~ready, set, ramble!~

[reenka]

Every day it comes to me anew how much I genuinely like and just really can't stand people (and especially their issues). I can look at a stranger and smile because there really seem to be so many kindred spirits in this world, and likewise I can cringe because sometimes people walk around with this cloud of... ick all over them. I've always known there were kindred spirits that I could befriend, just reading books. I've never really -had- those friends, but I knew they were possible.

It's continuously startling, always see-sawing back and forth between an infatuation with life and a tiredness, a desire to withdraw because it's like my receptors get raw, it's all too much for me. I think my frustration with being misunderstood sometimes borders on the extreme; this desire to blame myself and also force myself into being "different", being Other.

There are certain things that will automatically make me like you: girls with emo glasses and petite scarves, girls with army boots, boys with sad eyes possibly carrying notebooks, girls with mish-mash clothes, boys with jewelry, people who look you straight in the eye and don't flinch and don't start to babble. I'm not one of those people-- you couldn't spot me because of some "look" or defining characteristic. My identity is trapped inside me, fluid and always forming, like a regenerating well. I keep talking in circles, accidentally stumbling upon meaning, and people expect me to -do- and to -be- and that flusters me to no end, because I'm not. You could say I'm a poser because I don't really follow through with anything. My interest is transitory and my attention fleeting.

I wish for a new face. Not thinner or paler, but just-- someone else's. Someone I admire. I mean, why do all the girls I like have glasses? What kind of strange disturbing conspiracy is that?
    It's funny how these bits of extraneous decoration can make all the difference. I feel... different, just putting on different clothes. But of course this makes sense-- cliques and countercultures of all types have always been definiting themselves with clothes. In a way, that's just sort of... weird, isn't it. Even though it makes complete sense, because we all need some way of differentiating ourselves besides the colors and shapes we're born with, otherwise we couldn't really -change- and thus it would be no fun. Or something.

Even so, dress Harry Potter up in emo chic (eheheh), and, I mean, is he still Harry Potter? Well, sort of, but also not. It's funny because I'm still -me- even though I'm wearing this weird blue knit hoodie (I never wear blue anymore)-- and yet I'm not, at the same time. I'm constantly looking at myself in amazement, because this is just so... pleasant. The sheer newness. So maybe Harry would want to wear trench-coats and sunglasses and pierce his lip at some point, even though some people rebel with hoodies.

I've missed poetry. I mean, I'm in love with poetry, the way I am with color and light. But I get obsessed with shiny new things (mmm, slash). Sort of like one has flings with a hot (curly-haired-- they have to have either curly or spiky hair) drummer. What am I even talking about? I wouldn't know a drummer if he bumped into me and slapped me on the ass. Well, I'd -notice-, certainly, and I might even pay attention to the hair, but I'm never able to judge people in any conscious way at first glance. I think this puts me at a disadvantage, kind of.
~~

On a completely unrelated note, I really really dig Catwoman. I was just thinking that, earlier. She's all ambiguous and unpredictable, and I love that more than anything else. Being predictable is the hobgoblin of little minds-- or something like that. That's why I'm obsessed with people changing, transforming, becoming something other than what they have been. Especially in adolescence-- it -has- to happen. One hopes. One hopes that one isn't going to just go on a straight path throughout their lives. I dislike the whole attitude that I myself fall prey to too often-- what was, will be. That's such fatalism; it makes my teeth hurt.

So yeah, Catwoman. I especially love the Batman/Catwoman-type dynamic, where the conflicted order-obsessed pragmatist has this ambiguous relationship with the unpredictably mischievous, prickly hedonist. I love the way she -could- be the hero, but doesn't have to be-- the way she's a hero when it suits her. And this, contrasted with the way Batman -has- to be a hero, even in spite of himself. He has this -destiny-, this need to prove something, this need to make things better. So he kind of goes around trying to save his soul by proxy while Catwoman is free, living at the edges of their world.

I was thinking about heroes, and how much I love them, too. I know it's so much more cool to love the anti-hero or the outright antagonist, but I think that too can get passe if you love it to the exclusion of their needed complement. I was listening to "Hero" by Chad Kroeger, and that song always gets me in such an inspired mood. I love the idea of a hero who's "one of us", who isn't self-righteous or pretending to be something he's not-- who's just genuinely idealistic. Who has this dream of ultimate right, of saving the innocent. He's the paladin, you know. I love imagining the way an average, regular boy (or girl) could become this vision of redemption. Not to go over-the-top or anything, of course.
~~

EDIT - Has anyone noticed how every fandom has its own prevailing style of writing? I'm actually really attracted to the casual down-to-earth realness of the writing in the popslash & QAF & the older, "more mature" fandoms like `Due South' and such. I just read the way they -talk- in QAF-land and it's just-- markedly different. More loose or something. More down with the fucking. It inspires me so much more than either the squeeing/jadedness of H/D or the intellectualized perving of H/S. Now here's a fandom that knows how to have fun with itself and its boys. Am sad now.

