we are where we are and when we are. Our intelligence molded by our parents and our schooling, our independence molded by the freedoms allowed to us, and our friendships and loves drawn from whoever gets to us first.
It's true that most people do live like that-- but I wouldn't say it's a sign of our intrinsic weak nature, of the necessity of it. Most people wouldn't even believe they could choose if someone told them. It seems so obvious, doesn't it? This is our lives, and what else can we do but live them? How can one imagine being outside of everything one knows, and remain oneself?
Is it possible, then, for Draco to one day realize that it's a good thing Harry Potter didn't take his hand that day? Is it possible for him to realize that Harry chose his future rather than surrendering to one he didn't want because it was the one first presented to him, just as he, Draco, could choose his?
In the books, of course, he won't-- because he's the contrast, isn't he-- he's the one who accepts the illusion of his past defining him. And yet, that's why I refuse to see him as weak-- as fated to be who he is and go down the predictable path-- that's how I want to redeem him. Even if in the books, he's not free, I want to make him free. And once that happens, the weakness, the whole issue of being in Harry's shadow, unnoticed, unloved-- it disappears. He won't need Harry or his father to love him or notice him. He may want that still, but he won't need it. He will have learned who he is, apart from others, apart from his past. Just him, Draco.
Still Malfoy, still everything he'd always been, but also different-- like a fractal that had mutated once, twice, and then a million times.
Alone, maybe-- but more importantly, a separate individual-- just Draco.
Outside of Harry's story, which had so long defined him: in his own story now.
And if he wants, he could then meet 'just Harry', or he could leave him to live his own life without needing to even say that he understands now. He won't be trapped in a codependent relationship where his needs are provided for by someone else and his holes plugged by a mix of illusion and fear and need and his future defined by someone else's vision. Because clearly, Harry has his own vision of how things "should" be and if Draco doesn't have an equally vivid one of his own, he'd always be in check.
Brian Kinney was right, though-- the best revenge is living a good life-- the life you want; otherwise you'd always be victimized by those who once hurt you or dominated your will. (And I suppose that's going to be poor Justin's lesson in life this season-- good thing he has Counselor Brian, heheh.) Checkmate, Harry Potter.
Now, maybe it's Harry who won't understand, though I hope he will, by the end.
We can all be heroes, isn't that the point? Even Brian Kinney-- or especially Brian Kinney, Selfish Bastard and clearly Slytherin extraordinaire, right? Even if just for a day. Any day we choose to be. Free to will.
Duuuude!!
I've been so lazy and I haven't seen the last 5 eps of QAF and I finally downloaded and watched the first one, and omg, I'd forgotten how much I loved it!! Dude!! The only disturbing-icky part was the Ben/Michael sex, because... no. But! OMG the... *gurgle*... yes, okay, the Brian/Justin, okay I admit it, ack. Brian kissed him! On! The! Cheek!...!.. (he is so in love it is almost painful... except NOT)!! Aaaah! And! Said all sorts of! Romantic! Things! ...like... well... Justin was the one with the romantic things to say ("it was love to me" = GUH), but then Brian just sort of melted and I think I was squealing. Loudly. In my head. (I feel... junior high-schoolish and yet....) They are so... the... cutest evar!!1
And the dialogue is. Jumping! Was it always like that? They're all so adorable. Even Michael(!?... wtf? cute bonding with Hunter!) And... aww, Ted & Emmett make me sad. But not too sad, because Brian makes me happy, oh-so-happy, wah.
It's amazing how much Brian has really changed-- become more balanced... it's almost like he -glows- or something (or maybe he always did-- I mean, this -is- Brian). It's like... he's really showing affection so much more, and he seems... on top of things, except in a good way, but not an over-the-top compensating sort of way. Seriously, how can anyone not love him? He shines.
Yes, I'm a Brian whore. Wahah, I admit it! I mean, I was always saying "...but Justin!!" and now... I've seen the
EDIT - um. clearly... I spoke too soon. *gurgles & DIES!!1*
~~
And... I was also thinking about... stuff (again).
Like... do we choose who we become?
I know, it's kind of a biggie, but. I'm obsessed with it, in my own little way.
