Brian & Justin 4EVAR!11!!1
May. 23rd, 2004 09:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reenkaAhhhhh, omg, omg!!
Duuuude!!
I've been so lazy and I haven't seen the last 5 eps of QAF and I finally downloaded and watched the first one, and omg, I'd forgotten how much I loved it!! Dude!! The only disturbing-icky part was the Ben/Michael sex, because... no. But! OMG the... *gurgle*... yes, okay, the Brian/Justin, okay I admit it, ack. Brian kissed him! On! The! Cheek!...!.. (he is so in love it is almost painful... except NOT)!! Aaaah! And! Said all sorts of! Romantic! Things! ...like... well... Justin was the one with the romantic things to say ("it was love to me" = GUH), but then Brian just sort of melted and I think I was squealing. Loudly. In my head. (I feel... junior high-schoolish and yet....) They are so... the... cutest evar!!1
And the dialogue is. Jumping! Was it always like that? They're all so adorable. Even Michael(!?... wtf? cute bonding with Hunter!) And... aww, Ted & Emmett make me sad. But not too sad, because Brian makes me happy, oh-so-happy, wah.
It's amazing how much Brian has really changed-- become more balanced... it's almost like he -glows- or something (or maybe he always did-- I mean, this -is- Brian). It's like... he's really showing affection so much more, and he seems... on top of things, except in a good way, but not an over-the-top compensating sort of way. Seriously, how can anyone not love him? He shines.
Yes, I'm a Brian whore. Wahah, I admit it! I mean, I was always saying "...but Justin!!" and now... I've seen thesmirk light. *cough/swoon* I mean, I was just perving over pics of ickle Dan earlier today, and feeling awful (because! I'm not like that! HONEST!!) and... yeah, okay, now it's like, Dan who? Because. The pretty! Has! Landed! And! IT IS GAY!!!1 (..... fine, no need to bring "reality" into this, is there? Is there?)
EDIT - um. clearly... I spoke too soon. *gurgles & DIES!!1*
~~
And... I was also thinking about... stuff (again).
Like... do we choose who we become?
I know, it's kind of a biggie, but. I'm obsessed with it, in my own little way.
I think that's one of the things that confuse people about some stuff I say, because I think most people assume we just deal with the cards we're dealt in terms of our drives and needs and attitudes, right? And I think my unspoken assumption sometimes is that in the end, it's not a question of either nature -or- nurture, but of the choices we can make to overcome both those things. It's like... everyone has a range of potential no one can guess at, lurking within them, and it's a question of whether or not one chooses-- and believes that they're capable of choosing-- to become their better self. Choosing one's own best destiny.
So... looking at it that way... one can always at least strive to become smarter, stronger, fitter in whatever way. Or one can choose to pander to one's perceived flaws and admit defeat without much of a fight-- let the proof be in the pudding, so to speak. One can say "this is who I am", end of story, refusing to admit that identity is malleable and the future, unlike the past, is in our hands.
That's JKR's overall point, isn't it?
That's supposed to be the main difference between Harry and Draco, isn't it? That Harry chose not to accept the situations handed to him, that Harry has to learn to choose what he wants and believes in even in the face of a prophecy that is supposedly going to determine the future. What do you want to bet Harry's going to somehow subvert that prophecy, btw?
It really seems like Harry's discovery of free will is at the center of his journey.
I do believe it, I guess, so it's hypocritical to pose it as a question-- I do believe we may not choose who we are, but we can all choose who we become, and that's the important part. Maybe it's all an illusion and our lives and genetics shape us irrevocably, but without that illusion of "free will", what's worth fighting for? If our identities aren't our own in some way, if we are slaves to our pasts and our blood, where's our real identity, in the first place? Who are we if not that spark of "I will!" or "I won't!" that can define our varying potentials into a single point of belief?
(And by this measure, I really do think that Snape is a real hero in his own way, clearly. Not because he joined the "good side" or whatever, but because he chose to overcome-- while clearly retaining whatever he thought he was, at least at the surface. Neville & Ginny, ditto-- but Snape had a lot more to overcome. After all, he probably despised most of the people he was now 'joining'-- they tormented him and probably drove him to being a Death Eater in the first place! But evidently, he chose to say 'fuck them!' in the best way possible-- by living his life regardless, even though he's still pretty bitter and obsessed with the past. It's like, he only overcame just enough, but not enough to fully free himself by far.)