Comments

[glockgal.livejournal.com]

Hee! I love the byplay between Batman and Catwoman too. And she's amazing; she's, like, the only female character in the books who can actually sexualize Batman and not make it seem creepy. Mmm. Now that really is quite the feat.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Oh man. There must be a -reason- they paired him with her in both the movies and the animated series. I'm all about the fox-series Batman/Catwoman, even though I think that's probably plebey. Although, y'know, the original series... that wasn't so much the thing. Campy!Catwoman sort of annoys me. Then again, angsty!Catwoman (like in the movie) annoys me too. But I never really thought of it as a sexual thing, y'know. Which is kind of weird, actually. I think mostly it's that he's really not my type.

I was all in a superheroish mood today with the Spiderman theme-song and then this random reference I found to Catwoman, hehe. It's so much nicer to have a romance where you don't have the hero having to worry about "saving the girl", man. MMMMMMM, good. :D :D

Heroes etc

[cellia.livejournal.com]

Oooo... Batman talk. *inflicts babble upon you*

I know some people like Batman because they see him as some kind of dark anti-hero, but I've always been much more of a fan of his straight-up heroic side. In part because I'm not cool enough to like anti-heroes, but also because, whatever else, his main goal is to protect people with his own hands, and he's so selfless/focused that everything else just kind of falls by the wayside.

I don't know if you were including Bats in your "one of us" hero category, or just mentioning it, but I'd say he definitely doesn't fall into it. Yeah, no superpowers, unless being rich counts, but nearly his whole personality is shaped and entangled with his mission from an early age. (Which makes me wonder if maybe Harry Potter isn't be such a "one of us hero" as well, with his strange upbringing and seemingly 1-path life.) Bruce wants to protect normality, but he's not so good about participating in it.

And a really good Catwoman-Batman story... man... it can get into the characters like nothing else. Bruce as the emotionally simple boy as well as the calculating detective... Selena as a woman needing some emotional reality in her life as well as this manipulative player.

And it's also all bittersweet, because as much affection and respect they have for each other, they have these different moral universes that only overlap just enough for them to visit and see they wouldn't want to live in the other person's world.

Wow. It's really sad how long and seriously I could go on about this.

Has anyone noticed how every fandom has its own prevailing style of writing?
Yes. :)

[cellia.livejournal.com]

I'm all about the fox-series Batman/Catwoman, even though I think that's probably plebey.

If so, I have to join you in plebe-dom, because I think the animated series and the comics based off of it are usually way better than the "real" comics.

[eleveninches.livejournal.com]

girls with emo glasses

*beams*

[sistermagpie.livejournal.com]

Love Catwoman (though Nightwing's my favorite). I'm completely with you on loving the heroes. To be honest, Draco Malfoy is probably the first non-heroic type I've ever loved. I remember when Jimmy Stewart and Robert Mitchum died the same week. I was talking to a friend about it and at the same time she said, "I loved Robert Mitchum," and I said, "I loved Jimmy Stewart." Then we both looked at each other and at the same time again I said, "I knew you'd love Robert Mitchum," and she said, "I knew you'd love Jimmy Stewart."

Anyway, so yeah I've never been into the bad boy thing (which is probably obvious in the way I really don't see Draco as a bad boy). When I was a kid I remember getting very indignant about how Richie Cunningham was a better man than Fonzie. Yes, I was all about the Richie. Didn't have a crush on him or anything, just thought he was a more interesting guy.:-)

One of the things I've always envied in TV characters, btw, is the way they can get obsessed with something and express it by walking into the kitchen in a scene with a totally new look that works. Me, I sometimes think about the kind of clothes I'd like to have but can't find them. On one hand I think everyone's outer look must reflect something of their personality, but I wonder why I seem incapable of really having a look. But then I guess I must have one because everybody does. I don't know. It's weird but somehow I think it relates to what you're saying.