I think that's one of the things that confuse people about some stuff I say, because I think most people assume we just deal with the cards we're dealt in terms of our drives and needs and attitudes, right? And I think my unspoken assumption sometimes is that in the end, it's not a question of either nature -or- nurture, but of the choices we can make to overcome both those things. It's like... everyone has a range of potential no one can guess at, lurking within them, and it's a question of whether or not one chooses-- and believes that they're capable of choosing-- to become their better self. Choosing one's own best destiny.
So... looking at it that way... one can always at least strive to become smarter, stronger, fitter in whatever way. Or one can choose to pander to one's perceived flaws and admit defeat without much of a fight-- let the proof be in the pudding, so to speak. One can say "this is who I am", end of story, refusing to admit that identity is malleable and the future, unlike the past, is in our hands.
That's JKR's overall point, isn't it?
That's supposed to be the main difference between Harry and Draco, isn't it? That Harry chose not to accept the situations handed to him, that Harry has to learn to choose what he wants and believes in even in the face of a prophecy that is supposedly going to determine the future. What do you want to bet Harry's going to somehow subvert that prophecy, btw?
It really seems like Harry's discovery of free will is at the center of his journey.
I do believe it, I guess, so it's hypocritical to pose it as a question-- I do believe we may not choose who we are, but we can all choose who we become, and that's the important part. Maybe it's all an illusion and our lives and genetics shape us irrevocably, but without that illusion of "free will", what's worth fighting for? If our identities aren't our own in some way, if we are slaves to our pasts and our blood, where's our real identity, in the first place? Who are we if not that spark of "I will!" or "I won't!" that can define our varying potentials into a single point of belief?
(And by this measure, I really do think that Snape is a real hero in his own way, clearly. Not because he joined the "good side" or whatever, but because he chose to overcome-- while clearly retaining whatever he thought he was, at least at the surface. Neville & Ginny, ditto-- but Snape had a lot more to overcome. After all, he probably despised most of the people he was now 'joining'-- they tormented him and probably drove him to being a Death Eater in the first place! But evidently, he chose to say 'fuck them!' in the best way possible-- by living his life regardless, even though he's still pretty bitter and obsessed with the past. It's like, he only overcame just enough, but not enough to fully free himself by far.)
Perhaps that's it-- perhaps it doesn't matter whether we -can- shape our future and thus ourselves-- perhaps all that matters is that we -believe- and that faith in itself defines us. That in itself, is a fight against a self-fulfilling prophecy of a sort-- the prophecy that was given to each of us at birth-- we are where we are and when we are. Our intelligence molded by our parents and our schooling, our independence molded by the freedoms allowed to us, and our friendships and loves drawn from whoever gets to us first.
It's true that most people do live like that-- but I wouldn't say it's a sign of our intrinsic weak nature, of the necessity of it. Most people wouldn't even believe they could choose if someone told them. It seems so obvious, doesn't it? This is our lives, and what else can we do but live them? How can one imagine being outside of everything one knows, and remain oneself?
Is it possible, then, for Draco to one day realize that it's a good thing Harry Potter didn't take his hand that day? Is it possible for him to realize that Harry chose his future rather than surrendering to one he didn't want because it was the one first presented to him, just as he, Draco, could choose his?
In the books, of course, he won't-- because he's the contrast, isn't he-- he's the one who accepts the illusion of his past defining him. And yet, that's why I refuse to see him as weak-- as fated to be who he is and go down the predictable path-- that's how I want to redeem him. Even if in the books, he's not free, I want to make him free. And once that happens, the weakness, the whole issue of being in Harry's shadow, unnoticed, unloved-- it disappears. He won't need Harry or his father to love him or notice him. He may want that still, but he won't need it. He will have learned who he is, apart from others, apart from his past. Just him, Draco.
Still Malfoy, still everything he'd always been, but also different-- like a fractal that had mutated once, twice, and then a million times.
Alone, maybe-- but more importantly, a separate individual-- just Draco.
Outside of Harry's story, which had so long defined him: in his own story now.
And if he wants, he could then meet 'just Harry', or he could leave him to live his own life without needing to even say that he understands now. He won't be trapped in a codependent relationship where his needs are provided for by someone else and his holes plugged by a mix of illusion and fear and need and his future defined by someone else's vision. Because clearly, Harry has his own vision of how things "should" be and if Draco doesn't have an equally vivid one of his own, he'd always be in check.