Perhaps that's it-- perhaps it doesn't matter whether we -can- shape our future and thus ourselves-- perhaps all that matters is that we -believe- and that faith in itself defines us. That in itself, is a fight against a self-fulfilling prophecy of a sort-- the prophecy that was given to each of us at birth-- we are where we are and when we are. Our intelligence molded by our parents and our schooling, our independence molded by the freedoms allowed to us, and our friendships and loves drawn from whoever gets to us first.
It's true that most people do live like that-- but I wouldn't say it's a sign of our intrinsic weak nature, of the necessity of it. Most people wouldn't even believe they could choose if someone told them. It seems so obvious, doesn't it? This is our lives, and what else can we do but live them? How can one imagine being outside of everything one knows, and remain oneself?
Is it possible, then, for Draco to one day realize that it's a good thing Harry Potter didn't take his hand that day? Is it possible for him to realize that Harry chose his future rather than surrendering to one he didn't want because it was the one first presented to him, just as he, Draco, could choose his?
In the books, of course, he won't-- because he's the contrast, isn't he-- he's the one who accepts the illusion of his past defining him. And yet, that's why I refuse to see him as weak-- as fated to be who he is and go down the predictable path-- that's how I want to redeem him. Even if in the books, he's not free, I want to make him free. And once that happens, the weakness, the whole issue of being in Harry's shadow, unnoticed, unloved-- it disappears. He won't need Harry or his father to love him or notice him. He may want that still, but he won't need it. He will have learned who he is, apart from others, apart from his past. Just him, Draco.
Still Malfoy, still everything he'd always been, but also different-- like a fractal that had mutated once, twice, and then a million times.
Alone, maybe-- but more importantly, a separate individual-- just Draco.
Outside of Harry's story, which had so long defined him: in his own story now.
And if he wants, he could then meet 'just Harry', or he could leave him to live his own life without needing to even say that he understands now. He won't be trapped in a codependent relationship where his needs are provided for by someone else and his holes plugged by a mix of illusion and fear and need and his future defined by someone else's vision. Because clearly, Harry has his own vision of how things "should" be and if Draco doesn't have an equally vivid one of his own, he'd always be in check.
Brian Kinney was right, though-- the best revenge is living a good life-- the life you want; otherwise you'd always be victimized by those who once hurt you or dominated your will. (And I suppose that's going to be poor Justin's lesson in life this season-- good thing he has Counselor Brian, heheh.) Checkmate, Harry Potter.
Now, maybe it's Harry who won't understand, though I hope he will, by the end.
We can all be heroes, isn't that the point? Even Brian Kinney-- or especially Brian Kinney, Selfish Bastard and clearly Slytherin extraordinaire, right? Even if just for a day. Any day we choose to be. Free to will.
Duuuude!!
I've been so lazy and I haven't seen the last 5 eps of QAF and I finally downloaded and watched the first one, and omg, I'd forgotten how much I loved it!! Dude!! The only disturbing-icky part was the Ben/Michael sex, because... no. But! OMG the... *gurgle*... yes, okay, the Brian/Justin, okay I admit it, ack. Brian kissed him! On! The! Cheek!...!.. (he is so in love it is almost painful... except NOT)!! Aaaah! And! Said all sorts of! Romantic! Things! ...like... well... Justin was the one with the romantic things to say ("it was love to me" = GUH), but then Brian just sort of melted and I think I was squealing. Loudly. In my head. (I feel... junior high-schoolish and yet....) They are so... the... cutest evar!!1
And the dialogue is. Jumping! Was it always like that? They're all so adorable. Even Michael(!?... wtf? cute bonding with Hunter!) And... aww, Ted & Emmett make me sad. But not too sad, because Brian makes me happy, oh-so-happy, wah.
It's amazing how much Brian has really changed-- become more balanced... it's almost like he -glows- or something (or maybe he always did-- I mean, this -is- Brian). It's like... he's really showing affection so much more, and he seems... on top of things, except in a good way, but not an over-the-top compensating sort of way. Seriously, how can anyone not love him? He shines.
Yes, I'm a Brian whore. Wahah, I admit it! I mean, I was always saying "...but Justin!!" and now... I've seen the
EDIT - um. clearly... I spoke too soon. *gurgles & DIES!!1*
~~
And... I was also thinking about... stuff (again).
Like... do we choose who we become?
I know, it's kind of a biggie, but. I'm obsessed with it, in my own little way.
