... i am reena's pent-up isolationism.

[reenka]

I've suddenly decided that my perfect Snape pairing (and I'm a Snape no-shipper) is Snape/Lily. At least... I think that comes the closest to being a sort of "what I think would make him happiest" kinda thing. It really sucks that it's impossible. I can't quite tell if this is just me being complementary-pairing obsessive again (yes it is, I know), but I can't help it. She fits really well with James, too, but James needs her less, I think. I'd actually read an AU where everything was different 'cause Snape -did- get Lily & so didn't join the Death Eaters & James was bitter. What would happen if James was really bitter 'cause Snivellus got Lily? I mean, dude. But then... I dunno. Few people in the fandom channel their ambition towards AUs. Woe.

I love the idea of him calling her "Evans". Okay, so it's shades of Spike calling Buffy "Summers" in my mind. Last-name-calling by cranky sharp-tongued boys is of the sexy. See, she's all fiery & no-bullshit and he's all prickly-grey & disdainful and they'd really set off sparks. Snape & Harry isn't the same at all, 'cause the power dynamic messes everything up. I'm not sure it's possible to be complementary with an unequal power dynamic. Probably. But Harry isn't deferential and neither is Snape, and they can't really ever get over their circumstances entirely, can they? And... Snape is already so bitter. It's really hard when people are adult to undo all that damage.

Anyway, this was inspired by reading the summary/beginning of isiscolo's fic. I was like, yes! Except maybe without the Snape/James? I dunno. That just complicates everything till my mind can't hold it. Although, I did have this idea for a fic where the Marauders are a basically a love quadrangle with Snape woven in. And then there's Lily. So it's more of a love hexagon :D :D

It's kind of silly, though, 'cause once you start replacing friendship with romance, you start slashing ever-growing cliques of people. I mean, you could do it, and you could even say it exists as subtext in real-life groups of people (i.e., three-to-six friends all crushing on each other)... but it doesn't -work-. I mean, nothing generally comes of it, so. That's why I don't really ship H/R/Hr or anything. People are so complex, it's almost scary. It's hard to tell, in real life, what's "really liking" (in retrospect) and what was actually a sublimated crush. I think one could argue I "liked"-liked at least half my friends (probably -all- to some degree), but what's the use of it?

No, I didn't have a point, no.

I was going to say something about my strange relationship to the idea of "them". And how "there is no them", and how I've always struggled with my own individuality and feeling "different" and needing to see people as actually -like- me and then being disappointed and. I dunno. People-- groups-- come in and out of focus for me. Sometimes I see everyone as individuals, and as -like- me, and sometimes everything gets blurry and no one understands and everyone's stupid except "you and you". I can never get comfortable with people, with how I see the world differently, with how I'm not always understood but I can never stop trying. It's always this angsty thing where I want to get to the bottom of it and be comfortable in my own skin, and it never quite -works-, so maybe I end up alienating people when I articulate that 'cause it sounds like I mean I'm better when I say I'm different, whereas I'm not even sure I'm different except I feel it.

I think I could write outsiders pretty easily-- Pansy, Draco, even Marauders!Snape, maybe even Harry-- but people who have close friends and are okay with them and fit -in- just sort of puzzle me. It's like... I think I don't quite understand that situation where you're -one- but also one-of-several. You're not -them-, you're -us-. What's "us"? I understand me and -you- and I understand me and "all of you", but "us"? That just sort of sticks in my throat and makes me choke.

And that was just way too... something, wasn't it.

Comments

[notuilion.livejournal.com]

For someone who doesn't ship H/R/Hr, you explain it pretty well. *grin* They fit each others' psychoses, and that's really all you can ask for sometimes.

And yeah, Hermione is interesting in her own right, even if most of fandom forgets that (along with JKR it seems). She has a certain unconscious authority. She's smart, she knows when she's right, and it's not that she's trying to lead so much as that others choose to follow. She hasn't fully grown into it yet, but I see that in her. Hermione is very 'alpha.' She's going to question anyone lesser than herself, she's not really going to follow them, only happen to be going in the same direction for a while. I think she likes having Harry around, and will grow to like it more because it's a way of stepping back from the limelight and the responsibility for a while. After all, Harry's not always a lesser being...

I also see Ron and Hermione as having a certain bond from being "the sidekicks." If they get together in a relationship, the balance of power shifts. It's more them-and-Harry, and less a Trio. A lot of people seem to see that as a rift, a possibility of breaking up the group even, with Harry getting left out. Occasionally, someone writes it such that Harry's still the center of the universe, able to overpower both of them together. I think there's a balance point though, where Ron/Hermione and Harry are equal, and that's my mental starting point for really liking H/R/Hr.