Brian Kinney was right, though-- the best revenge is living a good life-- the life you want; otherwise you'd always be victimized by those who once hurt you or dominated your will. (And I suppose that's going to be poor Justin's lesson in life this season-- good thing he has Counselor Brian, heheh.) Checkmate, Harry Potter.
Now, maybe it's Harry who won't understand, though I hope he will, by the end.
We can all be heroes, isn't that the point? Even Brian Kinney-- or especially Brian Kinney, Selfish Bastard and clearly Slytherin extraordinaire, right? Even if just for a day. Any day we choose to be. Free to will.
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Harry-in-Slytherin
Date: 2004-05-27 12:19 am (UTC)But it keeps getting mixed up with this "Remus doesn't really concern himself much Harry" thingy I'm also trying to piece together. ag. words hard. I don't know how you writers do it. In your non-native language no less!
I go back and forth over "if Harry was in Slytherin, he'd be friends with Draco." I think "definitely" one day and "no way" the next. Because 1 doesn't necessarily follow the other. Mad Martha wrote this Harry-in-Slytherin story where he took Draco's hand and then ended up in Slytherin.... but he never really got along with Draco and his sycophantic circle and became mostly a loner--just as before Hogwarts. (Of course this was all au and a H/R, but certain things about it were interesting conjectures)
Maybe young Harry wasn't ready for a friend/whatever like Draco. He'd never had any friends before, and he's a bit oblivious/introverted, so he needed true-blue loyal people like Hagrid and Ron and Hermione who would stick by him and not play head games or have tangled or ulterior motives.
Draco would have been too confusing and difficult as a friend for him when he was little. I think it's only when Harry's older and has a little more solid foundation under him that he can "manage" a high-maintenance person like Draco.
Re: Harry-in-Slytherin
Date: 2004-05-27 12:32 am (UTC)I've never heard the theory about Draco being too high-maintenance, but y'know, that makes perfect sense to me...! *grins* I definitely think he was needing to heal after the Dursleys & thus had to have "true-blue" friends who were fiendishly loyal & straightforward. And also, y'know... who'd look up to him, who'd -need- him in a way Harry liked (as in, Ron being all pleased with Harry's buying them both sweets). I always thought that was so sweet & simple. People really do make friends over stuff like that when they're 11. Heh.
I've only ever read the H/D by Mad Martha, and though it was well-written, I didn't read anything else (I have to really love your stuff to read any H/R especially) 'cause I didn't buy her vision of Draco. At all. People really go way overboard in the HP fandom if something's written in a mature style, whereas that sort of thing is expected in "older" fandoms like Highlander or Star Wars or what have you. *sigh* It's like, there are plenty of fics that are well-wrought but don't have the right -feel- like, at all. I really also get annoyed at how everyone coos if there's a finished work. Like, OMG IT'S NOT A WIP, OMG THE WONDER & THE GLORY!!1 I mean, there are so many WIPs that's understandable, but still :/
Draco didn't seem to wanna be friends, anyway, not like Ron (who just liked Harry for -Harry-). Draco, on the other hand, was all "omg, Potter! What great alliance material!". I mean, Draco clearly has no problem using people for his own ends (Crabbe & Goyle) from the start, which I think is canon, thus I'm somewhat bemused by everyone who writes "Draco & Vince & Greg" fics. Eeurgh. Oh yeah, he's -friends- with the hulking trollish ones, sure. :>
Though I have a weakness for S/R (I blame Ailei & Khirsah & all the great fic), I do see how J/S is "more canon". That just proves that "more canon" doesn't mean "better" :> Since really, H/D is not at all canon and Harry/Cho is~:)
Re: Harry-in-Slytherin
Date: 2004-05-27 12:49 am (UTC):D
But yeah, i don't think "more canon" always equals better. I t just... tends to be. Because, for all that I'll pick at JKR's writing, her characterization is usually better than something that tries to go another direction. Especially as that other direction tends to be "2 random guys get it on/ fall in love" or "Draco is awesome and Harry sucks."
Also, i imprinted on canon. Like you say... even a well-written fic can feel wrong if you just disagree with some of the basic premises/characterizations (insert 95% of all well-written and well-beloved fics here as examples). I'll repeat myself to say that I guess everyone has different canonical things close to their heart that they have to have... or that they can let go of in service of a kink/style-genre pref.