I think that's one of the things that confuse people about some stuff I say, because I think most people assume we just deal with the cards we're dealt in terms of our drives and needs and attitudes, right? And I think my unspoken assumption sometimes is that in the end, it's not a question of either nature -or- nurture, but of the choices we can make to overcome both those things. It's like... everyone has a range of potential no one can guess at, lurking within them, and it's a question of whether or not one chooses-- and believes that they're capable of choosing-- to become their better self. Choosing one's own best destiny.
So... looking at it that way... one can always at least strive to become smarter, stronger, fitter in whatever way. Or one can choose to pander to one's perceived flaws and admit defeat without much of a fight-- let the proof be in the pudding, so to speak. One can say "this is who I am", end of story, refusing to admit that identity is malleable and the future, unlike the past, is in our hands.
That's JKR's overall point, isn't it?
That's supposed to be the main difference between Harry and Draco, isn't it? That Harry chose not to accept the situations handed to him, that Harry has to learn to choose what he wants and believes in even in the face of a prophecy that is supposedly going to determine the future. What do you want to bet Harry's going to somehow subvert that prophecy, btw?
It really seems like Harry's discovery of free will is at the center of his journey.
I do believe it, I guess, so it's hypocritical to pose it as a question-- I do believe we may not choose who we are, but we can all choose who we become, and that's the important part. Maybe it's all an illusion and our lives and genetics shape us irrevocably, but without that illusion of "free will", what's worth fighting for? If our identities aren't our own in some way, if we are slaves to our pasts and our blood, where's our real identity, in the first place? Who are we if not that spark of "I will!" or "I won't!" that can define our varying potentials into a single point of belief?
(And by this measure, I really do think that Snape is a real hero in his own way, clearly. Not because he joined the "good side" or whatever, but because he chose to overcome-- while clearly retaining whatever he thought he was, at least at the surface. Neville & Ginny, ditto-- but Snape had a lot more to overcome. After all, he probably despised most of the people he was now 'joining'-- they tormented him and probably drove him to being a Death Eater in the first place! But evidently, he chose to say 'fuck them!' in the best way possible-- by living his life regardless, even though he's still pretty bitter and obsessed with the past. It's like, he only overcame just enough, but not enough to fully free himself by far.)
Perhaps that's it-- perhaps it doesn't matter whether we -can- shape our future and thus ourselves-- perhaps all that matters is that we -believe- and that faith in itself defines us. That in itself, is a fight against a self-fulfilling prophecy of a sort-- the prophecy that was given to each of us at birth-- we are where we are and when we are. Our intelligence molded by our parents and our schooling, our independence molded by the freedoms allowed to us, and our friendships and loves drawn from whoever gets to us first.
It's true that most people do live like that-- but I wouldn't say it's a sign of our intrinsic weak nature, of the necessity of it. Most people wouldn't even believe they could choose if someone told them. It seems so obvious, doesn't it? This is our lives, and what else can we do but live them? How can one imagine being outside of everything one knows, and remain oneself?
Is it possible, then, for Draco to one day realize that it's a good thing Harry Potter didn't take his hand that day? Is it possible for him to realize that Harry chose his future rather than surrendering to one he didn't want because it was the one first presented to him, just as he, Draco, could choose his?
In the books, of course, he won't-- because he's the contrast, isn't he-- he's the one who accepts the illusion of his past defining him. And yet, that's why I refuse to see him as weak-- as fated to be who he is and go down the predictable path-- that's how I want to redeem him. Even if in the books, he's not free, I want to make him free. And once that happens, the weakness, the whole issue of being in Harry's shadow, unnoticed, unloved-- it disappears. He won't need Harry or his father to love him or notice him. He may want that still, but he won't need it. He will have learned who he is, apart from others, apart from his past. Just him, Draco.
Still Malfoy, still everything he'd always been, but also different-- like a fractal that had mutated once, twice, and then a million times.
Alone, maybe-- but more importantly, a separate individual-- just Draco.
Outside of Harry's story, which had so long defined him: in his own story now.
And if he wants, he could then meet 'just Harry', or he could leave him to live his own life without needing to even say that he understands now. He won't be trapped in a codependent relationship where his needs are provided for by someone else and his holes plugged by a mix of illusion and fear and need and his future defined by someone else's vision. Because clearly, Harry has his own vision of how things "should" be and if Draco doesn't have an equally vivid one of his own, he'd always be in check.
Brian Kinney was right, though-- the best revenge is living a good life-- the life you want; otherwise you'd always be victimized by those who once hurt you or dominated your will. (And I suppose that's going to be poor Justin's lesson in life this season-- good thing he has Counselor Brian, heheh.) Checkmate, Harry Potter.
Now, maybe it's Harry who won't understand, though I hope he will, by the end.