For all that tripods are very stable in the land of physics, relationship-wise, trios generally start off weird and unbalanced. There's always stronger and weaker links, and you never know whether the weaker links are going to pull even with the stronger links, or break. But if you take people who've known one another a long time like that, then superimpose the friendship and the love/lust, it's easier to keep the totals balanced or close to balanced. In a long-term relationship sense, I can see almost as many ways for the Trio to work as not. And I find it appealing because they're Gryffindors. I mean, Slytherin trios would be dishonest, tricksy, and so not out of the closet about it. Thus presenting no moral dilemma to anyone.

Okay, now I'm really rambling. Leaving piles of random meta in your journal and all. Stopping now before I get way off track. Forgive me?

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

I guess personally, I just accept that relationships will change, and that's inevitable. I think Harry & Ron & Hermione will all change in the actual books, and Harry has already done that, begun separating himself from Ron & Hermione. It's sad, but it has to happen, I think. Their relationship can't stay the same because it's based on roles, and people's roles always change, especially during adolescence, especially during such a turbulent social period. Harry has to get darker, Ron has to get more power, Hermione... I don't know, I think Hermione will always be the Voice of Reason, but she has to make mistakes, and Harry has to stop listening to her, too. Story-wise, it's the only thing that makes for actual character development.

I'm not saying I think they'll "break up" or whatever, but they do have to become independent functioning adults who don't depend on each other & trust their own judgement. I think their relationship and dynamic will change & what people don't realize is that that's a -good- thing.

They were what they needed to be at the time they needed it, and that's all anyone can -say- for themselves & their friendships. And yes, people change and friendships still survive, but the friendships have to change too. And I think the lover thing... well, it's nice in theory, but it's... I don't see it as being realistic or even healthy for them. They're so young. They're what they knew from the beginning, and they have all this -baggage- and if that doesn't work out it could ruin their friendship and devastate them -utterly-, leaving them all with -nothing- to fall back on.

They're not "people", y'know? They're barely teenagers-- they're going to be 17, yes, by the end, and they all had to grow up way too fast, but sexuality is just so overwhelming and confusing for all of them already, and they don't communicate -that- well. They don't even communicate well enough for Ron & Hermione to have admitted to each other they want each other and -that's- been a lot more obvious than any real attraction between Ron&Harry or Harry&Hermione, which has to be even -more- sublimated if it exists. They're just really asexual and tentative & I don't see them being that comfortable with each other & they're likely to get -less- comfortable together as the hormones rise, not -more-.

Ron is also very competitive & I don't see him sharing Hermione with Harry sexually at all. I think he'd be a very very jealous boyfriend, and I don't think Harry is sensitive enough to tread carefully where that's concerned. Moreover, I -really- don't see a sexual bond between Harry&Hermione, and if it existed I think it'd just confuse them both & Harry -also- seems to want to separate friendship and romance at the moment. Foraging "outside the nest" ('cause basically, Ron and Hermione are -family- to him) is natural behavior, and that's what he's been exhibiting-- I think not going after Ginny in any way is also part of that. I think H/R/Hr is pretty much incestuous, even though I've written it (sort of) & I don't dislike it. Still, incestuous vibes are unhealthy, generally.

As far as balance...they need a new balance. Yes, they'll grow more distant & they won't be "the Trio" anymore, but they'll still be a -team-. They're not like some three-headed beast that can't function separately or anything-- they're -friends-, not... I dunno... three-part soulmates or what have you-- hopefully they're -real people-, and real people are separate beings who need to have balance within themselves, -alone-, to grow up. (cont....)

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Harry is already separating himself, too, he does't need R&Hr getting together to push him off-- Sirius's death & Dumbledore's betrayal and the war are quite enough to make him retreat into himself. He needs new experiences, too, they all do. It'd be good for them. I know I do ship R/Hr, but I doubt they'll really happen in the books, though we'll probably see the beginnings of it, mostly 'cause I don't expect JKR to get off her plot/mystery shtick long enough to actually write romance (which needs room) and also 'cause this is Harry pov. But of course, fanfic doesn't need to hold with what'll happen in canon, most likely or not-so-likely, so it's all moot.

I'm all about the balnnce, man, but. Friendship is its own special thing. It's precious and necessary and without it, if romance fails, what have you got? Harry doesn't need to fuck anyone, not anytime soon (not canon!Harry), but he does need people he trusts. I just have issues with H/R/Hr, though for some reason I'm all about inter-slashing the Marauders. It might have something to do with the fact that I seriously ship H/D & R/Hr like a madwoman. Maaayyyybe ;)