Brian & Justin 4EVAR!11!!1
May. 23rd, 2004 09:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reenkaAhhhhh, omg, omg!!
Duuuude!!
I've been so lazy and I haven't seen the last 5 eps of QAF and I finally downloaded and watched the first one, and omg, I'd forgotten how much I loved it!! Dude!! The only disturbing-icky part was the Ben/Michael sex, because... no. But! OMG the... *gurgle*... yes, okay, the Brian/Justin, okay I admit it, ack. Brian kissed him! On! The! Cheek!...!.. (he is so in love it is almost painful... except NOT)!! Aaaah! And! Said all sorts of! Romantic! Things! ...like... well... Justin was the one with the romantic things to say ("it was love to me" = GUH), but then Brian just sort of melted and I think I was squealing. Loudly. In my head. (I feel... junior high-schoolish and yet....) They are so... the... cutest evar!!1
And the dialogue is. Jumping! Was it always like that? They're all so adorable. Even Michael(!?... wtf? cute bonding with Hunter!) And... aww, Ted & Emmett make me sad. But not too sad, because Brian makes me happy, oh-so-happy, wah.
It's amazing how much Brian has really changed-- become more balanced... it's almost like he -glows- or something (or maybe he always did-- I mean, this -is- Brian). It's like... he's really showing affection so much more, and he seems... on top of things, except in a good way, but not an over-the-top compensating sort of way. Seriously, how can anyone not love him? He shines.
Yes, I'm a Brian whore. Wahah, I admit it! I mean, I was always saying "...but Justin!!" and now... I've seen thesmirk light. *cough/swoon* I mean, I was just perving over pics of ickle Dan earlier today, and feeling awful (because! I'm not like that! HONEST!!) and... yeah, okay, now it's like, Dan who? Because. The pretty! Has! Landed! And! IT IS GAY!!!1 (..... fine, no need to bring "reality" into this, is there? Is there?)
EDIT - um. clearly... I spoke too soon. *gurgles & DIES!!1*
~~
And... I was also thinking about... stuff (again).
Like... do we choose who we become?
I know, it's kind of a biggie, but. I'm obsessed with it, in my own little way.
I think that's one of the things that confuse people about some stuff I say, because I think most people assume we just deal with the cards we're dealt in terms of our drives and needs and attitudes, right? And I think my unspoken assumption sometimes is that in the end, it's not a question of either nature -or- nurture, but of the choices we can make to overcome both those things. It's like... everyone has a range of potential no one can guess at, lurking within them, and it's a question of whether or not one chooses-- and believes that they're capable of choosing-- to become their better self. Choosing one's own best destiny.
So... looking at it that way... one can always at least strive to become smarter, stronger, fitter in whatever way. Or one can choose to pander to one's perceived flaws and admit defeat without much of a fight-- let the proof be in the pudding, so to speak. One can say "this is who I am", end of story, refusing to admit that identity is malleable and the future, unlike the past, is in our hands.
That's JKR's overall point, isn't it?
That's supposed to be the main difference between Harry and Draco, isn't it? That Harry chose not to accept the situations handed to him, that Harry has to learn to choose what he wants and believes in even in the face of a prophecy that is supposedly going to determine the future. What do you want to bet Harry's going to somehow subvert that prophecy, btw?
It really seems like Harry's discovery of free will is at the center of his journey.
I do believe it, I guess, so it's hypocritical to pose it as a question-- I do believe we may not choose who we are, but we can all choose who we become, and that's the important part. Maybe it's all an illusion and our lives and genetics shape us irrevocably, but without that illusion of "free will", what's worth fighting for? If our identities aren't our own in some way, if we are slaves to our pasts and our blood, where's our real identity, in the first place? Who are we if not that spark of "I will!" or "I won't!" that can define our varying potentials into a single point of belief?
(And by this measure, I really do think that Snape is a real hero in his own way, clearly. Not because he joined the "good side" or whatever, but because he chose to overcome-- while clearly retaining whatever he thought he was, at least at the surface. Neville & Ginny, ditto-- but Snape had a lot more to overcome. After all, he probably despised most of the people he was now 'joining'-- they tormented him and probably drove him to being a Death Eater in the first place! But evidently, he chose to say 'fuck them!' in the best way possible-- by living his life regardless, even though he's still pretty bitter and obsessed with the past. It's like, he only overcame just enough, but not enough to fully free himself by far.)
