~~ phoenix boy....
Apr. 14th, 2004 03:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reenkaI've been reading way too much Gundam Wing again. It seems like there's more in-character 1x2 fic out there than there used to be, somehow (which isn't saying much, since it's still 98% OOC). It's kind of embarrassing, but then, I've said lots of embarrassing things, what's one more?
What I keep thinking is-- I love Heero. Yeah, the psychotic suicidal repressed martyr terrorist. I think I've a thing for martyr fighter types (and the repression goes without saying-- yum). Much as I love the bad boys and the jokers and thieves and wild ones-- it's that element of self-sacrifice and the burning of an intense inner truth that truly touches me. Frodo's like that. It occurs to me that so is Heero, too, and Harry, actually. It's their need for love and their reticence to accept it, at the same time. Inability to accept it, even.
But if he trusts... if he loves... if he believes in something-- he gives it all he has. He gives everything, holds nothing back. Whatever else is different, that always remains. This boy doesn't do half-measures.
I always love the dark, serious boy. The one who keeps things hidden without having a facade, the one who feels deeply and notices things other people don't, without becoming arrogant about it. He has this instinct to help people because of a natural understanding that not everyone could, but he could, so he should. He's the one who has so much love to give, so much need for it and so much potential, but he holds back, afraid he'll always be alone and there's no way out. Afraid that he's -meant- to be alone.
He's intensely socially awkward and angry at the world. He feels responsible for so many things, most of which aren't his fault. He's so strong and so emotionally resilient and yet so needy and vulnerable at the same time. He's not a person of many words, but he's often cutting and witty when he wants to be. He always winds up doing the things no one else can do or wants to do, that nonetheless have to be done; things that will haunt him and torture him. He's very good at torturing himself and cutting himself off from the people that love him.
People always love the jokers best, the tricksters and the pranksters, the bad boys who hide their pain behind brash charm. I love them too, but.... The dark martyr (anti)hero will always come first. It just really upsets me that they're seen as boring or predictable or less complex or sexy somehow. That boy... is always the one who's most intense. He's a flame and he's on fire. He burns. His eyes are always brilliant and fierce and dangerous. Most people don't understand that he's not an angel or a hero or a saint. He's a fool. He's a boy who's looking for his heart. I love him, I love him, I love him.
In a way, I've been a bit disturbed when I suddenly realized I love Heero this much, but then, when I realized who he reminds me of (Harry), it all made sense at last. Of course. That martyr complex strikes again~:) Oh yes, so that makes it completely perfect for Heero The Martyr to be in love with the God of Death, heheheh. (*is incorrigible*)
What I keep thinking is-- I love Heero. Yeah, the psychotic suicidal repressed martyr terrorist. I think I've a thing for martyr fighter types (and the repression goes without saying-- yum). Much as I love the bad boys and the jokers and thieves and wild ones-- it's that element of self-sacrifice and the burning of an intense inner truth that truly touches me. Frodo's like that. It occurs to me that so is Heero, too, and Harry, actually. It's their need for love and their reticence to accept it, at the same time. Inability to accept it, even.
But if he trusts... if he loves... if he believes in something-- he gives it all he has. He gives everything, holds nothing back. Whatever else is different, that always remains. This boy doesn't do half-measures.
I always love the dark, serious boy. The one who keeps things hidden without having a facade, the one who feels deeply and notices things other people don't, without becoming arrogant about it. He has this instinct to help people because of a natural understanding that not everyone could, but he could, so he should. He's the one who has so much love to give, so much need for it and so much potential, but he holds back, afraid he'll always be alone and there's no way out. Afraid that he's -meant- to be alone.
He's intensely socially awkward and angry at the world. He feels responsible for so many things, most of which aren't his fault. He's so strong and so emotionally resilient and yet so needy and vulnerable at the same time. He's not a person of many words, but he's often cutting and witty when he wants to be. He always winds up doing the things no one else can do or wants to do, that nonetheless have to be done; things that will haunt him and torture him. He's very good at torturing himself and cutting himself off from the people that love him.
People always love the jokers best, the tricksters and the pranksters, the bad boys who hide their pain behind brash charm. I love them too, but.... The dark martyr (anti)hero will always come first. It just really upsets me that they're seen as boring or predictable or less complex or sexy somehow. That boy... is always the one who's most intense. He's a flame and he's on fire. He burns. His eyes are always brilliant and fierce and dangerous. Most people don't understand that he's not an angel or a hero or a saint. He's a fool. He's a boy who's looking for his heart. I love him, I love him, I love him.
In a way, I've been a bit disturbed when I suddenly realized I love Heero this much, but then, when I realized who he reminds me of (Harry), it all made sense at last. Of course. That martyr complex strikes again~:) Oh yes, so that makes it completely perfect for Heero The Martyr to be in love with the God of Death, heheheh. (*is incorrigible*)
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Date: 2004-04-14 02:37 am (UTC)I like Trowa. Especially Mitsu's & Maldoror's Trowa... but... eh, I never really got a good enough sense of him from fic and my canon knowledge is waaaay old. What I do know is that he's -too- delicate. I didn't mean to emphasize the delicacy-- what's important is that combination of delicacy and fire/passion/violence (I think they're connected in my head). So yes, Heero's a violent bastard, but that just means he's more explosive, more... conflicted in a dramatic way. He's pure but he -struggles- with himself more than Trowa does, who's more accepting of his state of being, it seems to me. More... dead inside? Though compared to Heero, rocks seem alive, but anyway. Heh.
I have very particular definitions of things and I didn't mean to claim that I was describing canon!Heero, but I don't think I was describing fanon!Heero either 'cause... well, for one, there -is- no one GW fanon since they bastardize even themselves. Heh. It's like, there -is- no purity to their characterizations. Every good characterization of him seems to reinvent Heero a little.
I was never crazy about GW canon. It's funny 'cause GW is just one of those fandoms where you don't need to know/remember a whole lot to read fic in it-- this is, of course, why I read so much fic to start with.
That is to say, I -hate- mecha shows of -any- kind or supposed depth. It's really funny I liked RahXephon the way I did. Then again, that was all artsy, y'know. I like my space opera more with the psy-powers and space exploration and aliens and weird concepts than mecha and robots and techno-babble stuff. eh. Then again, I'm only vaguely into hard sci-fi :>