~~ 1x2x5 is a crowd

[reenka]

The problem with threesome relationships-- in fics, anyway-- is that they're inherently unstable, I think, sort of like a table with three legs or something. And it occurred to me that most fics I've glanced at try to eliminate this problem by attempting to convince the reader that the relationship -is-, in fact, stable, and that all parties want/love/need (are "in love with") each other equally, and have strong bonds in all directions. Which, I guess I refuse to believe on some basic intuition. Romantic/sexual love is just fundamentally, almost biologically a pair bond, and that's all there is to it, though people can feel it (and be torn) in different directions at once, paradoxically-- but that breaks up under such stress.

But... what if the fic capitalized on this inherent imbalance instead? You could, theoretically, write about a three-way bond that -wasn't- equal, which would work if the people involved were okay with that. Like... there would be a central couple who had the dominant pair-bond, and the third person who largely had strong ties of friendship to both, and most probably more intense ties of friendship/lust to one. It's imperative this third person not be -in love- with either of the other two, I think.

In this scenario, the third person would then be included from time to time, as sort of a frequent visitor. It has to be natural, of course, and I think it would be important that no official commitment be involved. Most of all, normal ties of friendship (a couple being friends with one particular person) would have to be maintained. This third person would have to be single and not looking for serious attachments at the time. And this isn't "swinging", either-- that's important too. This is just that... they all want to and are just that comfortable with each other. I wish I could remember the single H/R/Hr fic that ever did this.

In fact, it seems to be that this is how I see the obvious possible threesomes in several fandoms I know. Ron/Hermione/Harry, for one (Harry being the odd one out). Gundam Wing has possibilities, -maybe-, with Heero/Duo/Wu Fei (though, well, Wu Fei is so... straight). It's veeerry distantly possible with Buffy/Spike/Angel but I don't think so, actually, because they're all way too possessive. There -has- to be someone who'll back off while retaining ties to avoid trauma. *sigh* Anyway, dunno about real life, but. I just really wish people would stop it with the "and then all three of them lived happily ever after" fics :/

Comments

[lasultrix.livejournal.com]

You know, that imbalance thing could definitely work.
I once had this strange drunken evening with a couple I'm good friends with, where both of them were trying to get me to kiss the guy and eventually succeeded after pouring a truly phenomenal amount of drink down my throat, and if we were all more attracted to each other than we actually are, that thing you describe could have resulted. The dynamic would sort of have been ready-made.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

In a way, I can't help but believe that if there -was- a significant amount of attraction rather than friendship, all the attendant confusion would've come with it, though. Attraction always messes with the head. It's hard to keep up friendships in the face of it, 'cause everyone's good sense and reasonableness wavers in the face of hormones. I guess it's not enough to just be friends-- you'd have to be -really- good friends. Otherwise the friendship wouldn't be able to survive the amount of attraction needed to sleep with someone when one's not drunk.

At least, that is my very uneducated guess :> haha
...I'm such a psychology witchdoctor, I really am :>

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

You have perfectly described why F/M/P works so well. (Frodo/Merry/Pippin) Not only is Frodo the outsider, frequent visitor to M/P, but he has a nice effect on that couple. People often give them a creepy vibe, but when Frodo's introduced they seem to behave themselves.:-)

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Heheh, that's prolly the most healthy threesome I can think of~:) I think it really helps that they're all guys, too. Gives it more of a stable feeling. I think that mixed-sex threesomes are much more unstable, y'know? 'Cause there are immediate orientation issues springing up from that in my mind. Plus I'm always, always gonna be like, forget the girl!!! FORGET THE GIRL!! YOU KNOW YOU WANT THE BIG GAY SEX ALL THE TIME!!1 *coughs*

Maybe it also helps that the odd one out (Harry, Frodo... um... yes) isn't as... emotional/effusive as the other two, is more restrained in their sexual urges/needs. I dunno. It's like-- it really helps being um... stunted in this case. Or something -.-

I just don't like threesomes. That is the ugly truth~:) If an OTP is invovled, then I'll just be jealous and if it's not I'll be bored. There's no solution :>

[mhari.livejournal.com]

Interesting.

I've *written* threesome fic, and while I would really *like* to make it nice and fuzzy and stable, it's effing hard to do. Most people aren't that balanced. Most people who interest me, anyway ;)

There was the one story arc -- in that there was the established couple, pretty comfortable with each other already, and then there was the Other Guy, and they made it work for a while, but eventually the Other Guy decided he was superfluous and didn't want to be.

Which it seems like it would be a pretty common scenario. It's easy to feel left out, especially if you are The New Person.

tiamatschild writes really really nice fic -- in Les Miserables, which is my fandom, yes I know don't look at me like that -- in which there's three of them and they're happy and it's believable. I don't know how she does it, except that theirloveismoreorlesscanon and -- the guys have a different dynamic with each other than they do with the girl, and they're all really easygoing people.