And, on the flip-side, even a not-well-written fic can charm me if it hits something I really go for--kink or just something I believe in about the HP world / life in general.
OMG I am writing so much.
Re: Harry-in-Slytherin
Date: 2004-05-27 01:16 am (UTC)I totally was thinking that about kinks while reading `High Standards (http://www.astronomytower.org/authors/mrose/HS.html)', heheh. Like, I'm such a sucker for cutely-befuddled!Harry & smirky-yet-dorky!Malfoy. Silvia has completely skewed my responses so that I see something that reminds me of her style and I'm like a Pavlov's dog. I totally start salivating. Yes, that was my sneaky way to rec it, just in case :D
Whereas I'm really wary of `A Thousand Beautiful Things' 'cause it seems So Serious, y'know. It doesn't matter if I disagree with the characterization in a fluffy-humor fic, y'know, 'cause the fluffy humor & boy-crushing(!) is my kink. But in a Serious Work, I have all this stuff to pick at, and I remember how many prejudices I've acquired in my perception of Harry & Draco. Draco especially, I feel is rarely done well when serious, y'know. Heh. Trying to think of a "serious" Draco I thought was great-- can't. Fave Dracos are Miss Breed's, Silvia's, Maya's, Trin's, Kassie's, Cassie Claire's-- all of them smirky-mocky-bastard types. Heeee! Le sigh.
I'm so so distrustful of "noble" Draco. Someone said he was noble in a review & now I'm like GAH WHY DO I READ THESE STUPID REVIEWS BEFORE I READ THE FIC, DAMMIT!! >:O This is what happened with every other "popular" new H/D longfic. I look at the reviews and someone says something about Draco (like how "mature" or "noble" or "well-developed from canon" he is), and start to go "uh-oh", heh.
No one seems to write epics with whiny-silly-snarky-spaz!Draco. WHY GOD WHY?!?!?! *stews* You can't have a "noble" spaz, can you? DAMN THEM ALL!!1 heh
...Still can't remember any serious Draco's I -liked- rather than just tolerated. (I like Ivy's & Aja's-- but I don't love them). Damn, there must be -something-. There must be a thoughtful, romantic Draco I can do more than stomach. Maybe.
...
...
I liked Rhysenn's. Yeah, okay, laugh :P
He was a total freak, with the over-the-top romanticizing and the virulent hatred/love thing. He was... y'know... emotional, volatile, extreme. So even though he wasn't a prat, exactly, I dug the characterization beyond just stomaching it (also, it was one of the first H/D's I read, and I can't seem to grow out of it). *sigh* I guess the whole 'passionate & rageful' thing is like, very vital for my can't-let-go Draco template. That "noble" thing is haunting me. Haunting, I say ^^;
...Ahaha you think -you- write a lot >:D
*wins*
Re: Harry-in-Slytherin
Date: 2004-05-27 02:03 am (UTC)(I can't laugh at anyone for liking anything.... I love so many really *blatantly* crap things... and often with little-to-no irony! *cough*cough*Maizeysugah*cough* yeah, yeah shut UP...I *know*, okay! Much like Harry with Draco, we cannot always choose where our passion takes us.)
Re: Harry-in-Slytherin
Date: 2004-05-27 02:10 am (UTC)That's not too common, though, these days :/ The intellislash has died out. Wah.
Riddle's Draco was a major inspiration, though :D
Psychosis, man. I love that in a bloke >:D
Re: Harry-in-Slytherin
Date: 2004-05-27 02:33 am (UTC)Well... Best Enemies Draco is kinda nice to Harry when he's down. Does that count?
(I can give you several H/S a Ron/Pettigrew and various links to the same H/R)
Msut go to bed now if I want to remain conscious at work tomo-today.
Re: Harry-in-Slytherin
Date: 2004-05-27 02:57 pm (UTC)Pov says as much about the narrator as it says about reality. Does reality exist at all?
Re: Harry-in-Slytherin
Date: 2004-05-27 03:18 pm (UTC)That's one of my hot-button topics, along with Does Identity Exist :D
In fiction, I would say that both definitely exist, though that's much more fluid in some fiction than others (and HP isn't one of those fluid post-modern-type fics). In reality (haha), I would hesitate to say that 'reality' exists, however >:D