Perhaps that's it-- perhaps it doesn't matter whether we -can- shape our future and thus ourselves-- perhaps all that matters is that we -believe- and that faith in itself defines us. That in itself, is a fight against a self-fulfilling prophecy of a sort-- the prophecy that was given to each of us at birth-- we are where we are and when we are. Our intelligence molded by our parents and our schooling, our independence molded by the freedoms allowed to us, and our friendships and loves drawn from whoever gets to us first.
It's true that most people do live like that-- but I wouldn't say it's a sign of our intrinsic weak nature, of the necessity of it. Most people wouldn't even believe they could choose if someone told them. It seems so obvious, doesn't it? This is our lives, and what else can we do but live them? How can one imagine being outside of everything one knows, and remain oneself?
Is it possible, then, for Draco to one day realize that it's a good thing Harry Potter didn't take his hand that day? Is it possible for him to realize that Harry chose his future rather than surrendering to one he didn't want because it was the one first presented to him, just as he, Draco, could choose his?
In the books, of course, he won't-- because he's the contrast, isn't he-- he's the one who accepts the illusion of his past defining him. And yet, that's why I refuse to see him as weak-- as fated to be who he is and go down the predictable path-- that's how I want to redeem him. Even if in the books, he's not free, I want to make him free. And once that happens, the weakness, the whole issue of being in Harry's shadow, unnoticed, unloved-- it disappears. He won't need Harry or his father to love him or notice him. He may want that still, but he won't need it. He will have learned who he is, apart from others, apart from his past. Just him, Draco.
Still Malfoy, still everything he'd always been, but also different-- like a fractal that had mutated once, twice, and then a million times.
Alone, maybe-- but more importantly, a separate individual-- just Draco.
Outside of Harry's story, which had so long defined him: in his own story now.
And if he wants, he could then meet 'just Harry', or he could leave him to live his own life without needing to even say that he understands now. He won't be trapped in a codependent relationship where his needs are provided for by someone else and his holes plugged by a mix of illusion and fear and need and his future defined by someone else's vision. Because clearly, Harry has his own vision of how things "should" be and if Draco doesn't have an equally vivid one of his own, he'd always be in check.
Brian Kinney was right, though-- the best revenge is living a good life-- the life you want; otherwise you'd always be victimized by those who once hurt you or dominated your will. (And I suppose that's going to be poor Justin's lesson in life this season-- good thing he has Counselor Brian, heheh.) Checkmate, Harry Potter.
Now, maybe it's Harry who won't understand, though I hope he will, by the end.
We can all be heroes, isn't that the point? Even Brian Kinney-- or especially Brian Kinney, Selfish Bastard and clearly Slytherin extraordinaire, right? Even if just for a day. Any day we choose to be. Free to will.
Duuuude!!
I've been so lazy and I haven't seen the last 5 eps of QAF and I finally downloaded and watched the first one, and omg, I'd forgotten how much I loved it!! Dude!! The only disturbing-icky part was the Ben/Michael sex, because... no. But! OMG the... *gurgle*... yes, okay, the Brian/Justin, okay I admit it, ack. Brian kissed him! On! The! Cheek!...!.. (he is so in love it is almost painful... except NOT)!! Aaaah! And! Said all sorts of! Romantic! Things! ...like... well... Justin was the one with the romantic things to say ("it was love to me" = GUH), but then Brian just sort of melted and I think I was squealing. Loudly. In my head. (I feel... junior high-schoolish and yet....) They are so... the... cutest evar!!1
And the dialogue is. Jumping! Was it always like that? They're all so adorable. Even Michael(!?... wtf? cute bonding with Hunter!) And... aww, Ted & Emmett make me sad. But not too sad, because Brian makes me happy, oh-so-happy, wah.
It's amazing how much Brian has really changed-- become more balanced... it's almost like he -glows- or something (or maybe he always did-- I mean, this -is- Brian). It's like... he's really showing affection so much more, and he seems... on top of things, except in a good way, but not an over-the-top compensating sort of way. Seriously, how can anyone not love him? He shines.
Yes, I'm a Brian whore. Wahah, I admit it! I mean, I was always saying "...but Justin!!" and now... I've seen the
EDIT - um. clearly... I spoke too soon. *gurgles & DIES!!1*
~~
And... I was also thinking about... stuff (again).
Like... do we choose who we become?
I know, it's kind of a biggie, but. I'm obsessed with it, in my own little way.
I think that's one of the things that confuse people about some stuff I say, because I think most people assume we just deal with the cards we're dealt in terms of our drives and needs and attitudes, right? And I think my unspoken assumption sometimes is that in the end, it's not a question of either nature -or- nurture, but of the choices we can make to overcome both those things. It's like... everyone has a range of potential no one can guess at, lurking within them, and it's a question of whether or not one chooses-- and believes that they're capable of choosing-- to become their better self. Choosing one's own best destiny.