Seems to me any fantasy fandom is probably going to have the kind of language you're talking about here. It's like you can't get away from it, I think.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

heeeee! yeah, you know i just like you for your glasses, man :D :D
'cause that's what it takes. although, generally it's kind of a coincidence. my stand on it is, the universe is -conspiring- by constantly shoving cute girls in glasses at me. i am only human!! >:O

*shallow & proud!!* >:D

[chresimos.livejournal.com]

Not too much with the understanding of this post. You like people because of certain aspects of their appearance and at the same time define yourself as someone who cannot be assessed through your appearance? And then you look at other people who have the 'cloud of ick' and this makes you disgusted with humanity? Huh? *confused*

Okay, I know you've said that you rambled and tend to circle around meaning instead of being direct, and I sort of see what you mean. It was a nicely written little ramble, and I liked your point about sunglasses wearing Harry. But...still! Can you elucidate?

In addition, I am entirely opposed to liking people instantly based on any aspect of their appearance. I realize that people make snap judgments unavoidably, and it amuses me how so many people fit into a certain 'type' - you see some guy with a certain face shape and it's surprising how many you're seen similar to him, say, or a woman with a certain hairstyle and way of dressing. Or you look at rugby players and they all have rugby player faces. You can probably tell things about a person from the attire they choose...but liking or disliking a person because of it? I so strongly reject that idea, philosophy, whatever you call it. The internet I think is much more expressive (or has the potential to be) in terms of one's mind, you can dress up your words with colors or images like you can dress up your body. And you don't have your physical presence to get in the way, and inflict stereotypes and visual first-impressions upon people.

With you the liking might be more of an artsy thing, I don't know.

And how do you withdraw and define yourself as 'Other'?

Who has this dream of ultimate right

Which is all good until you realize their ultimate right isn't the same as yours. :D

[shatterglass.livejournal.com]

petite scarves
girls with mish-mash clothes
check. :D!!

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

eheheh! it's really scary how many of them are Out There ><;;
*giggles!*

Re: Heroes etc

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

oo, it really took me forever to respond to this, but at least now you'll get email notifications! so yeay! your days of blissful hiding are (hopefully) gone. *giggles* okay, i'm done gloating now -.-

heeeee! not cool enough to like anti-heroes! but some of them are so cool! with the angst, and everything! *laughs* y'know, they go around broooding and being all selfish and conflicted and then-- like-- when it really counts-- they're like, OH BUGGER IT ALL. eheheheh. there's a range in anti-heroes-- they're not all elric, y'know. i think methos (from highlander) is a type of anti-hero. the thing about anti-heroes is that they're not goody two-shoes (which is boring anyway). they have Issues. they angst. they are unsure of themselves. but they too, have a Destiny (like heroes) so they -reluctantly- save the day. in this way, i don't think batman is an anti-hero-- simply because he'd always -chosen- to do what he does. he was never like, "eh, my moral code conflicts with this as i feel i am being too goody-goody, but oh well". he's always "damn life, damn everything; still, HAVE TO SAVE THEM ALL". or something.

nono, when i was thinking of the "one of us" hero i was thinking harry & spiderman (theme-song, all that). definitely not batman. as usual, i was skipping around from topic to topic like a crazed flea, heh. emotionally simple boy, huh. *laughs* man, it brings me up short thinking of batman like that. i mean, what with all those issues & complications... though i guess he does have a rather simple main set of motivators in his mind threaded through it all.

though i'm much more fascinated with the batman/catwoman aspect rather than the bruce/selena aspect. i think those sides of them were always semi-fake, and the relatioship they had as their everyday selves always seemed like such a sham (ahahah on the fox cartoon!). 'cause they didn't mix the day and nighttime work and that would've made all the difference. they're both too insane to pretend otherwise. awww, twue wuv.

*siiiigh* i know what you mean about the different moral universes. though i think eventually batman could accept more shades of grey if the writers let him evolve at all. that's the problem with static comic storytelling :/
i could go on and on too, btw. heeee!
sometimes i think if i talk about harry potter for one more day i will spontaneously combust -.- *laughs*
they live in each other's world anyway, though. gotham, i mean. it's not as divided as all that, much as they'd like to pretend it is. they're all stepping on each other's toes all the time, heroes & villains, all mixed up with batman always setting himself off from the fray by force of will.

and i can definitely see his will fraying at the edges at some point, and catwoman pulling at the stray threads. heeeee.
oh man. i'm so not -int0- superhero comics, reading-wise, so it's so weird to think in any depth about them. have you been reading `the runaways'? heeee. oh man, i'm so behind. but i'm really digging that series :>

