~~ my 22 cents on fb
Dec. 6th, 2003 08:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
reenkaIn regards to what Sara said about wanting feedback if someone recs one of her fics, I realized that I've never actually seriously articulated how I feel about feedback, really, besides "I want more". I don't think I -do- want more, not in terms of general numbers. I want more from the writers I admire, especially if they've got me friended here, eheheh.
Personally, it all makes me feel good of course, and if there's a lot of it, I feel sort of godly there for awhile, but what really makes me -happy- is to know that people I like/admire/am friends with -read- it (and hopefully liked it). Actual feedback can get tiring to always reply to, and sometimes I don't know what to say, and it's embarrassing; what really warms me lately is knowing that there is someone whose attention/opinion -matters- to me, reading what I wrote. I mean, I write for me, but this is fandom, too, so I write for my own personal fandom. Which is to say, people I myself read and who basically make up my fannish world-- people who've inspired me to write H/D by writing it themselves, say.
So yeah. If someone I respect the intelligence and perceptive abilities of says they dug something, I can just assume they got what I was saying, and I feel all happy and glowy. Nothing is as brilliant as an actual in-depth review, but very very few people do that, so eh. I just want to be -read-, 'cause that's still such a new thing to me. Usually, it's a surprise to know that while I get say, 5 responses, more than 5 people have read it. I would -guess- so, but I never really believe it in my heart, somehow. So if someone recs me, I'm like, ah! You -read- it! You read it?? You read it!! OMG YOU READ IT!!1
I used to seriously wonder if some people read my fics, 'cause, you know, my friends list was so cool & I added a lot of people whose writing I -worshipped-, so it's like, too much to ever expect people of such monumental coolness would deign to read my fics. Then again, I don't want fangirls so much as fellow writers who'd know where I'm coming from, who'd tell me I did okay this time. Otherwise, it would be enough just to know I'm read. I mean, if I get 5 comments, I'm happy 'cause that means those 5 people have read the fic and if no one else did, well, at least there's them. Five is a good audience. But I still want my friends' opinions, positive or negative or "eh". I mean, enjoying it's good, of course. I'll buy that~:)
I think I'm just obsessed with some sort of lame idea about a writers' circle, a fellowship even. I think some people are -entertained- or -encouraged- by feedback, whereas I'm entertained by writing and encouraged by betas (if I have them). In terms of readers, I've always been obsessed with the idea of the "right" audience. I always knew I wasn't a "wide audience" sort of writer, so the people I felt understood me were especially precious. And a part of me thinks that if I dig -their- writing and our minds seem to work on a similar frequency, then it's their readership that I really want/need. So basically, this is me saying: if I've ever fangirled/enthusiastically feedbacked you, then I desperately almost always want to know what you think, but I'd be equally happy to know you read me at all ('cause otherwise I'd assume you don't). If you're a stranger, then it'd be nice to know for sure you read me, but I'm glad to just release my story into the wide blue yonder and let y'all have it for yourselves, as far as your personal relationship with fics goes. Dunno if this is a unique or interesting position, but there you have it.
...And if this sounds like a shameless-hussy plea for feedback from some of you, well, er.... You would not be wrong. ^^; *coughs, exits*
Personally, it all makes me feel good of course, and if there's a lot of it, I feel sort of godly there for awhile, but what really makes me -happy- is to know that people I like/admire/am friends with -read- it (and hopefully liked it). Actual feedback can get tiring to always reply to, and sometimes I don't know what to say, and it's embarrassing; what really warms me lately is knowing that there is someone whose attention/opinion -matters- to me, reading what I wrote. I mean, I write for me, but this is fandom, too, so I write for my own personal fandom. Which is to say, people I myself read and who basically make up my fannish world-- people who've inspired me to write H/D by writing it themselves, say.
