reenka

alright, so like no one (except like, two of you) will care about this, but hell, it's all i can think about the past week, so if i didn't talk about -it-, i wouldn't talk about -anything-, for probably like another week or two. (and there isn't -much- to say, anyway, so um. i'm sort of on hiatus-- things to do, gay men to watch bonk, you know how it is).
    plan right now is-- finish my reading list, fanfic & other (this includes textbooks), give you lovelies my feedback, do my beta, finish incompletes, watch moremoremore qaf, finish fic, remember to breathe. order unknown.
    er. anyway.

the main consensus is that brian is an asshole. hot, but an asshole-- someone no one would really want for a friend, someone who'd drive most people insane. he's not "nice". he's not pleasant, most times. he's often saying things that rub others the wrong way, and doing things without considering what others would want him to do.

i don't see why this makes him an asshole. what has he done, anyway? he doesn't play by the social rules of "let's pretend i really want what i couldn't care less about", but why is that a bad thing? honesty doesn't go a long way with most people, i guess. and the truth is? if most people were as WYSIWYG as brian kinney, they'd be seen as assholes too. it's all a matter of playing the game-- other people's game. so brian kinney plays his own game, but the rules are clear-cut, and he doesn't really cheat. everyone else is playing a -different- game, and somehow that makes them better and nicer people?

i'm not a naturally `in your face' sort of person, usually. i don't say things people don't want to hear, although i don't lie to tell them the things they -do-. i just filter a little-- we all do. but my greatest admiration and tolerance is for honesty. there's really no limit to how cutting i'd tolerate people being, if they're just expressing themselves. isn't that what we admire about stand-up comedians? isn't that what's so great about revolutionaries? does it really -matter- if the truth they're speaking isn't kind?

but oh, in my experience, brutally honest people (and brian kinney) -are- kind. he's really a rather intensely caring, kind person, the sort who would do things for other people without wanting acknowledgement or compensation. he does these things like he does everything else-- because that's just what he wanted. if he's caring for his friends, it's not because he's manipulating them or trying to get something for himself. he may almost never be selfless, but when he is, it's real. and he -has- been, more than once.

it's just. true kindness isn't the sort of thing you show by pandering to people's delicate sensibilities. it isn't the sort of thing that necessarily has to make people feel better. true kindness is giving others what they -need-, not necessarily what they want. being willing to forgo the natural instinct to please yourself -and- to please others, and see the truth of what's important in a given situation.
    a truly kind person can be a total bastard in their day-to-day interactions, and it would be completely compatible. life isn't pretty most times, is it. speaking the truth and doing what you want and not compromising-- it's not going to make you everyone's best friend by a long shot. it may make you infamous, but it's not going to make you -liked-.

a lot of my friends-- people i consider beautiful & kind-hearted-- consider themselves mean bitches. one hears a lot of `i would be in slytherin'. and often, it's from the people who don't censor themselves or are... well... strongly moral, even, i'd say. (and often, it's just from wannabes who think draco or snape are hot and dark and angsty, but we'll just ignore them for now.) i wouldn't say it's necessarily convential midwestern american morality or anything, but this sense of right and wrong-- usually that's strongly present.
    they wouldn't believe me-- you know who you are-- you wouldn't believe me if i told you you're not really mean just because you don't cover up the things that are unpretty in you, just because you uncover the unpretty things in others. that's something to be admired.

there's petty cruelty, the refuge of frightened, narrow-minded fools-- i suppose that's draco, and that boy who beat up justin. and then there's lex, and there's brian kinney-- and neither of them are anywhere -near- that. they don't lash out at the world out of fear. they don't bring down other people to make themselves look bigger. they are confident and aware of their power. they don't need to be pointlessly cruel for no reason other than it feels good. that's what makes an asshole, in my book. draco is an asshole, petty and jealous and insecure. i love him, and i don't think you can really -judge- him on adult terms, but i wouldn't really -defend- him. he may be rather harmless, but the intent to wound is there.

anyway.
brian isn't like that. justin knows that, too. justin has a sense for people, and he wouldn't really care as much as he does if he felt that brian was a bad person, a person unworthy of anyone's love. because he -is-. of course, everyone is worthy of love, but -i- think that brian and people like him are worthy of admiration, as well as trust. i would trust brian with my -life-, and i would never say that (as easily) about mike, the supposed "nice guy". and that's all i can say, i guess (finally, eh).
~~

EDIT - all i can remember anymore about that lj-friends compatibility quiz going around is that i'm 106% compatible with

ztrin (which made me bounce like you wouldn't believe), and whose latest fic i -will- read as soon as i stop seeing brian&justin dancing naked behind my eyelids everytime i close them. gimme a few days >:D< (everyone else-- well,

hautemonde &

kitsune13-- starts with 87%, heh.)