We can all be heroes, isn't that the point? Even Brian Kinney-- or especially Brian Kinney, Selfish Bastard and clearly Slytherin extraordinaire, right? Even if just for a day. Any day we choose to be. Free to will.
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Re: *disagrees*
Date: 2004-05-24 08:43 pm (UTC)I think it one's view of canon depends on whether one wants to believe in the basic validity of Harry's pov. Like, you do & I do (to a significant extent, anyway), but if you look at it all from a viewpoint that's suspicious of Harry & Hagrid & Dumbledore & Gryffindors, these basic details in the text become... I dunno... under question.
And... even though I'm very (very!) sympathetic to the Slytherins & want to write stories about them and know more about them & redeem them somehow-- in the end, I'll buy Harry's version of history & his ideas of his motivations over any other, simply because that emotional context -is- "the story" to me as much as something more "factual" would be, like the fact that there are 4 houses in Hogwarts. Anyway, I'm just saying that as much as I totally agree with you (or you agree with me... whatever), the thing is that we're basically buying Harry's pov while
It's like, either you believe that Harry's "gut feelings" are "true" or you don't. I suppose it's good to have a healthy amount of skepticism in any case, but in the end I feel like it's more fun to trust Harry (and Dumbledore) because that's what the story wants me to do. It's the sort of leap of faith one makes while reading superhero comics too, y'know. Like, they can make horrible mistakes a lot of times, right, but "intended reader" will always kind of look through the eyes of foresight, knowing that all will be cleared in the end. You can just basically -trust- heroes. Or not trust them, if you can't identify with them and their sense of certainty in the world as they see it, whatever happens.
I suppose I identify with that sense of innate certainty-- that wild intuition that is somehow 'right' even when it falters-- in spite of everything, reality included. If anything, this isn't a 'realistic' genre in the first place, so it's not productive to judge it based on whether this is how people would "really work". So, um, I guess in "reality" (i.e., in another story with a subtly different Harry), you could say Harry was brainwashed or weakened by his environment to the point where you can't just trust him anymore than you could trust any 11 year-old kid. In 'Harry Potter', of course Harry made the instinctive right choice-- Harry -knew-, in spite of any evidence to the contrary, however unlikely. Just as we (the two of us, anyway), kind of "know" what Harry knew, in a similar sort of leap. Or something :>
Re: *disagrees*
Date: 2004-05-25 03:19 am (UTC)I am the voice of Harry Potter’s coscience. Dude, that’s a beautifully cliched sentence. Has it ever been used in a fanfic?)
Like, they can make horrible mistakes a lot of times, right, but "intended reader" will always kind of look through the eyes of foresight, knowing that all will be cleared in the end. You can just basically -trust- heroes. Or not trust them, if you can't identify with them and their sense of certainty in the world as they see it, whatever happens.
The thing is, I am in desperate need of a hero, but I am hard to please. Most of them I don’t buy – most of them disappoint me. I don’t think Harry is a hero. I think he’s going to become one.
Re: *disagrees*
Date: 2004-05-26 02:01 am (UTC)Now that I have destroyed all credibility for my ability to do a sophisticated reading of anything...
About the "validity of Harry's pov..." I see this argument all the time and grr.
While I think it sounds like a valid idea in the abstract, I don't think it usually applies if you actually consider specific text from the books. So, I feel like it becomes a way of denying canon!reality. Like... Oh, no, Draco's not a nasty, bigot, that's just *Harry's pov*. Harry just *doesn't understand*. >:O
For all that we have a 3rd person Harry-limited (except sometimes for the 1st chapters) pov, there *are* things we can take as objective facts, right? Now, I'm probably very influenced by the book-pov in making my judgments about things in the HP-universe (as I am simple like that), but I try to have some "hard evidence" to back my opinion up, evidence that isn't based on hearsay or adjectives.
(An example: take Lucius Malfoy, your favorite character ^^. You could believe he's a nasty creep because Ron says so and we hear various (often very nice) people say mean things about Slytherins and Malfoys. Not the strongest argument. Maybe he's really a nice guy if we only got to know him. But the confrontations we actually "witness" at the ends of CoS and GoF *are* really good evidence that he is very cruel, and thinks little of killing or inflicting harm upon others.)
Now, obviously, yeah, there is a bias in the book-pov. The book-pov gives us the flavor of Harry's thoughts with word choice and value-judgment descriptions, and (except for the 1st chapters), I don't think we ever see/know/notice anything (explicitly) that Harry doesn't.