So... looking at it that way... one can always at least strive to become smarter, stronger, fitter in whatever way. Or one can choose to pander to one's perceived flaws and admit defeat without much of a fight-- let the proof be in the pudding, so to speak. One can say "this is who I am", end of story, refusing to admit that identity is malleable and the future, unlike the past, is in our hands.
That's JKR's overall point, isn't it?
That's supposed to be the main difference between Harry and Draco, isn't it? That Harry chose not to accept the situations handed to him, that Harry has to learn to choose what he wants and believes in even in the face of a prophecy that is supposedly going to determine the future. What do you want to bet Harry's going to somehow subvert that prophecy, btw?
It really seems like Harry's discovery of free will is at the center of his journey.
I do believe it, I guess, so it's hypocritical to pose it as a question-- I do believe we may not choose who we are, but we can all choose who we become, and that's the important part. Maybe it's all an illusion and our lives and genetics shape us irrevocably, but without that illusion of "free will", what's worth fighting for? If our identities aren't our own in some way, if we are slaves to our pasts and our blood, where's our real identity, in the first place? Who are we if not that spark of "I will!" or "I won't!" that can define our varying potentials into a single point of belief?
(And by this measure, I really do think that Snape is a real hero in his own way, clearly. Not because he joined the "good side" or whatever, but because he chose to overcome-- while clearly retaining whatever he thought he was, at least at the surface. Neville & Ginny, ditto-- but Snape had a lot more to overcome. After all, he probably despised most of the people he was now 'joining'-- they tormented him and probably drove him to being a Death Eater in the first place! But evidently, he chose to say 'fuck them!' in the best way possible-- by living his life regardless, even though he's still pretty bitter and obsessed with the past. It's like, he only overcame just enough, but not enough to fully free himself by far.)
Perhaps that's it-- perhaps it doesn't matter whether we -can- shape our future and thus ourselves-- perhaps all that matters is that we -believe- and that faith in itself defines us. That in itself, is a fight against a self-fulfilling prophecy of a sort-- the prophecy that was given to each of us at birth-- we are where we are and when we are. Our intelligence molded by our parents and our schooling, our independence molded by the freedoms allowed to us, and our friendships and loves drawn from whoever gets to us first.
It's true that most people do live like that-- but I wouldn't say it's a sign of our intrinsic weak nature, of the necessity of it. Most people wouldn't even believe they could choose if someone told them. It seems so obvious, doesn't it? This is our lives, and what else can we do but live them? How can one imagine being outside of everything one knows, and remain oneself?
Is it possible, then, for Draco to one day realize that it's a good thing Harry Potter didn't take his hand that day? Is it possible for him to realize that Harry chose his future rather than surrendering to one he didn't want because it was the one first presented to him, just as he, Draco, could choose his?
In the books, of course, he won't-- because he's the contrast, isn't he-- he's the one who accepts the illusion of his past defining him. And yet, that's why I refuse to see him as weak-- as fated to be who he is and go down the predictable path-- that's how I want to redeem him. Even if in the books, he's not free, I want to make him free. And once that happens, the weakness, the whole issue of being in Harry's shadow, unnoticed, unloved-- it disappears. He won't need Harry or his father to love him or notice him. He may want that still, but he won't need it. He will have learned who he is, apart from others, apart from his past. Just him, Draco.
Still Malfoy, still everything he'd always been, but also different-- like a fractal that had mutated once, twice, and then a million times.
Alone, maybe-- but more importantly, a separate individual-- just Draco.
Outside of Harry's story, which had so long defined him: in his own story now.
And if he wants, he could then meet 'just Harry', or he could leave him to live his own life without needing to even say that he understands now. He won't be trapped in a codependent relationship where his needs are provided for by someone else and his holes plugged by a mix of illusion and fear and need and his future defined by someone else's vision. Because clearly, Harry has his own vision of how things "should" be and if Draco doesn't have an equally vivid one of his own, he'd always be in check.
Brian Kinney was right, though-- the best revenge is living a good life-- the life you want; otherwise you'd always be victimized by those who once hurt you or dominated your will. (And I suppose that's going to be poor Justin's lesson in life this season-- good thing he has Counselor Brian, heheh.) Checkmate, Harry Potter.
Now, maybe it's Harry who won't understand, though I hope he will, by the end.
