reenka | ~~ The Draco problem revisited (again!)

One reason I really can't stand a lot of the modern critical approach to fiction is because the process of framing a story in a rec/review often ruins it for me. I can't stand being made to see a story in a certain way, in terms of what it should mean, and I don't like it when the author themselves does it (because that's telling vs. showing), but I really hate it when a critic/reviewer's response to a piece is basically telling the reader how to respond by outlining that fic's emotional significance and general standing in relationship to other literature and various meta aspects of the field.

    I can't decide whether this makes me a 'bad' English major, or just really uptight.

I may love a story, but I need to retain a complex relationship to it-- I need to keep my own response fluid and unfettered, to keep any emotional significance at least partly submerged and unconscious, because as soon as it starts being used and compared to other readers' emotional responses, I feel it's being used against me.
    I genuinely believe that to really read with your whole brain, it's best to allow one's responses to occur-- emotional and intellectual-- without a built up context of outside, imposed meaning. It's almost dishonest that way, going into a story with expectations and needs that the story should either satisfy or leave empty. I feel that's putting too much of a weight on the reader's power and -their- needs rather than letting the story's intrinsic worth assert itself and win the reader over in whatever fashion.

This is why, partly, I do review directly-- give feedback to the author-- but I don't really review publically, with the intent to influence other readers. I may link to fics, but I cannot imagine that others' responses should be (could be?) anything like mine, or that others could or should see what I do in a fic. I know that this outside 'framing influence' would threaten to ruin my own chance at enjoyment, just because there will be that wall of expectation and pre-made analysis lying between me and the raw essence of the fic.

    With something like Shakespeare and other classics, I feel it's different because there are so many voices out there that it's a chorus, and no one opinion has to dominate. Similarly, I don't mind talking about HP, because there are simply so many people talking about the books in every which way. But in less 'public' works, I feel I need that privacy-- that sanctuary, that almost sacred bond between me and the text. A reviewer (when read pre-reading) becomes something like a voyeur, almost, their whispered words making me see things that may or may not be there. However, the real 'violation' of the one-on-one between me and the fic comes when the review aims to make me -feel- things that may or may not be there.

I'm not saying 'reviewing is bad and evil and should be stopped'-- god, that would be stupid-- I'm just saying that personally, a certain kind of review, which aims to critically frame the story in a certain emotional context, ruins the private pleasure of reading for me almost entirely. That's just me, though.
~~

I really want to stop talking about H/D. Perhaps I should join a twelve-step program: how to stop obsessing, for the Perpetually Brainwash Resistant. Hmmm. I did have plans to talk about whether it's better to write characters one loves or hates (see, a nice abstract subject). Woe. Am hopeless t00b.

Anyway, the question of 'can Harry love canon!Draco' has been bugging me the past few days. Basically... I don't think so (and am ambivalent about how I feel about that). Typical ice-prince fanon!Draco wouldn't fare much better though; if anything, I have an intuition that Harry would hate him -more- because he's just so larger than life and over-inflated and fire-retardant and all of that. I mean... sure, there are 'cool' people Harry likes in a distant sort of 'oh, right' manner (the twins, I guess), but his friends are rather 'normal' as far as he can tell, I think.

What I'm saying is, I don't agree that Harry needs to build up anyone he likes/loves on a pedestal, not entirely-- I do think he wants to admire and respect them, but that's different. I think he likes feeling like they're great (like Sirius-- it's not that there are -reasons- for him to be great, he just is, to Harry), but not being overwhelmed by someone's sheer haughty cold grandeur or whatever. Then again, the truth is, fanon!Draco is clearly a fantasy extrapolation of what canon!Draco wishes he was (but isn't), so the trick here would be to ask what -Harry- wants, not what -Draco- wants. Since I'm pretty sure Draco wouldn't mind being his fanon self, whereas Harry likes actual sincerity and what he sees as integrity in human beings, as long as it's not over the top dramatics like with Cho.