But I think we can make some limited judgments, if we assume that the pov never "lies" to us about objective facts. It's not that kind of unreliable-narrator story. So, Draco *did* say, "Nobody asked your opinion, you filthy little Mudblood." Harry *did* stab the basilisk with the sword in the Chamber.
Yeah, maybe Draco saves kittens when Harry's not around, maybe he really has a crush on Hermione or is a double-agent and just has to act mean, but based on what he's done/ how he's acted... I'll agree and find Harry's opinion of him pretty spot-on, gut-instinct-inspired or no. There may be hidden facets and possibilities... (and there *are* things that maybekinda hint at potential)... so Harry's/book's-pov opinion *isn't* all-encompassing. That isn't all that Draco is. But even though it isn't all-encompassing, the book/Harry-pov-sponsored opinion can still be valid in the known areas of Draco it does consider.
Re: *disagrees*
Date: 2004-05-26 06:58 am (UTC)Now I am curious to know what characters you hated in SD.
I think you weren't referring to me, anyway, as long as I'm concerned Draco's actions are text and can't be denied. I mean, I hate victim Draco. I hate when it people twist his characterisation around to fit the blond hottie with the moral-highround stereotype. The best thing about Draco for me is that he's such a little monster, you know? I think subversion in this case just means you refuse to listen to the authorial suggestion that he deserves to be dismissed as the card-board face of new generation evil. It doesn't mean I am blaming Harry for Draco's nastiness - it just means I enjoy making up scenario where Harry can rediscover and forgive him. :)
Re: *disagrees*
Date: 2004-05-27 01:49 am (UTC)I disliked Holden as soon as I learned he'd lost the fencing team's equipment on the subway. I kept thinking about that damn equipment for the entire book... ^^;; I have some sympathy for him now, but when I read it >:O But, hey, if everyone liked the same type of guys, we'd all be in trouble.
I feel like we're going to have to get very tolerant and into celebrating difference to deal with each other's views in HP ^^;;
For SD, I saw djs of SD before I ever saw the show or read the manga. So I have no problem with silly fanon there, since that's what I fell for in the 1st place. (Although, after reading the manga, I felt there should be more AkagiXHanamichi or AotaXHanamichi, but I can see why there's not)
I don't dislike anyone... they're all kind of adorable teens. Rukawa probably annoys me the most, and I don't find him cool, but I can find him funny. I like him best when he's just being bizarre. Hm. You could probably map my protagonist/antagonist feelings about SD onto HP. (and how does this fit into SenHana-loving pastles now being into Harry/Snape? ^^)
Hm. Was Rukawa your favorite? Sakuragi? The 2 morons got equal love? Did you hate Kogure? *has bad memory*
(and is MitKo the Remus/Sirius of the SD world?)
It doesn't mean I am blaming Harry for Draco's nastiness - it just means I enjoy making up scenario where Harry can rediscover and forgive him. :)
And I want to read this scenario! You need to write some more H/D! :D
I think I just have a reflex reaction to Draco-love. I like the bitch-monster idea too. (am a h/d fan after all) It's just so often that if I read a fic that is really Draco-sympathetic or centric, I get a crappy Harry. And since I am all about the hero-love and Goodness... I get grumpy when Harry is demonized to make someone else seem cool.
Re: *disagrees*
Date: 2004-05-27 02:54 pm (UTC)I haven't finished editing the SD fics and I am having an unexpected social life this weekend, but I swear to God I'm going to send them over asap.
You should beta for me! No really! I need a tool of the Man to keep my skewed Slytherin perspective straight! :D
I was a total Hanamichi fan, man. And I couldn't stand Kogure. >:O Die, you useless grovelling passive-aggressive swine! Ahahah. Also with the self-righteousness. Mitsui/Kogure turned me off in a big way. And I am so with you on Rukawa. The best Rukawa is drooler Rukawa.
Mmh, I need a RuHana icon. I also need a "bitch, please, I am a monster" icon. And I know about [character X]-love reflexes - same thing happens with me and Neville.
icons 4 u
Date: 2004-05-27 08:22 pm (UTC)There's no real need to gussie up the fics for me, I loved 'em broken English and all, but I'm all for it if you want to.
For your icon needs:
from me (aka "tool of The Man")
Thanks!!!
Date: 2004-05-31 10:07 am (UTC)I'm sending them over as they are, then. I suppose it can be seen as a study of the evolution of writing skills... or, err, not. Oh my God, those fics are real crap, I'm threatening suicide if you pass them around. Err. Okay. If asked for it.