So yeah. If someone I respect the intelligence and perceptive abilities of says they dug something, I can just assume they got what I was saying, and I feel all happy and glowy. Nothing is as brilliant as an actual in-depth review, but very very few people do that, so eh. I just want to be -read-, 'cause that's still such a new thing to me. Usually, it's a surprise to know that while I get say, 5 responses, more than 5 people have read it. I would -guess- so, but I never really believe it in my heart, somehow. So if someone recs me, I'm like, ah! You -read- it! You read it?? You read it!! OMG YOU READ IT!!1
I used to seriously wonder if some people read my fics, 'cause, you know, my friends list was so cool & I added a lot of people whose writing I -worshipped-, so it's like, too much to ever expect people of such monumental coolness would deign to read my fics. Then again, I don't want fangirls so much as fellow writers who'd know where I'm coming from, who'd tell me I did okay this time. Otherwise, it would be enough just to know I'm read. I mean, if I get 5 comments, I'm happy 'cause that means those 5 people have read the fic and if no one else did, well, at least there's them. Five is a good audience. But I still want my friends' opinions, positive or negative or "eh". I mean, enjoying it's good, of course. I'll buy that~:)
I think I'm just obsessed with some sort of lame idea about a writers' circle, a fellowship even. I think some people are -entertained- or -encouraged- by feedback, whereas I'm entertained by writing and encouraged by betas (if I have them). In terms of readers, I've always been obsessed with the idea of the "right" audience. I always knew I wasn't a "wide audience" sort of writer, so the people I felt understood me were especially precious. And a part of me thinks that if I dig -their- writing and our minds seem to work on a similar frequency, then it's their readership that I really want/need. So basically, this is me saying: if I've ever fangirled/enthusiastically feedbacked you, then I desperately almost always want to know what you think, but I'd be equally happy to know you read me at all ('cause otherwise I'd assume you don't). If you're a stranger, then it'd be nice to know for sure you read me, but I'm glad to just release my story into the wide blue yonder and let y'all have it for yourselves, as far as your personal relationship with fics goes. Dunno if this is a unique or interesting position, but there you have it.
...And if this sounds like a shameless-hussy plea for feedback from some of you, well, er.... You would not be wrong. ^^; *coughs, exits*
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no subject
Date: 2003-12-07 10:35 am (UTC)I appreciate the people who understood a story in some measure of the way I intended it, whether they're random or not. I easily become friends with those I hadn't known before who do seem to "get it", too. So I'm not really closed to new things in this respect... it's just a matter of what I go in -wanting- and hoping for when I post a fic in the first place-- what motivates me to post (as opposed to write). I hope that person A, B, C and E will say something. Everything else is a nice bonus, but it's -them- that I have an on-going conversation of sorts with, even if only in my mind.
This is a -me- thing, y'know? I want feedback, but I'm the opposite of the people who beg for it and crave it and repeatedly say so. I don't look -down- on strangers' feedback, it's just that I don't know I want it until someone actually says something I wanted to hear, y'know. I've been disappointed in the ability of people to understand my writing over and over and over and over and over and over (and over) again. That's my fault-- my writing has long been sloppily obscure and lost in its own language. But it's left me with a certain distrust of people in general & their ability to appreciate anything I could create. It's not good to distrust this way, but it's not really an insult so much as a defensive mechanism on my part.
I'm perfectly fine with not getting feedback from people at large-- I don't even know/believe/assume those people -exist-, as I was trying to say. I don't even assume they read it, why would I want feedback?
That said, I -have- repeatedly written things other than H/D NC17 stuff. I've written a Draco/Pansy character piece, a Hermione character piece, Ron/Ginny twice, a Draco character piece, Draco/Zacharias, a PG H/D comedy or two, all within the past several months or so. No one reads those, though :> Well, pretty much no one, anyway. I have a longish Harry-centric post-OoTP longfic in progress which I'll pimp to the gen people if I can figure out how or where, and a Draco/Snape in progress which prolly no one will read but
As far as my last posted fic-- I wrote it because of you, kind of. You said you preferred gen to NC17 and wished there was more gen and less porn, so I set out to write as close to NC17 with gen sensibilities as I could, just on a whim, to see if I could do it. I dare myself a lot. But anyway, it came out sort of weird.... thoughtful porn. I dunno if I was successful. I'd need a longfic, with plot and then some porn-- but then, that's what I want out of fic in general, though it's hard to find. In short-short form, it was just sort of cerebral porn, ahahaha. Oh well.