We can all be heroes, isn't that the point? Even Brian Kinney-- or especially Brian Kinney, Selfish Bastard and clearly Slytherin extraordinaire, right? Even if just for a day. Any day we choose to be. Free to will.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-05-25 03:51 am (UTC)Oh, agreed totally. Then again I quite like Draco’s submissiveness, so. Imagine if the authority Draco submitted to was Harry’s. I know you don’t quite like the word and the implications, but what a beautiful image. *cries*
Though Harry’s ability to repress any information messing with his shiny Gryffindor worldview is quite fristrating.
But the HP example, of course, wasn't my main question anyway 'cause it's such a simply delineated story, so determined by its symbolism and structure. That's why ultimately I'm more interested in fanon!Draco than canon!Draco, because I can make my own Draco be in any story, really, represent anything, take any journey. If he's only canon!Draco, he's kinda... small potatoes; his story is very clear. I hate it when a character has a predetermined destiny, but that's clearly the way JKR is writing her books, and that's type of storytelling. Just not my type.
Meep. Poor small potatoes, what have they done to you. *defends Small Potatoes’s honour staunchly* See, this is the thing – it’s true that exploring humanity through a more ambiguous or redeemable character, you can go in more directions, but directions aren’t just morals, they are psychological as well. And being a small potato is a facet of humanity. Small potatoes should be rediscovered. I think I’ll go write a HP fic about Small Potatoes only. In fact, I’ll even call it Small Potatoes. *g*
And you know, I don’t think all Draco-that-are-more-flashed-out-than-canon are fanon. If they don’t contradict canon, they aren’t. It’s obvious that if you focus on Draco you’ll know more about him than Harryìs pov does; it’s almost inevitable that you’ll have to add layers. But the layers you add don’t cancel out the first one provided by Rowling. I feel that a lot of confusion is born from the fact that for many people “well-written Draco = fanon”. It’s not fanon, it’s just… more.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-25 02:01 pm (UTC)And while -personally-, his skillz leave something to be desired, in a social sense, he's not really Small Potatoes at all, which is what confuses the issue and why people actually slash him with Harry. There's true tension there, and not just a tension born of misunderstanding that could be resolved with Harry's realizing Draco isn't All Bad or whatever. Draco -does- represent things Harry will never really reconcile himself to, and what's more, Draco -likes- representing those things. If he thought about himself & his heritage enough to change his attitudes, I don't see him submitting his will to Harry (having broken free of his father by that point).
Draco's a Pureblood, right. He's the scion of the "old order" if anyone is, if he's not dead by the time the war's over. He's the last real Black and Malfoy-- you think he'll spit on that completely? Dude. He has shoes to grow into, and they're not Small Potato shoes.
So if you go and look at Draco's pov, the small-potato thing evaporates (for me). The boy's as arrogant as Harry; possibly -more- (in my head, and I do believe it's supported by canon). It's that tension of power, that constant uneasy friction between them that fascinates me. They could challenge each other, I do believe that-- and in that case, the submission would have to be temporary, a constant process of renegotiation.
It is true I pretty much hate the idea of submission with a fiery passion of a billion suns, but. While I believe that Draco's -submissive- (sexually & somewhat emotionally-- though I believe his emotions are not so straightforward), I think he has to make his own terms for that submission, in the end, where he retains a lot of status and power so he feels secure. While Harry could "protect" him (from what? other Purebloods?), he couldn't give Draco status. It's like making a gently-bred princess live with a valiant (and rich) merchant for love-- at first it'd work, but then it'd turn sour and recriminatory, generally.
And I just call all non-canon fanon by definition :>
I realize that in HP fandom, the term's been twisted to mean "badfic", but er... that's rather ambiguous, especially since everyone's interpretations of canon are so wildly different a lot of times~:)
no subject
Date: 2004-05-26 07:11 am (UTC)Oh, of course he's have to negotiate his terms, I mean, in a sane relationship, that's what you do. It's good to pair Draco with Harry because the fact that it's Harry allows him to put up a bit of resistence, to keep his character. I really dislike fics where Draco is not angry and nasty and... fighty. Am thinking of MSAS!Draco now, who kicks me off a fic sooner than you say "nice".
no subject
Date: 2004-05-25 11:13 pm (UTC)Have you ever read Zed Adam's ANALogy and TOPology Potterverse fics? JuvenileDelinquent!Harry and Harry'sBitch!Draco. Fluffy as they are, before the Lucius-prison thing, this was how I sekretly thought a H/D thing would really be. (Also, major props to author for making Harry dominant etc, but not an unsympathetic asshole)
no subject
Date: 2004-05-26 06:20 am (UTC)