Sometimes I think it's hilarious that I go on about wanting to read what I could believe was 'canonish' Draco in fic, especially when I realized that I don't actually -ship- canon!Draco with Harry (who doesn't really have more than one version in my head). I imagine lots of other people feel the same, though they say they ship H/D.
    It's just very, VERY hard to write Harry wanting Draco (as is) convincingly, and not because of hate at all, but simply because Harry -disapproves- of Draco on a basic level. It's not that he loves or hates-- he just doesn't like him or respect him as a human being, I think. Draco is whiny, self-centered, probably clingy, nasty to people Harry likes & respects, weak and generally annoying in a thousand little ways. (This is Harry's pov, btw, not necessarily my own.)

So what to do? I'm starting to really feel like Harry wouldn't -like- Draco or accept him 'as is' (Ani DiFranco style) even if he -loved- and wanted to shag him senseless.
    Basically, 'the problem with Draco' isn't that he's a 'snarky bastard' or an 'asshole' or a 'bad boy'-- that, Harry could definitely get over and accept. He's not the 'Big Bad'-- he's the annoying prat who's as spoiled as Dudley, as loud as Colin Creevey, and as stupidly prejudiced as his bastard father. What, exactly, is Harry going to like? In canon, he's even -wittier- than Draco, as far as I can tell.

Most people agree that H/D is what one might call a 'fanon' rather than 'canon' pairing-- meaning that its basic premise is drawn from the characters' -potential- rather than their actual dynamic. So in a way, writing H/D fully 'true to canon', starting from 'the beginning' (as I like to see done) can be seen as a form of shooting oneself in the foot before one started to actually move.

So... canon!H/D is kind of a sad joke (from Harry's pov-- canon Draco, I'm semi-convinced wanks over Potter more than he cares to remember, but that's probably my kink talking). It's a really frustrating realization for an H/D writer: (what if) I don't ship H/D in canon at all??... And yes, I'm that much of a Harry ho, what can I say. As far as canon!Draco goes-- well, I'm sorry for him & sometimes find him cute & sometimes funny, and sometimes even admirable in a twisted way. Mostly, I think he's a pathetic wanker who needs to grow up. And yes, that's partly my inner!Harry speaking, but so it goes regardless. Malfoy needs to get a grip on something other than himself-- or perhaps I mean the opposite-- what Malfoy needs to finally get a grip on himself, but for real.

For 'convincing' H/D (funny how I say that since I'm a shipper, and we're supposed to be 'already convinced', but I'm just funny I guess), on some level one has little choice but to 'mess with' canon. It's just a question of doing it 'right', as far as this pairing goes. Essentially, it all revolves around moving Draco forward in his development to make Harry see him as more of an equal, because it seems to me that that's what Harry would want.

So I guess I understand the conundrum that drives all the rampant fics out there about cool-assed-Master-of-Slytherin!Draco. I mean, if he's -cool-, I guess one could say he 'deserves' Harry (which I personally have problems with as a concept). The issue, to me, isn't who 'deserves' whom, but rather what the people involved want and need from a partner and whether a particular relationship can fulfill their needs. The idea of canon!Draco fulfilling Harry's needs makes me laugh (meanly). I'm sorry, Malfoy. You know I love you, but. Yeah.

Basically, it's just that I think snarky-sexy-cool!Draco fics go way overboard but still vaguely in the 'right' direction for a successful relationship to develop (whatever -that- means-- I suppose to me, it means a fulfilling one) between Harry and Draco. And it's this need to somehow develop Draco that appears to make people think they've got a free ticket to change his whole personality, which is ridiculous. Also arguably JKR herself has done it, ahahah. Sorry, random snark.

All Draco really needs is a good measure of self-confidence and self-awareness (no small goals, of course), because his utter lack of those two things combine to ensure Harry will never change his mind about him, and Draco, for his part, will never be secure enough in his own status as an individual to see Potter as just another boy, albeit one he loves/wants. Anyway, not seeing Potter as the bane of his existence and the reason for all his failures would also help.

