... i am reena's pent-up isolationism.
Feb. 11th, 2004 08:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reenkaI've suddenly decided that my perfect Snape pairing (and I'm a Snape no-shipper) is Snape/Lily. At least... I think that comes the closest to being a sort of "what I think would make him happiest" kinda thing. It really sucks that it's impossible. I can't quite tell if this is just me being complementary-pairing obsessive again (yes it is, I know), but I can't help it. She fits really well with James, too, but James needs her less, I think. I'd actually read an AU where everything was different 'cause Snape -did- get Lily & so didn't join the Death Eaters & James was bitter. What would happen if James was really bitter 'cause Snivellus got Lily? I mean, dude. But then... I dunno. Few people in the fandom channel their ambition towards AUs. Woe.
I love the idea of him calling her "Evans". Okay, so it's shades of Spike calling Buffy "Summers" in my mind. Last-name-calling by cranky sharp-tongued boys is of the sexy. See, she's all fiery & no-bullshit and he's all prickly-grey & disdainful and they'd really set off sparks. Snape & Harry isn't the same at all, 'cause the power dynamic messes everything up. I'm not sure it's possible to be complementary with an unequal power dynamic. Probably. But Harry isn't deferential and neither is Snape, and they can't really ever get over their circumstances entirely, can they? And... Snape is already so bitter. It's really hard when people are adult to undo all that damage.
Anyway, this was inspired by reading the summary/beginning of![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
isiscolo's fic. I was like, yes! Except maybe without the Snape/James? I dunno. That just complicates everything till my mind can't hold it. Although, I did have this idea for a fic where the Marauders are a basically a love quadrangle with Snape woven in. And then there's Lily. So it's more of a love hexagon :D :D
It's kind of silly, though, 'cause once you start replacing friendship with romance, you start slashing ever-growing cliques of people. I mean, you could do it, and you could even say it exists as subtext in real-life groups of people (i.e., three-to-six friends all crushing on each other)... but it doesn't -work-. I mean, nothing generally comes of it, so. That's why I don't really ship H/R/Hr or anything. People are so complex, it's almost scary. It's hard to tell, in real life, what's "really liking" (in retrospect) and what was actually a sublimated crush. I think one could argue I "liked"-liked at least half my friends (probably -all- to some degree), but what's the use of it?
No, I didn't have a point, no.
I was going to say something about my strange relationship to the idea of "them". And how "there is no them", and how I've always struggled with my own individuality and feeling "different" and needing to see people as actually -like- me and then being disappointed and. I dunno. People-- groups-- come in and out of focus for me. Sometimes I see everyone as individuals, and as -like- me, and sometimes everything gets blurry and no one understands and everyone's stupid except "you and you". I can never get comfortable with people, with how I see the world differently, with how I'm not always understood but I can never stop trying. It's always this angsty thing where I want to get to the bottom of it and be comfortable in my own skin, and it never quite -works-, so maybe I end up alienating people when I articulate that 'cause it sounds like I mean I'm better when I say I'm different, whereas I'm not even sure I'm different except I feel it.
I think I could write outsiders pretty easily-- Pansy, Draco, even Marauders!Snape, maybe even Harry-- but people who have close friends and are okay with them and fit -in- just sort of puzzle me. It's like... I think I don't quite understand that situation where you're -one- but also one-of-several. You're not -them-, you're -us-. What's "us"? I understand me and -you- and I understand me and "all of you", but "us"? That just sort of sticks in my throat and makes me choke.
And that was just way too... something, wasn't it.
I love the idea of him calling her "Evans". Okay, so it's shades of Spike calling Buffy "Summers" in my mind. Last-name-calling by cranky sharp-tongued boys is of the sexy. See, she's all fiery & no-bullshit and he's all prickly-grey & disdainful and they'd really set off sparks. Snape & Harry isn't the same at all, 'cause the power dynamic messes everything up. I'm not sure it's possible to be complementary with an unequal power dynamic. Probably. But Harry isn't deferential and neither is Snape, and they can't really ever get over their circumstances entirely, can they? And... Snape is already so bitter. It's really hard when people are adult to undo all that damage.
Anyway, this was inspired by reading the summary/beginning of
isiscolo's fic. I was like, yes! Except maybe without the Snape/James? I dunno. That just complicates everything till my mind can't hold it. Although, I did have this idea for a fic where the Marauders are a basically a love quadrangle with Snape woven in. And then there's Lily. So it's more of a love hexagon :D :DIt's kind of silly, though, 'cause once you start replacing friendship with romance, you start slashing ever-growing cliques of people. I mean, you could do it, and you could even say it exists as subtext in real-life groups of people (i.e., three-to-six friends all crushing on each other)... but it doesn't -work-. I mean, nothing generally comes of it, so. That's why I don't really ship H/R/Hr or anything. People are so complex, it's almost scary. It's hard to tell, in real life, what's "really liking" (in retrospect) and what was actually a sublimated crush. I think one could argue I "liked"-liked at least half my friends (probably -all- to some degree), but what's the use of it?
No, I didn't have a point, no.
I was going to say something about my strange relationship to the idea of "them". And how "there is no them", and how I've always struggled with my own individuality and feeling "different" and needing to see people as actually -like- me and then being disappointed and. I dunno. People-- groups-- come in and out of focus for me. Sometimes I see everyone as individuals, and as -like- me, and sometimes everything gets blurry and no one understands and everyone's stupid except "you and you". I can never get comfortable with people, with how I see the world differently, with how I'm not always understood but I can never stop trying. It's always this angsty thing where I want to get to the bottom of it and be comfortable in my own skin, and it never quite -works-, so maybe I end up alienating people when I articulate that 'cause it sounds like I mean I'm better when I say I'm different, whereas I'm not even sure I'm different except I feel it.
I think I could write outsiders pretty easily-- Pansy, Draco, even Marauders!Snape, maybe even Harry-- but people who have close friends and are okay with them and fit -in- just sort of puzzle me. It's like... I think I don't quite understand that situation where you're -one- but also one-of-several. You're not -them-, you're -us-. What's "us"? I understand me and -you- and I understand me and "all of you", but "us"? That just sort of sticks in my throat and makes me choke.
And that was just way too... something, wasn't it.
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Date: 2004-02-13 12:06 am (UTC)Harry is already separating himself, too, he does't need R&Hr getting together to push him off-- Sirius's death & Dumbledore's betrayal and the war are quite enough to make him retreat into himself. He needs new experiences, too, they all do. It'd be good for them. I know I do ship R/Hr, but I doubt they'll really happen in the books, though we'll probably see the beginnings of it, mostly 'cause I don't expect JKR to get off her plot/mystery shtick long enough to actually write romance (which needs room) and also 'cause this is Harry pov. But of course, fanfic doesn't need to hold with what'll happen in canon, most likely or not-so-likely, so it's all moot.
I'm all about the balnnce, man, but. Friendship is its own special thing. It's precious and necessary and without it, if romance fails, what have you got? Harry doesn't need to fuck anyone, not anytime soon (not canon!Harry), but he does need people he trusts. I just have issues with H/R/Hr, though for some reason I'm all about inter-slashing the Marauders. It might have something to do with the fact that I seriously ship H/D & R/Hr like a madwoman. Maaayyyybe ;)