*babbles back as per usual* :>

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Hmm. Generally I love the snarky creative one who gets the best lines-- whoever they are, hero, villain or sidekick. Also tend to love the one with a temper or the broody sensitive one. Basically I'm attracted to a character's intellect or emotional range rather than their moral leaning :> Though I mean, there's something about the archetypalness of a Hero, an Anti-Hero, a Trickster, a Minstrel, a Princess, etc, that really attracts me too. I love stories about quests and these solitary adventurers who have this Destiny (how can I not, being a fantasy junkie), but that doesn't really describe whether the "hero" is -heroic- (ie, good, kind, idealistic).

I mean, I like a person with an individual set of values that they stick to, whatever those values are. I like an attitude and a sort of bravado without much caring whether I "approve" of what the attitude is being used for. But! There -is- this particular sweetness about heroes-- the way they can inspire one, the way they're representative of humanity at large, somehow. The way stories about them are stories about Everyman-- a feeling left over from the old myths and legends, I'd imagine. There's a simplicity and a purity of metaphor to this kind of story that never grows old for me~:)

Which is possibly why I was sooo excited at the idea of Maya writing Draco-the-Destined-Hero. Because like-- I think the "Hero" thing is more of a role than an emotional disposition, necessarily. You can be a complete asshole and a hero, and that fascinates. And while I don't really need Draco to be a badboy, it's nice to keep his assholish aspects just 'cause it adds some interest, y'know :>

It does! I always wanted "a look", but could never be bothered (and never had the money) to get the right pieces together. Sometimes I see something perfect in a really expensive Manhattan boutique and it's like, waahhhhh. That'd express something I feel I want to express, but. Yeah. I mean... just having zero care in my appearance and "look" most of the time probably reflects something about my personality too. Like the fact that I'm a horrid slacker :> *laughs*

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know I contradict myself often enough, but um. In this case I wasn't -trying- to make any particular point, so I figured it didn't really matter, I guess. :-?
It's not that I can't be accessed through appearance as much as I don't have identifiable aspects, like a certain "sort" of look, you know what I mean? Like, I don't fit in with any group of people who'd look similar, simply because I put zero care into my appearance and just put on whatever's handy. Not because I don't care about appearances but because generally I can't be bothered anyway, or possibly I've just let myself go or something. Not that it's ever been all that different. I never really had the time/money I felt like spending on trying to do something that made me more identfiable.

I mean, if I -did- dress according to my actual tastes, it'd be different. I'd wear these flowy dresses and pretty jewelry and natural fabrics. I'd look like a hippie, basically, half the time, anyway. And then sometimes I'd look semi-goth, heh. Instead, I just look like a bum, I think ^^;

This whole "liking certain looks" thing isn't something I can help. A lot of people who'd thought of me as "intellectual" have had problems with this, but the thing is-- I'm rather visual, and for some reason fascinated with fashion. I just have natural preferences in "look" fashion-wise the same way I have preferences in look in terms of architecture and type of natural environment (for instance, I like moors and beaches and temperate forests more than evergreens). I'm just picky about things, I guess, and I always rate things in degree of appeal. I know it's offensive to some people, but it's just a natural consequence of me -noticing- things. Not so much a judgement (meaning it involves thought or some system of values I can elucidate logically) as sheer emotional attraction.

It's not that I stereotype or sort people on purpose-- as in, that being my purpose-- I just like to surround myself with the pretty and stay away from what frustrates me (the non-pretty). I always knew I was shallow, but it's not something I can help, since I'm just always looking for my idea of beauty in everything, visual or textural or aural or what have you.

I'm not one of those people who say "it's what's inside that counts". I mean, it does as far as having actual insight about a person's spirit, but for sheer enjoyment-- the surface world is full of delights for me.~:) Usually, I'm just unashamedly hedonistic, I guess.
So yeah, basically. I think it's an artsy thing. It's nice to have you care enough to make sure where I'm coming from, though~:)

I guess I withdraw by not actually -following- fashion even as fascinated by appearances as I am. I totally put myself out of the equation. I observe people while refusing to play the game even if other people play it with me. I've never been very sociable or did a number of the things societally expected of me. I guess I'm just one big lurker :>

Also, I don't think the dream of the Hero is a realistic dream that's easily applicable to actual reality, you know, where everyone twists their power and Heroes are hard to come by. In stories, they're chosen by the powers that be or whatever because they're special, y'know-- they're suited. They're not like us and representative of us at the same time. Pretty contradictory, I know, but then, that's why they're fairy-tales :>

[shatterglass.livejournal.com]

Hehehe.
Boo!