Then there's the... er, pairing? ... that I call my OT3 but that I've yet to actually write particularly well. 'course it doesn't help that one member is canonically an uptight virgin, but I digress.

I don't comment much, but I really like your rambling :)

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you're kinda talking about the usual run of threesome fics. Sigh. The Couple Plus scenario, where the other person is extra, but in a bad way, a way that lends itself to being "fixed" by some sort of ridiculous happy ending. I just think it's all useless if the other person is an -attachment-. They have to be a -branch-, to work. Y'know, organic. Which implies a long-standing friendship to me.

Maybe the reason my mind seems to insist on a strong foundation of pre-existing friendship being necessary is because one becomes balanced or in tune with one's friends after a while, much more than with a lover. Like, if you're friends for like, 5 years or so... all 3 of you, or just one person with 2 other people or one of the 2 other people or whatever... then there are intrinsic balances there already, maybe. Lust leads to jealousy & possessiveness and need and selfishness, that's what it is, I think. Even "easygoing" people want what's -theirs-, at least on that basic level of "my mate".

I think I'd like a threesome fic more if it wasn't happy. Like, why does it need to idyllic? Is it because the threesome writers are defending themselves against the skepticism of the couple-fic writers & readers? Heh. Unconsciously, I mean.

I think I'd like the odd one out to be one of the spare sex-- that is to say, if it's two guys, I'd want the odd one out ot be the guy, and if it's two girls, I'd want the odd one out to be a girl. At least there's not the complication of orientation confusion there, anyway. Like, it'd be too easy for the person (guy) to wake up one day and go "duuude, I'm so gay". I dunno, I'm just paranoid, maybe. I also don't know why sex has to be involved in these dynamics, necessarily. Especially since one's desire for one's single partner fades with time... it just gives me a headache imagining what'd happen when it was stretched thin like that. I dunno.

On the one hand, instinctively, one feels like "well, there's your 'gay' urges and your 'straight' urges", but that just seems... eh. Like someone's default view of bisexuality or something. it disturbs me. I don't think I'd need a girl for sex if I attached myself to a guy (being bi) anymore than I'd need another guy. But that's just me & I can be a monogamous freak at times.

And hehe, thanks :D I get embarrassed of rambling continuously, but I can't seem to... stop ^^;;

[pookayasha.livejournal.com]

I found this whole post very interesting. The psychology of what you described is rather perfect, I think. Even in something is silly as basic friendships, people are generally pulled in through stronger ties to another person rather than equal enjoyment of all the people present. Its very rare to find three or more friends who like each other equally and enjoy each others company equally.

It also reminded me of way back when I'd read almost any Harry/Draco story written and I actually had to stop reading one half way through because a Sue character developed a "triad" (threesome) relationship with her, Sirius and Remus. I swear, I broke out in hives everytime they appeared. What got to me was that the relationship was presented as they all needed each other so desperately and equally that if two of them were together and the third wasn't there, it was too painful to be together at all. I thought that was so painfully unrealistic and trite.

I've gotten to the point where I avoid threesomes because, while messy fun and interesting, tend to be more trouble than they are worth. It would be utterly wonderful to find a story like the one you described. I think really that's the only time a threesome could work because this needing everyone equally is so very not true.

- Jessi

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

I'm semi-proud to say I've never actually read a Mary Sue fic. heh. I dunno how people bear them, really. I usually can tell it's that bad from the description and prefer not to find out for sure. Then again, a lot of supposedly m/m fics are full of writer-inserts of one sort or another. *sigh* So many pet peeves, so little time.
But anyway... yeah. Maybe it's just that people yearn for perfection in any fictional relationship-- whether it's 2 or 3 people-- and it's just more obviously ridiculous with 3 people while it's also rather unlikely with 2 :> But still, it seems to me that threesomes tend to be written more blatantly unrealistically for some reason... I don't know why. Maybe the people who write them already accept the lack of realism in the whole idea and just treat it as a kink or a plot-device to get a hot sex scene going...? Heh.

I've actually read fics where I could see myself seeing a friendship one of the main characters has with another, tertiary character, turned into something more without the usual jealousy and love triangle and relationship issues. Just... because it would be fun, maybe. Gratifying on some level. Possibly, it's just that human beings always blwo everything out of proportion, most times, anyway. So like... it's famously way too easy to ruin friendships with sex. That's probably why it doesn't happen. Friends don't have semi-casual sex with their friends, -especially- if they're in a relationship. Ha. The very idea is funny, actually. I mean, if they do, it's usually 'cause there's either problems in the relationship of some sort or because they've got commitment issues. *sigh* Like, why would the couple want to, if they're so happy together, right? And it's -really- hard to avoid jealousy.

I actually know next to nothing about this, since I barely read past a chapter of any threesome fic. But. Heh.
I'm glad it made sense on some level~:)

~reena