[oopsie]

[reenka]

I thought it was lust. What with the B/S thing. Lust, lust, lust. Just a fling, really. If I only read X amount of fics, my urge would be sated and it'll all blow over. I mean, I really -can't- get another "thing"-- I keep waiting for the -last- one to stop. I mean, I've been waiting, all this time. Waiting for myself to get over the HP thing. Obsessions suck, kinda.

I should really know better. It's not lust after all. For some reason, it was while reading `Mad World' (and yes, that link's for you, Erin-- though, well, be warned it's a human AU) that it hit me.

Actually, Buffy was my gateway drug after several years of nothing. The show, that is. It was my first new media obsession the fall before I got into HP in May 2002, but since I liked the show, I didn't really look for fic, 'cause that's how I am. I don't tend to like fics for shows I already enjoy since they always screw it up. Maybe it's different 'cause it's been awhile since the end of Buffy, but I still remember it pretty well? I dunno.

It couldn't have come at a worse time. I think I have a sinus infection, and I haven't been -moving- or doing -anything- and I'm probably worrying and/or pissing off people (possibly some of you, even, I dunno), 'cause I'd said I'd do things & I haven't 'cause I can barely think and I have no sinus meds & I should really get some & stop reading fic in a sick daze. This always happens in the first flush of obsession-- no matter what, I just do "the thing" 24/7. And it's the very beginning of a new semester, too. Somehow, this usually happens at the end, near finals, so I tend to risk flunking out 'cause I don't take finals instead. *sigh*

Anyway. Did I have a point? Um... I guess this is a heads up on the state of me, more than anything. I'll try to stop & get a grip after today, fulfill all my sundry real-life and fandom obligations or what have you. Possibly get a Sinufed, that sort of thing. Isn't it funny that one of my biggest guilt-trips on myself right now is how I'm not reading my friends' list & am thus worried people think I'm ignoring their fic/art/them/etc? Oh man. I should go to the Registrar's and register for classes (am a week late. d'oh!) and I'm more guilty I haven't done the fandom things for Armchair & so on 'cause I'm such a fruitcake. I don't deal with guilt well, I think. I just kind of... hide. Erk.

So. Not trying to hide. Or, um, trying not to hide. If anyone cares. Also, was like, DUDE. So it's -not- lust. Hey, I was surprised. Took me reading B/S fic 24/7 for a week for it to hit me, too. I'm all like... I should write some serious B/S... which is just disturbing. Het, man. I'm betraying my slasher brethren. I'm guilty about that too, btw. Like, what if I get a... reputation?? My slash creds will be damaged!! Ahahahah. Oh man, and I'm starting to get -used- to it. It's like... it's not weird and alien and gross anymore! How weird is that!! I'm like... getting re-acclimated. Disturbing.

So. I ♥ you all & will hopefully return with my brain good-as-new. Soonish. Very soonish. And, just in case-- don't hurt me. I am weak & my nose is runny 24/7 as I drown in heterosexual angst, man. The utter horror and shame of it all.

Comments

[eleveninches.livejournal.com]

He gripped her chin tightly and pulled down her jaw, forcing her mouth open. “Let me show you what I want to do.” Spike forced the barrel of the gun into her open mouth. “Suck on it.”

Buffy stared back at him without moving, and Spike’s finger tightened on the trigger.

“I said suck it, you whore.”

Uh.

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAHAHAAH
yeah. um. just. well, yes, okay, it's like this:
so buffy's a whore & all that, and spike's a bad cop, but it WORKS i PROMISE. at least, i like this spike. he's pretty evil. and there's no fluff. at all. and like... it gets better....?? ahhahaahah
*cringes*
well, once you get past the goodly doses of heavy violence & abuse, y'know. well, it's a lot like S6 b/s, ahahah. except i think it ends better ^^;

[eleveninches.livejournal.com]

Buffy glared at Xander, the clerk and owner of Harris Pawn Shop. She had brought items lifted from her johns before, and he never had a hard time taking it. She didn’t understand what the big deal was now.

Better how?

[yourpoison.livejournal.com]

*cracks up* okay, so when i started reading it, my jaw kind of fell open, so i know the feeling. i wasn't sure if it was just horribly awful or just.... different. or what. but then i couldn't look away-- like it was a car-wreck, y'know?
buffy changes, anyway. her level of intelligence goes up. the b/s thing gets more complex and there are weird trust issues & so on. i mostly read it for the fucked-up (reeeeeally fucked-up) b/s dynamic (which most people would be too scared to touch... 'cause well, it's just really messed up) and for the non-apologetic Big Bad!Spike, even though he's human. he never gets better, either. But then, Buffy isn't the good guy or anything, though she's still not wanting any piece of him ('cause he's a psycho-- and well, he is).

so i mean, that's what i concentrated on.
there's also this mystery plot thing (cop thriller type) that goes on, and goes along apace even though it's not exactly a huge mystery-- and it's not like spike & buffy are ever really in danger-- it's more of an excuse for spike to go around hurting people and stuff. but i guess as insane as this universe is, it caught my fancy 'cause it's just -so- different and yet it preserves what i see as an important kernel of their dynamic much more than all the teacher/student and best-friends and high school AUs out there, y'know?

i mean, i'm comparing this to "they're best friends in high school" & "he's the mysterious gentleman in the house on the hill" & "he's the hardened MI7 convict with a death-wish who's with her in a plane-crash & they fall in love immediately"-- and that's one of the better set-ups. so yeah. then there's "he's a singer (with a death-wish-- they often have a death-wish for some reason) who crashes into her car, and she's a pampered valleygirl who's got a mouth on her". in almost all these cases, there's angst but there's never really a question of their emotional connection being immediate, even if they deny it, y'know?

Mad World, I thought, was special 'cause it's -so- overtly hard-boiled that it... well... boils away all that fluff and attempts to get them together even if they're -both- as fucked up as on the show, at least around S6. usually, their biggest "issues" are them both being insanely stubborn and spike being insecure and hurt by love or something. Even in that fic where he's an MI7, he's not really psychotic, y'know? He's sorry. He's already redeemed-- he just has no reason to go on. And then there's Buffy. So, Poof!

See? Even through the extreme hokeyness at times, I think Mad World does accomplish something unique. Especially when their relationship gets more intense and they both get more psycho. There are some scenes that really work-- even though they're violent and disturbing, there are definitely signs of real vulnerability and emotional believability. Prolly not reccomended if you want anything remotely canonical, characterization-wise, for anyone but Spike & eventually Buffy (she kind of grows into it by the end, she's just pretty much in a bad place right now-- especially in the sequel, which is a wip on her yahoo group).

Nautibitz' "Crash & Burn" is good for non-Buffy-or-Spike canonic believability (as far as human AUs go), but that's the one with the spoiled-brat!Buffy and punk-singer-with-a-deathwish!Spike. There's a somewhat sad tendency for B/S fics (especially human AUs, where there's no need to adhere to canon history, exactly) for Angel to be portrayed as an utter jerk, and "Crash & Burn" kind of goes there. But... I mean... I still think that Mad World (while insane & over the top in parts) does something I haven't seen anyone else do, y'know? That I wish more people would do, anyway :>