[starlitefaerie.livejournal.com]

girls with emo glasses and petite scarves, girls with army boots, boys with sad eyes possibly carrying notebooks, girls with mish-mash clothes, boys with jewelry, people who look you straight in the eye and don't flinch and don't start to babble.

much agreement on all characteristics mentioned above except boys with jewelry cause i hate jewelry. also, though: i do like shy people who take a while to warm up to you, because i like the idea that when they smile at me i am seeing a part of them that most people don't get to see.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

heheh. i was initially gonna say "boys with eyeliner", but let's face it, there are very very few boys with eyeliner out there. so i thought of other, more common characteristics and i realized a number of boys wear those hemp-bead necklaces, y'know? which are sexy somehow. and also bracelets. i didn't mean like... people with huge gold rings ^^; ahaha nooooo.

also, i really dig shy boys (and girls) but like. they don't talk to me much. 'cause. they're too shy. vicious circle, there :>

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

hm, maybe it is because i always trundled around outside closed fandoms, i hadn´t noticed before, but i would agree that the "due south" (and other maybe) slash is far more appealing; by being more down to earth they actually become more romantic in the sense of truly emotionally touching ... the ones i know at least.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Eh, I just mean the style of writing... I haven't actually read Due South, but. It's hard to pin down... I just think the age of the writers comes into it, too, 'cause the general HP writer is much younger than the QAF or Due South writer. I like realist style and fantasy content, mostly 'cause realism tends to be less flowery and more startling, more finely polished. Not in all cases, of course. And that's just my own preference as far as bias against flowery language goes :>

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

i knew you did not mean the type of stories to be more appealing to you.
define flowery. *g*
not sure if we mean the same thing but, briefly, i find that whenever fantasy or anthing-goes comes into it, actual content goes out the window. but then i am also more touched by what´s between the lines than open (flowery) declarations of undying love and buckets of tears being shed by the boys/men.
yes, age comes into it, but also nationality. or mainstream? having come from buffy-slash (and never been in an actual fandom i.e. fixed group setting) i was surprised to find that hp is so big, international, and totally ignorant about anything else going on *ggg*
i find this discussion interesting but need to lie down now. if i had a laptop or the likes, i would keep posting. sorry, till tomorrow!

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

Heheheh yeah, flowery = a lot of metaphor, over-the-top verbalization of feelings, awkward sentence structures and transparency of author intent. heh Yeah I bundle a lot of things there, I guess. Mostly it's with the too-much-adjectives-and-adverbs and maybe also too-much-telling-not-showing. Though I actually adore metaphors and am addicted to poetic prose, it's just that most people suck at it and I don't trust them anymore ><

It's so weird 'cause I dislike being fannish-- as in, an active fandom participant-- dislike being part of a group. And yet. Here I am, pretty active in HP for awhile now. It kind of bothers me, and it's even weirder 'cause I've adopted some of the insular mindset and the not-knowing-or-caring-what's-going-on. The only excuse I have is that I didn't get into it through being a fan of the books -or- the movie. I was just wasting time and read some HP fanfic one day and lo! A new obsession... *sigh*

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

hey, wonderful agreeage on our definition of "flowery"! it is surprisingly hard to explain to some people what actually constitutes ♥showing♥ as opposed to telling. and i fear i am so un-transparent that whenever i write something, x-ray glasses have to be included for the hard-of-understanding (sorry, metaphors took over making sense ;))

i am glad you got my meaning even though on re-reading my post had one sentence that might have been misunderstood.

similar fandom situation, until the last sentences - i am not reading exclusively one or two fandoms, and i am an old-fashioned-and-proud-of-it reader! ahem, of books, in case that was not clear *g*

on to your next comment ...

[starlitefaerie.livejournal.com]

dude, it is all about the boys in eyeliner. all about them. doesn't matter how uncommon, as it is the hottest of the hot shit.

yeah, shyness sucks in actual ppactice. but it just looks so cute...

[chresimos.livejournal.com]

I put zero care into my appearance and just put on whatever's handy.

Me too. :D

I understand what you're saying, and being visual is all well and good and appreciating people aesthetically too. I just have problems with attaching judgement to that. Put it down to being afraid of people in general, and suspecting the worst behind everyone, especially the pretty ones. ;D