I freely admit all this is mostly nothing but a rehash of things I've said before, but I just think some of these concepts are finally -solidifying- (after all this time, too!) in my head into a coherent whole. I'm finally seeing Harry's all-important motivations here rather clearly-- and it's not a pretty picture. All this would probably only seem significant if you know just how elusive and fuzzy his characterization and 'stand' in their dynamic had generally been to me in my own writing.
    All those eons ago, I'd started out with a -way- vocal Draco muse which has almost completely dominated nearly all my H/D efforts, whether or not they were in Draco's pov. I -knew-, to the marrow of my bones, where my Draco was coming from, and Harry was sort of left to adjust and react (in one way or another) to his presence. It was always 'will Harry give in??' before, whereas now it's a more mutual problem, which might actually help my writing. Maybe.

I just realized that even if Harry 'gave in' and started a relationship with Draco, the deeper problem wouldn't be solved at all. Not if Draco remained a stupid whiny prat as far as Harry could see-- and love/lust doesn't necessarily have to mean seeing the person through rose-colored glasses, but especially in this case. *sigh*
    So yeah. It really is up to Draco; and I'm starting to appreciate the merits of the transition if Draco's step forward occurred before Harry 'noticed' him, because doing H/D and Draco-transformation -concurrently- is-- well, it's a nightmare. Uh, very difficult, I mean. Makes my poor brain huuuurrrrt. Well, until I give up and go read/write H/D porn, anyway.
~~

Also, because, it needs to be said:

stellabelle wrote another hilarious H/D fic which made me snort & giggle & coo (alternatively, but sometimes at the same time). It is truly a Very Special Thing for a story to warm the cockles of my (dirty slapper!) heart just so. Awwwwwww. (I just can't take unfunny fluff, is all.)

See, the thing is-- I really don't have the emotional energy to read that much H/D anymore unless I 'trust' you as an author (and often even if I do). Even with the authors I adore... the 'H/D place' in my heart is... sore. I'm being careful, maybe, so I don't snap like I did this past winter and read -no- H/D for like, four months.

stellabelle's fic is sort of... restorative in that regard. <3

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

cellia.livejournal.com

Honestly, it's Very Hard to get Draco to be sorry, and then there's the fact that my Draco muse just refuses to be cute when I write angstfic.

I don't know if the key to Draco is making him sorry. Like, the overly righteous part of me wants him to be Sorry, because he was mean and nasty and must repent and suffer etc etc. But that is the lame side of me. Maybe he just kinda needs his own story... if that makes any sense. Like one of those fantasy novels where the kid starts out a snot, but he grows up to be... perhaps still annoying, but with many other interesting and cool things about him (hero's journey blah blah blah). And Draco is very energetically persistent, so I feel like he would still be very passionately energetic if pointed in a new direction. Although perhaps still annoying and drama queen-ish and cowardly.

except that dom!Draco bothers me, though I don't care if he tops. I like him all desperate and cunning-yet-pathetic, though

haha. Well, just because he tries to go after Harry doesn't mean he'll get him. Like, he could try to be all evil deatheater and trap Harry in a room, but Harry keeps kicking him in the shins and telling him that his dick is small and he's got bad breath and he can't whip worth shit and shouting in all-caps is anybody *important* ever going to be coming into torture him ever? (heh, this reminds me just a bit of Lights Out) Or you know, there's the James-Lily-type situation with lots and lots of chasing and lots and lots of rejection (followed by true love and marriage of course).

I love "Weather" but I'll admit it did get extremely fluffy--though still in a way I could find possible. It was also my 1st HP fic (imprinting) and I was mostly impressed with how Harry turned it around and didn't weep everywhere and Draco had questionable morals, but wasn't evil when it came down to it.

...

T_T Man, I don't go to meat market bars to get picked up, I go with friends or coworkers, but after a half hour I'm always like... "why is this cool again?" I need more geek in my RL. To use a geeky metaphor... it's like... when Batman has to be Bruce Wayne. (YES! Batman ref included, day now complete. Also... I am comparing myself to Batman, delusions of grandeur?) He'd much rather be Batman, but that's supposedly crazy and unhealthy, and also, cuts him off from 99% of normal human interaction.

From:

malafede.livejournal.com

Or you know, there's the James-Lily-type situation with lots and lots of chasing and lots and lots of rejection

Man. Don't make me feel the James/Lily love. ... It's wrong!