~~ my 22 cents on fb

[reenka]

In regards to what Sara said about wanting feedback if someone recs one of her fics, I realized that I've never actually seriously articulated how I feel about feedback, really, besides "I want more". I don't think I -do- want more, not in terms of general numbers. I want more from the writers I admire, especially if they've got me friended here, eheheh.

Personally, it all makes me feel good of course, and if there's a lot of it, I feel sort of godly there for awhile, but what really makes me -happy- is to know that people I like/admire/am friends with -read- it (and hopefully liked it). Actual feedback can get tiring to always reply to, and sometimes I don't know what to say, and it's embarrassing; what really warms me lately is knowing that there is someone whose attention/opinion -matters- to me, reading what I wrote. I mean, I write for me, but this is fandom, too, so I write for my own personal fandom. Which is to say, people I myself read and who basically make up my fannish world-- people who've inspired me to write H/D by writing it themselves, say.

So yeah. If someone I respect the intelligence and perceptive abilities of says they dug something, I can just assume they got what I was saying, and I feel all happy and glowy. Nothing is as brilliant as an actual in-depth review, but very very few people do that, so eh. I just want to be -read-, 'cause that's still such a new thing to me. Usually, it's a surprise to know that while I get say, 5 responses, more than 5 people have read it. I would -guess- so, but I never really believe it in my heart, somehow. So if someone recs me, I'm like, ah! You -read- it! You read it?? You read it!! OMG YOU READ IT!!1

I used to seriously wonder if some people read my fics, 'cause, you know, my friends list was so cool & I added a lot of people whose writing I -worshipped-, so it's like, too much to ever expect people of such monumental coolness would deign to read my fics. Then again, I don't want fangirls so much as fellow writers who'd know where I'm coming from, who'd tell me I did okay this time. Otherwise, it would be enough just to know I'm read. I mean, if I get 5 comments, I'm happy 'cause that means those 5 people have read the fic and if no one else did, well, at least there's them. Five is a good audience. But I still want my friends' opinions, positive or negative or "eh". I mean, enjoying it's good, of course. I'll buy that~:)

I think I'm just obsessed with some sort of lame idea about a writers' circle, a fellowship even. I think some people are -entertained- or -encouraged- by feedback, whereas I'm entertained by writing and encouraged by betas (if I have them). In terms of readers, I've always been obsessed with the idea of the "right" audience. I always knew I wasn't a "wide audience" sort of writer, so the people I felt understood me were especially precious. And a part of me thinks that if I dig -their- writing and our minds seem to work on a similar frequency, then it's their readership that I really want/need. So basically, this is me saying: if I've ever fangirled/enthusiastically feedbacked you, then I desperately almost always want to know what you think, but I'd be equally happy to know you read me at all ('cause otherwise I'd assume you don't). If you're a stranger, then it'd be nice to know for sure you read me, but I'm glad to just release my story into the wide blue yonder and let y'all have it for yourselves, as far as your personal relationship with fics goes. Dunno if this is a unique or interesting position, but there you have it.

...And if this sounds like a shameless-hussy plea for feedback from some of you, well, er.... You would not be wrong. ^^; *coughs, exits*

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